For Disney and its employees the bad economy has been awful. Too many people have lost their jobs. I haven’t been in the parks since December 2008 but I’m guessing there have been some cut backs there too if you look for them. I know Fatasmic has been cut back to only a couple of nights a week. Disney seems to be saving where ever they can.
There is one bright side. Many people were able to afford to go do Disney over the last few months. The discounts being offered have been substantial allowing many who otherwise couldn’t have afforded to go to Disney, take a nice Disney vacation.
In some ways I wish the economy would stay down. If it did I might be able to afford to go back in February. Right now Disney doesn’t think that’s going to happen. In my opinion the release free dining for the 4th quarter is a sign that Disney thinks the end is in site. If they believed a prolonged downturn was in sight, you would have seen an extension of the four get three free that is currently being offered through the summer.
There are some other options the Disney could throw out there and draw some people into the parks. Here are a few:
1 – Instead of free dining do a gift card. Free dining is tough sometimes. It packs the restaurants and you always end up eating more than you should. A gift card would be a nice change of pace.
2 – Free services – In many ways I think this would be the most profitable. Instead of discounting the rooms or giving free dining, make the extras free. I’m talking about horse back riding, a few rounds of golf, or take one of the mini boats out. I think that would attract some people, lower the crowds in the parks, and would be cheaper than the alternatives.
3 – Free tours – Instead of charging people for the tours include them with certain vacation packages.
4 - Add new, free, interactive classes like character training and allow the guest to be an actual character for an hour or so in the parks. This would allow you to either save on employment costs or allow for more guests to interact with a character because more of them would be out and about.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Relocation Program
People love old rides because they remember going on them when they were children. When one of those rides closes is seems like a piece of their childhood has taken away. It’s a doubled edged blade. On one side you need to keep updating the parks. On the other side it’s tough to pull the plug on a beloved attraction but what can you do?
Simple – relocate.
Here are some rides that are should be relocated to protect history and to keep the parks moving forward.
1 – The Tiki Room: This ride is beloved but it’s almost a waste of space at this point. It’s time to retire it to a lovely location where it would fit like a glove on a hand. It should be moved to the Polynesian Resort. Change its run time to once an hour to keep a decent crowd and surround it with gift shops. I really think this could draw people to the resort.
2 – The Country Bear Jamboree: Where can you put the CBJ? There’s only one place it could call home, Fort Wilderness. Moving it there would save this attraction from being canned.
3 – The Carousal of Progress: Crowds have been dropping over the years. Disney’s been ignoring it. There is a lot of talk of this ride getting closed. It’s a classic. It can’t be closed. Move it to the Contemporary. It’s not a perfect fit but the only other place I could think to move it to is downtown Disney but I think that’s even worse.
There are a number of other attractions that should be saved but they are too big or really don’t fit in anywhere. For those rides it’s just a matter of time. For the ones I just mentioned I really think they can be saved.
Simple – relocate.
Here are some rides that are should be relocated to protect history and to keep the parks moving forward.
1 – The Tiki Room: This ride is beloved but it’s almost a waste of space at this point. It’s time to retire it to a lovely location where it would fit like a glove on a hand. It should be moved to the Polynesian Resort. Change its run time to once an hour to keep a decent crowd and surround it with gift shops. I really think this could draw people to the resort.
2 – The Country Bear Jamboree: Where can you put the CBJ? There’s only one place it could call home, Fort Wilderness. Moving it there would save this attraction from being canned.
3 – The Carousal of Progress: Crowds have been dropping over the years. Disney’s been ignoring it. There is a lot of talk of this ride getting closed. It’s a classic. It can’t be closed. Move it to the Contemporary. It’s not a perfect fit but the only other place I could think to move it to is downtown Disney but I think that’s even worse.
There are a number of other attractions that should be saved but they are too big or really don’t fit in anywhere. For those rides it’s just a matter of time. For the ones I just mentioned I really think they can be saved.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Remy Killed in Tragic Misunderstanding
Remy, the rat from Ratatouille, was tragically killed this afternoon at the Chefs De France restaurant located in Epcot in Walt Disney World.
For months Remy had been entertaining guests by hiding on a covered dinner plate and then surprising guests when the cover was removed. He would then interact with a cast member who would ask him some entertaining questions.
This afternoon an unnamed guest at the restaurant was so startled by Remy when he was revealed she took off her shoe and clubbed him with it before she realized he was not a normal rat.
Remy was rushed to the hospital and pronounced dead a short time later from blunt force trauma to the head.
“This is truly a sad day for every Disney fan,” stated a park representative.
Management at the parks has stated that Rizzo the Rat will fill in for Remy on an interim basis.
Remy leaves behind his wife, Sniffs, and 900 little rats, grand little rats, and great grand little rats. It is unknown if any of them will try to fill his role at the restaurant.
For months Remy had been entertaining guests by hiding on a covered dinner plate and then surprising guests when the cover was removed. He would then interact with a cast member who would ask him some entertaining questions.
This afternoon an unnamed guest at the restaurant was so startled by Remy when he was revealed she took off her shoe and clubbed him with it before she realized he was not a normal rat.
Remy was rushed to the hospital and pronounced dead a short time later from blunt force trauma to the head.
“This is truly a sad day for every Disney fan,” stated a park representative.
Management at the parks has stated that Rizzo the Rat will fill in for Remy on an interim basis.
Remy leaves behind his wife, Sniffs, and 900 little rats, grand little rats, and great grand little rats. It is unknown if any of them will try to fill his role at the restaurant.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Don’t Mess With Mike Newell!
People think Mike Newell is just a co-host of WDW Today who runs the tech side, works at a large telecommunications company, and runs Mouse World Radio.
Those people are wrong!
There are a few life lessons everyone should know or learn. You don’t pee into the wind, you don’t make any mention to your spouse’s weight (ever), and you don’t mess with Mike Newell!
Why not? Let me relate the results of some research (if you don’t know what that means by now, go away).
A few years ago Mike was working on a new kind of data compression to reduce the size of his enormous Disney music collection. He did not manage to do what he intended but he did stumble across something else. He discovered a subliminal method of mind control. That mind control software is now embedded in the audio stream on all Mouse World Radio channels and on every WDW Today podcast.
Most people don’t notice any of the symptoms but they are there. Anyone who has been entrapped by this software finds it impossible to go for more than a week without listening to WDW Today or Mouse World Radio.
Go ahead and try. After eight days you get the shakes, after ten days you can’t sleep, after twelve days internal bleeding starts, at fifteen days you brain spontaneously combusts.
Mike’s software has far more power. He can cause almost anything to happen to anyone if they are listening to Mouse World Radio. Some of the other hosts of WDW Today (I’ll not name them to save embarrassment) once said he was a “Frequent visitor to Orlando area Hooters” (episode 63) on the podcast. One evening, a week later they were listening to MWR. Suddenly they soiled themselves. That’s the kind of control Mike has.
There is another report of someone who was driving a green Ford F150 who cut Mike off on the highway. He wrote down their license plate number. When he got home he wrote in a command into the data stream that if you had that license plate, your head would implode. A month later a man in NY was found with an imploded head. The man owned a green F150.
Am I afraid? No. I found cure. You just need to wear tin foil boxer shorts. It’s not very comfortable but it protects me from the madness that Mike Newell has unleashed.
Those people are wrong!
There are a few life lessons everyone should know or learn. You don’t pee into the wind, you don’t make any mention to your spouse’s weight (ever), and you don’t mess with Mike Newell!
Why not? Let me relate the results of some research (if you don’t know what that means by now, go away).
A few years ago Mike was working on a new kind of data compression to reduce the size of his enormous Disney music collection. He did not manage to do what he intended but he did stumble across something else. He discovered a subliminal method of mind control. That mind control software is now embedded in the audio stream on all Mouse World Radio channels and on every WDW Today podcast.
Most people don’t notice any of the symptoms but they are there. Anyone who has been entrapped by this software finds it impossible to go for more than a week without listening to WDW Today or Mouse World Radio.
Go ahead and try. After eight days you get the shakes, after ten days you can’t sleep, after twelve days internal bleeding starts, at fifteen days you brain spontaneously combusts.
Mike’s software has far more power. He can cause almost anything to happen to anyone if they are listening to Mouse World Radio. Some of the other hosts of WDW Today (I’ll not name them to save embarrassment) once said he was a “Frequent visitor to Orlando area Hooters” (episode 63) on the podcast. One evening, a week later they were listening to MWR. Suddenly they soiled themselves. That’s the kind of control Mike has.
There is another report of someone who was driving a green Ford F150 who cut Mike off on the highway. He wrote down their license plate number. When he got home he wrote in a command into the data stream that if you had that license plate, your head would implode. A month later a man in NY was found with an imploded head. The man owned a green F150.
Am I afraid? No. I found cure. You just need to wear tin foil boxer shorts. It’s not very comfortable but it protects me from the madness that Mike Newell has unleashed.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
New Addition to Star Wars Weekends
A new attraction is coming to Star Wars Weekends at Disney Hollywood Studios this year. A replica of the pit monster – Sarlac thingy from Return of the Jedi will be opened to the public.
In Return of the Jedi, Luke, Chewy, and Han were to be executed by being thrown into a pit with a big mouth at the bottom. C3PO is kind enough to explain that anyone thrown into the pit will be slowly digested. After that a battle breaks out, all the good guys escape, the bad guys die, and a lot of people fall into the pit.
Now Star Wars fans will be able to experience what it’s like to be tossed into the pit. Complete with sandy slopes and tentacles, the new attraction is a site to behold.
“To make the experience as real as possible we’ve added a vat of concentrated acid that people will plunge into. As long as we get them out in less than a minute it shouldn’t kill them. It’ll just help them to understand what it’s like to be digested,” a Disney spokesman stated.
“We have a spring board above the pit, just like in the movie. We’re going to tie the guests up and then hit them in the spine with a big stick just like they did in “Jedi.” We think that will really add to the realism. We have also developed a method of multiple photo ops. Cameras are synced up. The first takes your picture when you’re hit in the spine. The stick has a trigger at the end of it. The second camera is high speed motion sensitive camera that will take a picture as the guest falls towards the pit. The third picture is also motion sensitive and is triggers as the guest hits the vat of acid. The fourth camera is pressure sensitive and triggers when the person crawls out of the vat and steps or falls onto the floor. We are going to offer all four pictures for the price of one and frame them to make a special package,” the spokesman continued.
The attraction should be ready by opening day. Arrive early, as long lines are expected throughout the weekend.
In Return of the Jedi, Luke, Chewy, and Han were to be executed by being thrown into a pit with a big mouth at the bottom. C3PO is kind enough to explain that anyone thrown into the pit will be slowly digested. After that a battle breaks out, all the good guys escape, the bad guys die, and a lot of people fall into the pit.
Now Star Wars fans will be able to experience what it’s like to be tossed into the pit. Complete with sandy slopes and tentacles, the new attraction is a site to behold.
“To make the experience as real as possible we’ve added a vat of concentrated acid that people will plunge into. As long as we get them out in less than a minute it shouldn’t kill them. It’ll just help them to understand what it’s like to be digested,” a Disney spokesman stated.
“We have a spring board above the pit, just like in the movie. We’re going to tie the guests up and then hit them in the spine with a big stick just like they did in “Jedi.” We think that will really add to the realism. We have also developed a method of multiple photo ops. Cameras are synced up. The first takes your picture when you’re hit in the spine. The stick has a trigger at the end of it. The second camera is high speed motion sensitive camera that will take a picture as the guest falls towards the pit. The third picture is also motion sensitive and is triggers as the guest hits the vat of acid. The fourth camera is pressure sensitive and triggers when the person crawls out of the vat and steps or falls onto the floor. We are going to offer all four pictures for the price of one and frame them to make a special package,” the spokesman continued.
The attraction should be ready by opening day. Arrive early, as long lines are expected throughout the weekend.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
One Big Dysfunctional Family
I always thought I had an odd sense of humor. Half the time when I explain something that I put in this blog to my coworker she just shakes her head. My wife doesn’t even read this blog which is probably a good thing.
I thought I was alone in the odd ball humor area. I thought I was one of the few people who thought the “I Like Turtles” video was one of the best videos in years. Boy was I ever wrong.
On April 19th, 2009 I caught my first live WDW Today show. I made sure I logged into the chat room and turned on Matt’s webcam.
At first I was afraid I’d offend someone with my usual antics. I wasn’t even close on that one. As soon as someone made the mistake of calling in and saying the word “turtles” the chat room exploded with “I LIKE TURTLES!”
That loosened me up a little but what really made me feel like home was when Matt stepped away for a minute. Everyone started the bathroom jokes. I chimed in with a Dumb and Dumber bathroom jibe, another person claimed he fainted, and everyone else chimed in. When he did it again later in the show, I jumped in with a Turbo Lax joke, someone else did the classic Phil Hartman “Colon Blow” commercial, and a bunch of other people pretended to panic.
Of course everyone had to tease Scoppa for being old. That led to fun comments about his being in the walker and wheelchair division of the half marathons.
In the end I was amazed by how many demented people there are out there. Does Disney somehow attract crack heads? Being in that chat room was like being in a room with a dozen of the hamsters from Bolt.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The Dark Side of Being a Character
People thing the heavy costume, brutal heat, sweaty kids, crazy adults, or jerks who try to hit you in a sensitive spot are the worst part of being a character. People are wrong. Being a character is more than it appears. There is an underground fellowship / guild that is formed by the characters. Like any guild there is an “probation” period.
The term “probation” is used because it’s not PC to use the true word, hazing.
For decades the characters have tried newbies by fire to make sure they could handle the daily rigors of being a character. The following information was gathered over years of extensive research (aka I made it up).
The first documented case of hazing took place when Snow White reportedly “beat Cinderella about the head and shoulders with a glass slipper.” After the beating Snow White reportedly dragged Cinderella to her feet, hugged her, and said she was now “one of us.”
Some of the accounts of hazing were not one time events. Of the Seven Dwarfs, Grumpy was the last one to join. Being the last one, he is continually teased and the subject of many practical jokes. This is to continue until an eight dwarf joins. This explains why Grump is…well grumpy. Hazing also resulted in Dopey’s current state. He took one too many blows to the head until his hazing ended when Sneezy joined the gang.
The most recent case of hazing involved Bolt. Mickey distracted Bolt while Goofy swapped out his normal collar with a remote controlled shock collar. They waited until Bolt was in public and greeting guests before they started pushing the button. You can imagine the antics that followed.
Some characters just couldn’t take the abuse and gave up. Roger Rabbit is the most famous example. Nearly every character you can imagine, dropped a safe on Roger as soon as he was out of the view of the public. It got to the point where Roger refused to use any cast member access doors without Baby Herman going first. As you can imagine this is also the reason Baby Herman is not longer in the parks.
Other characters thrive on abuse. Stich was whacked on the head with his surf board, had the cherry tomatoes in his salad hollowed out and filled with “Dave’s Insanity” hot sauce, was shot with a paint ball gun at close range, and was forced to perform in the worst ride in Disney World history. Through all of those things he laughed and asked for more. He is currently being monitored for mental health.
The hazing that goes on in the back ground was almost exposed when Minnie Mouse video tapped Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Belle, and Ariel roughing up Jasmine. Jasmine survived and was allowed into the “D.P.C” – Disney Princesses Crew.
As you can imagine there are also factions within the characters. Each faction is responsible for hazing its members. Here are the known factions:
DPC – Disney Princesses Crew – Known Members: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all new princess characters.
TFF - The Fab Four – Known Members: Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Pluto, and Donald Duck. Responsibilities: Overseeing all “Welcoming”operations.
2D - Da Dawgs! – Known Members: Pluto, Copper, and Bolt. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all new Disney canines.
Freakes Incorpporated: Known Members: Stich, Sully, Mike, and Piglet. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all grossly deformed characters.
The Roughnecks – Known Members: The Seven Dwarfs. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all vertically challenged cast members.
CCW – Cancelled Characters Walking – Known Members: Mr. Toad, Alien from Alien Encounter, the Dream Finder, Food Rapper. Responsibilities: Causing trouble where ever they can to get even for being exiled.
The term “probation” is used because it’s not PC to use the true word, hazing.
For decades the characters have tried newbies by fire to make sure they could handle the daily rigors of being a character. The following information was gathered over years of extensive research (aka I made it up).
The first documented case of hazing took place when Snow White reportedly “beat Cinderella about the head and shoulders with a glass slipper.” After the beating Snow White reportedly dragged Cinderella to her feet, hugged her, and said she was now “one of us.”
Some of the accounts of hazing were not one time events. Of the Seven Dwarfs, Grumpy was the last one to join. Being the last one, he is continually teased and the subject of many practical jokes. This is to continue until an eight dwarf joins. This explains why Grump is…well grumpy. Hazing also resulted in Dopey’s current state. He took one too many blows to the head until his hazing ended when Sneezy joined the gang.
The most recent case of hazing involved Bolt. Mickey distracted Bolt while Goofy swapped out his normal collar with a remote controlled shock collar. They waited until Bolt was in public and greeting guests before they started pushing the button. You can imagine the antics that followed.
Some characters just couldn’t take the abuse and gave up. Roger Rabbit is the most famous example. Nearly every character you can imagine, dropped a safe on Roger as soon as he was out of the view of the public. It got to the point where Roger refused to use any cast member access doors without Baby Herman going first. As you can imagine this is also the reason Baby Herman is not longer in the parks.
Other characters thrive on abuse. Stich was whacked on the head with his surf board, had the cherry tomatoes in his salad hollowed out and filled with “Dave’s Insanity” hot sauce, was shot with a paint ball gun at close range, and was forced to perform in the worst ride in Disney World history. Through all of those things he laughed and asked for more. He is currently being monitored for mental health.
The hazing that goes on in the back ground was almost exposed when Minnie Mouse video tapped Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Belle, and Ariel roughing up Jasmine. Jasmine survived and was allowed into the “D.P.C” – Disney Princesses Crew.
As you can imagine there are also factions within the characters. Each faction is responsible for hazing its members. Here are the known factions:
DPC – Disney Princesses Crew – Known Members: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all new princess characters.
TFF - The Fab Four – Known Members: Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Pluto, and Donald Duck. Responsibilities: Overseeing all “Welcoming”operations.
2D - Da Dawgs! – Known Members: Pluto, Copper, and Bolt. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all new Disney canines.
Freakes Incorpporated: Known Members: Stich, Sully, Mike, and Piglet. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all grossly deformed characters.
The Roughnecks – Known Members: The Seven Dwarfs. Responsibilities: “Welcoming” all vertically challenged cast members.
CCW – Cancelled Characters Walking – Known Members: Mr. Toad, Alien from Alien Encounter, the Dream Finder, Food Rapper. Responsibilities: Causing trouble where ever they can to get even for being exiled.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Paak Daa Kah Ova Deah – A Pronunciation Guide
If you visit NE be prepared for some of the best slang and accents in the world! We have a big mix. People from Conn have NY accents. People from Mass have classic Boston accents. People from Maine have Mainer accents or French accents if they live near Lewiston / Auburn. People from NH have a NE accent if they live in the middle, a Boston accent if they live in the south, a Maine accent if they live in the west and can’t speak if they live in the east. We also have the most demented pronunciations on Earth. We have such a hodgepodge of Native American and English inspired words that no one really knows why we talk like we do. This should help you to fit in if you come up here:
Car – Kah
Park – Pahk
Roof – Ruf
Portsmouth – Port-smith
Boston – Baaw-stun
Bar – Bah
Youkilis – Youk.
Worchester – Wuss-tah
Methuen – Ma-thu-inn
Ortiz – Big Papi
Pedroia – Pa-droi-a-tha-dee-stroi-a
Wicked Good– Wik-idd Guud
Belichick – Coach
Haverhill – Hey-va-ril
That Guy – Dat Gi
This Guy – Dis Gi
Metro Boston Transit Authority – Da Tee
Bangor – Bang-ga
“You’re a Damon” – (NE version of calling someone Benedict Arnold)
Concord – Con-card
Nashua – Na-shu-wa
Piscataqua – Piss-cat-ah-qa
Milk Shake – Frappe
Durgin Park – Der-gin Pahk
Garden – Ga-din
Umilie – U-mill-e
Dover – Do-va
Mangini – Loser
Yankees – E-vil Em-pi-ah
Sucker – Suk-ah
Jets – (Four letter word - considered offensive)
“Manning Lover”– (One of the ultimate NE insults – only use if you’re trying to pick a fight)
“Mangini is better than Belichick” – (Utter if you are suicidal and want do die within 20 seconds)
ARod – Ded-beet
Stapler – Stay-pl-a
Farmington – Faa-min-tun
Rochester – Raw-ches-taKatahdin – KAH-TAH-DIN
Car – Kah
Park – Pahk
Roof – Ruf
Portsmouth – Port-smith
Boston – Baaw-stun
Bar – Bah
Youkilis – Youk.
Worchester – Wuss-tah
Methuen – Ma-thu-inn
Ortiz – Big Papi
Pedroia – Pa-droi-a-tha-dee-stroi-a
Wicked Good– Wik-idd Guud
Belichick – Coach
Haverhill – Hey-va-ril
That Guy – Dat Gi
This Guy – Dis Gi
Metro Boston Transit Authority – Da Tee
Bangor – Bang-ga
“You’re a Damon” – (NE version of calling someone Benedict Arnold)
Concord – Con-card
Nashua – Na-shu-wa
Piscataqua – Piss-cat-ah-qa
Milk Shake – Frappe
Durgin Park – Der-gin Pahk
Garden – Ga-din
Umilie – U-mill-e
Dover – Do-va
Mangini – Loser
Yankees – E-vil Em-pi-ah
Sucker – Suk-ah
Jets – (Four letter word - considered offensive)
“Manning Lover”– (One of the ultimate NE insults – only use if you’re trying to pick a fight)
“Mangini is better than Belichick” – (Utter if you are suicidal and want do die within 20 seconds)
ARod – Ded-beet
Stapler – Stay-pl-a
Farmington – Faa-min-tun
Rochester – Raw-ches-taKatahdin – KAH-TAH-DIN
Thursday, April 16, 2009
“Flip for Helmets” Inoventions Newest Attraction
Disney recently announced that a new simulator will be installed at the Inoventions pavilion in Epcot. “Flip for Helmets” will demonstrate the importance of wearing a full helmet with face guard when driving a motorcycle.
The simulator, sponsored by 1800 Dentist, will allow participants to be flipped over a set of handle bars onto a slab of concrete while wearing a helmet. Participants will then be allowed to do it again but without the helmet.
The simulator will have both the standard ride photo and a new video capture of the ride. If the video is purchased, you will get both standard speed and slow motion copies on the keepsake DVD.
The ride photo is taken after the second ride once the participant has been helped to their feet. In the guest is unconscious they will be propped up. A random character will be there to pose with the participant. Each photo will be posted in an online. People from all over the world will be able to log in and vote on their favorite photo. The photo with the most votes at the end of the day will win a free helmet and up to $2000 of dental work from a dentist affiliated with 1800 Dentist.
A Disney Executive was quoted as saying “This exhibit really fits in with the educational purpose of Epcot. I believe that guests will really learn how important a helmet is after riding this simulator.”
Look for “Flip for Helmets” to open within the next six months.
The simulator, sponsored by 1800 Dentist, will allow participants to be flipped over a set of handle bars onto a slab of concrete while wearing a helmet. Participants will then be allowed to do it again but without the helmet.
The simulator will have both the standard ride photo and a new video capture of the ride. If the video is purchased, you will get both standard speed and slow motion copies on the keepsake DVD.
The ride photo is taken after the second ride once the participant has been helped to their feet. In the guest is unconscious they will be propped up. A random character will be there to pose with the participant. Each photo will be posted in an online. People from all over the world will be able to log in and vote on their favorite photo. The photo with the most votes at the end of the day will win a free helmet and up to $2000 of dental work from a dentist affiliated with 1800 Dentist.
A Disney Executive was quoted as saying “This exhibit really fits in with the educational purpose of Epcot. I believe that guests will really learn how important a helmet is after riding this simulator.”
Look for “Flip for Helmets” to open within the next six months.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I Took the Wrong Right
On my last trip I went on my favorite ride, Splash Mountain. At the end, after seeing and hearing all that water, I really had to pee. Unknowingly I walked right past the bathroom and into the gift shop. I knew there was a bathroom close by so I asked a cast member where it was. She smiled and pointed in a direction and said it was on the right. I thought she was pointing towards a door at the end of the gift shop so I headed in that direction.
I went through the door and saw another door on my right. I figured this must be the door to the bathroom the cast member was talking about. I went through that door and found a flight of stairs. I thought this was odd. That didn’t seem very handicap accessible and there were no decorations anywhere. It was just concrete and florescent lights everywhere I looked.
I didn’t think too long about it because I really had to pee. I went down the stairs and through another door which opened into a hallway. The hallway ended to my left so I went right. The first door had a sign on it that said “Cryogenics.” I looked through the window and saw a number of large closed containers. Some of the names caught my attention. Walt Disney, Ted Williams, Andy Warhol, Lassie, Frank Sinatra, CPTN-EO Clone 1, 2, and 3. I’d have spent more time looking at the others but I really had to pee.
I looked through the window on the next door and saw a dozens of the green army men sitting in front of monitors with headsets on. At the end of a room were a couple jail cells. Inside one of them was someone dressed like Goofy, except he was missing the head to his costume. In the other cell was someone who looked like Michael Eisner. I thought that was odd until I looked at the sign on the door - “Security.”
I started to jog down the hall because I thought my bladder was going to burst and I didn’t want to make a mess in front of the army men. I don’t think they would have liked that. I reached the next door. It said “New Cast Member Orientation.” I looked through the window. A number of smiling cast members were lined up and someone dressed like Mickey Mouse was whacking them with a large paddle. After each whack they’d yell out “No matter what I will always smile!”
I quickly moved on. I didn’t want to be mistaken for a new cast member. The next door said “Culinary Development.” I looked through the window I saw a kitchen. On the left hand side of the room Rizzo the Rat and the Rat from Ratatouille were passed out on opposite ends of a card table. Next to each of them was an empty shot glass. In the middle of the table was a half drained bottle of tequila and a pile of cash. In the middle of kitchen Beaker was running around like a mad man. He was covered in flour and tomato sauce. On the stove in front of him was a sauce pan with ten slim jims, water, flour, and jelly beans simmering over a high heat. There was a recipe nearby that said “Yak Stew.” At first I thought “That’s nasty!” but then I remembered the current food at Yak and Yeti and realized it would be an improvement.
I ran onto the next door. On it was a sign that said “Group Therapy.” Inside I saw Ariel, Cinderella, Snow White, Ms. Piggy, and Jasmine. In between them was Professor Honeydew with a steno pad and pen. As I ran on I heard “Eric only wants me to have a fish tail. I keep telling him that it’s really hard to do house work without legs but he’s just belligerent!” “He was such a jerk the other night I threw my slipper at him! Of course it shattered. Now the doctors say he’ll need surgery to get rid of all the scars.” “I keep asking to walk around on his knees and act like he’s short. He just gets upset at me.” “I keep beating up my boyfriend. I can’t help it. I get really angry and karate chop him almost everyday.” “My husband flies way too fast. One of these days he’s going to crash his carpet and seriously hurt himself.”
The next door said “Restroom.” At last I’d found it. Flung the door open and ran inside. The floor was blue granite. The walls were covered with silver and had Mickey Mouse heads made with emeralds. There was a line of golden urinals against one wall. As I ran up to them I noticed that each one had Loony Toons character engraved on the inside. I had my choice. I could relieve myself on Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, The Road Runner, or Porky Pig. Porky always annoyed me so it was an easy choice. After I peaked into the stalls, there were golden toilets and toilet paper had the Universal Studios logo emblazed on it. There was no soap at the sinks. Instead you placed your hands over the sink and powered soap with glitter fell out of the ceiling like fairy dust, a brilliant idea to make employees wash their hands. To emphasize the point there was a sign on the door that said “If your hands don’t glitter you’re a disgusting, filthy, Fox Animation lover.”
As I exited the bathroom and started back up the hall I heard someone yell “stop!” I turned around to see the huge muppet from the Muppet Show; the one who comes out looking for the rabbit over at DHS. He had a club in his hand and didn’t look too happy. He told me the army men had spotted me on camera and I’d have to come with him to have my memory erased.
I bolted up the hallway. The massive muppet roared and chased after me. I stopped at the “Group Therapy” door, kicked it open, and yelled “your husbands are right!” All princesses and the pig jumped out of their chairs and charged towards me.
I started running for the exit again. I looked over my shoulder to see the group of rabid princess’s and raging hog crash into the massive muppet. Everyone went down in a pile and Ms. Piggy’s wig flew off (bet you didn’t know she wore a wig).
I made it to the exit, bolted up the stairs, and then calmly walked into the gift shop.
I joined my wife that was waiting for me. She gave me an odd look and asked “Why do you have glitter on your hands?”
I went through the door and saw another door on my right. I figured this must be the door to the bathroom the cast member was talking about. I went through that door and found a flight of stairs. I thought this was odd. That didn’t seem very handicap accessible and there were no decorations anywhere. It was just concrete and florescent lights everywhere I looked.
I didn’t think too long about it because I really had to pee. I went down the stairs and through another door which opened into a hallway. The hallway ended to my left so I went right. The first door had a sign on it that said “Cryogenics.” I looked through the window and saw a number of large closed containers. Some of the names caught my attention. Walt Disney, Ted Williams, Andy Warhol, Lassie, Frank Sinatra, CPTN-EO Clone 1, 2, and 3. I’d have spent more time looking at the others but I really had to pee.
I looked through the window on the next door and saw a dozens of the green army men sitting in front of monitors with headsets on. At the end of a room were a couple jail cells. Inside one of them was someone dressed like Goofy, except he was missing the head to his costume. In the other cell was someone who looked like Michael Eisner. I thought that was odd until I looked at the sign on the door - “Security.”
I started to jog down the hall because I thought my bladder was going to burst and I didn’t want to make a mess in front of the army men. I don’t think they would have liked that. I reached the next door. It said “New Cast Member Orientation.” I looked through the window. A number of smiling cast members were lined up and someone dressed like Mickey Mouse was whacking them with a large paddle. After each whack they’d yell out “No matter what I will always smile!”
I quickly moved on. I didn’t want to be mistaken for a new cast member. The next door said “Culinary Development.” I looked through the window I saw a kitchen. On the left hand side of the room Rizzo the Rat and the Rat from Ratatouille were passed out on opposite ends of a card table. Next to each of them was an empty shot glass. In the middle of the table was a half drained bottle of tequila and a pile of cash. In the middle of kitchen Beaker was running around like a mad man. He was covered in flour and tomato sauce. On the stove in front of him was a sauce pan with ten slim jims, water, flour, and jelly beans simmering over a high heat. There was a recipe nearby that said “Yak Stew.” At first I thought “That’s nasty!” but then I remembered the current food at Yak and Yeti and realized it would be an improvement.
I ran onto the next door. On it was a sign that said “Group Therapy.” Inside I saw Ariel, Cinderella, Snow White, Ms. Piggy, and Jasmine. In between them was Professor Honeydew with a steno pad and pen. As I ran on I heard “Eric only wants me to have a fish tail. I keep telling him that it’s really hard to do house work without legs but he’s just belligerent!” “He was such a jerk the other night I threw my slipper at him! Of course it shattered. Now the doctors say he’ll need surgery to get rid of all the scars.” “I keep asking to walk around on his knees and act like he’s short. He just gets upset at me.” “I keep beating up my boyfriend. I can’t help it. I get really angry and karate chop him almost everyday.” “My husband flies way too fast. One of these days he’s going to crash his carpet and seriously hurt himself.”
The next door said “Restroom.” At last I’d found it. Flung the door open and ran inside. The floor was blue granite. The walls were covered with silver and had Mickey Mouse heads made with emeralds. There was a line of golden urinals against one wall. As I ran up to them I noticed that each one had Loony Toons character engraved on the inside. I had my choice. I could relieve myself on Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, The Road Runner, or Porky Pig. Porky always annoyed me so it was an easy choice. After I peaked into the stalls, there were golden toilets and toilet paper had the Universal Studios logo emblazed on it. There was no soap at the sinks. Instead you placed your hands over the sink and powered soap with glitter fell out of the ceiling like fairy dust, a brilliant idea to make employees wash their hands. To emphasize the point there was a sign on the door that said “If your hands don’t glitter you’re a disgusting, filthy, Fox Animation lover.”
As I exited the bathroom and started back up the hall I heard someone yell “stop!” I turned around to see the huge muppet from the Muppet Show; the one who comes out looking for the rabbit over at DHS. He had a club in his hand and didn’t look too happy. He told me the army men had spotted me on camera and I’d have to come with him to have my memory erased.
I bolted up the hallway. The massive muppet roared and chased after me. I stopped at the “Group Therapy” door, kicked it open, and yelled “your husbands are right!” All princesses and the pig jumped out of their chairs and charged towards me.
I started running for the exit again. I looked over my shoulder to see the group of rabid princess’s and raging hog crash into the massive muppet. Everyone went down in a pile and Ms. Piggy’s wig flew off (bet you didn’t know she wore a wig).
I made it to the exit, bolted up the stairs, and then calmly walked into the gift shop.
I joined my wife that was waiting for me. She gave me an odd look and asked “Why do you have glitter on your hands?”
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Photo Pass
I pulled off a difficult task on my last trip to Disney World. I didn’t have a single photo taken that ended up on Disney’s Photo-pass. That really surprises some people because they claim the photo pass people are everywhere. I must have gone during the Photo Pass people strike because I only remember seeing one photo pass person.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not at all upset that I didn’t get any photo pass pictures. Photo Pass people take pictures of people. I think that’s why I either ignore or avoid them. When you have a receeding hairline and are forty pounds over weight that last thing you want is a picture of yourself.
Maybe I’m wrong when I say this but I think Disney does a good job with photo pass. I don’t remember being assaulted by anyone trying to take my picture. Some people laugh and say “Why would you?” Those people are called land lovers. They’ve obviously never been on a cruise. There have been times that I thought one of the ships photographer was going to stab me in the throat if I didn’t stop to have my picture taken. They also tend to stick those people in places you have to walk by. You can’t avoid them. I don’t mind though. If you want an awful picture of me you can keep it, just don’t make me take it home.
Another reason I didn’t end up with any photo pass pictures is because I didn’t take any pictures with any characters. It just didn’t happen. It’s kind of sad. It was something I’ve always done. I’ve always had at least one picture with a character on all my trips but not this last time. I guess that saves me a little embarrassment. No one can laugh at me for looking like an overweight tool standing next to Minnie Mouse.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not at all upset that I didn’t get any photo pass pictures. Photo Pass people take pictures of people. I think that’s why I either ignore or avoid them. When you have a receeding hairline and are forty pounds over weight that last thing you want is a picture of yourself.
Maybe I’m wrong when I say this but I think Disney does a good job with photo pass. I don’t remember being assaulted by anyone trying to take my picture. Some people laugh and say “Why would you?” Those people are called land lovers. They’ve obviously never been on a cruise. There have been times that I thought one of the ships photographer was going to stab me in the throat if I didn’t stop to have my picture taken. They also tend to stick those people in places you have to walk by. You can’t avoid them. I don’t mind though. If you want an awful picture of me you can keep it, just don’t make me take it home.
Another reason I didn’t end up with any photo pass pictures is because I didn’t take any pictures with any characters. It just didn’t happen. It’s kind of sad. It was something I’ve always done. I’ve always had at least one picture with a character on all my trips but not this last time. I guess that saves me a little embarrassment. No one can laugh at me for looking like an overweight tool standing next to Minnie Mouse.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Splash Mountain
As you may already know, Splash Mountain is my favorite ride. I really think it’s a perfect example of what Disney can do right. I thought I’d do a walkthrough of the ride for those (I’m trying to be optimistic. I know no one reads this blog) who have never had a chance to ride Splash Mountain and for those who want to remember it.
The Approach
Splash Mountain is in Frontier Land in the Magic Kingdom. You see and even hear Splash Mountain from quite a distance. There are two walkways that cross over or have a great view of the final plunge. This only increases your excitement as you see people flying down the chute screaming their brains out.
The Queue
The Queue to Splash Mountain is long. It’s possibly the longest queue I’ve seen when it’s completely opened up. You will also walkthrough rustic buildings with numerous props and an open courtyard with trees and other. The final part of the queue enters what is basically a cave. For some reason entering the low light of this cave gets you excited. It could be the music or the story being told through this part but it’s prime Disney. The queue ends by opening up into a court yard that takes your breath away. There is a massive tree and a number of buildings with the actual ride going right through the middle.
The Ride Part One
Once you board you go up a small incline with Brer Frog starting the story. You then dump into a small pool which tends to kill people who don’t like thrill rides. Why is that? It’s because the pool goes around the final plunge. You get a perfect view of the plunge from all angles. You can also look off to the left and see everyone watching you and get a good view of Frontier Land. This part of the ride ends with a lift that brings you to part two of the ride.
The Ride Part Two
The lift dumps you into a well themed outside area. There are some fun inside jokes through here like the muskrats massive tank of moonshine. This is the only alcohol in the Magic Kingdom but don’t try to get out of the log to get any, Disney doesn’t like that. It’s in this section that the music starts. In my opinion Splash Mountain has some of the best music in Walt Disney World. You can get some great views of the magic kingdom near the end of this section. Near the end of this section you see Brer Rabbit’s hole and hear him say a few things. This section ends with “Slippin’ Falls” or at least I think that’s what it’s called. This is basically a small plunge into the next section of the ride but it’s enough to get you going.
The Ride Part Three
After the first drop you enter the first real dark part of the ride. There are numerous audio animatronics including some fishing birds. The birds are not catching much even though the fish are jumping. One of the birds did manage to catch his buddy’s hat on the end of his hook. This is also the first time you see you see Brer Fox and Brer Rabbit as the start their pursuit of Brer Rabbit. Brer Rabbit shows up and says he’s moving on. The whole scene is has the “How Do You Do?” song playing in the background. Other players in this scene are the other rabbits saying how bad of an idea leaving home is, some animals playing some musical instruments, and some frogs hanging out. Near the middle of this scene is a humorous scene with brer bear caught in a trap that left him hanging from the ceiling. He thinks it’s funny and is laughing but Brer Fox doesn’t find it funny. The scene ends with Brer Bear standing on Brer Fox’s shoulders while he is trying to crawl through a hole. After that you go down a chute in the dark. It’s possibly smaller than “Slippin Falls” but since it’s in the dark it seems huge.
Part Four – Laughing Place
The first thing you see after you get out of the dark is Brer Bear with a beehive stuck on his nose. There are a lot of beehives with some really nice effects to make it look like they have bees swarming around them hanging from the ceiling. Throughout this section you hear the song “Laughin Place.” You next see Brer Fox about to smash a beehive on Brer Rabbit who is distracted and laughing at Brer Bear. After that scene you go down another drop in the dark. This one has a rolling end that really adds to the thrill. When you splash down you’re in a flooded cavern with lots of turtles hanging out and having fun. There are also a number of jumping fountains in this area. Near the end you see Brer Fox holding Brer Rabbit by the ears. Brer Rabbit has the beehive around his body which is keeping him trapped. At the end of this section are the two vultures that chatter back and forth. There are light effects that make it seem like there is lightening striking. Just beyond them is a long, dark lift with a bright light at the end.
Part Five - The Plunge
As you creep closer to the light there is dramatic music and you can see Brer Rabbit at the top off to the left. He is tied up next to a cook pot. He’s also interacting with Brer Fox and telling him that he doesn’t care what happens to him as long as he doesn’t get thrown into the Brayer Patch. You eclipse the top and for a second you have one of the best views in all of Disney World. You only have a second because the next thing you know you are dropping down the steep chute. Remember to make a funny face, don’t let your shirt “accidently” fly up, and scream your brains out. You hit the bottom and water flies everywhere.
Part Six – The End
As you try to wring yourself out you go around a bend and hear the music for Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah. You enter another cave into another “dark ride” section. A large riverboat is in this room with a ton of characters singing and dancing. There are also some fishing alligators in this scene off to your left. If you look in the sky you’ll notice a hidden Mickey in the clouds. If you really twist around you can also see windows that allow people on the train you look into the ride. You go around another bend and see Brer Bear with his head stuck in a hole in the Brayer patch. Brer Fox is on his back, yelling at him because na alligator has snagged his tail and is trying to pull him into the water. You also see Brer Rabbit saying how good it is to be home. This finishes the ride. Next you’re back where you started and exit to the left.
The Exit
Like almost all new rides you exit into a gift shop. Just before that they show you the ride photos. As long as your shirt didn’t “accidently” fly up you get too see yourself flying down the drop. There are also bathrooms near here incase you need to change the underwear you ruined whiled going down the final plunge. You can then proceed into the gift shop where you can buy your photo. The photos on Splash Mountain are good. They might be the best ride photo in Disney World. When you walk out of the exit Brer Fox and Brer Bear are sometimes found there for a photo op.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Len Testa – Tequila – The Shocking Connection
If you’ve listened to more than five episodes of WDW Today you know that the co-author of the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World, Len Testa, likes a good tequila. At first I didn’t think anything of this. People like booze. I like Scotch, my Wife likes bourbon, and my friend Bill likes anything wet.
When I saw a picture of Len things changed. I thought “wow, something isn’t right here.” I decided to research it (you must know what that means by now).
I followed Len around during his most recent visit to Disney World. I kept a good distance and used a hidden camera. In a three hour span he consumed 1.25 gallons of tequila. That’s 150 ounces of tequila. A good drink is about two ounces. That equals around 75 drinks in three hours. One drink in one hour raises the average human’s blood alcohol content by .02. When you consider what the human body can process it would equal a blood alcohol content of roughly 1.1. That’s impossible. Even a hardcore alcoholic would pass out around .25. Most people would be dead at .30.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wasn’t really drinking tequila. Maybe Disney just waters down their alcohol more than I originally thought. That wasn’t the case. I kept following Len. He went into his favorite ride, Stiches Great Escape. Instead of going around the queue ropes, he looked around, no one was around (come on it is SGE no one actually rides that thing), he then levitated off the ground and over the rope. I thought this was strange. So I kept following him. During the ride he got teary eyed when Stich appeared. I just thought he must really like Stich. I followed him for the rest of the day without incident.
At night he went back to his hotel. I looked through the blinds to his room and saw him unzip his skin. An Alien that looked like Stich stepped out. It was then that I realized that Len was an alien from another planet who could levitate and needs to drink tequila because tequila is their version of water. Without it they die.
I kept watching. Len grabbed a six pack of Moxie. He drank all six and started laughing, talking funny, and staggering around. I realized that Moxie is their version of alcohol. I then realized why Moxie still exists. It’s not the fact that people like the taste. After all it tastes like bile. It still exists because aliens get drunk on it.
Just one day of following someone around answered so many questions.
When I saw a picture of Len things changed. I thought “wow, something isn’t right here.” I decided to research it (you must know what that means by now).
I followed Len around during his most recent visit to Disney World. I kept a good distance and used a hidden camera. In a three hour span he consumed 1.25 gallons of tequila. That’s 150 ounces of tequila. A good drink is about two ounces. That equals around 75 drinks in three hours. One drink in one hour raises the average human’s blood alcohol content by .02. When you consider what the human body can process it would equal a blood alcohol content of roughly 1.1. That’s impossible. Even a hardcore alcoholic would pass out around .25. Most people would be dead at .30.
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wasn’t really drinking tequila. Maybe Disney just waters down their alcohol more than I originally thought. That wasn’t the case. I kept following Len. He went into his favorite ride, Stiches Great Escape. Instead of going around the queue ropes, he looked around, no one was around (come on it is SGE no one actually rides that thing), he then levitated off the ground and over the rope. I thought this was strange. So I kept following him. During the ride he got teary eyed when Stich appeared. I just thought he must really like Stich. I followed him for the rest of the day without incident.
At night he went back to his hotel. I looked through the blinds to his room and saw him unzip his skin. An Alien that looked like Stich stepped out. It was then that I realized that Len was an alien from another planet who could levitate and needs to drink tequila because tequila is their version of water. Without it they die.
I kept watching. Len grabbed a six pack of Moxie. He drank all six and started laughing, talking funny, and staggering around. I realized that Moxie is their version of alcohol. I then realized why Moxie still exists. It’s not the fact that people like the taste. After all it tastes like bile. It still exists because aliens get drunk on it.
Just one day of following someone around answered so many questions.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
New England Isn’t a Country…It’s Not a State Either!
It’s come to my attention that I use a number of terms and words or mention locations that alienate a number of people. I’ve decided to do a post that people outside of New England can use as a cheat sheet. I’m going to cover definitions, pronunciations, and geography. The first post it going to be about New England and its states. Everything else will come in later posts.
NEW ENGLAND – New England is not a country. It’s not a state. It’s not a city. New England is a region in the north east United States. That region is made up of six states: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rohde Island.
MAINE – The largest state in NE. It borders New Hampshire. The capital is Augusta. I don’t go to Augusta. There is no reason to go to Augusta. Everyone knows that Portland should be the capital of Maine. Portland is a great city on coast about an hour and a half from Boston. The tallest mountain is Mt. Katahdin. Maine is known for its coastline. Its coast is longer than California’s coast. How is that possible? The coast of Maine is jagged and has more inlets than Rainman could count. US Route 95 begins (or ends) at the Canadian border in Maine. The largest university in Maine is the University of Maine located in Orono which is home to the Black Bears. The only sports team worth talking about in Maine is University of Maine men’s ice hockey team they are former NCAA national champions. The town Bangor can also be found in Maine. It’s only real claim to fame is that it’s home to author Stephen King (now that I think of it, that explains a lot. I’d be whacked too if I lived in Bangor). If you’re not going to the coast or going hiking – don’t go to Maine unless you like black flies, red necks, white trash, and moose. As a side note – People in Maine are bad drivers. Unlike Mass drivers they are unpredictable. They don’t know what a turning lane is. They’ll turn on their right signal and then turn left. Stuff like that. That’s why we call them Maineiacs.
NEW HAMPSHIRE – This state borders Maine, Vermont, and Massachusetts. It’s nickname is Cow Hampshire which I’ve never understood because we don’t have many cows in here. It’s also known as the granite state. Its capital is Concord. Don’t know why. Manchester is a much larger city, Portsmouth is the original capital, and no one really likes Concord. Most not from here don’t know it but NH has a coast line. Granted it’s only about ten miles long but it’s a good ten miles! NH has a motto like no other. Most states have something nice or welcoming. Maine for instance uses “Vacationland” or “A nice place to visit.” Good old New Hampshire uses “LIVE FREE OR DIE.” They try to live up to that motto by having no sales or income tax. Instead we pay insane property taxes, have a number of toll roads, and the state sells all hard alcohol at its own stores. Some of the stores are like a Sam’s Club for booze. You can buy in bulk and you can find almost anything. Drivers in NH do not have to carry auto insurance. You can imagine the results. NH is home to Mt. Washington which is the tallest mountain in the north east. It also claims to have the worst weather in the world. More than 160 people had died on that mountain because they were not prepared for the weather changes which can be extreme. For more info about Mount Washington, check out http://www.mountwashington.org/. Mt Washington is in the White Mountains. The White Mountains earned that name because of all the granite that can be naturally found in NH. No one goes north of the White Mountains. There is no reason to unless you want to be alone or know what the middle of nowhere looks like. The biggest university is the University of New Hampshire, home of the Wildcats in Durham. NH is also home of the Ivy League Dartmouth University. UNHs men’s ice hockey team is one of the most popular sports teams in the state. They’ve made it to the NCAA national championship a few times but have never won. NH was also the home of famed poet Robert Frost. Many of his poems were based on rural NH.
VERMONT – Home of the Green Mountains and not much else. It’s bordered by NH, Mass, and New York. The Queche Gorge is nice. Vermont is home of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream. They have no big cities or at least none that I can think of beyond Montpelier which is the capital. The biggest sports team is University of Vermont’s men’s ice hockey team, the Catamounts. The biggest Vermont cliché is that only hippies live there…well that’s true. The residents are a bunch of dirty, tree hugging, hippies so I guess it’s not really a cliché.
ROHDE ISLAND – Rohde Island is the smallest state in the United States. It’s bordered by Connecticut and Mass. Its capital is Providence. There are some mansions in Newport. The University of Rohde Island is probably the biggest University. The biggest sports team is the Providence Bruins. They are the AHL affiliate of the Boston Bruins. There are a lot of people outside of NE who didn’t even know RI existed never mind the fact that it is a state. Someone once tried to convince me that Providence was in Mass because they had never heard of RI. I really wish that was a joke.
CONNECTICUT – No one really cares about Connecticut. It might was well be New York Jr. It’s bordered by Mass, RI, and NY. UCONN is the biggest school but the Ivy League Yale is the most famous. UCONN basketball is the biggest sports team. A majority of people from CONN are NY sports team fans. That makes them fake New Englanders and traitors!
MASSACHUSETTS – Most famous of the NE states. It’s earned a lot of nicknames and mottos from the rest of us like Taxachusetts, Home of the Massholes, Sukachusetts, and so on. The capital is Boston home of the Red Sox, Bruins, and Celtics. Mass has some other large cities like Worcester but none of them come even close to Boston. Boston has a ton of land marks. Quincy Market is a shopping center that dates back hundreds of years. The Constitution is the oldest war ship in the US Navy. It’s nickname is “Old Iron Sides.” There are some really old restaurants in Boston. The site of the Boston Massacre, the Union Oyster House, still serves lunch and dinner. Durgin Park has been offering great food and rude service for eons. Then there is the North End. There are more good restaurants there than you can shake a stick at. If you like Italian and don’t live in NYC, it’s your Mecca. Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket are just off the coast of the Cape. All three are massive tourist areas. Mass has more schools than you can count. Boston College, Boston University, Harvard, Brown, Northeastern, UMass, and UMass Lowell are just a few. The sports teams are the best in the world so the rest of you can go pick your noses! The New England Patriots play out of Gillette Stadium and are located a short drive south of Boston in Foxboro. The Red Sox play out Fenway Park is the one of the oldest baseball stadiums in the US. If you haven’t been to Fenway you need to go. Even if you’re not a baseball fan it’s one of the most unique stadiums in the US. The Bruins and the Celtics share the Boston Garden. I refuse to use its full name. It’s the Garden and that’s that. Boston is also to the New England Aquarium which has one of the largest salt water tanks in the world. The way it’s designed it looks bigger than the one found in Epcot. One rule to follow when you drive in Mass – drive as aggressively as possible. Mass has the most aggressive (and worst) drivers in the world. You’d think you were stuck in the chariot races in Ben Hur. At least you can count on them being aggressive so that makes them predictable unlike drivers from Maine.
Those are the New England states. We all have a couple things in common. We freeze in the winter and boil in the summer. In the winter the temps get down to -20 in some places. On top on Mt. Washington it can get down to -40 with a wind chill of -80 or more. In the summer it can hit 100+ on the hottest days in the cities. We have the reputation for being cold to visitors. That’s because we’re either melting or getting frost bite. In New England you learn to Ski, Snow Shoes, Ice Skate, or something like that. If you don’t do any of those you typically become an alcoholic. You have to deal with the six months snow some how.
NEW ENGLAND – New England is not a country. It’s not a state. It’s not a city. New England is a region in the north east United States. That region is made up of six states: Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rohde Island.
MAINE – The largest state in NE. It borders New Hampshire. The capital is Augusta. I don’t go to Augusta. There is no reason to go to Augusta. Everyone knows that Portland should be the capital of Maine. Portland is a great city on coast about an hour and a half from Boston. The tallest mountain is Mt. Katahdin. Maine is known for its coastline. Its coast is longer than California’s coast. How is that possible? The coast of Maine is jagged and has more inlets than Rainman could count. US Route 95 begins (or ends) at the Canadian border in Maine. The largest university in Maine is the University of Maine located in Orono which is home to the Black Bears. The only sports team worth talking about in Maine is University of Maine men’s ice hockey team they are former NCAA national champions. The town Bangor can also be found in Maine. It’s only real claim to fame is that it’s home to author Stephen King (now that I think of it, that explains a lot. I’d be whacked too if I lived in Bangor). If you’re not going to the coast or going hiking – don’t go to Maine unless you like black flies, red necks, white trash, and moose. As a side note – People in Maine are bad drivers. Unlike Mass drivers they are unpredictable. They don’t know what a turning lane is. They’ll turn on their right signal and then turn left. Stuff like that. That’s why we call them Maineiacs.
NEW HAMPSHIRE – This state borders Maine, Vermont, and Massachusetts. It’s nickname is Cow Hampshire which I’ve never understood because we don’t have many cows in here. It’s also known as the granite state. Its capital is Concord. Don’t know why. Manchester is a much larger city, Portsmouth is the original capital, and no one really likes Concord. Most not from here don’t know it but NH has a coast line. Granted it’s only about ten miles long but it’s a good ten miles! NH has a motto like no other. Most states have something nice or welcoming. Maine for instance uses “Vacationland” or “A nice place to visit.” Good old New Hampshire uses “LIVE FREE OR DIE.” They try to live up to that motto by having no sales or income tax. Instead we pay insane property taxes, have a number of toll roads, and the state sells all hard alcohol at its own stores. Some of the stores are like a Sam’s Club for booze. You can buy in bulk and you can find almost anything. Drivers in NH do not have to carry auto insurance. You can imagine the results. NH is home to Mt. Washington which is the tallest mountain in the north east. It also claims to have the worst weather in the world. More than 160 people had died on that mountain because they were not prepared for the weather changes which can be extreme. For more info about Mount Washington, check out http://www.mountwashington.org/. Mt Washington is in the White Mountains. The White Mountains earned that name because of all the granite that can be naturally found in NH. No one goes north of the White Mountains. There is no reason to unless you want to be alone or know what the middle of nowhere looks like. The biggest university is the University of New Hampshire, home of the Wildcats in Durham. NH is also home of the Ivy League Dartmouth University. UNHs men’s ice hockey team is one of the most popular sports teams in the state. They’ve made it to the NCAA national championship a few times but have never won. NH was also the home of famed poet Robert Frost. Many of his poems were based on rural NH.
VERMONT – Home of the Green Mountains and not much else. It’s bordered by NH, Mass, and New York. The Queche Gorge is nice. Vermont is home of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream. They have no big cities or at least none that I can think of beyond Montpelier which is the capital. The biggest sports team is University of Vermont’s men’s ice hockey team, the Catamounts. The biggest Vermont cliché is that only hippies live there…well that’s true. The residents are a bunch of dirty, tree hugging, hippies so I guess it’s not really a cliché.
ROHDE ISLAND – Rohde Island is the smallest state in the United States. It’s bordered by Connecticut and Mass. Its capital is Providence. There are some mansions in Newport. The University of Rohde Island is probably the biggest University. The biggest sports team is the Providence Bruins. They are the AHL affiliate of the Boston Bruins. There are a lot of people outside of NE who didn’t even know RI existed never mind the fact that it is a state. Someone once tried to convince me that Providence was in Mass because they had never heard of RI. I really wish that was a joke.
CONNECTICUT – No one really cares about Connecticut. It might was well be New York Jr. It’s bordered by Mass, RI, and NY. UCONN is the biggest school but the Ivy League Yale is the most famous. UCONN basketball is the biggest sports team. A majority of people from CONN are NY sports team fans. That makes them fake New Englanders and traitors!
MASSACHUSETTS – Most famous of the NE states. It’s earned a lot of nicknames and mottos from the rest of us like Taxachusetts, Home of the Massholes, Sukachusetts, and so on. The capital is Boston home of the Red Sox, Bruins, and Celtics. Mass has some other large cities like Worcester but none of them come even close to Boston. Boston has a ton of land marks. Quincy Market is a shopping center that dates back hundreds of years. The Constitution is the oldest war ship in the US Navy. It’s nickname is “Old Iron Sides.” There are some really old restaurants in Boston. The site of the Boston Massacre, the Union Oyster House, still serves lunch and dinner. Durgin Park has been offering great food and rude service for eons. Then there is the North End. There are more good restaurants there than you can shake a stick at. If you like Italian and don’t live in NYC, it’s your Mecca. Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket are just off the coast of the Cape. All three are massive tourist areas. Mass has more schools than you can count. Boston College, Boston University, Harvard, Brown, Northeastern, UMass, and UMass Lowell are just a few. The sports teams are the best in the world so the rest of you can go pick your noses! The New England Patriots play out of Gillette Stadium and are located a short drive south of Boston in Foxboro. The Red Sox play out Fenway Park is the one of the oldest baseball stadiums in the US. If you haven’t been to Fenway you need to go. Even if you’re not a baseball fan it’s one of the most unique stadiums in the US. The Bruins and the Celtics share the Boston Garden. I refuse to use its full name. It’s the Garden and that’s that. Boston is also to the New England Aquarium which has one of the largest salt water tanks in the world. The way it’s designed it looks bigger than the one found in Epcot. One rule to follow when you drive in Mass – drive as aggressively as possible. Mass has the most aggressive (and worst) drivers in the world. You’d think you were stuck in the chariot races in Ben Hur. At least you can count on them being aggressive so that makes them predictable unlike drivers from Maine.
Those are the New England states. We all have a couple things in common. We freeze in the winter and boil in the summer. In the winter the temps get down to -20 in some places. On top on Mt. Washington it can get down to -40 with a wind chill of -80 or more. In the summer it can hit 100+ on the hottest days in the cities. We have the reputation for being cold to visitors. That’s because we’re either melting or getting frost bite. In New England you learn to Ski, Snow Shoes, Ice Skate, or something like that. If you don’t do any of those you typically become an alcoholic. You have to deal with the six months snow some how.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Disney’s Movie Club
Disney recently sent me an advert to join their Movie club. According to them I could pick a few DVDs and get them for $1.99. In the future I’d have to some DVDs at minimum price of $19.99. For some people this is a good deal. For others it’s a joke. I’ll start with why it could be a good deal for some people.
If you do not shop online very often or don’t want to spend a lot of time comparing prices this club could be a great fit for you. Another thing to remember – There are some movies that you can get through this club that you can’t easily find anywhere else.
My mom is a member of this club and she loves it. She got it for my niece. She now has a big collection of Disney movies / cartoons. You’ll have a hard time finding the cartoons outside of the club. She also likes the fact that they’ll just send her the next movie and she doesn’t really have to think about it.
Now for the bad – if you only like some Disney stuff this club is not for you. If you like to shop online this club is not for you. You can save an insane amount of money by being patient and checking a number of sites. Here is the breakdown to save the most money.
First, if you want a new DVD or Blu-Ray Amazon tends to be the cheapest. They monitor other sites and automatically cut the price or refund you the difference if someone is lower at the time of release.
Second, if you don’t mind waiting a few months or a year almost no one is cheaper than Half.com. Half is owned by eBay but it’s not an auction site. It’s more of a yard sale without the annoying haggling. You can get some used DVDs and Blu-Rays for a discount of up to 80%.
If you do not shop online very often or don’t want to spend a lot of time comparing prices this club could be a great fit for you. Another thing to remember – There are some movies that you can get through this club that you can’t easily find anywhere else.
My mom is a member of this club and she loves it. She got it for my niece. She now has a big collection of Disney movies / cartoons. You’ll have a hard time finding the cartoons outside of the club. She also likes the fact that they’ll just send her the next movie and she doesn’t really have to think about it.
Now for the bad – if you only like some Disney stuff this club is not for you. If you like to shop online this club is not for you. You can save an insane amount of money by being patient and checking a number of sites. Here is the breakdown to save the most money.
First, if you want a new DVD or Blu-Ray Amazon tends to be the cheapest. They monitor other sites and automatically cut the price or refund you the difference if someone is lower at the time of release.
Second, if you don’t mind waiting a few months or a year almost no one is cheaper than Half.com. Half is owned by eBay but it’s not an auction site. It’s more of a yard sale without the annoying haggling. You can get some used DVDs and Blu-Rays for a discount of up to 80%.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
How to Survive a Tough Economy
Disney has been trying to stimulate people into the parks by offer discounts off vacation packages and rooms at their resorts. It appears that this has been effective. This does pose one problem though. You’re getting people there but you’re not making the same kind of money. People just don’t have the money to spend on the extras.
Disney came out with D23 to try to generate some income. Only the hardcore fan is going to want to pay that much for a magazine, some events they’d have to travel to, and the right to buy stuff other people can’t.
At least Disney was heading in the right direction. You need to nab all the people who can’t afford to make it to the parks. Go outside the box in a sense.
So what can Disney do to increase the bottom line? There are a few things. Bad times need creative ideas!
1 – Protection Services: Is your kid getting bullied at school? Why not hire Buzz Lightyear as a body guard? Is someone harassing you at work? Why not hire Brer Bear to club them in the ally? For a nominal fee Disney will take care of your “problems.”
2 – Escort Services: I’m not talking about the bad escort services. I’m talking about a legitimate service. Can’t get a date for the prom? Why not hire Cinderella to be your date? Is a class reunion coming up and you’re not married, have an awful job, and you’re ugly as sin? Imagine the look on people’s faces when you walk in with Ariel. People will think you’re rolling in it! Do you have no luck when you go to a bar or night club? What you need is a good wingman. The ladies love Pluto and for a small fee he’ll be by your side all night!
3 – Dunk a Villian: For five dollars you’ll get three shots to dunk a villain of your choice. Pick from Capt Hook, The Queen of Hearts, The Witch from Snow White, and Piglet. Coming to a mall near you soon! Look for our discount coupon online which will give you one extra ball!
4 – Disney New Line of Adult Beverages: Each character will have their own brand of booze. Mickey’s Malt Liquor, Minnie’s Margarita Mixers, Donald’s Duck Spit Tequila, and Pluto’s Punishing Punch just to name a few. Each will have a bright label with the character’s face on it.
5 – Disney’s Own Line of Firearms: Need a new hunting rifle? Why not buy Goofy’s Gatling Gun? Those deer won’t stand a chance! Are you harassed by witches? Then you need Doc’s Desert Eagle. Those witches won’t dare mess with you again.
6 – Home Security: Thinking about getting a security system for your home? Or maybe you were considering a big mean dog. If you were, you should consider a Disney Home Security System. It’s guaranteed or you money back. For a monthly fee Disney will install a specially programmed EVE in your home. EVE will terminate anyone invading your home. For an additional monthly fee with upgrade you Disney’s Gold Security package. This package includes your own specially programmed WALL-E who will keep EVE in perfect working order as well as compact your trash and entertain the kids with his antics.
7 – Extreme Makeover Disney Edition: There is a guy who’s turned himself into a cat, another lady turned herself in Cleopatra, and Octomom turned herself into Angelina Jolie. Disney will soon be offering character makeovers. Through surgical augmentation and tattooing your can not have your own pair of permanent Mickey ears. Is Goofy more your style? No problem they do that too. Just a few of the other options include: Pluto’s tongue, Simba’s tail, Rizzo’s nose, and Kermit’s arms.
Disney came out with D23 to try to generate some income. Only the hardcore fan is going to want to pay that much for a magazine, some events they’d have to travel to, and the right to buy stuff other people can’t.
At least Disney was heading in the right direction. You need to nab all the people who can’t afford to make it to the parks. Go outside the box in a sense.
So what can Disney do to increase the bottom line? There are a few things. Bad times need creative ideas!
1 – Protection Services: Is your kid getting bullied at school? Why not hire Buzz Lightyear as a body guard? Is someone harassing you at work? Why not hire Brer Bear to club them in the ally? For a nominal fee Disney will take care of your “problems.”
2 – Escort Services: I’m not talking about the bad escort services. I’m talking about a legitimate service. Can’t get a date for the prom? Why not hire Cinderella to be your date? Is a class reunion coming up and you’re not married, have an awful job, and you’re ugly as sin? Imagine the look on people’s faces when you walk in with Ariel. People will think you’re rolling in it! Do you have no luck when you go to a bar or night club? What you need is a good wingman. The ladies love Pluto and for a small fee he’ll be by your side all night!
3 – Dunk a Villian: For five dollars you’ll get three shots to dunk a villain of your choice. Pick from Capt Hook, The Queen of Hearts, The Witch from Snow White, and Piglet. Coming to a mall near you soon! Look for our discount coupon online which will give you one extra ball!
4 – Disney New Line of Adult Beverages: Each character will have their own brand of booze. Mickey’s Malt Liquor, Minnie’s Margarita Mixers, Donald’s Duck Spit Tequila, and Pluto’s Punishing Punch just to name a few. Each will have a bright label with the character’s face on it.
5 – Disney’s Own Line of Firearms: Need a new hunting rifle? Why not buy Goofy’s Gatling Gun? Those deer won’t stand a chance! Are you harassed by witches? Then you need Doc’s Desert Eagle. Those witches won’t dare mess with you again.
6 – Home Security: Thinking about getting a security system for your home? Or maybe you were considering a big mean dog. If you were, you should consider a Disney Home Security System. It’s guaranteed or you money back. For a monthly fee Disney will install a specially programmed EVE in your home. EVE will terminate anyone invading your home. For an additional monthly fee with upgrade you Disney’s Gold Security package. This package includes your own specially programmed WALL-E who will keep EVE in perfect working order as well as compact your trash and entertain the kids with his antics.
7 – Extreme Makeover Disney Edition: There is a guy who’s turned himself into a cat, another lady turned herself in Cleopatra, and Octomom turned herself into Angelina Jolie. Disney will soon be offering character makeovers. Through surgical augmentation and tattooing your can not have your own pair of permanent Mickey ears. Is Goofy more your style? No problem they do that too. Just a few of the other options include: Pluto’s tongue, Simba’s tail, Rizzo’s nose, and Kermit’s arms.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy...
Every year millions of people use Disney’s Magical Express. If you don’t know that’s a free bus service between the airport in Orlando (MCO) and the Disney resort you have a reservation at.
Some people like the Magical Express. Some people hate the Magical Express. No matter what side you’re on there is one thing that people over looked when Disney started this service – the impact it would have.
I’m not talking about the impact on vacationers. For the most part it’s only a positive for them. I’m talking about the impact on the local economy. Before the Magical Express came into existence there were a bunch of businesses whose bread and butter was transporting people to and from Disney. There were bus companies, limo companies, and taxi companies who made their living on it. Some of these companies were small independent mom and pop operations.
You can imagine what happened to those companies when the Magical Express came into existence. Some folded, some redirected all of their assets away from Disney, and some did whatever they could to make ends meet and survive.
Happy Limo was a thriving company before the Magical Express. Today they are still around but the Express has blasted an enormous hole in their business.
On my last trip I used Happy Limo to transport me from MCO to the Contemporary and then back again. The main reasons I did this were I had only heard that it could take forever to get to Disney by using the Magical Express. When you’ll be standing in line all week the last thing you want to do is stand in line for a bus before you even get to Disney. Instead I had a chance to be driven to my resort in a nice town car with no screaming kids, no long waits, and no smelly people. You might think the last one is funny but it’s a reality. After traveling all day some people start smelling ripe.
The service Happy Limo offered was top notch. Our driver was professional and very pleasant. He did anything he could to make sure we were pleased with our transfer. I now believe this is the reason Happy Limo still exists. The service is better then anything the Magical Express can offer.
We hit a snag on our return trip. For one reason or another, our return trip had to be moved up about half an hour. I’m used to running into things like this. In most cases it annoys me because the company involved doesn’t give a rat’s backside if it doesn’t work for you. Most companies don’t look beyond that day they just know you need to change your plans. Happy Limo apologized and then without any prompting upgraded us. Instead of a town car they said they were sending an actual limo. That was worth it for a thirty minute bump.
When the “limo” arrived we were a little surprised. We thought were getting bumped up one level. They bumped us up a few more than that. They sent the white Cadillac SUV limo. My wife and I almost felt awkward as people watched us climb into it. We also felt underdressed. To put it nicely we didn’t look like they king of people that should be driving around in that thing.
How much did it cost? After taxes and fees it was a little over $110. You might say that’s expensive. Break it down. It was $25 per person each way. Would you pay $25 to avoid a hassle and get to your resort an hour or two faster? Also keep in mind that you are not arriving with a bus of people all trying to check in at once. There is another thirty minutes in your pocket. Oh, did I forget to mention that you have your bags with you? That’s right no waiting for you bags!
What does the time we saved boil down to? Originally we planned to go to Epcot and right to Mexico for lunch at 11:45. With the time we saved we were able to go Soarin via the standby line, ride Spaceship Earth, grab a fast pass for Test Track, and visit Guest Relations to grab our “Happy Anniversary” pins, all before lunch.
To put it simply – I’ll be using Happy Limo next time I go to Disney World. It’s more than worth it.
Some people like the Magical Express. Some people hate the Magical Express. No matter what side you’re on there is one thing that people over looked when Disney started this service – the impact it would have.
I’m not talking about the impact on vacationers. For the most part it’s only a positive for them. I’m talking about the impact on the local economy. Before the Magical Express came into existence there were a bunch of businesses whose bread and butter was transporting people to and from Disney. There were bus companies, limo companies, and taxi companies who made their living on it. Some of these companies were small independent mom and pop operations.
You can imagine what happened to those companies when the Magical Express came into existence. Some folded, some redirected all of their assets away from Disney, and some did whatever they could to make ends meet and survive.
Happy Limo was a thriving company before the Magical Express. Today they are still around but the Express has blasted an enormous hole in their business.
On my last trip I used Happy Limo to transport me from MCO to the Contemporary and then back again. The main reasons I did this were I had only heard that it could take forever to get to Disney by using the Magical Express. When you’ll be standing in line all week the last thing you want to do is stand in line for a bus before you even get to Disney. Instead I had a chance to be driven to my resort in a nice town car with no screaming kids, no long waits, and no smelly people. You might think the last one is funny but it’s a reality. After traveling all day some people start smelling ripe.
The service Happy Limo offered was top notch. Our driver was professional and very pleasant. He did anything he could to make sure we were pleased with our transfer. I now believe this is the reason Happy Limo still exists. The service is better then anything the Magical Express can offer.
We hit a snag on our return trip. For one reason or another, our return trip had to be moved up about half an hour. I’m used to running into things like this. In most cases it annoys me because the company involved doesn’t give a rat’s backside if it doesn’t work for you. Most companies don’t look beyond that day they just know you need to change your plans. Happy Limo apologized and then without any prompting upgraded us. Instead of a town car they said they were sending an actual limo. That was worth it for a thirty minute bump.
When the “limo” arrived we were a little surprised. We thought were getting bumped up one level. They bumped us up a few more than that. They sent the white Cadillac SUV limo. My wife and I almost felt awkward as people watched us climb into it. We also felt underdressed. To put it nicely we didn’t look like they king of people that should be driving around in that thing.
How much did it cost? After taxes and fees it was a little over $110. You might say that’s expensive. Break it down. It was $25 per person each way. Would you pay $25 to avoid a hassle and get to your resort an hour or two faster? Also keep in mind that you are not arriving with a bus of people all trying to check in at once. There is another thirty minutes in your pocket. Oh, did I forget to mention that you have your bags with you? That’s right no waiting for you bags!
What does the time we saved boil down to? Originally we planned to go to Epcot and right to Mexico for lunch at 11:45. With the time we saved we were able to go Soarin via the standby line, ride Spaceship Earth, grab a fast pass for Test Track, and visit Guest Relations to grab our “Happy Anniversary” pins, all before lunch.
To put it simply – I’ll be using Happy Limo next time I go to Disney World. It’s more than worth it.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I’m Not Fat, I’m Big…Ah who am I Kidding…
There are many depressing signs that remind you that you’re steadily getting bigger and bigger. One by one the notches on your belt recede. Of course that’s not because you’re gaining weight it’s because your belt is shrinking. There is also the fact that you have to buy your pants in a bigger size. That’s not your fault though because they just make them smaller now. The number on the scale keeps going up. That must be because my scale is broken. I should really replace it. Then there is the fact that you have to buy bigger shirt sizes. Everyone knows that’s because it’s more comfortable, after all as you get older you’d rather be comfortable than fashionable.
Did you know Disney rebuilt some of their ride vehicles and made them smaller?
Splash Mountain is a good example. When I was 16 my friend and I use to like to sit in the front row of Splash Mountain. We knew that was the driest seat in the house. You might laugh and think we were nuts. We weren’t. The front row is the only row with enough space to duck! We used to duck down and all the water would fly over us and nail the people in the second row.
My guess is Disney discovered this and made some adjustments to the logs. I know this because on my last trip my wife and I got stuck in the front row. I thought “No problem! It’ll be just like old times!” Well when we descended the final shoot I discovered that that Disney shrank the logs on me! I couldn’t duck anymore. Thanks to those jerks I got soaked! Of course it had nothing to do with quarter keg that sits in my lap now.
I should sue Disney for not putting up a disclaimer that says they shrunk the logs! That would be the only reasonable thing to do. People need to be warned about these kinds of things. That reminds me; they shrunk the cars on Space Mountain too! I use to be able to get a bunch of clicks on the lap bar. Not only that I use to be able to move around. Not anymore. Once I pull the lap bar down there is no moving.
Another thing that annoys me – the turkey legs are smaller. When I was younger I couldn’t finish them. Now it’s a breeze. Couldn’t they have found a better way to increase their income?
Did you know Disney rebuilt some of their ride vehicles and made them smaller?
Splash Mountain is a good example. When I was 16 my friend and I use to like to sit in the front row of Splash Mountain. We knew that was the driest seat in the house. You might laugh and think we were nuts. We weren’t. The front row is the only row with enough space to duck! We used to duck down and all the water would fly over us and nail the people in the second row.
My guess is Disney discovered this and made some adjustments to the logs. I know this because on my last trip my wife and I got stuck in the front row. I thought “No problem! It’ll be just like old times!” Well when we descended the final shoot I discovered that that Disney shrank the logs on me! I couldn’t duck anymore. Thanks to those jerks I got soaked! Of course it had nothing to do with quarter keg that sits in my lap now.
I should sue Disney for not putting up a disclaimer that says they shrunk the logs! That would be the only reasonable thing to do. People need to be warned about these kinds of things. That reminds me; they shrunk the cars on Space Mountain too! I use to be able to get a bunch of clicks on the lap bar. Not only that I use to be able to move around. Not anymore. Once I pull the lap bar down there is no moving.
Another thing that annoys me – the turkey legs are smaller. When I was younger I couldn’t finish them. Now it’s a breeze. Couldn’t they have found a better way to increase their income?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Disney Books You’ll Never See
Over the years Disney has releases many books. Some have been stories about characters, some have been comic books, and some have been non-fiction. What many people don’t know is that every year Disney decides not to release books to the public that they feel would be taken the wrong way or ruin certain aspects of the parks. Here are just a few of those now shelved books:
“My Addiction to Honey – How I lost Everything” by Winnie the Pooh
“Clown Feet: Cinderella’s Dark Secret” by Sleeping Beauty
“I Ordered the Fish at Narccossee’s” by Ariel
“The Seven Pre-Madonna’s” by Snow White
“He Has Ear Implants – 101 Things You Never Knew about Mickey” by Minnie Mouse
“Crying Spaceman: The Time I Kicked Buzz’s Butt in a Fight” by Woody
“The Ultimate Wingman – Bar Hopping With Genie” by Aladdin
“Chipmunks Are Tasty” by Pluto
“Pants Are Overrated” by Donald Duck
“How to Make Bio Weapons with Household Products” by Professor Honeydew
“I Talk This Way to Get Chicks” by Beaker
“My Life as a Cage Fighter” by Stitch
“My Jokes Aren’t Bad, You’re Just Stupid” by Fozzie Bear
“I Was A Bare Knuckles Boxer” by Gonzo
“The Princesses Biggest Secrets” by The Fairy God Mother
“I Taught Remy Everything He Knows” by Rizzo the Rat
“Why You Should Run Away” by Nemo
“I’m really Canadian” The Autobiography of Sam the Eagle
“Respect Through Fear: How to Compensate Being Short” By Piglet
“I Hate Mice” by Roy E. Disney
“My Addiction to Honey – How I lost Everything” by Winnie the Pooh
“Clown Feet: Cinderella’s Dark Secret” by Sleeping Beauty
“I Ordered the Fish at Narccossee’s” by Ariel
“The Seven Pre-Madonna’s” by Snow White
“He Has Ear Implants – 101 Things You Never Knew about Mickey” by Minnie Mouse
“Crying Spaceman: The Time I Kicked Buzz’s Butt in a Fight” by Woody
“The Ultimate Wingman – Bar Hopping With Genie” by Aladdin
“Chipmunks Are Tasty” by Pluto
“Pants Are Overrated” by Donald Duck
“How to Make Bio Weapons with Household Products” by Professor Honeydew
“I Talk This Way to Get Chicks” by Beaker
“My Life as a Cage Fighter” by Stitch
“My Jokes Aren’t Bad, You’re Just Stupid” by Fozzie Bear
“I Was A Bare Knuckles Boxer” by Gonzo
“The Princesses Biggest Secrets” by The Fairy God Mother
“I Taught Remy Everything He Knows” by Rizzo the Rat
“Why You Should Run Away” by Nemo
“I’m really Canadian” The Autobiography of Sam the Eagle
“Respect Through Fear: How to Compensate Being Short” By Piglet
“I Hate Mice” by Roy E. Disney
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Mike Scopa’s Dark Secret
I always thought it was funny when the WDW Today gang poked fun at Mike Scopa for being old. You name the old joke, it’s been used on Scopa. I started wondering: just how old is Scopa?
I did some research (made up a totally fictions story). Scopa is originally from Mass. I searched the public records in Mass and tried to trace back his lineage. The date he uses for his date of birth is fake. No Mike Scopa was born on that date. I dug deeper and found that a Mike Scopa was born in 1882 but that couldn’t be right. If it was Scopa was born in 1882 he would be 127 years old.
I figured Scopa was just a pen name and his real name was something else. I thought that until April 1, 2009. On that date episode 546 of WDW Today Scopa got to pick the last question. When he did something odd happened. His voice repeated about seven times. That was the clue I was looking for.
Remember Mike is from Mass originally. Mass is home to the world famous Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). MIT is known for all sorts of crazy things. They have pioneered more technology than one can possibly imagine including advancements in the field of robotics.
Mike Scopa volunteered for an experiment in 1961 when he was 79 years old. The experiment involved robotics. Mike was transformed into the world’s first cyborg. His electronic voice box got stuck. That’s why we heard the same thing seven times on that podcast!
The creation of the new Scopa caused a moral debate among the scientists who worked on the project. Some thought that he should be destroyed. The others thought he should be celebrated as a way to prevent death.
The ones who thought he should be destroyed called a meeting and invited all of the scientists. They had secretly planted a bomb in the building. When all the other scientists arrived, the bad scientists set the bomb off.
They still had to get rid of Scopa. He was the only remaining evidence of the project. They underestimated the power of what they created. When they showed up Scopa shot lasers out of his eyes and blew up their car before they could get out.
Scopa fled to NH before anyone could trace the events back to him. He has lived quietly (term used loosely) in NH for years. Beyond the podcast there are a couple ways you can tell Scopa is a cyborg. Whenever a Scopa gets near a dog, the dog will bark its head off. Everyone knows dogs don’t like cyborgs. Scopa’s eyes are also a clue. They look normal until you see them from an infrared camera. His eyes glow when seen in infrared. Footage has been obtained from Splash Mountain and other Disney World dark rides that confirms this.
Do not fear. Scopa is a good cyborg. He only killed those scientists in self defense. Scopa is good with children and small animals. As long as his batteries are charged and his hard drive doesn’t get corrupted we can enjoy his Disney World antics for years to come.
I did some research (made up a totally fictions story). Scopa is originally from Mass. I searched the public records in Mass and tried to trace back his lineage. The date he uses for his date of birth is fake. No Mike Scopa was born on that date. I dug deeper and found that a Mike Scopa was born in 1882 but that couldn’t be right. If it was Scopa was born in 1882 he would be 127 years old.
I figured Scopa was just a pen name and his real name was something else. I thought that until April 1, 2009. On that date episode 546 of WDW Today Scopa got to pick the last question. When he did something odd happened. His voice repeated about seven times. That was the clue I was looking for.
Remember Mike is from Mass originally. Mass is home to the world famous Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). MIT is known for all sorts of crazy things. They have pioneered more technology than one can possibly imagine including advancements in the field of robotics.
Mike Scopa volunteered for an experiment in 1961 when he was 79 years old. The experiment involved robotics. Mike was transformed into the world’s first cyborg. His electronic voice box got stuck. That’s why we heard the same thing seven times on that podcast!
The creation of the new Scopa caused a moral debate among the scientists who worked on the project. Some thought that he should be destroyed. The others thought he should be celebrated as a way to prevent death.
The ones who thought he should be destroyed called a meeting and invited all of the scientists. They had secretly planted a bomb in the building. When all the other scientists arrived, the bad scientists set the bomb off.
They still had to get rid of Scopa. He was the only remaining evidence of the project. They underestimated the power of what they created. When they showed up Scopa shot lasers out of his eyes and blew up their car before they could get out.
Scopa fled to NH before anyone could trace the events back to him. He has lived quietly (term used loosely) in NH for years. Beyond the podcast there are a couple ways you can tell Scopa is a cyborg. Whenever a Scopa gets near a dog, the dog will bark its head off. Everyone knows dogs don’t like cyborgs. Scopa’s eyes are also a clue. They look normal until you see them from an infrared camera. His eyes glow when seen in infrared. Footage has been obtained from Splash Mountain and other Disney World dark rides that confirms this.
Do not fear. Scopa is a good cyborg. He only killed those scientists in self defense. Scopa is good with children and small animals. As long as his batteries are charged and his hard drive doesn’t get corrupted we can enjoy his Disney World antics for years to come.
Pleasure Island
Pleasure Island closed in September of 2008. For years it was Disney’s nighttime hotspot. With numerous clubs and adult themed attractions it filled a hole that helped to round out Disney’s entertainment options.
A lot of people were upset when Pleasure Island closed and a seemingly equal number of people could have cared less. From what I’ve seen most people were not upset that Pleasure Island closed but more the fact that the Adventures Club closed.
I wasn’t really sad to see Pleasure Island close but I was a little surprised. By closing it Disney left a big void in their world. What is there to do late nights at Disney World? To be honest I don’t care all that much. I almost never last past 10pm when I’m at Disney World. I’m just too tired from hitting the parks all day.
Another thing I found interesting was what Disney said they were going to do with the area. Add more shopping and dining. Who is that aimed at? I know it’s not me. I do my shopping and dining at the parks and resorts. I can’t even remember the last time I went to Downtown Disney. Disney really needs to put something in that area to draw the people who are casual shoppers. If you were able to draw me there the odds are good that I’d eat and shop there.
That leads to the million dollar question (pun not intended): how much money do you spend on building something that is going to attract a wide range of people? It’s a big risk – reward question. You want to spend enough that you draw people so they’ll buy stuff but not so much that you could never break even.
What can you do on a dime? Raid the closet:
1 – Lucky, Wall-E, and the Mobile Muppet Lab: To my knowledge all three of these have been shelved. They are automated, interactive characters that are gather dust somewhere. Why not get a few more miles out of them?
2 – A few of rare and retired characters: Characters are always a draw. Retired and rare characters could be an even bigger draw. I mean really dig deep. Pull out the ones that people can’t even remember. Do you know where you put them? Next to the store selling the Disney DVDs they appeared in.
3 – A splash of fireworks: Fireworks never hurt. They cost but they don’t hurt unless someone does an oopps.
4 - Dream Squad Part II – They don’t need to be giving away expensive prizes. It can just be little things but that’s enough to draw a large amount of people.
The most important thing to remember is to keep things unpredictable. When you do that people can’t help but think they are going to miss something if they are not there. That’s when you’ll really see the money roll in.
Space Mountain – The Original
Space Mountain has always had a rabid following. There is even an unofficial marathon for Space Mountain that takes place every morning when the Magic Kingdom opens. There are a number of reasons why Space Mountain is so popular. All of them attest to the genius that when into the planning and design of it.
The Building: The building itself has become a Disney icon. It has a unique, eye catching design. It’s a popular photo spot. However most people don’t know that some of the best photos of Space Mountain are taken from high up in the Contemporary tower.
The Queue: By today’s standards the queue isn’t all that impressive but when you consider when it was built, it’s great. What’s better than spending the entire queue in a cool dry place with neat lighting and a futuristic feel?
The Darkness: Disney found out that if you put a really lame roller coaster in the dark people will think it’s the best thing ever. The Dark also allowed for some cool stuff to be played on the walls. Someone once told me that many of the “meteors” you see are actually chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know if that’s true or not, I just know it works.
The Exit: I believe the exit is overlooked. The moving walkway and the exhibits are a nice break from the average exit.
People might not like the fact that referred to the actual ride as being “lame.” Well too bad. It is kind of lame and unless you’ve ridden Space Mountain with the lights on, you can’t really argue that. I’ve ridden Space Mountain with the lights on. You come to realize that all Space Mountain is, is a giant indoor erector set. Some people would call it a “wild mouse” style roller coaster. It’s the kind of roller coaster you’d see at a traveling fair. You know they type. The one that has a few of the joints held together by duct tape and twine. You know…the one that you won’t let your kids ride because it looks like a death trap. That’s what you’re riding every time you ride Space Mountain but it is still fun!
A lot of people were upset when Pleasure Island closed and a seemingly equal number of people could have cared less. From what I’ve seen most people were not upset that Pleasure Island closed but more the fact that the Adventures Club closed.
I wasn’t really sad to see Pleasure Island close but I was a little surprised. By closing it Disney left a big void in their world. What is there to do late nights at Disney World? To be honest I don’t care all that much. I almost never last past 10pm when I’m at Disney World. I’m just too tired from hitting the parks all day.
Another thing I found interesting was what Disney said they were going to do with the area. Add more shopping and dining. Who is that aimed at? I know it’s not me. I do my shopping and dining at the parks and resorts. I can’t even remember the last time I went to Downtown Disney. Disney really needs to put something in that area to draw the people who are casual shoppers. If you were able to draw me there the odds are good that I’d eat and shop there.
That leads to the million dollar question (pun not intended): how much money do you spend on building something that is going to attract a wide range of people? It’s a big risk – reward question. You want to spend enough that you draw people so they’ll buy stuff but not so much that you could never break even.
What can you do on a dime? Raid the closet:
1 – Lucky, Wall-E, and the Mobile Muppet Lab: To my knowledge all three of these have been shelved. They are automated, interactive characters that are gather dust somewhere. Why not get a few more miles out of them?
2 – A few of rare and retired characters: Characters are always a draw. Retired and rare characters could be an even bigger draw. I mean really dig deep. Pull out the ones that people can’t even remember. Do you know where you put them? Next to the store selling the Disney DVDs they appeared in.
3 – A splash of fireworks: Fireworks never hurt. They cost but they don’t hurt unless someone does an oopps.
4 - Dream Squad Part II – They don’t need to be giving away expensive prizes. It can just be little things but that’s enough to draw a large amount of people.
The most important thing to remember is to keep things unpredictable. When you do that people can’t help but think they are going to miss something if they are not there. That’s when you’ll really see the money roll in.
Space Mountain – The Original
Space Mountain has always had a rabid following. There is even an unofficial marathon for Space Mountain that takes place every morning when the Magic Kingdom opens. There are a number of reasons why Space Mountain is so popular. All of them attest to the genius that when into the planning and design of it.
The Building: The building itself has become a Disney icon. It has a unique, eye catching design. It’s a popular photo spot. However most people don’t know that some of the best photos of Space Mountain are taken from high up in the Contemporary tower.
The Queue: By today’s standards the queue isn’t all that impressive but when you consider when it was built, it’s great. What’s better than spending the entire queue in a cool dry place with neat lighting and a futuristic feel?
The Darkness: Disney found out that if you put a really lame roller coaster in the dark people will think it’s the best thing ever. The Dark also allowed for some cool stuff to be played on the walls. Someone once told me that many of the “meteors” you see are actually chocolate chip cookies. I don’t know if that’s true or not, I just know it works.
The Exit: I believe the exit is overlooked. The moving walkway and the exhibits are a nice break from the average exit.
People might not like the fact that referred to the actual ride as being “lame.” Well too bad. It is kind of lame and unless you’ve ridden Space Mountain with the lights on, you can’t really argue that. I’ve ridden Space Mountain with the lights on. You come to realize that all Space Mountain is, is a giant indoor erector set. Some people would call it a “wild mouse” style roller coaster. It’s the kind of roller coaster you’d see at a traveling fair. You know they type. The one that has a few of the joints held together by duct tape and twine. You know…the one that you won’t let your kids ride because it looks like a death trap. That’s what you’re riding every time you ride Space Mountain but it is still fun!
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