Disney Announces New Crowd Control Method

Large crowds are the bane of a theme park vacation. Over the years Disney has taken many steps to help control crowds. One of the most successful tricks was the addition of Fast Pass. Most people don’t see Fast Past as being a form of crowd control but that’s exactly what it is.

It’s been a long time since Fast Pass was rolled out but that doesn’t mean Disney has stopped working on the problems that large crowds create.

“The best method of crowd control is to fit more people into rides or attractions. Due to the state of the economy we’ve been unable to build a lot of new attractions. Instead we had to figure out a way to get more people onto existing attractions,” stated king of all things Disney, Mickey Mouse.

Mickey went on to explain that the Imagineers have come up with a method to fit 300% more people on ride. The plan is simple – shrink the people.

Starting in December of 2010 Disney will be rolling out dozens of Professor Wayne Szalinski’s shrinking machines.

All of the major rides will be retrofitted with the shrinking machines. This change is expected to reduce the wait for rides like Soarin and Space Mountain to walk on status.

“On some rides we had to make adjustments. For instance we lost a few test subjects on Muppets 3D. We forgot that it’s not a good idea to spray someone with a drop of water that’s 10 times bigger than they are,” explained Professor Szalinski in an interview.

The in depth testing also revealed that some rides cannot be fitted. Rides like Splash Mountain and Kali River Rapids would result in massive fatalities if the shrinking ray were used.

The updates are expected to greatly reduce the wait times in all of the Disney Parks.

Len Testa Hates Donald Duck

Recently it came to light that there is a recommendation in the “Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World” that is inaccurate.

As you may know if you follow the blog I ate at Yack and Yeti on my last trip to Walt Disney World. I ordered the duck and it was horrifyingly bad (see Yak Yack and Yeti).

I emailed the gang at the WDW Today Podcast to relay my experience. They answered the email in episode 633. When responding Len asked “Who orders the duck?!?” despite the fact that the duck is recommend in the book he co-authors.

I found it odd that Len would make that statement despite the fact that at least one person has claimed (emphasis on “claimed”) he writes every review, experience, reader feedback, and comment in the Unofficial Guide. That made me do what I do. I looked into it.

I discovered a dark secret and a massive feud that has been raging for years.

Back in 1998 Len was in WDW for a research trip. He was in line for Space Mountain and was just about to get on when Donald Duck cut in front of him taking the last spot on the train. This wouldn’t have been a big deal except for the fact that the ride broke down after that train left the station. Len had to wait for an hour to ride thanks to Donald.

Len got over this in time but another event broke the flood gates open.

In 1999 Donald Duck convinced the Disney big wigs to shut down the Alien Encounter in Tomorrow Land in the Magic Kingdom. This greatly upset Len. Even though the Alien in EAC was not the same species as him he saw it as an attack on all extraterrestrials (see Len Testa – Tequila: The Shocking Connection).

Things calmed down a little when Len’s distant cousin Stich was announced as the star of the new attraction. However, things really hit the fan when the ride opened. Donald ensured that the ride was AWFUL! He ensured that it was a slap in the face to all aliens.

This was the last straw. Len pulled some strings and made sure that duck became a recommended dish in the Unofficial Guide.

Donald didn’t realize the effect of the recommendation until six of his cousins disappeared without a trace. When Donald looked into it he discovered an explosion in the number of ducks being eaten through out Disney World.

In response Donald pulled strings and ensured that the duck was one of the most overcooked, tasteless dishes in Disney World. He also convinced the powers that be to force Stich into another awful attraction. In fact Stich’s Super Sonic Celebration turned out so bad it was shut down after less than a month of shows.

It is rumored that to get back at Donald, Len has recently taken up the sport of duck hunting and convinced the vets over at the Animal Kingdom to castrate all mallard ducks they catch on property.

No one knows how this feud will end but be warned. If you find your self in Disney World and see Len and Donald at the same time, take cover! It won’t be pretty.

DISCLAIMER: The above story is mostly fiction with accurate facts worked in. It’s never been proven that Len is an alien (it’s just common knowledge). Len claims he did not write the review for Yak and Yeti (see episode 668 of the WDW Today Podcast). Donald did not cut Len in line in 1998 (I think he was in front of him to begin with). There is no proof that Donald was involved with the decision to shut down EAC, open Stich’s Great Escape, or involved with the Super Sucky Celebration.

Info on Space Mountain Overhaul Leaked

A rumor that was leaked last week has been confirmed. The new version of Space Mountain will include updated ride vehicles.

The new Space Mountain vehicles will have actual rockets in the back of them. The rockets will be used as a replacement for the lift hill and will be set off while going around corners.

“We figured that people liked the G forces in Mission Space so much that we’d step it up a notch. We figure that you’ll be pulling up to eight Gs going around some of the corners. The top speed has also been increased from a top speed of about 20mph to 120mph,” stated Goofy dressed in his space suit.

Reports have also leaked out that an adequate breaking system is trying to be developed. The first train blew through the wall and kept going until it crashed into the former Skyway building causing extensive damage and resulting in its recent overhaul.

The second train jumped the track and ran Pluto over. Pluto survived with only a few minor bruises.

The third train worked at first. The success convinced Chip and Dale to do a test ride. They both survived but had to be scraped off the wall after their train crashed.

When asked about the accident Dale stated “It was fun until we crashed. The G forces were so strong I could feel my brain compress and Chip wet himself.”

Once the issues are ironed out the ride is expected to reopen.

The New Summit Challenge

I’d say very few people know what the Seven Summits challenge is. Unless you follow or research professional mountain climbing, don’t feel bad if you don’t know it. The Seven Summits challenge is completed when an individual successfully summits the tallest mountain on every continent. Needless to say this is a very difficult and dangerous task. Despite the risk and monetary cost, a number of people have completed the challenge.

A far more dangerous challenge is joining the 8000 meter club. To join the 8000 meter club you need to climb every mountain that is 8000 meters (24,000 feet) or higher. To my knowledge the only American who has joined this club is Ed Viesturs. The risk in doing this can be enormous. Most people think Everest is dangerous. They are right. For every 20 people who summit Everest, one person dies. To join the 8000 meter club you also have to climb a number of other dangerous mountains including K2 and Annapurna. For every five people who summits K2, one person dies. For every three people who summits Annapurna, one person dies.

Why would someone attempt either? The main reason is people like the challenge, the fame, and in some cases they get “Addicted to Danger” (Jim Wickwire).

In the spirit of dangerous challenges, a new summit challenge has emerged. The new challenge is called “The Four Peaks Club.” To join this club you need to free climb, without a rope, Space Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain, Splash Mountain, and the Expedition Everest Mountain.

The dangerous in attempting this is extreme. To date no one has completed the challenge.

It’s recommended that one starts with Space Mountain as a warm up, then attempt Splash Mountain, Big Thunder, and Expedition, in that order.

Many people have already been killed or severely injured in attempting to join the Four Peaks Club. Here is a brief rundown of the accidents to date:

- 8 people have been electrocuted when lightening struck Space Mountain during their ascents

- 4 people have been impaled on the thorns in Splash Mountain after falls

- 2 people were clubbed by Brer Bear after being mistaken for Brer Rabbit on Splash Mountain

- 4 people were bitten by Brer Fox on Splash Mountain

- 24 people were stung by bees on Splash Mountain.

- 5 people have been crushed by logs at the bottom of the chute in Splash Mountain

- 3 people have lost their grips and slid off of Space Mountain breaking bones and other serious injuries

- 14 people have been run over by trains on Big Thunder

- 7 people have been nailed in the crotch by a mountain goat on Big Thunder

- 11 people have fallen to their deaths trying to reach the highest point of Big Thunder

- 9 people have been run over by a train on Everest.

- 21 people have fallen from the steep slopes of Everest, 10 died, 11 were seriously injured

- 73 people have been mauled or eaten by the Yeti on Everest.

The Best Souvenirs are Free!

Disney has come up with everything you can think of as far as souvenirs go. My mom even bought me a Mickey Mouse cocktail shaker. That’s tame compared to some of the things Disney has developed to make a buck. That leads some people to question if there are any free souvenirs. You can’t really count your ticket because you paid an arm and a leg for it. A resort mug, even if you got it as part of a package is still paid for. I guess food wrappers are close but who wants to collect those? You could rip up a plant and smuggle it out of the park but that’s a crummy souvenir and you might banned from the parks. How about the soap in the hotel rooms? That’s a little better but still doesn’t fit the bill as a good souvenir and it’s not very collectable.

How about an unused Fast Pass? BINGO! It’s the perfect free souvenir. Each fast pass is different, it’s dated, and it’s collectable. The only real drawback is that you can’t get another fast pass until after the one you want to keep has expired. That’s no problem if you pick one up as you are leaving the park. They also fit nicely in a wallet which will protect them. All of the best (and some of the worst) have fast passes.

For some reason I only grabbed two on my last trip. Want to take a guess as to what they are? If you said Splash Mountain, you would be wrong. The fast pass wasn’t running during my trip. The two I have are Space Mountain and Expedition Everest.

Everest was the first one I nabbed. I didn’t plan on keeping it either. I got stuck with the fast pass because my wife felt too queasy after going on it once. She can’t go backwards without getting ill. I just stuck the fast pass in my wallet.

It wasn’t until the end of our trip that I figured that a fast pass would be a good souvenir. Our last day was in the Magic Kingdom. Because Splash Mountain wasn’t handing them out I went over and grabbed a Space Mountain fast pass. I figured if they change the fast pass with the refurbish, I’ll have an original.

So there you go. There is something free in Disney World that’s worth keeping.

The Elderly and the Parks

When planning a Disney vacation should you consider inviting your elderly relatives? It depends on the individual but I have to say we never thought twice with my grand mother.

At 64 she rode Space Mountain. She got off and told my dad “There’s no line, lets go again!” So they got back in line. After that ride, they got back in line again. After that the cast member stopped them and told my grand mother that she was too old to keep walking around and he sent her through without having to wait in line. After two more rides she finally got off.

She loved Epcot, especially the World Showcase. She loved going to the pub in the UK and grabbing a beer or a gin and tonic. She had to pace herself because Epcot is so large. I think that was her excuse to grab a drink at many of the countries.

At 84 she couldn’t ride Space Mountain anymore. She couldn’t walk large distances either. She still loved the parks. My mom would push her in a wheel chair and she’d still go on Splash Mountain and other rides. She also loved getting her photo taken in Disney. The last photo of her in Disney was taken by a cast member. It was of her, my mother, my sister, and my niece, four generations in front of Cinderella’s castle.

She had a stroke two months later. Before she died she never recovered. However she loved Disney. At her funeral it was brought out how she loved to travel but Disney World was her favorite.

Just remember to keep the camera going when you’re in the parks. Some of your best memories will be there. It doesn’t matter if they don’t like or cannot go on rides. Even if they can’t do as much as they used to, for many just being with their families is worth the price to get in.

I’m Not Fat, I’m Big…Ah who am I Kidding…

There are many depressing signs that remind you that you’re steadily getting bigger and bigger. One by one the notches on your belt recede. Of course that’s not because you’re gaining weight it’s because your belt is shrinking. There is also the fact that you have to buy your pants in a bigger size. That’s not your fault though because they just make them smaller now. The number on the scale keeps going up. That must be because my scale is broken. I should really replace it. Then there is the fact that you have to buy bigger shirt sizes. Everyone knows that’s because it’s more comfortable, after all as you get older you’d rather be comfortable than fashionable.

Did you know Disney rebuilt some of their ride vehicles and made them smaller?

Splash Mountain is a good example. When I was 16 my friend and I use to like to sit in the front row of Splash Mountain. We knew that was the driest seat in the house. You might laugh and think we were nuts. We weren’t. The front row is the only row with enough space to duck! We used to duck down and all the water would fly over us and nail the people in the second row.

My guess is Disney discovered this and made some adjustments to the logs. I know this because on my last trip my wife and I got stuck in the front row. I thought “No problem! It’ll be just like old times!” Well when we descended the final shoot I discovered that that Disney shrank the logs on me! I couldn’t duck anymore. Thanks to those jerks I got soaked! Of course it had nothing to do with quarter keg that sits in my lap now.

I should sue Disney for not putting up a disclaimer that says they shrunk the logs! That would be the only reasonable thing to do. People need to be warned about these kinds of things. That reminds me; they shrunk the cars on Space Mountain too! I use to be able to get a bunch of clicks on the lap bar. Not only that I use to be able to move around. Not anymore. Once I pull the lap bar down there is no moving.

Another thing that annoys me – the turkey legs are smaller. When I was younger I couldn’t finish them. Now it’s a breeze. Couldn’t they have found a better way to increase their income?

It’s the Little Things

Every now and then a cast member does something small that makes a good experience a truly memorable one. A cast member could do something big for you and you’d overlook it and think that’s what they need to do. You could be having an awful day, verbally beat a cast member senseless, and ignore what they do when they fix the problem. It’s the little things they do that can blow you away. We overlook it when someone bends backwards but when they show a little personal interest it can really knock you off of your feet.

Years ago my grand mother wanted to go on Space Mountain. My mom didn’t like roller coasters, I was an eight year old wimp, and my sister was doing a tour so my dad ended up taking her on. At the time she was near 70 so he wasn’t sure how she was going to respond. At the end of the ride my grand mother noticed that there was no line. She dragged my dad back on. At the end of that ride – still no line - round three! At the end of round three the cast member stopped my grand mother and told her it was too long of a walk. He let her just go around again, and again, and again. She got off after the sixth time.

That didn’t cost the cast member anything. Not time, money, or any real effort but twenty years later we still remember it and it was even mentioned at her funeral.

When I was a kid my parents took my sister and I to Chef Mickey’s for breakfast on one of our trips. Chip and Dale, Pluto, and Mickey were all there for the character breakfast. I remember Pluto. I don’t really remember the others beyond the fact that they were there. Why do I remember Pluto? Because he stole my shoe and took off with it in his mouth. That’s something small but everyone still remembers me chasing Pluto around Chef Mickey’s to get my shoe back. Years later I’d realize just how good Pluto and the gang were.

People don’t realize how hard it is to dress up like a character. I didn’t until I got a job at an arcade / funhouse called “Joker’s.” I had to dress up like the joker. Not the batman – face paint kind of joker but the three foot wide head with a big body suit joker. For people who have never dressed up in a suit like this it’s really hard to explain how rough it can be. Here are some hazards:

-After the first six months a sports cup became part of the uniform. Yes kids, little boys especially, enjoyed hitting the joker in the crotch.

-It’s hot. I was inside and in New England and it was hot. I have no idea how the Disney people can bear it in the summer.

-You can’t see. I believe that horses with blinders on have a better field of vision than anyone in a character suit.

-People are nuts. You can never predict what a seemingly normal person will turn into when they see someone in a character suit. Add liquor to that and it’s even worse.

-It takes forever to get in and out of the suit and you normally need help. This if fun if you have to pee.


Other than my grand mother and Pluto, I can’t remember any other stand out experiences. I’m sure they were there I just can’t think of them now. Next time you’re in Disney, just stop and look. I bet you can spot one.