Country Bear Jamboree to be Overhauled

In a shocking move Disney has decided to renovate and completely overhaul the Country Bear Jamboree.

In a press release Disney highlighted the following changes that will be made to the attraction:

-          All tracks to be replaced with some of the most popular death metal songs of all time.

-          The Baby Oscar will now wear a leather diaper.

-          Big Al will be overhauled with full Kiss makeup.

-          Liver Lips will be dressed in a spandex meat suit.

-          Buff, Max, and Melvin will be overhauled to have a Goth look.

-          Henry will be re-voiced by Lewis Black and he will just spew profanity at the audience between songs.

-          Wendell will be overhauled to look like a bear version of Marilyn Manson.

-          Teddi Barra will no longer sing but will instead scream and smash a guitar.

-          Ernest will no longer play the fiddle.  He will now play the drums.

-          Trixie will no longer be fat.  She will now be an emaciated strung out heroin addict groupie.

-          Gomer will now play the keyboard while wearing leather pants and a top hat.

-          Rufus will now make obscene shadow puppets in the lights.

The new show will be entitled “The Un-bear-able Death Metal Festival.”

When asked why Disney would so drastically change an attraction that has remained almost completely intact as one of the Magic Kingdoms opening day attractions, a Disney spokesman stated: “To be honest it was an oversight on our part.  We actually forgot this attraction still existed. It somehow remained under our radar all these years. It was until one of the cast members stumbled across it on YouTube that we even realized this attraction was in Disney World. Once we knew the attraction existed we knew we had to change it.  After all, no one could possibly like an attraction that is over thirty years old.”

If Disney has its way the bears will sing their last country song in a couple of months.

Once the news broke an organization called “Save Our Bears” also known as “S.O.B.” started an online petition to save the bears. 

An S.O.B. spokesperson stated that “S.O.B. will fight to the end to save the bears.  We are planning on chaining ourselves to the front of the building to block the bulldozers!”

When informed that the building is not being torn down the spokesperson stated “Oh…then we’ll chain ourselves to the stage!  You can’t have a true protest unless you chain yourself to something!”

Only time will tell if Disney or S.O.B. has its way.

New Features Now Available!

I finally got around to updating the layout of this blog.  The best parts are a new search feature at the top of the page and a list of the most popular posts at the bottom of the page. 

Another feature I like but some people think it's annoying is the Amazon Deals box on the right side of the page.  I like this because I check this every single day.  I wish I was kidding.  I'm a sucker for a good deal and often the gold box deals are the best you can find anywhere.

Another thing I'm doing is rolling out associated products.  When I post a video or photo, I'll list the camera I used.  I'll also include the newest Disney swag as I come across it.

Here is the first product - This has nothing to do with the new layout it's just one of my wifes favorite Disney movies.  That's saying a lot.  As many of you know my wife isn't a big Disney fan. 

Info on Space Mountain Overhaul Leaked

A rumor that was leaked last week has been confirmed. The new version of Space Mountain will include updated ride vehicles.

The new Space Mountain vehicles will have actual rockets in the back of them. The rockets will be used as a replacement for the lift hill and will be set off while going around corners.

“We figured that people liked the G forces in Mission Space so much that we’d step it up a notch. We figure that you’ll be pulling up to eight Gs going around some of the corners. The top speed has also been increased from a top speed of about 20mph to 120mph,” stated Goofy dressed in his space suit.

Reports have also leaked out that an adequate breaking system is trying to be developed. The first train blew through the wall and kept going until it crashed into the former Skyway building causing extensive damage and resulting in its recent overhaul.

The second train jumped the track and ran Pluto over. Pluto survived with only a few minor bruises.

The third train worked at first. The success convinced Chip and Dale to do a test ride. They both survived but had to be scraped off the wall after their train crashed.

When asked about the accident Dale stated “It was fun until we crashed. The G forces were so strong I could feel my brain compress and Chip wet himself.”

Once the issues are ironed out the ride is expected to reopen.

Princess Separate Meet and Greet Areas Demanded – Not Desired

One of the new features of the Fantasy Land expansion is going to be separate meet and greet areas for each of the princesses. This might seem odd on the surface. Why not have a princesses pavilion, so you can meet them all at once? After all the Tinker Bell and her other fairy buddies hang out in the same place.

The reason for separate locations becomes apparent when you look at the princesses history. For years Disney has had their hands full. Behind the scenes the princesses are a bunch of moody, backstabbing pre-Madonna’s. After decades of violence the only sensible way to control the situation was to keep them separated.

The initial cost for building each area is expected to be recouped in saved medical expenses. Over the years the princesses have racked up quite a bill. Here are just a few examples:

- Belle had to have a nose job after she took a glass slipper to the face.

- Ariel and Jasmine needed hair plugs after some of their hair was “extracted” during a tussle.

- Aurora was in a neck brace for a month after taking a pumpkin to the head.

- Snow White was in the hospital for a week after getting run over by a flying carpet.

- Cinderella ended up in the hospital after she was “accidently” knocked down the stairs.

To ensure the safety of the cast members and guests, the imagineers who designed the animal enclosures in Animal Kingdom were enlisted to design the new princess locations. Each location has carefully disguised barb wire fences, barriers, pitfalls, and other fortifications to prevent ambushes.

In addition plans are in place for each princess to have their prince appear with them. On the surface this seems like a ploy to get them into the parks. In reality the princes will be serving as body guards / peacekeepers.

In a recent interview Prince Charming admitted that the princesses do indeed despise each other but the princes get along great and frequently “drink around the world” together.

Only time will tell if the new meet and greet locations prevent the violence and blood shed from continuing.

Fantasy Land Overhaul

When I was a kid I liked Fantasy Land. The dark rides were great for a kid who didn't like intense rides. As I got older I found myself going to Fantasy Land less and Less. The dark rides were still fun but the rest really started to fall flat. Dumbo was just a glorified carnival ride. The Teacups were about the same. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea was shut down and replaced with a meet and greet. Then they ripped out Mr. Toad and replaced it with a barely passable Pooh ride. The only thing that still drew me was Peter Pan and sometimes Snow White.

Now Disney has announced a massive overhaul / expansion. I'll start by saying the whole princess thing has been over done but if it makes money Disney is going to do it. Sadly it looks like a big part expansion is going to be princess meet and greets. However, the planned Beast's Castle includes a restaurant. That sounds good. Only one problem. Rumor has it that it will be a quick service during lunch and a sit down during dinner. I really think it needs to be one or the other. If you do a hybrid it'll typically end up being a low volume (comparably) quick service or a low quality sit down. The two types of dining have completely different needs as far as logistics go.

I still won't be riding it but the update to Dumbo will be good. Dumbo is Disney classic even if it's cheap carnival ride. Expanding the ride is a good idea. The line might look small but that is one of the slowest loading rides in operation. The fact that they are placing it in a circus tent is great. It'll really help it's overall story.

The new Little Mermaid dark ride will get me to go over to Fantasy Land even if I just ride it once. I've never ridden the one out in California but I've heard good things about it. From the concept art it looks like it's going to be huge too. This has to be the best part about this expansion.

Another great thing about this expansion is the removal of Toon Town. I've never spent more than two minutes in Toon Town. It was an area so geared at one demographic that anyone without kids had no reason to venture there unless they were a character hunter. It looks like Pooh's Playful spot it going to eat bullet too. I'm not upset about that. It always seemed like an after thought to me.

It looks like the Goofy roller coaster is sticking around. Rumor has it that it is going to be converted into a Dumbo roller coaster. That's ok but I think it would be nicer if it went in another direction. Why not take the opportunity to add another movie that doesn't have a representative in the parks already? Why not 101 Dalmatians, Bambi, or Rambo ride (yes the last one is a joke).

I'm glad Disney is doing something with this area. Seems like a number of places in Disney World have fallen apart recently. This really seems like it'll polish up a crumbling area of the Magic Kingdom.

Special Report – It’s a Small World Overhaul

It’s been leaked that Walt Disney Worlds version of “It’s a Small World” will be overhauled. The goal is to not just meet but exceed the new version that can be found in Disney Land.

A Disney World cast member was quoted saying “We’re bigger so we have to be better. That’s why we charge so much for entrance into the park.”

Some of the details about the overhaul have been leaked too. To beat the Disney Land version, each boat will have bubble blowers installed on them. The bubbles will be filled with NO2 also know as Nitrous Oxide or laughing gas.

“We feel this will draw a lot of people back to the ride. A lot of kids who “out grew” the ride should be flocking back after the overhaul” the project manager stated.

“I think NO2 will definitely solidify the fact that Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. Wait till you hear it. People will be laughing uncontrollably” stated a cast member who currently works on the ride.

Other proposed “improvements” are: Laser beams in every scene, a Michael Jackson character in the new Bahrain scene, the addition of Mr. Bubble to the water to make it seem like your floating on air, overweight dolls to better represent children from the western hemisphere, and every doll will have a cell phone.

Hewell Lesta of the WDW Tomorrow podcast was quoted as saying “I think these will be great improvements. The only thing I could ask for in addition is a rum dispenser on each boat. This has always been one of my favorite rides and it looks like it’s going to get even better. I might actually rank this new version over my favorite ride, “Stich’s Great Escape.”

Travel agent Bannette Scochberg had a very different view of the changes. “I think it’s awful that Disney is doing this. It was a classic. It didn’t need to be changed! I also don’t need the NO2. If I want to get tipsy I’ll go drinking around the world.”

Look for the changes to be completed within the next year, with a soft launch within ten months.