Disney Changes Security Policies After Pepper Spray Incident

After last month’s incident near the Tower of Terror in Disney’s California Adventure in which a belligerent, violent drunk was pepper sprayed in an effort to keep him from hurting other people, Disney has decided to review its security policies.

After reviewing its policies and after considering the outcry that came from the many people who viewed the YouTube video and declared themselves experts on what transpired, Disney has officially made changes to how they will hand such situations in the future.

As of March 1^st, 2012 Disney stopped equipping their security with pepper spray.  Instead they will now carry bamboo canes. 

Bamboo canes have been shown effective in other countries as a way to punish those who transgress the laws.  In fact Disney is simply joining a long held tradition in some Asian countries where people convicted of minor crimes are severely beaten with canes. 

To ensure there is no misunderstanding Disney has determined that thorough beating with a cane is acceptable in the following situations.

·         When a drunk starts beating people up.

·         Anyone who records an incident while turning the cameras to themselves for stupid comments no one wants to hear.

·         Anyone who repeatedly yells “There are kids here!” or a similar comment instead of removing their kids from the area.

·         When a flock of teens are harassing families.

·         When someone is inappropriately dressed and it offends other people.

·         When one person holds a place in line for a group of other people.

·         When a person is caught cutting in line.

·         When a person is caught passing gas in a crowd and the said person just doesn’t care.

·         Anyone who is abusing a cast member over a minor issue in and effort to obtain free services or a refund.

·         Anyone caught stopping in the middle of a walkway for no apparent reason.

·         Anyone who does not control their children and allows them to touch or harass other people.

·         People caught exhibiting excessive displays of affection in public.

Anyone who rides Stitch’s Great Escape will also be beaten with a cane but not as a form of discipline.  The beating will be issued to help distract them from the pain that is inflicted from that ride.

Many experts agree that this move will greatly reduce the unwanted shenanigans that often plague the Disney theme parks.   Theme park operators across the globe are paying close attention to the impact of this new policy and are expected to adopt similar policies in the near future.

If you could not tell this is a piece of satire.  The above post is a joke based on recent events.

There's No Booze at Disneyland...Oh Wait Yes There Is...

It's well known that there is no booze at the Magic Kingdom or Disney Land.  However,  that's not really true.

Many people don't know you can get booze at Disney Land.  Sure you can't just walk up to your average dining location and get booze but you can still get booze in Disney Land.

There is a certain special place that most people can't go to.  A magical place that keeps the average person out and only lets in the elite. A certain place called Club 33.

You can find out a fair amount about Club 33 by just doing a Google search but those sites might not tell you that this is the only place in Disney Land that serves booze. 

Sure it totally goes against everything Walt Disney believed in but who cares Disney makes big bucks off it.

If you don't like the fact that Disney is making money while ignoring one of Walt's biggest pet peeves, do yourself a favor.   Buy some Disney stock. Then you can be more concerned about Disney making huge profits instead of sticking to tradition.

Disney Cans Food and Wine in Disneyland for 2011 and 2012

Disney announced today that they will not be holding the 2011 or 2012 Food and Wine Festival in Disney Land.  The construction going on at the parks will affect both the entry area and the "hub area" which Disney claims would make it difficult to put on the festival. Right now it looks like Disney has no plans to relocate the event.

There are two things we can expect here.  First there is no possible way Disney can hold this event in it's normal location.  I haven't seen the plans but the fact that Disney is putting off a cash cow for two years in a proof that there is no way they can pull it off in it's normal location.

The second thing you can expect is Disney to have an alternate event for 2011 and 2012.  I can't imagine they'd let that income go without trying to do something else. This is Disney we're talking about.

Special Report – It’s a Small World Overhaul

It’s been leaked that Walt Disney Worlds version of “It’s a Small World” will be overhauled. The goal is to not just meet but exceed the new version that can be found in Disney Land.

A Disney World cast member was quoted saying “We’re bigger so we have to be better. That’s why we charge so much for entrance into the park.”

Some of the details about the overhaul have been leaked too. To beat the Disney Land version, each boat will have bubble blowers installed on them. The bubbles will be filled with NO2 also know as Nitrous Oxide or laughing gas.

“We feel this will draw a lot of people back to the ride. A lot of kids who “out grew” the ride should be flocking back after the overhaul” the project manager stated.

“I think NO2 will definitely solidify the fact that Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. Wait till you hear it. People will be laughing uncontrollably” stated a cast member who currently works on the ride.

Other proposed “improvements” are: Laser beams in every scene, a Michael Jackson character in the new Bahrain scene, the addition of Mr. Bubble to the water to make it seem like your floating on air, overweight dolls to better represent children from the western hemisphere, and every doll will have a cell phone.

Hewell Lesta of the WDW Tomorrow podcast was quoted as saying “I think these will be great improvements. The only thing I could ask for in addition is a rum dispenser on each boat. This has always been one of my favorite rides and it looks like it’s going to get even better. I might actually rank this new version over my favorite ride, “Stich’s Great Escape.”

Travel agent Bannette Scochberg had a very different view of the changes. “I think it’s awful that Disney is doing this. It was a classic. It didn’t need to be changed! I also don’t need the NO2. If I want to get tipsy I’ll go drinking around the world.”

Look for the changes to be completed within the next year, with a soft launch within ten months.

How to Fix D23

A lot of people went nuts when D23 was announced. I can understand why. I already threw my two cents out there about why I wasn’t thrilled about D23.

The fact is until Disney pulls the plug on it, D23 is going to be in our faces.

So, how can you make it more palatable to the average online Disney fan? It’s not that hard. With a few tweaks D23 could be a huge cash cow:

Bronze Membership – Create a base membership that anyone can join by providing a little information. By joining you would get access to the website, merchandise, and get your base membership certificate.

Silver Membership – For the $75 fee you get the magazine, a D23 tee shirt, and a D23 lapel pin.

Gold Membership – For an additional fee you get access all of the above plus access to exclusive member functions and a 10% discount at all retail locations.

Platinum Membership – For another hike in fee you get all of the above plus access to a private club inside the Magic Kingdom and Disney Land and free admission to the party of your choice i.e. Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party.

To Infinity and Beyond Membership – This is a life long membership to D23. It includes all of the above plus a high quality membership plaque and an animation cell from a Disney movie.

I think this would have been a much better approach. It would have allowed everyone to join. Even the people who have lost their jobs, their homes, and life has really kicked them in the shins would be able to be a member. I also think this would have been much more profitable. Even the people joining at the base level would be profitable. You know that a number of them are going to buy some merchandise. One last thing Disney could do as a piece offering and to really foster a community spirit would be to have a links page where Disney could provide access to community websites. I know that would never happen because some of those sites offer criticism as times but I think Disney is a big boy and can take it.