Don’t Chew Dynamite

Many people over the years have noticed the goat chewing a stick of dynamite on Big Thunder Mountain. What many people do not realize is, there have been 132 dynamite chewing goats on Big Thunder Mountain.

The reason for so many goats is simple. Chewing dynamite is dangerous. At first nothing happens but, in time, the protective casing breaks down and then BOOM! It’s time to find a new dynamite chewing goat.

“It’s true we’ve had 132 different goat cast members play that roll. It’s also true that there have been some ‘incidents’ but we take safety very seriously,” stated a Disney spokesman.

When asked why give they give the goat actual dynamite to chew on he responded, “Because he’s a dynamite chewing goat. If we didn’t give him dynamite he’d just being chewing a plastic stick!”

It’s hard to comprehend such stupefying logic but the spokesman when on to say, “No humans have ever been injured in a dynamite explosion. You also have to remember that the goats are thrill seekers. They enjoy chewing dynamite.”

When asked how he knew goats were thrill seekers he responded, “Because they climb mountains and chew dynamite!”

The spokesman refused our request for him to undergo an IQ test.

One thing that is being considered is having future goats wear a football helmet. Apparently someone at Disney feels that will protect them from exploding dynamite.

The Resort Rivalry – Part Two: The Moderate Resorts

Here is part two of the Resort Rivalry. This time we look at the Moderate Resorts. Somewhat like the middle kid the cast members at the moderate resorts are often the subjects of abuse.

Caribbean Beach – “Farter” – One that makes no sense without the story behind it. As the story goes there was a cast member at the Caribbean Beach who loved to eat beans and garlic. As you can imagine she was a very gaseous cast member. She used to jokingly say “It’s the Caribbean breeze.” That story got out and now everyone at that resort is called a “farter.”

Coronado Springs – “Rock Head” – As the story goes an employee at Coronado Springs was breaking the first rule of pool time fun - don’t run around the pool. As you’d expect she slipped and smashed her head on the ground. The other cast members who witnessed the accident were shocked at the loud smacking sound her head made as it struck concrete. When she stood up she didn’t have a mark on her. She didn’t even end up with a bruise. People started calling her “Rock Head” from that day on. In time the name came to refer to all cast members at Coronado Springs.

Fort Wilderness – “Tree Hugging Hippy” – This insult was based on a cast member who was often described as “crunchy.” When not at work she dressed and acted like a Hippy. She once stated that she loved working at Fort Wilderness because of all of the trees and animals. The cast members at Fort Wilderness started calling her a “Tree Hugging Hippy.” Little did they know that the very insult they made up would one day be used to describe all Fort Wilderness cast members.

Port Orleans Riverside – “Zombie” – The name is based on a legendary cast member who was also a party animal. He would throw raging parties that would not stop until the sun came up. He’d also frequently keep his co-workers out until the wee hours of the morning. The next day everyone would have to report to work with predictable results. Everyone would be a complete mess and act like a zombie all day. Thanks to that cast member everyone who works at Port Orleans is now referred to as a zombie.

Port Orleans French Quarter – “B.O. Brigade” – This insult came from the old joke that French people don’t wear deodorant and smell bad in the summer. This insult really stuck after a cast member forgot that he had agreed to cover a friend’s shift. He had just finished an eight mile run when his supervisor called him asking where he was. The cast member went directly into work. As you can imagine he smelled rather ripe.

Saratoga Springs – “Yorkah” – Even though there have been very few actual New Yorkers to work at Saratoga Springs the derogatory nickname “Yorkah” has been used to describe the cast members there. The word Yorkah is how the word Yorker is pronounced with a New York accent. The interesting thing is this insult was originally inflicted by someone from Massachusetts. People from Massachusetts do not like people from New York. The bitterness is so ingrained; people from NY often call people from Mass “Massholes.” It is believed that the cast member from Massachusetts originally uttered the insult solely based on the resorts theme and not in regards to any specific cast member who worked there.

In part three we’ll address the Deluxe Resorts.

The Cast Member Who Threw Me Under the Bus

My wife doesn't like Disney. I've always gotten a guilt trip when I book a Disney vacation. I thought my last trip in February 2010 would be my last trip. I couldn't think of any way to convince my wife to go back.

When we were checking in at the Boardwalk the cast member tried to talk Disney with my wife. It didn't work too well but she managed to get my wife to say she liked Epcot. The cast member then asked if she had ever been to the Food and Wine Festival. After the cast member explained what it was my wife asked me why I had never told her about it. Wasn't I a Disney blogger?

I'd heard of Catch 22 situations before but had never found myself in one. I could say I hadn't heard of it before but she'd know I was lying or I could say I didn't think it was something she would have wanted to do and suffer the consequences.

That might not sound like a big deal but you don’t know my wife. She records about three to four hours a week of food shows a week. She records:

Top Chef

Kitchen Nightmares

Next Iron Chef

Next Food Network Star

Iron Chef

Last Restaurant Standing

The F Word

Chopped

Food Network Challenge

Good Eats

Man vs. Food

Food Wars

Dinner Impossible

That’s not counting the shows she doesn’t record. If I ever blocked the food network on our TV you’d find me in pieces. That’s assuming you could find me at all.

After she cooled down she started planning what week would fit in with her work schedule and also thought about who else would want to go.

That cast member really threw me under the bus, but at least I might be going back to Disney World in 2011.

Stuck on the Tower

A business really shows its true color when something goes wrong. I’ve seen good companies turn into monsters when trying to right a wrong (or in some cases ignoring the wrong).

What did Disney do when my wife and I got stuck on the Tower of Terror? Granted that’s not a major problem but it still wasn’t fun.

We had been through all the drops, entered the maintenance room, turned to face the elevator door and started to move towards it. That’s when we stopped. Right away I knew something was wrong. We were about six inches short of where we needed to be. The music / voiceover ran its length followed by about thirty seconds of silence. Still we were not moving. Next the lights turned off, the wall to the left of us opened and the wall on the right closed for the next ride vehicle.

After about a minute in the dark someone turned the lights on. We could see into the guts of the tower. It was just a typical unthemed area. A mechanic turned the corner with another guy. The mechanic had a uniform on that somewhat fit in with the Tower of Terror theme. He looked under our cart and in no time got us moving, and the doors opened. Instead of just disappearing after that he got right in the act by apologizing and saying he hoped it didn’t ruin our stay at the Hollywood Tower Hotel. He also said if we needed anything to ask for assistance from the bellhop.

First of all the fact that a cast member who is behind the scenes would be required to dress in a costume that fits in with the theme is amazing. The fact that he would be trained not to break the story is even more amazing. That really hits home when you realize he might have to interact with guests only a handful of times a year.

Peanuts - Better Than a Cast Members Wages!

If you gave me the choice between getting paid in peanuts or getting a cast members wages I'd have to seriously consider the peanuts.

Peanuts have protien, good fats, and some carbs. Plus there is the fact that you can make a sauce, butter, or eat them as is. They really are rather an amazing nut. On the down side many people are allergic to them.

Recently Disney posted an ad for face characters. If you were interested you could get paid a whoping 11.75 an hour (acctually it may have been 11.25). Now think about that. If you are attractive, in shape, happen to look like a Disney character, can put up with a ton of hot sweaty kids, abusive parents, obsesed fans, and have some acting ability, you can make enough to...buy some Juicy Fruit after taxes and expenses!

The sad part is (and I'm guessing here) face characters get paid more than the average cast member. For the rest of the cast members I bet they get pay checks that are great if you run out of toilet paper.

Somehow most cast members keep smiling. I personally think Disney drugs them but I haven't found anyone who will admit to that. Then again maybe Disney is holding a family member at gun point and they have no option except to be happy.

Sure if you work full time you get benefits. Benefits are great until you need to pay your rent.

I know cast members are not allowed to take tips but what if I hand out bags of peanuts? At least they'd have a nice snack.

It’s the Little Things

Every now and then a cast member does something small that makes a good experience a truly memorable one. A cast member could do something big for you and you’d overlook it and think that’s what they need to do. You could be having an awful day, verbally beat a cast member senseless, and ignore what they do when they fix the problem. It’s the little things they do that can blow you away. We overlook it when someone bends backwards but when they show a little personal interest it can really knock you off of your feet.

Years ago my grand mother wanted to go on Space Mountain. My mom didn’t like roller coasters, I was an eight year old wimp, and my sister was doing a tour so my dad ended up taking her on. At the time she was near 70 so he wasn’t sure how she was going to respond. At the end of the ride my grand mother noticed that there was no line. She dragged my dad back on. At the end of that ride – still no line - round three! At the end of round three the cast member stopped my grand mother and told her it was too long of a walk. He let her just go around again, and again, and again. She got off after the sixth time.

That didn’t cost the cast member anything. Not time, money, or any real effort but twenty years later we still remember it and it was even mentioned at her funeral.

When I was a kid my parents took my sister and I to Chef Mickey’s for breakfast on one of our trips. Chip and Dale, Pluto, and Mickey were all there for the character breakfast. I remember Pluto. I don’t really remember the others beyond the fact that they were there. Why do I remember Pluto? Because he stole my shoe and took off with it in his mouth. That’s something small but everyone still remembers me chasing Pluto around Chef Mickey’s to get my shoe back. Years later I’d realize just how good Pluto and the gang were.

People don’t realize how hard it is to dress up like a character. I didn’t until I got a job at an arcade / funhouse called “Joker’s.” I had to dress up like the joker. Not the batman – face paint kind of joker but the three foot wide head with a big body suit joker. For people who have never dressed up in a suit like this it’s really hard to explain how rough it can be. Here are some hazards:

-After the first six months a sports cup became part of the uniform. Yes kids, little boys especially, enjoyed hitting the joker in the crotch.

-It’s hot. I was inside and in New England and it was hot. I have no idea how the Disney people can bear it in the summer.

-You can’t see. I believe that horses with blinders on have a better field of vision than anyone in a character suit.

-People are nuts. You can never predict what a seemingly normal person will turn into when they see someone in a character suit. Add liquor to that and it’s even worse.

-It takes forever to get in and out of the suit and you normally need help. This if fun if you have to pee.


Other than my grand mother and Pluto, I can’t remember any other stand out experiences. I’m sure they were there I just can’t think of them now. Next time you’re in Disney, just stop and look. I bet you can spot one.