Massive Fire in NC Linked to Podcast Personality

The cause of a massive fire that broke out in North Carolina last week has been found. It appears that an iPhone was abused to the point combusting.

“It appears the iPhone was altered to boost its battery power and get better reception,” stated a local fire marshal.

The iPhone was owned by a one Leonard Testa, coauthor of the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World, Professional Van Halen Fan, WDW Today Personality, and Tequila Guzzling Alien. It appears the alterations were made in an effort to get better 3G reception while in doors. The primary reason for wanting the better reception appears to be improving the Mouse World Radio stream onto the iPhone.

Mr. Testa is a known MWR addict and has been through multiple stints in rehab to break him from the habit. All efforts had failed and in an effort to get a better fix Mr. Testa pushed the iPhone beyond its limits causing it start to glow and then combust.

Witnesses said that Mr. Testa knew the iPhone was overheating. One even said in a statement “He had a frying pan and was using the iPhone as a hot plate to cook breakfast while singing along to the Splash Mountain Medley. At first I thought it was cool. Who wouldn’t want a phone that can be a hot plate? But then it burst into flames and ignited the cooking oil. Before we knew it the entire place was up in flames.”

Mr. Testa escaped the flames but left the scene before authorities arrived. Witnesses said he jumped in his car and took off for the nearest Apple store so he could replace his iPhone and get his MWR fix.

The damage from the fire is estimated to be 3.2 million dollars.

If you didn’t know the above story is factious. Len Testa is not an alien (that’s debatable). He did not jerry rig his iPhone to get better 3G reception to listen to MWR (but if he could he would). He has not gone to rehab for an MWR addiction (whether he should or not is another issue). He does not use his iPhone as a hotplate but he has admitted that he’s gotten it hot enough to fry an egg while listening to MWR.

Epcot Runs Out of Nachos

Disney cast members are trying to figure out what has caused the sudden surge in nacho orders at the quick service location in the Mexico Pavilion. Orders have more then tripled in two weeks causing the location to run out of nachos, infuriating patrons.

“It’s really odd. People have been inconsolable when they find out we’re out of nachos. It’s like someone brain washed them into thinking they can’t live without them,” stated a cast member who works at the pavilion.

We’ve had few cases of people trying to drown themselves in the lagoon when we inform them we’re out of nachos. One guy even tied himself to the Illuminations barge,” stated another cast member.

Experts have been offering theories on what is causing this odd behavior. The most popular theories are:

The nachos are laced with an addictive drug.

Mike Newell brain washed all Mouse World Radio listeners with his mind control software into thinking they need nachos.

There is a new flu that makes people want nachos really bad.

Compounding the problem is the fact that the WDW Today podcast has labeled the nachos as one of the best quick service meals available despite the fact that Mike Newell nearly died after eating them (the 20 pounds of food he ate after the nachos had nothing to do with it).

Due to the nacho shortage a nacho black market has sprung up. Members of the WDW Mafia have been reportedly selling nachos for upwards of $50 a pound. Further proof of their involvement was provided when Buzz Lightyear and his friend Woody ended up in the hospital after a nacho deal gone bad.

Regardless of the cause, Disney has increased their supply orders and hope to catch up to demand within a few weeks.

Don’t Mess With Mike Newell!

People think Mike Newell is just a co-host of WDW Today who runs the tech side, works at a large telecommunications company, and runs Mouse World Radio.

Those people are wrong!

There are a few life lessons everyone should know or learn. You don’t pee into the wind, you don’t make any mention to your spouse’s weight (ever), and you don’t mess with Mike Newell!

Why not? Let me relate the results of some research (if you don’t know what that means by now, go away).

A few years ago Mike was working on a new kind of data compression to reduce the size of his enormous Disney music collection. He did not manage to do what he intended but he did stumble across something else. He discovered a subliminal method of mind control. That mind control software is now embedded in the audio stream on all Mouse World Radio channels and on every WDW Today podcast.

Most people don’t notice any of the symptoms but they are there. Anyone who has been entrapped by this software finds it impossible to go for more than a week without listening to WDW Today or Mouse World Radio.

Go ahead and try. After eight days you get the shakes, after ten days you can’t sleep, after twelve days internal bleeding starts, at fifteen days you brain spontaneously combusts.

Mike’s software has far more power. He can cause almost anything to happen to anyone if they are listening to Mouse World Radio. Some of the other hosts of WDW Today (I’ll not name them to save embarrassment) once said he was a “Frequent visitor to Orlando area Hooters” (episode 63) on the podcast. One evening, a week later they were listening to MWR. Suddenly they soiled themselves. That’s the kind of control Mike has.

There is another report of someone who was driving a green Ford F150 who cut Mike off on the highway. He wrote down their license plate number. When he got home he wrote in a command into the data stream that if you had that license plate, your head would implode. A month later a man in NY was found with an imploded head. The man owned a green F150.

Am I afraid? No. I found cure. You just need to wear tin foil boxer shorts. It’s not very comfortable but it protects me from the madness that Mike Newell has unleashed.

That Music Is AWFUL…but I Love It

No matter where you go in Disney World you’ll hear music. In some cases it’s very obvious. In other cases you won’t even notice it. In all cases it adds to the overall experience.

Some of the music is sadistic. My wife knows this first hand. After riding the Carousal of Progress she had the theme song stuck in her head for the rest of our trip. She will always remember Disney when she hears that song. Arguably the most sadistic of all Disney songs is the theme to It’s a Small World. Even if avoid the ride the music finds a way into your ear. Once it’s there you just want shove a pencil in there to try and get it out. Banging your head against a wall doesn’t work.

There are some songs / music that can really bring you back to the parks when you hear it. For me it’s the music from Splash Mountain. The other one that really brings me back even though I don’t think it’s played at the parks anymore is the Epcot Entrance Medley. The background music from any of the parks can also do this. Sometimes I can’t remember ever hearing the music but it will bring me back. These cases really show the impact of music. Chances are you were not actively listening to that music but your brain was in the process of creating a memory with that music tied into it.

Everyone has a different song. It could be the Tree of Life music, the song from the American Adventure, O Canada or Pirates. In any case you know the power of music. If you don’t own any Disney CDs you get a fix at Mouse World Radio. If there is a song that you just have to have, you might be able to find it at http://www.parktunes.com/.