Len Testa – Tequila – The Shocking Connection

If you’ve listened to more than five episodes of WDW Today you know that the co-author of the Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World, Len Testa, likes a good tequila. At first I didn’t think anything of this. People like booze. I like Scotch, my Wife likes bourbon, and my friend Bill likes anything wet.

When I saw a picture of Len things changed. I thought “wow, something isn’t right here.” I decided to research it (you must know what that means by now).

I followed Len around during his most recent visit to Disney World. I kept a good distance and used a hidden camera. In a three hour span he consumed 1.25 gallons of tequila. That’s 150 ounces of tequila. A good drink is about two ounces. That equals around 75 drinks in three hours. One drink in one hour raises the average human’s blood alcohol content by .02. When you consider what the human body can process it would equal a blood alcohol content of roughly 1.1. That’s impossible. Even a hardcore alcoholic would pass out around .25. Most people would be dead at .30.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wasn’t really drinking tequila. Maybe Disney just waters down their alcohol more than I originally thought. That wasn’t the case. I kept following Len. He went into his favorite ride, Stiches Great Escape. Instead of going around the queue ropes, he looked around, no one was around (come on it is SGE no one actually rides that thing), he then levitated off the ground and over the rope. I thought this was strange. So I kept following him. During the ride he got teary eyed when Stich appeared. I just thought he must really like Stich. I followed him for the rest of the day without incident.

At night he went back to his hotel. I looked through the blinds to his room and saw him unzip his skin. An Alien that looked like Stich stepped out. It was then that I realized that Len was an alien from another planet who could levitate and needs to drink tequila because tequila is their version of water. Without it they die.

I kept watching. Len grabbed a six pack of Moxie. He drank all six and started laughing, talking funny, and staggering around. I realized that Moxie is their version of alcohol. I then realized why Moxie still exists. It’s not the fact that people like the taste. After all it tastes like bile. It still exists because aliens get drunk on it.

Just one day of following someone around answered so many questions.