Upcoming Vacation Topics

About a year ago I did a series of topics called CMDTA on Vacation.  Those posts coved my horrifying (and it was horrifyingly bad) cruise with NCL.

I’m pleased to announce that the CMDTA on Vacation is coming back! WOOOOOO! Here are the upcoming topics which should debut around late December:

Carnival Miracle

Carnival Spirit Class Vista Suites

Carnival Overall

St. Marten

St. Lucia

St. Kitts

Carnival at Sea

Carnival vs. NCL

What’s the Next Vacation?

Now if any of you are disappointed that I’m not going on NCL again I just want to remind you that a certain warm place hasn’t frozen over yet.  NCL was so bad I’ve almost blocked the entire trip from my memory.  I remember the details but it now feels more like a nightmare then something that actually happened.  Why don’t you go on NCL and blog about it?  I won’t be doing that anytime soon.  If I want to waste my money on something that depressing I’ll burn it in my pellet stove.

Want to know all the really bad stuff about cruising?  Check this out:

What Gets You Out of Bed?

One of the worst things about the late fall and winter is getting up when it's dark outside.  Getting up is hard enough but when it still looks like nighttime outside it's that much harder. 

One thing that helps is a good alram clock. I have an alarm clock that I can plug my iphone into and wake up to any song I want. I have a few of those tree hugging hippy tracks of nature sounds.  Those are ok to wake up to but they are not as good as something else.

There is one track I set as my wake up song more often than anyone else.  It seems like the perfect wake up track.  It's not too loud or soft.  It's soothing yet not enough to put you back to sleep.

What is my wake up track?  Let me give you a few hints:

1 - It's from a former Disney World attraction.

2 - The attraction was located in Epcot.

3 - The attraction was located in Future World.

4 - The attraction was located in Future World East.

A true Deek has now arrived at two attractions.  Here are a couple more hints.

5 - The attraction allowed you to choose your own ending.

6 - The attraction was replaced my Mission Space.

You have the attraction now but what track could it be?

7 - The track was played during one of the endings.

8 - It's not the ocean ending.

9 - It's not the desert ending.

A majority of the people reading this blog now know what track I wake up to.  For those of you who never rode Horizons or who don't remember the endings - the track is "Space."

There are a number of Disney songs that are decent to wake up to.  There are also some that are AWFUL but they will wake you up.  For instance "There's a Great Big Beatiful Tomorrow" is just punishing to wake up to.  The way it starts could wake someone out of a coma.

If you've never heard the song you can listen to it here.  It's the background music of this Disney slideshow.

What gets you out of bed or what would you want to wake up to?

Photo of the Week - Mickey and Minnie

Who doesn't feel good when they see this photo?  I thought everyone could use a little smile to start their Friday.

This photo was taken with the following camera:

Why Some Disney Movies Flop

When you her the names G-Force and Bolt what do you think of? Some people think of two bad movies that they didn't see.  Some people think of two good movies that no one saw.

I have to say G-Force and Bolt were good movies but they did awful in the theaters.  So why didn't they make it as movies?

I've found that Disney Marketing is a strange duck.  To be honest I blame them for the failures of the two afore mentioned movies.  Before those movies came out I didn't know they were coming.  I saw maybe one or two TV ads for them.  In the case of Bolt I saw far more ads for the Blu-Ray then I did for the actual movie. 

I really belive that Disney sometimes totally fails when it comes to pushing their movies.  Take for example Tangled.  It comes out on Thanksgiving. I saw the first trailer for it on Novemeber 17th.  That's barely a week before it comes out.  Before that I didn't even know when it was coming out. 

I'm sorry but that's a total failure.  The Disney Machine should have kicked in gear and stuffed that movie down my throat.  Does no one realize how important repeated exposure is? Take for exampel Tron Legacy.  I loved Tron but didn't have any plans to see Legacy.  I saw the first trailer and it didn't change my mind.  I saw another and I was a little intrigued.  I saw a couple more and I'm almost ready to line up a midnight. 

Each type of marketing has it's place.  Movie trailers and tv ads are still the most important to draw a wide audience.  Viral is ok but it's better used to kick a promotion off.  Online serve as good reminders.  In an online ad you should push the release date.  Online makes sure the people who already decided to see the movie don't forget. 

If you focus mainly on viral and online ads you're not going to reach your goals.  You really need a wide reaching promotion that hits all channels.

The Hidden Pain of On Ride Photos

A lot of people take on-ride photos for granted. They know Disney is trying to make money but most people are ok with it because they enjoy checking out their photos after the ride.  All you have to do is check out the crowd at the end of Splash Mountain to realize this.  I've even seen some familes ride a ride multiple times to try and get a good or funny photo.

There is another group of people who walk by the on ride photo display as fast as they can.  Sometimes they even turn their heads so they don't have to see them.  For those people on ride photos can acctually be painful.

I have many photos of myself when I was kid and those photos continued through my early twenties. Recently I've avoided the camera like the plague. I started avoiding the camera in my mid twenties. I use to enjoy on-ride photos but now I can't stand to look at them. 

To be blunt I'm a typical obese adult.  People who are not obese don't understand why having your picture taken would bother you.  The ones who think about it imagine that you just don't like the way you look and that's why you dont' want your picture taken.  That's not really the case.

There are two things that cause obese people to avoid the camera.  I should say there are two things they see in photos of themselves.  When I see a picture of myself I often have the same thought "Do I really look that bad?"  I only see the fat.  The odd thing is when I look in the mirror I don't see the fat. I only really see it in photos.  The second thing is the more sinister.  It's something I believe most obese people experience.  You ask yourself what happened.  You remember what you use to look like before you gained the weight.  It's hard to explain how that makes you feel.

The combination of those two items normally leads to a decision that non-obese people just don't understand.  You don't want to remember.  You want to remember the experience but you don't want anything that reminds you that you are fat. Just keep that in mind the next time you drag your overweight friend to check out the on-ride photo.

How Did They Do It - Disney Fireworks

Most people take fireworks for granted.  Most people realize that Disney fireworks are much better than your everyday fireworks.  One thing a lot of people don't realize are the small details that Disney pays attention to.

Disney is known for paying attention to the smallest details on their rides.  You just need to look at the pirates with hairy legs, hidden mickeys, and inside jokes to realize this.  Most agree that Disney does this because they want the experiences they deliver to be as close to perfect as they can be. 

Think about the perfect fireworks what would make them up.  Now think about Wishes and Illuminations.  There is something about them you don't find at home.  In most fireworks shows there is a guy with a death wish who runs around with a torch and sets off fuses.  In high tech shows computers are used to trigger fireworks.  In Disney shows the fuses don't exist.

How does Disney do that?

First Disney doesn't use rockets which are common in standard fireworks.  Most people use a type of rocket because they have build in propulsion which gets the firework off the ground.  They also have a fuse which is put in sync with the propulsion so it blows up at the right time.  The burning propusion leaves a smoke trail and you can often see the burning fuse too.

Disney uses shells with no built in propulsion and no fuses.  That leaves two problems.  One: how do you get the shell off the ground - and - Two: how do you ignite the shell.

First Disney uses air cannons to launch the shells.  If you put that in redneck terms they use giant,  high tech, potato cannons to laugh their fireworks.  There are a few cool things about that.  Using this method eliminates smoke trails and any evidence of the shell flying through the air.  Using this method allows explosions to appear in the sky like magic. Another cool thing about this method is the fact that it reduces debris and general polution.

So how do you get the shell to blow up?  Magic!  Well almost.  Disney puts small chips into each shell.  This chip controls when and how the shell blows up.  This allows for amazing control and consistent results.  That's why Wishes and Illuminations are the same each time you see them.

Next time you see some Disney fireworks keep this in mind.  It makes the display even more impressive.

Carnival = Poor Conflict Resolution

Carnival is in a cut-throat industry.  Typical wisdom would tell you that you need to do what you can to make your customers happy.  Throughout the history of business the best way to do that is live by the famous saying, “the customer is always right.” 

Carnival does not follow this creed.  In fact Carnival will argue with you to convince you that you are wrong.  I found this when I discovered a problem with my original stateroom.  In my opinion (and my travel agents as well) my stateroom was not as described.  In fact its description was very deceptive and had an undisclosed obstructed view.

I may not know much but I do know one thing.  A stairwell outside your window is an obstructed view. 

So what did Carnival do to fix the situation?  Charged me $400 to get into a decent stateroom or take a lower category stateroom.  I am being very serious here.  Carnival did absolutely nothing to take care of my problem.  They wouldn’t even admit there was a problem with the room and insisted that no one had complained about the room.  In fact many people had complained about the room. All I had to do was Google my stateroom number and an insane number of hits popped up. I found a shocking number of people who ran into the same problem I did.

You might think they treat their loyal customer’s better right?  Wrong.  This was our 7^th cruise with Carnival and after being treated like this I think it’s safe to say it’s our last.

You might wonder what kind of stateroom did we book, was it one of the cheap ones?  We booked a suite. So keep that in mind. Carnival is so greedy they will do NOTHING for a loyal customer who booked an expensive stateroom and has a problem.

How much time was wasted trying to find out Carnival would do nothing?  Hours were wasted.  My travel agent called many times spending hours talking to different people.  She even called her agency rep and got the same results. I spent hours supporting her by digging up information and researching what Carnival should have disclosed up front.

Keep in mind that Carnival normally offers a good value.  A good value as long as nothing goes wrong.

Disney to Ban Ugly People from Its Parks During 2011

In a shocking move Disney has banned ugly people from its parks for 2011. In a press release that no one saw or read, Disney stated that their new promotion “Let the Memories Begin” was a little short sighted.

“We didn’t realize until it was too late the impact this promotion could have,” stated Disney spokes-animal King Louie.

He went on to explain “We told everyone that if they were in the parks there would be a chance their picture could be displayed where everyone could see it.  We forgot that there are some who fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.”

While testing the technology Disney discovered that unless they filtered the photos to remove some people, it actually drove people away.  They also discovered that they could influence the crowds by posting certain photos. 

Here were the results they observed when posting certain photos:

The Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About – People became physically ill and children started crying.  Some people fled the parks in terror.

Lou Mongello – People ate everything that wasn’t nailed down and loved everything.  In fact there was not one complaint about food while his photo was posted.

Len Testa – Everyone stopped waiting in line and started following different pre-printed plans. For some odd reason, tequila sales increased by 1,000,000% during this timeframe.

Mike Scopa – Everyone signed up for the next marathon and starting giving people with young children dirty looks.

Matt Hochberg – Dinosaur shut down due to lack of interest. Animal Kingdom posted a record low attendance and DHS had to shut the gates because it hit its capacity.

Van @ Netcot – Everyone started reciting their top seven favorite things in Disney World.

Jim Hill – Blu-Ray sales dropped and digital copy sales skyrocketed.

Nathan Rose – Blu-Ray sales skyrocketed and digital copy sales plummeted.

Pete Werner – People went on rants about random subjects.  Cast members were lauded for their hard work or lambasted for not caring.

Ricky Brigante – In one hour, guest relations received 100,000 requests for Alien Encounter to be brought back.  There were also a ton of requests for all Halloween celebrations to be made permanent.

If the ban remains in place a class action lawsuit can be expected.  Already a new group has been formed in response to the ban.  “Ugly People Outraged Over Prejudices” (UPOOP) has already collected over 20,000 signatures and is planning a large scale protest.

Only time will tell if the ban remains in effect.

I hope this goes without saying but this is a fake news story.  King Louie is not a Disney spokes-animal.  Orangutans can’t even talk.  None of the test results (except the CMDTA one) are true. Please do not try to join UPOOP.  It does not exist.

Photo of the Week - Illuminations Setting #2

Last week I showed a photo of illuminations that was taken with a Landscape setting.  This week is another photo of Illuminations but taken with a Fireworks setting.  The big difference between the two settings is the shutter speed. When you use the Landscape setting the shutter speed is fairly fast so you get a real snapshot of what is happening.  When you use the Fireworks setting you get streaks of light.  This is due to a longer shutter speed.  Both can be very impressive but Fireworks is much harder to pull off.  With the longer shutter speed you need a flat surface or a tripod to get decent results.

In this photo a railing was used. A tripod would have given better results but one was not available.

This photo was taken with this camera:

Toy Story 3 Review

Yes I know, Toy Story 3 came out months ago. I didn’t see it in the theater. It’s a rare day that I actually make it to the movie theater. We have only one within 20 minutes of us and it is ghetto.
Let me start by saying that I was not a fan of Toy Story or Toy Story 2. It’s not that I disliked the movies they just did nothing for me. I think out of all the Pixar movies they are the two weakest.
So what did I think about Toy Story 3?
It’s the best Toy Story movie by a long shot. It’s a very good movie with a great story and a great ending.
I have to say I am happy I did not see this in the theaters. The biggest reason for this is the landfill scene when they are heading towards the blast furnace. This scene shocked me. It was so intense and so dark that for a while I really thought some of the characters were not going to make it. I can only imagine how children would have reacted to this scene. I get the feeling it would be like “Stitch’s Great Escape” or “It’s a Bugs Life.” I can just imagine kids on all sides of you screaming and crying.
There were a few other scenes in this movie that were really tough. One that hits you right away is the pep talk Woody gives. Just knowing that Bo Peep and Sketch, and a number of other toys didn’t make it was rather sad.
On a side note, there was one thing related to this movie that was sad but Pixar couldn’t do much about it. Slinky Dog had a new voice actor. I couldn’t help but see the Slinky Dog and think of Jim Varney who lost his battle with lung cancer in 2000. The new guy did a good job but it just wasn’t the same.
Overall Toy Story 3 was a great movie and worth renting or adding to your Disney collection.

Disney Cans Food and Wine in Disneyland for 2011 and 2012

Disney announced today that they will not be holding the 2011 or 2012 Food and Wine Festival in Disney Land.  The construction going on at the parks will affect both the entry area and the "hub area" which Disney claims would make it difficult to put on the festival. Right now it looks like Disney has no plans to relocate the event.

There are two things we can expect here.  First there is no possible way Disney can hold this event in it's normal location.  I haven't seen the plans but the fact that Disney is putting off a cash cow for two years in a proof that there is no way they can pull it off in it's normal location.

The second thing you can expect is Disney to have an alternate event for 2011 and 2012.  I can't imagine they'd let that income go without trying to do something else. This is Disney we're talking about.

Disney to Offer Light Cycle Rentals

In an effort to promote the up coming Tron Legacy movie Disney is going to start offering light cycle rentals in its theme parks.

The light cycles can be rented from the same locations that offer wheelchairs, motorized scooters, and the ugly plastic strollers. The cost is $500 a day but you can obtain a discount by purchasing a length of stay package.

The light cycles have a top speed of 150mph and leave a fancy light trail behind them.  They come equipped with extra shielding in the front whish has been designed to act as a battering ram for those crowds that just don’t get out of the way in time.  

New light cycle parking areas will also be available next to existing stroller parking areas in the parks.  The only difference between the parking areas is that the light cycle parking areas will have parking meters which sell time in 10 minute increments for $10.  Instead of feeding the meters a day pass can be bought for $100.  

“When you think about it the parking pass is a great deal.  One time through the standby for Toy Story and the thing will pay for itself,” stated the head of Motorized Rentals Mater from Cars.

The new rentals are expected to bring in an enormous amount of new revenue for the Disney theme parks.

“We expected every dork who was a kid in the 80’s to come out of the wood work. What D&D playing nerd hasn’t dreamed of riding a light cycle?” asked Disney’s most famous nerd, Goofy.

The light cycles will be available starting next week.  It is unknown if the rentals will continue to be offered beyond after Tron Legacy is released into theaters.

If you couldn’t tell from the fact that Mater and Goofy were interviewed, the above is a fake story. Light cycles don’t exist and even if they did Disney would at least put a governor on them so they couldn’t go more than 5mph in the parks.  However if you are insistant on having a light cycle in the parks, here you go.

New Disney Promotion Announced!

In a recent press release Disney announced a new unique promotion.  

The promotion entitled “Build the Future” is based around current construction projects in the Disney Theme Parks.  The idea is simple.  Each guest visiting one of the Disney Theme Parks where construction is going on will have the opportunity to help build part of the park.

“This is a great opportunity for our guests to be able to claim they had a part in building Disney World,” stated the talking trash can in Tomorrow Land.

Disney also released a price list with all the different things true Disney fans can do:

Drive a nail - $50 per nail

Paint a small section of a wall - $100

Paint a large section of a wall - $200

Paint an entire wall - $250

Plant a bush - $100

Use a piece of heavy equipment with supervision - $100 a minute

Use a piece of heavy equipment without supervision - $500 a minute

Stand around and act like a typical job site supervisor - $10 a minute

Dig a hole - $50

Dig a hole with a plastic shovel - $100 (plastic shovel not included)

Dig a hole with an actual shovel - $200 (shovels available for rent)

Use C4 to blast boulders - $2000 an ounce + $500 per explosion. Minimum of three explosions required.

Disney also announced that only Disney fans would be able to participate in the new promotion. When asked who a Disney fan is a spokesman responded that the people participating in the promotion are fans.  Anyone who does not participate in the promotion is not considered a true Disney fan.   However, Disney also announced that people could purchase an official fan certificate for $2000 if they will not be attending the parks during the promotion.

If you couldn’t tell from the fact that the spokes…thing is a talking trash can, the above is a fake news story. However if anyone doesn't believe me that it's fake you can purchase a plastic shovel through these link.