Disney to Offer Light Cycle Rentals

In an effort to promote the up coming Tron Legacy movie Disney is going to start offering light cycle rentals in its theme parks.

The light cycles can be rented from the same locations that offer wheelchairs, motorized scooters, and the ugly plastic strollers. The cost is $500 a day but you can obtain a discount by purchasing a length of stay package.

The light cycles have a top speed of 150mph and leave a fancy light trail behind them.  They come equipped with extra shielding in the front whish has been designed to act as a battering ram for those crowds that just don’t get out of the way in time.  

New light cycle parking areas will also be available next to existing stroller parking areas in the parks.  The only difference between the parking areas is that the light cycle parking areas will have parking meters which sell time in 10 minute increments for $10.  Instead of feeding the meters a day pass can be bought for $100.  

“When you think about it the parking pass is a great deal.  One time through the standby for Toy Story and the thing will pay for itself,” stated the head of Motorized Rentals Mater from Cars.

The new rentals are expected to bring in an enormous amount of new revenue for the Disney theme parks.

“We expected every dork who was a kid in the 80’s to come out of the wood work. What D&D playing nerd hasn’t dreamed of riding a light cycle?” asked Disney’s most famous nerd, Goofy.

The light cycles will be available starting next week.  It is unknown if the rentals will continue to be offered beyond after Tron Legacy is released into theaters.

If you couldn’t tell from the fact that Mater and Goofy were interviewed, the above is a fake story. Light cycles don’t exist and even if they did Disney would at least put a governor on them so they couldn’t go more than 5mph in the parks.  However if you are insistant on having a light cycle in the parks, here you go.