Where are the Discounts?

A lot of people have complained that the discounts we have come to expect are no longer being offered.  It's not really shocking when we look at the facts.  Bob Iger came right out and said that Disney was trying to ween people off of discounts.  This makes us question if the timing of decision.  The economy is still struggling and fewer people can afford to go on vacation never mind an expensive Disney World vacation.

To figure out why Disney is not back peddling on their decision you need to look at their bottom line.  Right now that's on the up tick.  Since Disney has been making more money off of the parks why would they offer additional discounts?

Right now Disney is making more money on fewer people.  There is no reason to offer a discount to get people into the parks.  If Disney did that they would be making the same gross income but would have to pay more in expenses because they would have to ensure they had enough cast members to handle the larger crowds. 

When can we expect to see some discounts like we saw in the past?  For the discounts to come back one, and only one, thing needs to happen.  Disney's income needs to drop.  If Disney sees their income at the parks decrease then we will see discounts offered.  For the income to drop people need to stop going to Disney World.  

If the economy stays awful we might see the day when park attendance drops to the point where Disney needs to offer discounts again.  In the meantime do not hold your breath. Instead keep an eye on Disney's numbers.  When you see them drop you can get excited.

Disney to Offer Light Cycle Rentals

In an effort to promote the up coming Tron Legacy movie Disney is going to start offering light cycle rentals in its theme parks.

The light cycles can be rented from the same locations that offer wheelchairs, motorized scooters, and the ugly plastic strollers. The cost is $500 a day but you can obtain a discount by purchasing a length of stay package.

The light cycles have a top speed of 150mph and leave a fancy light trail behind them.  They come equipped with extra shielding in the front whish has been designed to act as a battering ram for those crowds that just don’t get out of the way in time.  

New light cycle parking areas will also be available next to existing stroller parking areas in the parks.  The only difference between the parking areas is that the light cycle parking areas will have parking meters which sell time in 10 minute increments for $10.  Instead of feeding the meters a day pass can be bought for $100.  

“When you think about it the parking pass is a great deal.  One time through the standby for Toy Story and the thing will pay for itself,” stated the head of Motorized Rentals Mater from Cars.

The new rentals are expected to bring in an enormous amount of new revenue for the Disney theme parks.

“We expected every dork who was a kid in the 80’s to come out of the wood work. What D&D playing nerd hasn’t dreamed of riding a light cycle?” asked Disney’s most famous nerd, Goofy.

The light cycles will be available starting next week.  It is unknown if the rentals will continue to be offered beyond after Tron Legacy is released into theaters.

If you couldn’t tell from the fact that Mater and Goofy were interviewed, the above is a fake story. Light cycles don’t exist and even if they did Disney would at least put a governor on them so they couldn’t go more than 5mph in the parks.  However if you are insistant on having a light cycle in the parks, here you go.

What Not to Wear in the Parks

This is not a post about wearing sensible shoes or basic tips. This is a post about the extreme. The extremely poor choices some people make with no regards to the people around them.

As you know Disney World is a family friendly environment. Most people take that seriously in while in the parks. In fact you don’t even hear profanity very often in the parks.

I do have to stress the word “most” in the previous paragraph because there are some people who have the intelligence of a snail and they prove it often.

Case Number One: I’ll Pass

My wife and I were walking through Frontier Land towards Splash Mountain when something caught my eye. A rather seedy looking individual was pushing a stroller in the same direction we were heading. The guy was wearing a tee shirt that had pot leafs and a lit joint on the back. It said in big letters: “Roll It, Lick It, Blaze It.” One: that is an awful thing to wear in the Magic Kingdom. Two: you should not have kids. Three: I think you burned too many of your brain cells.

I would share a picture of this but he bent over just as I was taking the picture. I couldn’t really stop and wait for him to stand up. It’s hard to look inconspicuous standing behind someone with a camera while everyone else is moving.

Case Number Two: The Outfit That Launched 1000 Lunches

I know some people like spandex. I know many over weight people wear it because it fits (term used loosely). If it’s the proper thickness I can ignore it.

Imagine sitting down and eating a turkey leg and when you look up you see a slightly over weight woman walking with her kids. The woman is wearing black, SEE THROUGH, tights. Tights that are so transparent that they could almost pass as stockings instead of tights. That’s a bad visual isn’t? Now add a colored thong to the mix and you know what I saw when I had a mouthful of turkey.

Case Number Three: Brain Rot

I have a theory. The theory is this – People who use a multitude of four letter words slowly rot their brains. That brain rot can affect your actions and reasoning ability over time. I believe the individual my wife and I spotted in Disney Hollywood Studios proves my theory. He was wearing a tee shirt that said “I’d Rather Be F*****g.” Is that so? Well maybe you should leave the parks and take care of that. Oh, and once you leave how about you never come back? I think that would be nice.

A chronic case of Brain Rot is the only explanation. I can’t even begin to understand the thinking that goes behind wearing something like that. Does one wake up and think “I’m going to Disney today. What should I wear? I KNOW! My grossly offensive tee shirt that refers to my love of coitus is a perfect fit!

I guess what really amazes me about this one is the fact that this guy made it through security. Why wouldn’t they stop him? The theme parks are not a public area so why not stop him? He could try to sue on the basis of free speech but he’d fail. I like to think security just didn’t see the tee shirt when he was walking into the park.

Photo of the Week - Discovery Island

Before animal Kingdom there was Discover Island. You could spend a half day on the island. There were a number of different animals that could catch your attention but none more than the flamingos.

New Rewards Program

When the economy gets bad you have to get creative. Disney announced a new program last week that is aimed at stimulating the economy.

“This program is “stimulating” in a number of ways,” stated Roger Rabbit in an interview.

The idea for the new program was developed by Roger and his cartoon buddies. They took a game they’ve played for years and put it into practice.

The basic idea is random characters will walk up to guests and give them a swift kick to the crotch. If the person manages to stay on their feet the family gets a full night taken off their bill. If they are not staying on property they will receive a $50 gift card.

The family isn’t the only one to be “stimulated” by this program.

“I expect business to shoot through the roof. I’m the closest sports equipment store near the Disney property. I’ve stocked up on athletic protectors,” stated George the owner of a local Orland business.

Of course Disney is also planning on carry a full line of character themed athletic protectors in the parks and resorts.

The press release did not include an expiration date or a limit on how many people could be “stimulated.” However, the sack smacking could continue for quite sometime if the economy stays down and the program is successful at drawing people into the parks.

Breaking News: Disney Buys Marvel for 4 Billion

It was announced this morning that Disney bought Marvel for an estimated 4 billion dollars.

As a Disney fan I have mixed emotions about this. Does this mean Spiderman and the X-Men are going to start showing up in the parks? I hope not. I should mention that I hate the fact that the Power Rangers and TMNT have appeared in the parks from time to time. I guess Spiderman would be better than them. If they do appear it better be restricted to DHS or the California Adventure.

That being said one thing that would be me excited about this deal is the possibility of a new theme park. If you could take the world of Marvel and give it to the Imagineers and tell them to build a new park just imagine what you could get. That could be impressive. If you don’t know much about marvel keep this in mind – Marvel has 5000 characters. Yes 5000. In fact the only major characters they don’t own that I can think of are Super Man and Batman.

It should be interesting to see what transpires in the next few weeks or what additional announcements are made.

HOLY POO FLINGING MONKEYS! It’s Dark Wing Duck!

When I was young the best part about going to Disney World was seeing the characters. I had the autograph book and was always on the hunt for characters I didn’t have. There is nothing wrong with that. I think most kids do that. In time you leave the autograph book at home and might get a picture or two with a character. Some people however never grow out of the character hunt period of their life. If you see a character in a park, chances are there is an adult who has a rather unhealthy obsession lurking nearby.

When it comes to characters there are some things I can and cannot do. First of all I can’t go near a face character (aka no mask). The reason for this is simple. I step out of my shoes and look at all angles. One – most face characters are attractive woman. Two – you have to be close to get a picture taken. See the problem? You normally put your arm around a character when you have your picture taken. I’d feel like a total pervert doing that with an attractive woman I didn’t know. Even though they get used to it, I bet they feel the same way. On the flip side if you stood a couple of feet away that would be even more uncomfortable because then you’d end up with an awkward photo your friends could laugh at for years.

I’d really like to know the shelf life of a face character. I bet it’s not long. I bet most of them quit or get fired. How many times can you get groped naughty kids or sketchy adults before you go bonkers and start hitting people? When you think about it, how many sweaty (or stinky for that matter) people do you have to hug before you just want to blow chunks all over the place?

The only face character that you could get me to take a picture with is Mary Poppins. Not just any Mary Poppins. It has to be the rare one. You always see Mary Poppins in the white dress with the big hat. To me that’s not Mary Poppins. Where is the Mary with the black outfit and the umbrella that’s not a sun shade? The one you see through out the movie? That’s the one I’ll take a picture with. Before you start laughing and say I have a Mary Poppins fetish, I should explain that Mary Poppins was my favorite Disney movie when I was a kid.

Normal characters are a little different. Because they have that big old mask on it’s not as creepy. Ok so maybe to some people it’s ten times as creepy but the fact is I don’t feel like a pervert getting my picture taken with them. Although for all I know the Burping Troll of Walmart could be hiding in that suit. Fact of the matter is, you don’t know. I wonder if they found a really short person or use a child for the small characters like Donald. If that’s true, image who they find to be Sully. Do the Disney HR people go around looking for freaks? Do they put out ads that say “Looking for fre…cast members! Must be under 5’, or over 6’5” tall. Must like kids and have a…felony free criminal record. Opportunity for advancement to circus performer or movie extra if you last three months.”

There is something funny I’ve found with the normal characters. People collect them, pictures of them that is (at least I hope that’s all they are collecting). There are websites dedicated to finding them. Some are easy to find while others are very rare. Some you can’t find anymore because they have been shelved and long forgotten. Like the character in the photo with this post. Who on Earth is that? I asked everyone in that picture and no one remembers.

For all the hardcore fans who haven’t been able to find Smee and Captain Hook, I can help you out. Every night about thirty minutes before the fireworks in the Magic Kingdom, they appear at the Contemporary. They lead lines of people who paid to go on the fireworks cruises. Just go to the pier at the Contemporary and you see them. Ugh…I fell like I’m feeding someone’s addiction.