Cruise Line Comparison

It’s time for the shake down!  Royal Caribbean vs. Carnival vs. NCL – Who comes out on top?

First let’s talk price.  This section is not about value, it’s about price. All considered, NCL is the cheapest of the three cruise lines.  Coming in a very second is Carnival.  It’s so close that this can change depending on the specials they are offering.  You’ll want to compare them to see who is cheaper if your main focus is finding the cheapest cruise.

In third place is Royal Caribbean.  They are not close to Carnival or NCL but they are dramatically cheaper than Disney.

Food is our next category.  Coming in first is Royal Caribbean.  They still offer high quality food outside of their specialty restaurants.  In second is Carnival.  They have decent food outside of their specialty restaurants but you will have to pay for the high quality food.  In a distant third is NCL.  Every time I cruised with them, the food was not good.  It wasn’t good in the specialty areas either.

Service is our next category.  This is not customer service / problem resolution.   This category represents the employees you’ll run into.  In first place is Royal Caribbean.  They consistently offer am acceptable to high level of service.  In second place is Carnival.  They offer okay service.  Sometimes it’s lacking but overall it isn’t bad.  In last place is NCL.  There are going to be times when you wonder if the employees are slaves or employees.

Entertainment is next.  In first place comes Royal Caribbean.  They tend to have a better selection and the quality is good.  In second place is Carnival.  Their entertainment isn’t bad but they focus too much on Vegas style entertainment.  In last is NCL. They have some entertainment (term may or may not be used loosely).

Customer Service / Problem Resolution, is our last category, before we talk about value.  I’ll be blunt.  Two of these companies rank as poor and the other one is abysmal.  Royal Caribbean and NCL tie for first, but keep in mind they are both poor and need to improve.  In some ways NCL beats RC but it’s very close.  NCL was apathetic when I ran into an issue.  Royal Caribbean didn’t offer anything in the way of a solution to my problem when I brought it up. Carnival is just awful.  I had two major issues I presented to them and they blew off both of them.  If I had to give a letter grade to the three it would be: NCL = D, RC = D-, Carnival = F.

Now how does all that boil down to value? Royal Caribbean, even though it’s the most expensive, offers the most bang for your buck.  Carnival is a distant second.  NCL, even though they are the cheapest, comes in last.

Now for the most important question – Would I cruise on them again?

Royal Caribbean – Yes.  However, I am neutral towards them right now.  I would not recommend them and I would not tell someone not to cruise on them.

Carnival – No. I would not recommend them either. The only way you could get me back on Carnival, would be to give me a free cruise in a category equal to last one I paid for aka a Vista Suite.

NCL – No. The answer is just no.  I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d cruise them again. Even if it was free, I wouldn’t want to waste my vacation time on them.

Upcoming Topics

Here is a list of what is coming up. There should be a lot of activity over the next few weeks.

A video overview of a Grand Suite on the Grandeur of the Seas

A detailed written review of a Grand Suite on Royal Caribbean and what comes with it.

A few reports on Bermuda and things you can see there.

A fun joke video of a windy day in Bermuda.

A comparison of Royal Caribbean, Carnival, and NCL.

There will be more too but that's just the short list.

Disney Cruise Line vs. Royal Caribbean

I recently asked for a quote on a Disney cruise.  I’d never been on the Disney Cruise Line so I thought it would be worth a shot.  After all people rave about DCL.

The cruise I asked for a quote on was a seven day cruise in a balcony stateroom. What did it come out to for two people?  Over $3,700.00.  I nearly fell out of my chair.  That is…insane.

Why is that insane?

First you need to find a good comparison.  You can’t compare NCL to Disney.  NCL is as low as you can go when it comes to the major cruise lines. It’s not fair to compare NCL to anyone because no one else is that bad (if you don’t believe me go look my up many articles on my experiences with NCL).

What about Carnival?  That’s a no go to.  Carnival’s customer service is so horrifying it wouldn’t be fair to compare them to Disney.  If you don’t believe me about Carnival go look up the articles I wrote on my experiences with them.

Royal Caribbean is another matter.  After some fairly in depth research online RC to Disney is a fairly close comparison.  Let’s set the stage by saying that DCL is slightly better than RC.  If RC isn’t as good then they should be cheaper but still somewhat close.  Well that’s half correct. For a seven day cruise on RC the quote came in at $2,500.

The difference is literally 33%.  Disney is a full third more expensive. Disney is not 33% better than RC.

Now let’s take a page out of Mythbusters book.  On Mythbusters when a myth doesn’t pan out they often try to figure out what it takes to match the myth.  So what could you get on RC for the price Disney is charging?

The next step up on RC is a Junior Suite aka category JS stateroom.  It’s bigger and often better located than a normal balcony stateroom.  Does that match up?  Nope!  A JS comes came in around $2,800.  

So what is next?  The only other feasible stateroom for a couple on Royal Caribbean is a Grand Suite, category GS.  A GS is a HUGE jump from a JS.  GS is bigger, much bigger. They tend to be some of the best located rooms on the ship.  They also come with major perks.

1 - GS gives you expedited boarding.  In other words the second worst part of cruising is almost eliminated.   

2 – GS gives you expedited exit.  You get off the boat fast and while you are waiting you are in a private lounge.

3 – GS gives you access to an exclusive lounge where you get free booze at night.  To put this into Disney terms GS gives you access to club level services. 

There are a lot of other small perks that come with a GS but those are the big ones. 

So what is the price for that? About $3,300. A super suite with HUGE perks cost $400 less than a normal balcony on DCL.  

For once I am at a loss for words.  What can you say about that?  It’s truly hard to wrap you head around that.

CMDTA on Vacation – Carnival – To Do or Not to Do?

After everything is considered would I go on Carnival again?

Let’s consider a few things first.

• They are much better than NCL (no surprise there)
• The food is very good
• The price is often half of what Disney charges
• VIP check in is great
• The waiters are acceptable
• The entertainment is much improved.

So would I go on them again?

No.  This was my last cruise on Carnival and I don’t say this lightly.  I’ve been on a number of Carnival cruises and I have some good memories of them.   I also have some horrific memories that Carnival did nothing to fix or try to prevent over the years.

Here are some of the issues:

• The customer is never right and you never have a problem worth addressing
• Customer service is awful
• Maintenance is awful.  They tried four times to fix our stateroom door and failed. I finally figured out how to fix it myself.
• The sales culture has invaded in full force to the point where it’s annoying
• Excursions are overpriced
• Alcohol is overpriced – even for a cruise ship
• Major cutbacks could be noticed throughout the entire cruise
• Nothing about the service makes you feel welcome

Carnival is now at the point where I never want to cruise them again.  My fear is next time things will have gotten so bad that the experience will be similar to what you get on NCL. I have no desire to punish myself like that.  Right now Carnival is heading in the wrong direction.  Their biggest problem is their customer service.  It’s just bad.  Hopefully they can right the ship before it’s too late. If they don’t they will find themselves in big trouble.  NCL is already dominating the crappy cruise market.

CMDTA on Vacation – Carnival: The Food

One of the biggest features on any cruise is the food.  The food can make or break a cruise.  You need to look no further than my overview of my NCL cruise to see how bad food can get on a cruise ship.  Honestly the food was so bad I was concerned that the standards had plummeted throughout the industry.  Thankfully Carnival has not lowered their standards.

I can’t even compare Carnival to NCL when it comes to food.  It’s just not fair.  Carnival beat NCL in all but two places and those two places are so foolish they are not a factor.

The food on Carnival is very good.  It’s not top notch but it’s consistently great.  The food in the buffet is good for buffet food and they mix it up a lot.  The pizza at the pizza bar is very good.  The self serve ice cream and frozen yogurt is great. The food over all is fresh and well presented. The bread isn’t stale (I have to mention that because of NCL).  The deserts seem like they were made recently and not pulled out of a box (again I have to mention that because of NCL).  The food was hot when it should have been hot and cold when it should have been cold (again…NCL).  The waiters were nice and wanted to do their best to serve you.

It’s hard to imagine food that is cooked on such a massive scale being as good as it is on Carnival.  I say without any doubt that they match Royal Caribbean any day of the week. That’s impressive considering Royal Caribbean is often much more expensive.

Earlier I mentioned that NCL beat Carnival in two areas.  The first area is the coffee.  Carnival has 24hr coffee machines that provide coffee or hot water.  NCL has 24hr machines that do coffee, espresso, and cappuccino.  If you want better coffee on Carnival you have to pay for it.  The second area is the self serve ice cream.  NCL gives you a topping station.  Those are the only two areas.  Like I said they are not a factor at all when comparing the food the two cruise lines offer.

CMDTA on Vacation – Carnival Miracle

The Carnival Miracle was the last Spirit Class ship Carnival built.  It’s been a few years since then but the Miracle is still in decent shape.

Unlike some of the other Carnival Ships the Miracle has a full promenade that can be walked or jogged at anytime. This is always a nice feature and I really don’t like ships that don’t have a full promenade.

One thing the Miracle has in common with all other Carnival ships is its atrium.  The atrium is impressive.  It rises from deck two to above deck ten.  It has the classic glass elevators and the nice bar at the bottom.  At the very top of the atrium you can find Nick and Nora’s Steak House.  I’ll do a separate review for the steak house.

Deck nine is Carnivals Lido deck.  A solid third to one half of the lido deck is the buffet area.  The buffet area is made up of a fresh pizza counter, cuisine of the day counter, salad counter, Asian counter, drink station, grill (dogs, burgers, fries, and so on), deli, and a handful of soft serve ice cream machines.

Beyond the buffet area are two pools and the gym / spa area.  In the very back of the ship there is a bar and the smallest pool I’ve ever seen on a cruise ship.

Beyond the staterooms the rest of the public areas are found on decks two and three.  In rear of both of these floors is the main dining room.  On front end of both of these floors is the Phantom Theater.  In between are a number of clubs, a casino, the atrium, a library, and some bars and sitting areas.

One odd thing; near the entrance of the Phantom Theater is the entrance to the Mad Hatters Ball which is a secondary showroom where they do a lot of karaoke and have some Comedians.  This is odd because the entrance is a stairwell that goes under the Phantom theater and dumps you on deck one. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen this design before.

The Phantom Theater is a classic Carnival theater.  It’s not bad but if you’ve been in other Carnival Theaters it’s nothing to write home about.  Along the sides of the theater there are Phantom masks with glowing red eyes.  I thought the red eyes were tacky and didn’t add much.  On the walls there are paintings depicting scenes from Phantom of the Opera. These are very nice except one of them wasn’t cropped correctly so one of the characters heads was cut off.

One thing that I noticed which I believe is a Carnival policy was the number of bar service and photograph employees. They have always been there but now they solicit you.  In the past the photo employees stood by and waited for people to get their picture taken.  The only exception was when you got on and off the ship.  Now they constantly invite you to stop and take a picture.  It gets old after a while.  They are not pushy and are nice but you get tired of being asked. This hits home when you have to walk by at least five photographers when walking from the dining room to the theater.  I don’t know why they ask.  If you don’t want your picture taken, they are just wasting money because they print a copy of every photo.

The bar service people are the same. In the past they’d walk by and announce “bar service” now they ask everyone if they want a drink.  Doesn’t sound bad but there were a number of times when my wife and I would sit down and we’d be asked by three different people in less than five minutes if we wanted a drink.  It just gets old.

The dining room on the Miracle is nice.  It’s themed after the Greek god of wine.  The only real way you can tell is from all of the purple lights that are designed to look like bunches of grapes.  Beyond that it’s a standard Carnival dining room. 

Taking all aspects into consideration the Carnival Miracle blows the NCL Pearl and Jewel out of the water.  It’s not even fair to compare them.  I can’t think of one way the NCL ships are better than the Miracle. In fact every Carnival ship I’ve ever been on is better than the NCL ships.  I’ll go into some finer details later.

Upcoming Vacation Topics

About a year ago I did a series of topics called CMDTA on Vacation.  Those posts coved my horrifying (and it was horrifyingly bad) cruise with NCL.

I’m pleased to announce that the CMDTA on Vacation is coming back! WOOOOOO! Here are the upcoming topics which should debut around late December:

Carnival Miracle

Carnival Spirit Class Vista Suites

Carnival Overall

St. Marten

St. Lucia

St. Kitts

Carnival at Sea

Carnival vs. NCL

What’s the Next Vacation?

Now if any of you are disappointed that I’m not going on NCL again I just want to remind you that a certain warm place hasn’t frozen over yet.  NCL was so bad I’ve almost blocked the entire trip from my memory.  I remember the details but it now feels more like a nightmare then something that actually happened.  Why don’t you go on NCL and blog about it?  I won’t be doing that anytime soon.  If I want to waste my money on something that depressing I’ll burn it in my pellet stove.

Want to know all the really bad stuff about cruising?  Check this out:

Does NCL Do Anything Right

After reading about my experience on NCL I left some people wondering if I was just an embittered person trying to make up for the fact that I had a bad vacation. That’s not true. My goal is to explain what I experienced so you can judge for yourself. That’s why in this post I’m going to explain what NCL does that is good.

1 – Deposit on a Future Cruise: If simply put down $250 towards a future cruise NCL gives you $100 in on board credit. This isn’t your average program. First you do not need to pick a cruise. It’s good towards any cruise in the future. Second you don’t need to use an NCL travel agent when you find a cruise you want. You’re travel agent can book it for you. The $250 reserves the cruise. Normally if cost at least $500 to reserve a cruise. You have a year and a half to cruise so you have plenty of time.

2 – Tasters: NCL does multiple tasters throughout the week. For $15 you get four drinks. That’s a great deal. They do one for martinis, beer, whiskey / scotch, and more. How many they have depends on the length of the cruise.

3 – Customer Supplied FAQ on Their Website: NCL has a part of their website where you can ask questions. That’s not a big deal. However, users can answer other people’s questions. This allows for some information to be shared that NCL normally wouldn’t share.

4 – Serve Yourself Soft Serve Ice Cream: The only way this would be better is if it was available 24hrs a day.

5 – Hand Sanitizer Stations: They have these at every restaurant and when you get on and off the boat. They also make you use them. If only the airlines did that.

Ok that’s about it. Are those enough to make you go on a cruise with NCL? I doubt it but keep in mind that there are a lot of people out there who like NCL. My parents like NCL. That blows my mind. I think it is because they are older. Old people seem to like NCL.

CMDTA on Vacation – Final Thoughts

After taking some time to think over my experiences on my NCL vacation what made the grade and what didn’t?

Rotan – I’d go back. The port of call itself was nice and worth visiting again. I felt safe the whole time and the people were nice.

Belize – I’ve been here twice and I go back again. Both times were fun.

Costa Maya – If there were a lot of other stops on the cruise I wouldn’t mind stopping here again. It was a nice laid back day.

Great Stirrup Cay – Well considering I’d have to cruise NCL again to stop here my answer is simple. I will never, ever, go back here.

Jet Blue – Despite the incident with the ants and the fact their people arrived at the airport later than other airlines, I’d use them again.

NCL – I was trying to think of a good simple way to explain how much of a disappointment NCL is. I think the best way to put it is this: If the cruise was free, the airfare was free, and we had onboard credit, I would not cruise NCL again. It would not be worth taking the time off of work. I can use that time for something better, like staying home. That isn’t to say I’d never try them again. If they dropped the “Freestyle” thing, abandoned the premium dining locations, greatly improved their food, stopped allowing smoking in their staterooms, reviewed and adjusted how they tender people, made their ships more attractive on the inside, and repainted their ships to get rid of the awful artwork on the outside, I’d consider using them again.

CMDTA on Vacation – The Farter

The balconies on NCL are a joke. Space wise they are decent but there is one glaring issue with them. The walls do not go out far enough. You can go to the end of you balcony, turn your head, and look directly into your neighbors room. There are no blinders installed. Carnival has blinders so you never have to see your neighbors.

Our neighbor on the right was a chain smoker. He was always out on his balcony smoking away. He was an old guy who had the manners of a poo flinging monkey. He tried to impress with his greasy white hair which was styled in a lovely comb over. I actually snagged a photo of the comb over which can be see above. You can also see from the photo how exposed these balconies are.

The fact that he smoked wasn’t shocking. The fact he had a nasty comb over wasn’t annoying. The fact that he had no manners was what pushed it over the edge.

On our first night my wife and I were sitting outside. He stepped outside and said to his wife “My a** just exploded in there.” I wish I was joking. He announced that to the world. It wasn’t a whisper. He used a full volume voice to say that. My wife coughed to make sure he knew other people could hear him.

Obscene announcements were just one of his charms. He also liked to clip his nails out on his balcony. That doesn’t bother me a lot but it drives my wife nuts. By far his crudest trait was the farting. He passed gas like it was going out of style. Not just little putters but full force, nasty, wet, old man farts. It was awful. He didn’t care who or what was around he’d just let loose.

On our last night I’d had enough. I decided to take a stand. I wasn’t going to tolerate his actions anymore. I warned my wife to head inside. Then I gave him some of his own medicine. I started to head inside and gave him a second shot before I went into our stateroom. The next morning he was out there again. So I gave him a final comment.

Keep in mind after doing the first one I was laughing so hard I had to go in. After the second one I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. My wife yelled at me and said it was gross and childish. I didn’t care. There was only one kind of communication he understood and I let him have it.

CMDTA on Vacation – The Everglades

I’d never been so happy to get off a cruise ship as I was to disembark the Jewel. It took everything I had not to wave an obscene gesture back at the boat once I was off. Of course NCL had a couple of surprises left for me.

They made two lines to get off the boat. At first I thought “wow NCL is actually organizing something,” at least I thought that until I realized they just merged the lines before you got off the boat. What’s the point of creating two lines? How does that make sense?

We made it through customs in record time. I think mainly because they realized that they were dealing with NCL and a lot of the people were going to be rude or cranky.

We found our bags fairly fast and headed out to find our bus for our everglades tour. Here is where organization completely broke down. NCL didn’t even try. Their employees tried to put us on a City Tour bus twice. No one had any idea where the Everglades bus was. Finally one employee from the tour company came through and found us. She took us over to where the bus should have been. I say it like that because ours was the only bus that had not arrived yet.

Finally the bus arrived and everyone piled on. Turns out they only had one bus for everyone doing the Everglades tour so we’d have to go to the Miami Airport, then back to the port, then to Ft. Lauderdale. OH JOY!

How could this vacation get better!?! Monty got on the bus.

When you go on a cruise there are people you see everywhere you go. It’s crazy. It just happens. Out of 2500 people there will be two that will be there every time you turn around. A few of those people were Monty and his parents. Monty was a young child who hadn’t learned to control his volume level and suffered from a major lack of discipline. To say he was loud is an understatement.

After the loud ride to the Everglades we arrived at the fan boat place. We made sure we got on a different boat than Monty and his family. The fan boats were fun. You had to wear ear plugs because the boats were so loud. The best part about the boats is when you turn fast. The boats actually glide sideways for a while.

We didn’t see too much on the boat trip. It was too cold and the water level was too high. It didn’t matter though because there was an alligator show after. That was entertaining. You got to hold an alligator after if you wanted. I got a picture of my wife holding an alligator. She hates snakes and spiders but something that could bite your fingers off is just fine.

After the show we went to the restaurant and ate some alligator. It wasn’t bad but it tougher than your average meat.

We got back on the bus. Thankfully Monty got off at the Miami airport so we had some peace and quite. Only five of us were going to Ft. Lauderdale. We got to enjoy the sites of US Interstate 95 between Miami and Ft. Lauderdale. If you’ve never done that ride you are missing something. I can’t help but think of Obi Wan Kanobie’s description of Mos Eisley Spaceport when I see this strip of road. Doesn’t matter what side of the road you look at you’ll see a varied selection of Porno Stores, Strip Clubs, and Bail Bond Dealers.

We got to the airport and we were literally the last ones off the bus. We still had plenty of time before our flight. That turned out to be a curse. Our flight was delayed. How else could our vacation end?

CMDTA on Vacation – Great Stirrup Cay

The final stop on our cruise of misery was Great Stirrup Cay an island that is privately owned by NCL and located in the Bahamas. What was it like? It’s owned by NCL. Does that answer you question?

We shouldn’t have been surprised but we had to take a tender to get off the boat. That means another miserable line filled will whiny, grumpy people.

We got our tickets and after a while, got off the boat. Thankfully they used actual boats to tender us in so it didn’t take long.

We picked a spot on the beach and then went snorkeling. That wasn’t bad except NCL makes you wear a vest. Even if you brought your own gear you were still required to rent a vest from NCL if you wanted to snorkel on the island. The funny part was the vests were inflatable but you were not required to inflate them. You just had to wear them.

Lunch on the island was grilled stuff. More over cooked hamburgers and nasty sides to fill your gullet with! Of course NCL had to give it their own flare so there were no set lines or any kind of organization.

It came time to get off the island. We just missed the previous boat so we had quite a wait ahead of us. While we were waiting NCL was filling up another boat with equipment and staff. Once all the staff and equipment were on board it took off. Some crusty, old, fart behind me didn’t like that. Apparently he thought they should have put some customers on there too. They tried to explain that the boat goes to a different part of the ship. He didn’t care. By this point I’d in the cruise my last few shreds of patience were starting to snap. I really considered picking him up and planting him head first into the trash can if he didn’t shut up. He didn’t shut up until the other tender arrived.

CMDTA on Vacation – Costa Maya

By the time we got to Costa Maya, Mexico we were completely annoyed with NCL and were dreading the thought of another tender. Thankfully Costa Maya had a pier. What a luxury that is. If you ever book a cruise you might want to check what ports have a pier and which don’t. That is a big consideration for me now.

On the downside there isn’t a ton to do at Costa Maya. By the time we got there we were broke too. On the plus side they have a great little port with some shops, free pools, and a number of bars.

After we fought our off the boat and by the photo op, we headed into some of the shops. You can find some decent glass and silver jewelry in Costa Maya. Most stops in Mexico have that kind of selection but Costa Maya has it right at the port. One tip is to walk right by Diamonds International. They are always over priced and they are everywhere. Go find a small shop and avoid gemstone jewelry.

Of course we hit a couple bars. They had frozen drinks by the yard. That’s great but they do tend to reduce the amount of booze they use if you order in that kind of quantity.

There was one thing I found in Costa Maya that I really want to find in the States. It’s called Sol. It’s a beer like corona but it comes in a bottle the size of your head. It’s huge. It’s about the size of three beers. It wasn’t a 40oz so I didn’t feel like an alcoholic or a redneck while drinking it.

Over all Costa Maya wasn’t bad but it’s not on the same caliber as many of the other stops. It’s a nice lay over. It’ll only get better with time. It’s still a young stop when compared to many of the other common stops.

CMDTA on Vacation – Belize

I’ve been to Belize before so I wasn’t sure what we were going to do at this port of call. We’d already gone to the Mayan ruins so we were not to keen on doing that again.

We did not buy an excursion through NCL for this port of call. We did however check out what they offered. They had for cave tubing that looked fun but they were charging over $90 a person to do it. That seemed really high to be driven somewhere so you can get in an inner tube and float down an underground stream.

Not knowing what we were going to do, we went through the misery of getting a tender ticket and waiting to be called. The good news was they were not using their life boats as tenders this time. They had actual boats. That was good because the ship was anchored so far from shore it would have taken a good hour for a life boat to make it to shore.

Once we made it to shore we looked around for some tour companies. We located one right on the secure port that was offering the cave tubing for $65 a person. That was about a third off what NCL was charging.

A bunch of us piled into a van, with multiple cracks in the windshield and of course, Latin music blaring. The driver got in, and floored it. We passed on the left, we passed on the right, and we passed with on coming traffic. We tailgated people. We drove on the wrong side of the road at times. We went around corners so fast we pulled higher Gs than Mission Space. We were about to go around the corner and the driver called out, “Let me know if you want to go left, center, or right up here. When we turned the corner we found ourselves heading towards a narrow part of the road with a tree in the middle. Someone yelled out right and we went right. I really wonder if we had yelled left if he would have gone left. I really hope he wouldn’t have gone center but he was an insane driver.

We arrived and all breathed a sigh of relief. I think a few people ran to the bathroom to change their underwear.

Next we all grabbed a tube and followed our guide down a jungle path. He stopped, stuck his hand into a mound on the side of the trail, and pulled it out with bugs crawling all over them. He said “It’s a termite mound. They are a great source of protein.” He then proceeded to eat the termites off of his hand.

A little further down the path he stopped by a hole in the ground and grabbed a long blade of grass and started poking down the hole. He told us he was trying to coax the tarantula out. I’m not afraid of spiders but my wife took got as far away from that hole as she could. He couldn’t get the spider our so we headed down the trail again. He stopped a few yards later and pointed. There was a big old tarantula off the side of a trail by its hole. My wife took off and a lot of people got nervous. Apparently they thought it was the rare South American flying tarantula. Yes I am kidding there is no such thing as a flying tarantula. Spiders to not like people. If you move towards them they run. When our guide got too close it ran down the hole.

We finally made it to the river. Most people slowly waded into the water. The rest of us followed the guide and jumped off the rocks into the water.

Everyone got in their tubes and linked up. You have to tuck your legs under the arms of the person in front of you. Once that’s done the guide said that there were some shallow sections and when we got there he’d say “butts up.” If you didn’t do this your butt would get pummeled by rocks.

Everyone put a head lamp on and we went into the cave. You wear the head lamps so you can see the inside of the cave and also so you can see all the bats hanging from the ceiling. It was a nice leisurely ride which included seeing an under ground waterfall.

We came out the other end, dried off, and got back on the van. The ride back didn’t seem as bad but I think we were just used to it.

We finished the day in Belize by getting a few drinks before we had to get back on the boat.

CMDTA on Vacation – Rotan Honduras

You’d think the misery that NCL inflicted on us would dissipate when we got to a port of call. You’d think wrong.

When we reached Rotan Honduras we found out that NCL has an odd way of tendering people off of the boat. You need to get a ticket. To get your ticket you have to get in line with EVERYONE who is not on an excursion bought through NCL. As you can imagine this line is huge. It spans the better part of the ship. Your ticket has a little number on it and they call people in groups.

We got our ticket and waited to be called. Finally they called us and we headed down to the tender location. However, they stop you a deck above the tender location if they feel too many people are down there. Don’t try to think about that too long or your head will explode. I know you have to ask, “Why did they call us if they were not ready?”

While waiting in the stairwell we noticed something disturbing. The NCL employee, who sounded like Checkov from the new Star Trek, had insanely long finger nails. Long finger nails on a man are just wrong. They make me want to toss my cookies. I’m not talking about a little bit of growth; I’m talking about growth that rivaled a French manicure. The worst part was I had to hand my ticket to him.

We make it to the tender. Guess what the tender was? They lowered a few of the life boats. I don’t know if you’ve ever checked one of those life boats out or not but I can tell you they are not fun. They are cramped, hot, and go about as fast as a Segway. It took about ten minutes to go less than 500 yards.

We made it off the boat and headed over to a monkey preserve. It was fun. There were monkey’s that were swinging in the trees and one would sit on your shoulder for a photo. He didn’t like sunglasses because he often plucked them off of people’s heads and threw them on the ground.

If you don’t like monkeys you could have your picture taken with a large scarlet macaw on one should and a huge green parrot on the other. The green parrot hated the nubs on the top of baseball caps. Everyone that took a picture with him had their nub plucked off and spit out. I don’t know where he learned that but it was amusing.

The ride back and fourth was uneventful. Not your typical close your eyes and hope you don’t die vacation taxi ride. Don’t worry we had one of those later.

Back at the port we found a bar because we could get booze for less than half what the boat was charging. At the bar I discovered a great drink. It’s called a “Lethal Injection.” It’s a long island that frozen, with no coke or sour mix but has Amaretto and coconut mild instead. They are dangerous.

We needed a few drinks because we knew what was coming next. We had to get back on the boat.

CMDTA on Vacation – NCL Jewel

This is my first post of a number based on my recent vacation. I will be covering a number of subjects. Some will be funny, some will be informative, but all will be rather blunt. I’m not going to try to sweeten anything. It is what it is.

My first subject is the Jewel and NCL. As some of you know I sailed on the Jewel’s sister ship the Pearl on an Alaskan cruise in 2007. That experience was rather poor but I believe in giving second chances so I gave NCL another shot.

Let me start by saying that I am seriously considering never giving anything a second chance. If the cruise on the Pearl was poor then the cruise on the Jewel was indescribably bad.

THE SHIP

The Jewel is an unimpressive ship with NCL’s famous tacky artwork on the outside of the ship. Nothing about this ship is impressive. I honestly believe the original designs for this ship started as a nursing home and were then modified to be a cruise ship. The dining rooms are and restaurants are bland and uninspired, there is no real atrium but there is a rather ugly area they call an atrium, and the pools were ok at best. I can only say one positive thing about the Jewel – it’s easy to navigate.

THE ROOM

Because of the largest on board credit I’ve ever seen I booked a mini-suite. Size wise it was ok but it wasn’t much larger than a standard balcony on Carnival. There was a tub which sounds nice but there is nothing special about it. It wasn’t very deep and it was rather narrow. In the bathroom they have the toilet separated by a sliding door. That’s normally a nice touch in a bathroom. I say normally because it means two people can be in the bathroom at once if one really has to “go.” It was not a nice touch in this bathroom because the door was clear. What nitwit thought it was a good idea to put a glass door there? The size of the bathroom was nice. It was nice to sit on the toilet straight on. I mention that because inside rooms are so cramped you can’t sit straight on the toilet unless you are an amputee or a midget. You have to sit on it cock eyed.

The balcony was ok. It wasn’t any bigger than a normal Carnival balcony. However, getting onto the balcony was an adventure. It had a sliding glass door which was unbelievably difficult to open. I’m not kidding when I say it took almost everything I had to get this door to slide a few times.

The TV in the room was a joke. It was a tiny tube TV. Hello! A 22” LCD is dirt cheap and would save space.

The bed was ok. They claimed they put memory foam pads on the beds. I think they did that because the beds are old. As you can imagine it wasn’t that great. Without the foam topper it would have been awful.

One thing that amazes me is the fact that NCL puts the people who pay more on the floor below the pool deck. On the Jewel that is deck 11. This means people who pay more have some of the LOUDEST state rooms on the boat. IDIOTS! We were stuck under the kids program. From 10am to 11pm it sounded like a herd of elephants was walking above us.

What was the worst thing about the room? It stunk. Seriously, it smelled really bad. NCL allows people to smoke in their staterooms. We complained so they came and sprayed Fabreeze. Then is smelled like smoke and Fabreeze. They asked if it was better the next day. We said it was a little better but it still smelled. Guess what they did? Fabreeze! We started leaving to balcony door open to air the place out. Downside was it caused all the windows to fog up because it was so humid out. It was ok by the fourth day of our seven day cruise but every time we opened a cabinet we got hit with the smoke smell.

THE FOOD

To say the food was bad is an understatement. It was the worst food we’ve had on any cruise EVER! It was awful. Nothing we had really stood out as good but a lot stood out as bad. There were a number of things that were so bad we couldn’t eat them. Most of the food was obviously reheated and it showed. I haven’t had food this bad since I was on the Pearl. Now my wife and I mistakenly figured that due to “Freestyle Dining” which incorporates a number of “Premium” restaurants (that’s fancy speak for pay) that you had to go to one of those restaurants to get food that wasn’t crap. We thought wrong! We did the “Premium” thing one night and it was just as bad. The bread was stale and the food was crummy, and we paid $30 for that.

The other thing that really frosted by bananas about the food what happened if you ate at one of the free dining locations. They sent someone from table to table to try and sell the “Premium” restaurants. Why not send someone around and say “If the food is going to suck why not pay for it?”

The best food we found was at the buffet. A BUFFET. Keep in mind I said “best” not “good.” My wife hates buffets but by the end she was asking if we could eat there so we’d have marginal food. The worst part about the buffet was there were no lines. IDIOTS! You don’t cram that many people into a confined space when forks and knives are available and not organize them!

There was one thing we found that was never stale and always tasted good. The frozen yogurt you served yourself out of the machine.

THE WORST FOODS

My wife ordered encrusted snapper. Once upon a time it was encrusted but by the time it was served it had been reheated and the “crust” was the consistency of a gummy worm. That’s amazing considering the primary ingredient was nuts.

I ordered French onion soup. I’ve worked in kitchens. I know how to make it right. I also know how to make it fast but make it look right. NCL did neither. The cheese wasn’t browned and the soup wasn’t hot.

My wife ordered a hamburger through room service. Even a sub par hamburger is edible so we figured NCL couldn’t screw that up. Ha! NCL can screw anything up! What was delivered was a hockey puck with cheese on it. I say hockey puck because it was hard as a rock and cold.

My wife grabbed a yummy looking chocolate pastry from the chocolate buffet. It was a dinner roll with chocolate on it. I really wish I was kidding.

I could go on but I have other things to cover.

THE ENTERTAINMENT

We tried to do that entertainment. It didn’t work. This is another failing of “Freestyle Dining.” Everyone hits the entertainment at the same time. That means you either need to stay up late to catch the late show or show up 30 to 60 minutes early. Sorry I’m not going to do that.

When you have set times for dinner the crowds are spread out and everyone can go to the show they want.

At least there were decent movies on the TV. They play recently released to video movies so in November of 2009 that means the selections were Up, Julie and Julia, and other movies from the same timeframe.

THE SERVICE

The service was ok at best. Here is another area where “Freestyle” fails. In a traditional setting you have the same waiter every night and that means he’s invested in you. He will work for his tips! Take that away and you get ho hum service.

When we complained about our room a person took our info and said they would take care of it. They didn’t tell us when or how. The communication was awful.

When you called room service you often got this guy who was as friendly as a rabid pitbull and didn’t even say goodbye.

On a number of occasions we witnessed the staff arguing with each other.

I caught and called out a bar tender for being lazy. It was our last night on the boat and I’d had enough. It wasn’t even by drink but I wanted to let him know I caught him. Someone ordered a Long Island Ice Tea and then they returned to their table. The bar tender made it by pouring two shots of vodka into a glass with two ounces of sour mix and a splash of coke. As many of you know that is not a Long Island. I thought that was how NCL made a Long Island until the guy cam back for a second. This time he didn’t go back to his table until the drink was done. Because the customer was standing there, the bartender made a real Long Island. BOOOOOOO!!!! It’s bad enough that the booze cost up to $9 a drink. You can at least give us a real drink!

FINAL COMMENTS

Our experience with NCL and the Jewel was so poor I considered taking laxatives to rid myself of the remnants of this cruise.

I’ll be doing further posts for each port of call and stories.

Be Back in a Week!

I’m heading out on vacation tomorrow. You’ll have to go somewhere else for your Disney insanity for the next ten days.

When I get back I’m going to do a special series called “The Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About on Vacation.” The following subjects will be covered:

CMDTA on Vacation – NCL

CMDTA on Vacation – The Jewel

CMDTA on Vacation – Mini-Suite

CMDTA on Vacation – Rotan

CMDTA on Vacation – Belize

CMDTA on Vacation – Costa Maya

CMDTA on Vacation – Great Stirrup Cay

CMDTA on Vacation – The Everglades

It may not be Disney related but it should be interesting. If you think I make fun of Disney wait till you see what I do to cruise lines. I’ve been on NCL. It wasn’t good. This is their chance to redeem themselves. If they don’t you better believe I’ll be ripping them like I’ve never ripped anyone before. If you mess up my vacation I don’t take it lightly.

Cruising

My wife isn’t a Disney fan so for this year’s vacation I had to do something she’d like. I ended up booking a cruise through NCL. I’ll start by saying my first impression with NCL was not a good one.

We went on an Alaskan cruise aboard the Pearl. The weather was great, Alaska was amazing, but rest was just average.

I’ve been on Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and NCL. Carnival and Royal Caribbean are much better than NCL. NCL came out with “Freestyle Dining.” Another word for freestyle dining is gimmick. Freestyle Dining allows you to go to select restaurants for dinner whenever you want. I say select restaurants because only a few of them are free. Yes, NCL discovered a way to get people to pay for food on a cruise. If you don’t go to one of the pay restaurants you get average food. All of the expensive items have been removed from the menus.

Being the kind of guy I am, I asked why the other cruise lines offered items like filet, lobster, baked Alaska, and the other classics and NCL didn’t. The answer was so dumb my brain grinded to a halt and refused to work anymore. I was told that guests were tired of the usual fare and wanted something new. So in other words, you took that to mean that your guests were tired of good food and wanted cheap sub-par slop.

My other big complaint about NCL was the ship. It was ugly. What a tacky ship. It reminded me of a retirement home. It was completely unimpressive too. Both Carnival and RC had massive atriums and other impressive architecture. NCL had nothing impressive.

So why did I pick NCL? I’m willing to give second chances and they offered the best deal. However, if NCL doesn’t show dramatic improvement I’ll never cruise on them again unless someone else is paying for it.

The stops for this cruise include: Costa Maya – Mexico, Honduras, Belize, and some private island in the Bahamas. I’ve never been to Costa Maya. I’m not expecting much. I’ve been to other places in Mexico and was never overly impressed. I’ve never been to Honduras so that one is a total wild card. I’ve been to Belize. Belize is very nice. Great place to go see some ruins if you’ve never done that before. They also sell cashew wine there. That’s great stuff. I’ve been to about 25 different places in the Caribbean but have never been anywhere in the Bahamas. This won’t count either. It’s just a private island and those can be hit or miss.

I should be excited about going on vacation but after going to Disney last year, I’m not. It’s hard to get pumped up about an everyday cruise. If it was Alaska I’d be pumped up about it. I’m sure I’ll get a little excited as it draws closer.