CMDTA on Vacation – Rotan Honduras

You’d think the misery that NCL inflicted on us would dissipate when we got to a port of call. You’d think wrong.

When we reached Rotan Honduras we found out that NCL has an odd way of tendering people off of the boat. You need to get a ticket. To get your ticket you have to get in line with EVERYONE who is not on an excursion bought through NCL. As you can imagine this line is huge. It spans the better part of the ship. Your ticket has a little number on it and they call people in groups.

We got our ticket and waited to be called. Finally they called us and we headed down to the tender location. However, they stop you a deck above the tender location if they feel too many people are down there. Don’t try to think about that too long or your head will explode. I know you have to ask, “Why did they call us if they were not ready?”

While waiting in the stairwell we noticed something disturbing. The NCL employee, who sounded like Checkov from the new Star Trek, had insanely long finger nails. Long finger nails on a man are just wrong. They make me want to toss my cookies. I’m not talking about a little bit of growth; I’m talking about growth that rivaled a French manicure. The worst part was I had to hand my ticket to him.

We make it to the tender. Guess what the tender was? They lowered a few of the life boats. I don’t know if you’ve ever checked one of those life boats out or not but I can tell you they are not fun. They are cramped, hot, and go about as fast as a Segway. It took about ten minutes to go less than 500 yards.

We made it off the boat and headed over to a monkey preserve. It was fun. There were monkey’s that were swinging in the trees and one would sit on your shoulder for a photo. He didn’t like sunglasses because he often plucked them off of people’s heads and threw them on the ground.

If you don’t like monkeys you could have your picture taken with a large scarlet macaw on one should and a huge green parrot on the other. The green parrot hated the nubs on the top of baseball caps. Everyone that took a picture with him had their nub plucked off and spit out. I don’t know where he learned that but it was amusing.

The ride back and fourth was uneventful. Not your typical close your eyes and hope you don’t die vacation taxi ride. Don’t worry we had one of those later.

Back at the port we found a bar because we could get booze for less than half what the boat was charging. At the bar I discovered a great drink. It’s called a “Lethal Injection.” It’s a long island that frozen, with no coke or sour mix but has Amaretto and coconut mild instead. They are dangerous.

We needed a few drinks because we knew what was coming next. We had to get back on the boat.

Cruising

My wife isn’t a Disney fan so for this year’s vacation I had to do something she’d like. I ended up booking a cruise through NCL. I’ll start by saying my first impression with NCL was not a good one.

We went on an Alaskan cruise aboard the Pearl. The weather was great, Alaska was amazing, but rest was just average.

I’ve been on Carnival, Royal Caribbean, and NCL. Carnival and Royal Caribbean are much better than NCL. NCL came out with “Freestyle Dining.” Another word for freestyle dining is gimmick. Freestyle Dining allows you to go to select restaurants for dinner whenever you want. I say select restaurants because only a few of them are free. Yes, NCL discovered a way to get people to pay for food on a cruise. If you don’t go to one of the pay restaurants you get average food. All of the expensive items have been removed from the menus.

Being the kind of guy I am, I asked why the other cruise lines offered items like filet, lobster, baked Alaska, and the other classics and NCL didn’t. The answer was so dumb my brain grinded to a halt and refused to work anymore. I was told that guests were tired of the usual fare and wanted something new. So in other words, you took that to mean that your guests were tired of good food and wanted cheap sub-par slop.

My other big complaint about NCL was the ship. It was ugly. What a tacky ship. It reminded me of a retirement home. It was completely unimpressive too. Both Carnival and RC had massive atriums and other impressive architecture. NCL had nothing impressive.

So why did I pick NCL? I’m willing to give second chances and they offered the best deal. However, if NCL doesn’t show dramatic improvement I’ll never cruise on them again unless someone else is paying for it.

The stops for this cruise include: Costa Maya – Mexico, Honduras, Belize, and some private island in the Bahamas. I’ve never been to Costa Maya. I’m not expecting much. I’ve been to other places in Mexico and was never overly impressed. I’ve never been to Honduras so that one is a total wild card. I’ve been to Belize. Belize is very nice. Great place to go see some ruins if you’ve never done that before. They also sell cashew wine there. That’s great stuff. I’ve been to about 25 different places in the Caribbean but have never been anywhere in the Bahamas. This won’t count either. It’s just a private island and those can be hit or miss.

I should be excited about going on vacation but after going to Disney last year, I’m not. It’s hard to get pumped up about an everyday cruise. If it was Alaska I’d be pumped up about it. I’m sure I’ll get a little excited as it draws closer.