Secrets Playa Bonita: Final Comments

Playa Bonita was, in a word, disappointing.  It did not live up to the Secrets name.  In fact, it dragged the Secrets name into the mud.  At this point, I cannot imagine I will ever return to a Secrets resort.

The food service dramatically improved after they fired the food and beverage manager and replaced him with an actual Secrets employee.   There were still some glaring issues, but the improvement was remarkable

In some ways it seemed like Panama wanted to get rid of us.  The checkout process was far better than checking, but I think that goes without saying.  Checking in was a nightmare.  The transfer to the airport was dramatically better too.  They sent a car and we were there in about a forty minutes.

I think all of the speaks to the biggest issue at Playa Bonita - consistency.  There are some rare times when you get an employee who seems to care and then there is the 90% when things are not so good and you are lucky to get water.

On a side note, I did discover the working arrangements (at least for the front desk).  The employees work six days a week for seven hours.  They get one day off that is determined by their managers.  I hope they get paid well, since that kind of schedule seems like it would lead to burnout.

Overall, don't go to Play Bonita.  Maybe in a few years it might be okay, but right now it's not good.  Maybe if you can get a deal for $99 per person per day, it might be a value.  Just lower your expectations and don't expect it to be a Secrets.

Secrets Playa Bonita Panama: Day Eight - You Might Die.

Last night we hit the Caribbean Night.  It was almost the same as Panama Night, but with different food.  If you want to eat outside, this is the way to go.  Usually at night the temp drops to around 80 with a nice breeze.  This makes it very comfortable.

This is our last day.  I think in some ways that we were forgotten.  Many people received a coupon package when they checked in.  We did not.  Most people had some useful information left in their room about the resort and tours you could take.  We did not get get that.  Some people got snacks in their room.  We never got that.  Some people got nips of alcohol.  We didn't get that either.

We were stunned last night to arrive back at our room to find the minibar guy restocking the fridge.  He was slow as molasses, but that slowness allowed me to look at his cart.  There was a number of things other people got in their mini-fridge that we did not.

I guess the drawback of getting your mini-bar refilled is that we didn't get a turn down.  When you get your turn down, you get your agenda for the next day.  If we want to know what's open tonight, we'll have to take a trip to the front desk.  Happy days!

I have to provide a very serious warning to anyone reading this.  If you have food allergies, your life could be in danger by coming here.  I wish I was kidding.  Time and again, the menu does not match what is delivered to you.  Often nuts are added to items or they are in items without being put on the description.  Shellfish can also pop up without notice.  If you get an extremely competent waiter, you might be able to ask them whats in the food.  Most of the time, that won't help, unless you speak Spanish.

Let me give an example of a disconnect between the menu and what is delivered.  The cheese plate on the menu says "Served with assorted breads, homemade pickles, and marmalade."  Look for yourself...

Possibly Lethal Descriptions

Someone with a gluten allergy would never order that.  That's too bad.  What was delivery was gluten free.  However, it came with nuts, no bread, no homemade pickles, and no marmalade.

You will often see items on the menu listed as gluten free or vegetarian.  I would not trust that.  You would be taking a serious chance if you trust any of the descriptions on these menus.  Time and again they have been far from accurate.

Our vacation is almost over.  I can't remember the last time I really looked forward to going home.  I'm trying to keep things in perspective, but I have to say, after this experience I would not return to a Secrets.  ANY Secrets.   It's too risky.  It would be a complete gamble.   I'd rather put my money in a trusted, reliable brand.  If a Grand Suite on Royal Caribbean costs about the same as a Secrets vacation, there is zero reason to pick Secrets.  Royal Caribbean provides a reliable product. You know what you are going to get.

Secrets Play Bonita Panama: Day Six - The Man In the Green Shirt

He's a tall Mexican man with an athletic build.  He carries himself with an air of confidence and people react to his presence.  He's a man on a mission.

I have yet to speak with this man, but I know why he's here.  I've heard from other guests about him.  Secrets shifted gears, terminated the food and beverage manager, and sent in one of their own from Mexico.

I've never seen one person have such a sudden impact.  Look at my review of lunch from yesterday.  I was a joke.  It was hard to find anything good about it.  Six hours later we ate dinner at Portifnio.  It was like visiting an entirely new restaurant.  We ate here on day one.   We cannot compare the experience we had on day one with this one.  The change was too dramatic.

The service was what you'd expect from a Secrets.  The wait staff was attentive and did a good job.  They still don't always respond when you thank them, but some of them did.  The food is now the low point.  Not that the food is bad, but the new food and beverage manager will need to address it.

What is the problem with the food?

It's not always consistent and the descriptions on the menu do not match what is delivered to you.

For instance, guess what this is:

Looks like a chocolate covered cake, right?

According to the menu, this is a Sambuca fruit salad.  What this really is, is a kind of mint custard covered in chocolate.

That's not the only example of getting food that isn't even close to the description on the menu.  When you order here, the food isn't going to be terrible, but it's not going to be what you ordered in most cases.   You'll need to do some trial and error to find out what means what.

It'll be interesting to see if the man in the green shirt has an impact on the Seaside Grill.  So far that's been ground zero for spotty service.

Considering the impact one man has had, Secrets needs to send in a general manager.  The problems here go far beyond the food and beverage service.

On a somewhat positive note, the phone is finally fixed.  It took three days and three complaints, but it's fixed.  The IT guy came up and worked on it for over an hour.  In the end he had to move it to a new jack and reconfigure it.  At least it's working now.

While he was working I noticed something really annoying.  Someone before the IT guy, knew the phone was busted.  It had been intentionally unplugged and left where it was.  Super fun time!

Secrets Playa Bonita Panama: Day Five - Lowered Expectations

Things continue to be laughably bad at times.  The low point for today was trying to get a room service order card for breakfast.  We hit the front desk, asked for one, and were told it would be delivered to our room.  Two hours later we gave up and went to bed.  This was also the second time we complained about our phone not working.

Indeed

For dinner we went back to Bordeaux.  Part of me wanted to see if the diarrhea on a plate was a one time occurrence.  This time when we sat down, there was no American rock playing.  Instead we got to enjoy some lovely house techno, because nothing says French cuisine like techno.

To our amazement, our waitress, Anjimara, was a Secrets caliber employee.  She was friendly and professional.  She apologized for taking a long time to come to our table initially, and was attentive after that. We even had our wine glasses refilled, Wow!  It took five days to find two Secrets caliber employees.

More about service later.  Now onto the food.

About half of the things that are placed in front of you look appealing.  You already saw the Baby Barf and Bacon soup.  That represents the other half.

This is an example of the good half.  It doesn't mean it tastes good.  That's another matter.  At least it looks like someone cared.  This is the endive salad, it's a little bland but not bad.

Another thing that surprised me this night was the Coq Au Vin.  I had low expectations when ordering it. When it came, I still had low expectations.  It did not look appealing.

I don't want to say what it looks like.

This turned out to be the best thing I've ordered so far.  The meat fell off the bone.  Too bad everything couldn't be this good.

To finish off, I had to do it.  I had to order the poo on a plate.  What I got wasn't quite as bad as when my wife ordered it, but it was still unappealing. 

Mmmmm....poo on a plate...

So what is that?  On the menu, it says it's molten cake (with a peanut butter filling) and raspberry ice cream.  Sure...seems legit!

One - there is no peanut butter on this plate, just a ball of something somewhere between a mildly chocolate cake and cookie.  Two - that's chocolate ice cream.  Three - that's a smear of raspberry sauce.  

Breakfast the next day was surprisingly good.  Why?  Balbino was our waiter!  We got coffee and juice!  He even checked in with us!  Holy testicle Tuesday Batman!  Someone, call the five o'clock news!  We got service at breakfast!

Well, lunch made up for that.  Our waiter was friendly but didn't have a clue as to what he was doing.  I mean he seriously served like someone pulled him off the street and told him to wait tables.  We got water - once.  One drink order and that was it.  I gave up, walked out of the restaurant, and up to the bar to get a drink.

Another couple we've run into a couple of times ended up talking to one of the managers that Secrets imported.  Apparently, this place shut down for a month to train the staff.  The manager then threw the people of Panama under the bus and blamed them for having poor service skills.  

Jokes on you.  I was the trainer. 

I did some research and found what I feel is one of the main causes for the staffs' awful skills.  Panama has an unemployment rate of 2.5%.  In other words.  No one here gives a crap.  They have job security.  If they get fired, they will easily find another job.

In a case like that, the employer has to be willing to lower the profit margin.  Higher pay only does so much.  You need to instill a recognition program.  If a guest mentions you on any kind of positive feedback, you get a small bonus.   It doesn't have have to be monetary.  It can be as simple as a paid day off or other free stuff.  The bottom line is simple.  You have to find a way to make the employees care about their jobs.  Right now they mostly seem to hate being here.

New Orleans - A Travelers Overview

New Orleans is one of those cities that people often put on their bucket list.   The way people talk, you’d think it you didn’t live a full life unless you saw it.  The truth is, New Orleans is a unique city, but it is not for everyone.

Food

Yes New Orleans is a foodies dream.  They have almost countless dining locations and range from street food to fine dining.  It also has a somewhat unique cuisine.   Shrimp, fish, and chicken dominate most menus.  If you can find a menu without a Poor Boy, Gumbo, or Jambalaya, you must be in a McDonalds.

Booze

I normally wouldn’t put this in a review, but New Orleans deserves it.  Out of all the cities I have been to, none of them drink as much as New Orleans does.  There is booze everywhere.  I’m surprised the fast food chains don’t sell it.  You will see drinking options here that make you shake your head.  There is a battle between who can offer the biggest or strongest drink.   I saw a place on Bourbon Street that said they had the strongest frozen drink.  I thought it was a joke.  After all, it was coming out of a frosty machine.  It was not a joke.  That wasn’t just a strong drink it was huge.

Now to the next level.  There are a few things you can get in New Orleans that is illegal in some states.   The first one that you can readily find in the French Quarter is Everclear.  This brutal liquor is a 190 proof moonshine.   Do not drink Everclear straight.  It tastes awful and burns like a match.   If you want to try this, look for Cherry Bombs.   A Cherry Bomb is a cherry that has been soaking in Everclear.  Even these are hard to get down.

If you want something you will actually enjoy, try Absinthe.  Absinthe is a high alcohol liquor that is contains small amounts of wormwood.   Absinthe has a liquorice flavor that comes from the Anise root.   Half of the fun of drinking this stuff is the show they put on in preparing it.  They pour the liquor, put a sugar cube on a metal filter and then run cold water over it, and into the booze.    Drinking Absinthe is a unique experience that you cannot get in many places.

The French Quarter

Okay, I am breaking Bourbon Street and the French Quarter into two different sections.  You’ll know why when I am done.

The French Quarter is a truly unique area.  The architecture is fascinating.  Between the tall windows that you can walk through, the real gaslights, and the iron banisters, it’s worth seeing.

Away from Bourbon Street you find some nice shops, decent places to eat and a fairly safe environment.  Now for Bourbon Street.

Bourbon Street

Bourbon Street is a moral cesspool.  It’s a disgusting, smelly, pit of humanity.   It’s a shocking contradiction.  In one building you will find a find dining location with $30+ entrees.  Sharing a wall with that restaurant you will find a sex shop followed by a dive bar.

Bourbon Street is all about hedonism.  There are multiple “Hustler” sex clubs, dirty looking strip clubs, sex shops with wild window displays, and bars whose only goal is to get you to drink too much.  One of the dirtiest places we passed advertised “World Famous - Acts of Love – Both Men and Women.”

In a one mile span there are no fewer than one hundred bars / places to get a drink.   Drunk people (and I mean sloppy drunk, not buzzed) are a common sight.  Not even Las Vegas, in all it’s depravity, matches Bourbon Street. 

If you are a family with small children, do not visit Bourbon Street.  It is a foul place.

River Walk

If you are a family visiting New Orleans, than don’t fear, they did build a place for you.  It’s called the River Walk.  It’s less than two blocks from the French Quarter.  It runs up and down the river and offers a number of things to do. 

One of the better options for families is a river tour.  There are a couple of different ones you can pick from.  One is a historic tour of the Mississippi River that stops at site of The Battle of New Orleans.   It’s about a two and a half hour tour. 

The other cruise option is a Jazz cruise.  If you enjoy Jazz, it would be a great option.  It’s also about two and a half hours in length.

River Walk also offers shopping and some decent family dining locations.  There is also a nice sports bar if you want to catch a game.  It’s within walking distance of a number of hotels.

The Garden District

The Garden District is an area of New Orleans that is actually nice.  It was fairly safe, clean, and had a large police presence.  If you want to check out this area, the best way to get there is to take one of the cities street cars to the large city park they have.

Once you have checked out that park, there is not much more to see in the Garden District unless you have a specific destination in mind (like a museum).

The street cars are dirt cheap.  You can get a day pass for three dollars.  That's a lot cheaper than a taxi.  Another interesting thing about these cars is that some of them have been running since the 1920s.  The picture below shows one of those cars.  When you step inside of them, you know it's old.  They feel like antiques.

Review - Le Bayou Restaurant (New Orleans)

The Le Bayou Restaurant is a middle range, creole style restaurant, located on Bourbon Street in New Orleans.

The French Quarter is packed full or places to eat.  They range from street carts to high end a la carte restaurants.  In the middle of that range is the Le Bayou.  From the exterior of the building you can tell that it's not a cheap dive.  That statement might sound funny to someone who has never been to Bourbon Street.   Anyone who has visited Bourbon Street knows exactly what I am talking about.

Wedged between run down heaps, strip clubs, dive bars, and sex shops you find nice dining locations like this one.  It has a classic French Quarter look, with tall windows, iron banisters, and outdoor fans.

The food is classic New Orleans fair.  You'll find an offering of poor boys, red beans, catfish, and other similar offerings.  The pricing lands in the 12 to 20 range for most of the entrees.   We grabbed the red beans and rice.  They served it spicy sausage and fried chicken.  All of it was decent quality.  The only thing that stuck out to me was the chicken.  It wasn't really fried chicken.  It was generic chicken tenders.  They just tossed them in a fryer to heat them up.   Other than that, it was an excellent dish.

We grabbed some of the fried cheese cake for desert.  It was warm, rich and creamy.  With a nice graham cracker exterior and strawberry compote on top, this was worth saving space for.

Le Bayou also offers a number of beers on tap.  A few of them are nice local beers.  They normally offer a number of different kinds to meet all tastes, including a local IPA, Stout, and a few Ales.   The prices are higher than you'd normally pay, but it's the typical Bourbon Street up charge.

The atmosphere of Le Bayou is nice, but if you want to do it right, ask to sit on the balcony.  They will take you to the second floor, and walk you through a large window.  Just remember to duck as you go through if you are over five foot six.

As you sit outside you can watch people go up and down Bourbon Street.  It's a classic experience that anyone who likes to people watch should do.

The view is decent and at night it really takes on a new feeling.  From the photos below you can see how odd Bourbon Street can be.  The decent Le Bayou is next to a cheap eatery and across the street from the Hustler sex club.

Dining Review: Aureole - Mandalay Bay - Las Vegas

I've been to quite a few restaurants but Aureole, located at Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, stands out.  Does it stand out because it's the best restaurant I've been to?  No.  The only claim to fame it has is that it's the most expensive restaurant I've been to.

For this review I'm going to do a double comparison.   I'm going to compare it to a restaurant that serves a similar cuisine in Disney World and one of Aureole's Las Vegas rivals.

Atmosphere

The atmosphere at Aureole is dominated by it's massive four story wine tower.  This tower really represents the feel of Aureole.  It's modern and over the top which results in a general feeling of stuffiness.  This feeling dominates the restaurant.  Nothing about this place felt welcoming or warm.

The tables and decor beyond the tower are forgettable.  They are modern and overshadowed by the dim light and high ceiling. 

The only other part of the atmosphere that's worth talking about is a fountain at the back of the dining room.  At night they light it up.  It's a nice feature but nothing that it's done much better in Disney World.

Now Disney World has a restaurant called Narcoossee's.  Narcoossee's dining options are very similar to Aureole's.  However, I'd take the atmosphere at Narcoossee's any day of the week.

A few miles down the strip from Aureole is a restaurant called Hugo's Cellar.  The quality is on par with Aureole but the atmosphere is much better.

If you compare the three restaurants, Aureole comes in dead last.

Food

The food at Aureole is mainly seafood and steak.  We tried a couple of appetizers, main courses, and some small deserts.

The appetizers were okay.  Yes I said okay.  You might be able to tell I was underwhelmed.  I got the onion soup.  It was good but that was the problem.  For the price of an entree in Disney World I got good onion soup.  In other words it was was grossly over priced and nothing special.

Another member of the party got one of the salads.  He enjoyed it, but it was nothing that blew him away.  When you are paying top dollar, you expect to be blown away.

I should also explain that the individual who ordered the salad has been to Aureole before.  He's also been to the original Aureole in New York.  He went in with high expectations which were based on experience.

The main courses were a mixed bag.  One person ordered the octopus and scallops.  One person ordered the blue cheese encrusted filet.  Myself and one other ordered the New York strip.

So what were the results?  The Octopus was amazing.  The filet was decent.  The strip steaks were a huge disappointment.

You might wonder why I ordered a strip steak.   After all what restaurant doesn't offer a strip steak?  That's the very point.  A strip steak is a huge test.  Can you make it something amazing or are you going to present a generic dish?  It takes true creativity and talent to turn a basic offering into something special.

The steaks were mostly bland and not cooked correctly.  One was ordered med-rare and came out almost med-well.  The other was ordered med and came out borderline med-well.  Both were fairly ugly.  They actually put a brown steak on top of brown mashed potatoes, with only a tiny bit of sauce to add color.  Oh, and they charged about 40 a pop for that. 

The portion size is small.  If you want to add something to make it a normal meal you'll need to cough up an extra 9+ for a side.  $9 will get you some generic, roasted vegetables.  They were so generic we didn't even finish them.

The other guy who ordered the strip steak didn't want the mashed potatoes so we asked if he could swap them out.  It was like pulling teeth but they offered to replace them with french fries.  The french fries were nothing to brag about.  You'll get better french fries at Five Guys Burgers.

The deserts were tiny and unimpressive.  One was a lemon tart.  It had nice flavor but really needed a nice sauce to go with it.  The other was a chocolate lava cake thing.  It had great flavor but was gone after about four bites.

Overall the food was a let down.  Narcoossee's is slightly better at a cost of about half, while Hugo's, is at least a third less and is ten times better than anything you'll get at Aureole's.

Service

Now for the bad.  A few years back my wife and I went to Citrico's.  Search the blog and you can read about what happened there.  I thought I'd never run into an experience like that at a high end dining location again.  I was wrong.  Our waiter at Citrico's was non-existent, while the friendly assistant had to do all the work.  At Aureole's we had a very nice assistant waiter and a waiter we wished would go away. 

How can I explain our waiter?  Simple, go watch the movie Dumb and Dumber and then start reading this again.

Our waiter was a virtual clone of "Nicholas Andre" from Dumb and Dumber.  A douche bag that you want to avoid.  Now, that is a little harsh but this guy earned it.  From the start he was pushy.  He hit us with a hard sell on the expensive specials.  Time and again he tried to sell.  It's one thing to explain the specials and do so with passion.  It's another thing to give you the feeling that you are a fool if you do not order the special.

Our waiter also had the bad habit of hovering.  Maybe he thought we'd change our minds and order more if he hung around.  If he did anything it wouldn't have been so bad, but his assistant did all the work.  His assistant also earned the tip.  He was cordial, friendly, and even shared a funny story.  One member of our party made the comment that he wished he could swap the two.  In all honesty we would have asked if we didn't think the douche bag would have spit in our food.

So the waiter wasn't great but did he at least take care of us?  No.  The member of the party with the overcooked steak brought it to his attention.  In case like this, in a place of this caliber, the first words out of his mouth should have been, "I'm so sorry.  How can I fix it?" Instead, all he did was offer to recook the steak.  That's not a great option.  Everyone else has the food.  Unless the meal is inedible, you don't want to return it.  You'd end up taking it home because everyone else would be done by the time your food arrived. 

How does the service compare?  Hugo's beat's Aureole more than the Bruins facing a peewee hockey team. You just can't compare them.  Narcoossee's, with it's standard Disney service,  also blows Aureole out of the water.

Value

Okay I did a little bit of research for this one.  Take what you read above and apply it to the estimated figures below. These figures do not include a tip.  They are comparing similar dishes across a party of four and include two bottles of wine.  I also have to estimate the bill at Aureole since I did not see the bill.

Narcoossee's - $315

Hugo's - $375

Aureole - $475

Now this is not a true comparison. Why?  Because both Hugo's and Narcoossee's include things that Aureole charges for.  So in other words, you get a lot more for you money at both Narcoossee's and Hugo's than you do at Aureole. 

Bottom line is this, if you want to see the wine tower, take a picture of it from the outside.  If you do that you will experience the best part of Aureole without having to sell your firstborn to afford it.

Royal Caribbean Grandeur Grand Suite Review

Grand suites on Royal Caribbean cruise ships are considered one of the highest categories.   Many people will write off these rooms based on that and not even consider getting a quote for one.  Granted they are expensive when compared to other staterooms but they also come with some killer perks. 

Often you see a list of pros and cons but it’s often hard to tell what the real impact of those are. In this review I am going to point out benefits of booking a Grand Suite and pull those facts off of paper and into reality.  I’m going to explain what you will use and what you should use if you book one of these staterooms.

Another thing to keep in mind this review is about getting to your room, the room, the rooms benefits, and leaving the ship.  Other details will be covered at a later date.

Getting On the Ship:

Yes I’m going to walk you through from beginning to end starting with getting on the ship.  This is going to be the first area that stands out from the normal when  you book one of these suites.

At most cruise ship terminals you’ll notice a series of lines.  Royal Caribbean breaks them down more than some other lines.  There is the general line, some lines for certain frequent cruisers, and then the line for the top tier frequent cruises and grand suite or higher cruisers.

When you get in your line you’ll notice that it’s not really a line.  When we showed up there were hundreds of people in the general line and no one in the grand suite line.  They reserve a number of people who only check in high tier cruisers and they do not take the normal cruisers when no one is in line.  This allows for extremely fast service for anyone who is accessing these lines.

It appears that Royal Caribbean picks their best people to serve the express lines.  The people checking us in were unlike people who have checked me in on other cruise lines.  They actually seem to have customer service skills.  That is something extremely rare today.

In a matter of minutes we were checked in and led to a roped off area that separated the people who went through the express line and everyone else.   They stick you here to put you on the ship as soon as it’s ready.  Within a few minutes they had us pack up and board the ship.

When you board the ship the sales mentality that all cruise ships have adopted hits you in the face.   Just after you manage to dodge the photo people you have a new obstacle to get beyond.  The restaurant jockeys!  These people are not awful but they do want you to stop and sign up for a dining plan.  I have to admit that Royal Caribbean needs to rethink this. This is a really STUPID time to do this.  Let’s break it down for a minute.  I tell you that you can now board the ship.  What goes through your head?  WOOOOO!! My vacation is starting! Let the running of the bulls begin!  If anything gets in your way until you step onto that ship there is a good chance they are going to get trampled.  NO ONE really wants to stop unless you guilt them into it.  Why not do this on the ship when everyone realizes that they can’t go to their rooms yet?  Hit people when they are bored and you’ll get better results.

The Stateroom:

When you make it inside your stateroom one of the first things you’ll notice are the mirrors.  When you first walk in you’ll see the storage / bar area on your right.  They pack this area with mirrors.  This makes the room look much larger than it really is.  It’s a nice little trick.  In reality the grand suites on the Grandeur are about three times larger than a normal stateroom yet smaller than a standard hotel room (varies a little depending on the ship you are on). 

To your left is your bathroom.  It has a tub and dual vanities.  Normally you have a shower stall and one sink.  The toilet is right in with the rest of the bathroom and is a standard issue toilet.

Beyond the bar area is the sitting area.  You have a TV, media console with a PS3, chair, ottoman, and a pull out sofa sleeper.  There is another thing in this area that ruins the room.  In some of the grand suites there is a door to the adjacent room.  This is nice if you book both suites for a big family cruise.  This is AWFUL in any other situation! This door has NO insulation.  I mean ZERO insulation.  In fact the all metal door might actually act as an amplifier.  You will hear EVERYTHING going on in the other room.  If you talk in a normal volume your neighbors will hear you.  If you speak a little higher than that they will be able to easily make out every word you are saying. 

So how much of an impact does the door really have?  I know more about a toddler named Julian than I ever wanted to know.  I never met Julian but I often heard him and his parents until 1am. The noise was so bad that, after I called the desk to complain, I tried to figure out what I could stack against the door to try and give it some sound proofing.  I honestly thought about pushing the chair against it and then packing my clothes in the gaps.  Sadly that wouldn’t have been enough.

The bed area isn’t bad.  They put a bunch of mirrors here to make it seem larger than it is.  There are two night stands, a coffee maker (not in the bathroom!) and some more storage in this area.  The bed itself total crap.  If you enjoy a hard bed with no support this is the bed for you! I was really surprised by these beds considering the Grandeur recently went through an overhaul.  Carnival , NCL, and Disney have much better beds.  Maybe Royal Caribbean was hoping people would be too intoxicated to care about the beds.  Royal Caribbean was wrong.

The balcony was very nice but odd.  It was quite long with a table and two deck chairs.  The rest of it was empty.  That’s what makes this balcony odd.  There was a lot of open space / wasted space.  They could have put lounger or something else out there to fill in the space.

Now for a comparison, the same stateroom that does not have the “DOOR” in it is very different.  A family we ate dinner with most nights were staying in one of those suites about three doors down from us. 

T. Straub had this to say about that room compared to ours:

 

The adjoining door really screws with your space. We had a wrap around sofa that
gave the girls a queen space and the spacing between the pieces was
different which made the night stands much more usable. The play station
plugs and coffee maker and center was all together. The vanity area also
looked different from yours. It is a actually amazing how little things ,
like the adjoining door , changes the layout in the same class of suite. I
may never be able to book a Junior Suite Again. For a family with kids, this
is the only way to go.

 

The Concierge:

The Concierge for grand suite guests on the Grandeur is tucked away on the top deck, around the corner from their signature bar.  You are supposed to need a key to get into it but that feature on the Grandeur was busted.

Once you are inside you will be greeted by the Concierge.  On the Grandeur the staff in here is top notch.  They are some of the best concierge staff I have run into.  They were actually much better than the concierge staff I’ve run into while staying at club level at the Disney resorts.

While you are in this lounge you can drink whatever you want at no cost.  Between booze and soft drinks over the seven days my wife and I would have spent over $250 if we had to pay for what we drank (granted that’s at cruise ship prices).  We are not big drinkers either.   We are only talking about three drinks per person per day.  That goes a long way into lowering the cost difference between a grand suite and a normal junior suite.

There is also food available in the lounge.  The quality wasn’t bad.  It was better than what you would expect them to give away in a lounge.  It was much better than the food I’ve run into at the club level at the Disney resorts.

The Concierge will also make reservations for you.  In fact you will do better booking through him than on your own.  If something is sold out it might not be sold out when you book through your Concierge.  In some cases they can bend and break the rules for you.

The Shows:

This is not an overview of the entertainment on RC.  This is to let you know that if you book a Grand Suite you get reserved seating.  I can’t explain how nice this is if you are going to go to one of the shows.  On other cruise lines you have to get to the venue an hour early and sit through bingo to get a seat you can actually see from.  That’s not the case if you are staying in a grand suite.

Exclusive Party:

People staying in a grand suite or better also get access to an exclusive party.  They have the typical free booze and food that you would expect at one of these.  They also role out the ships officers who make the rounds and meet everyone.  This was a nice little bonus. 

Getting Off the Ship:

Normally this is awful.  If you are staying grand suite or better you report to the lounge.  They feed you and then your concierge reserves the elevator to keep anyone else on the ship from using it.  Once the call is made he personally takes you down to the correct deck and sees you off the ship.  I think for this alone it might be worth the cost of staying grand suite or higher. 

 

Wrap Up:

Overall if you take advantage of the perks that come with a grand suite it can actually be a value.  However, the worst thing you could do is book this room and then not go to the lounge or take advantage of the other perks.  For this to be a value you REALLY need to take advantage of all the perks.

You can see a video tour of the room here.

If you are looking for a cruise review, that’s coming at a later date.

Secrets Private Seaside Dining Review

What turns a meal into a value?  For some people it’s solely based on the food they receive.  Some people want a lot of food for their money, others are only concerned about quality, and others still want a balance of both. 

On the other side of the coin you have people who give a lot of weight to the environment they are eating in.  If a place is poorly decorated the meal isn’t as good.  If a place has exceptional atmosphere maybe it makes up for subpar food. 

When you are paying $160 to $200 for two people to eat all of the above come into play.  Secrets offers a private dining option.  This option puts you and one other person at an outside, seaside, candle / torch list table.  You get one bottle of wine and a three course meal.  Is that worth the price?

Since a majority of the readers of this blog are Disney fans I am going to draw a lot Disney comparisons to help you judge if this option is worth the hefty price tag.  

The Atmosphere

It wouldn’t be easy to beat the atmosphere you experience with this dining option.  It is a nice relaxing atmosphere.  In most cases you will be eating on the sand somewhere.  The torches give just enough light to make things comfortable.

It sounds great but there are some big drawbacks.  First of all your experience could vary dramatically from another persons experience.   The reason for this is the actual dining locations vary greatly.  Some are out of the way and private while others are only feet from main walking path meaning you get no privacy whatsoever.   In our case we were put on a strip of sand a few feet from a private pool and the doors to half a dozen rooms.  All the lights were off so it wasn’t bad but it wasn’t ideal.

If you eliminate the privacy issue the atmosphere was about on par with a mid to high end Disney dining location.  San Angel Inn, The California Grille, and Garden Grille all offer atmospheres that have the same level of atmosphere.  Granted I am talking about having atmosphere not what kind.

So overall the atmosphere does not meet the price you pay. It’s just too much of a crap shoot.

The Service

The service starts with your server or a assistant meeting you at one of the bars and then walking you to your table.  In theory this should work well.  Our experience was not a positive one.  The bar we were assigned to wait at was closed for a private party so we didn’t even have anywhere to sit or get a drink.  We felt like a nuisance as we stood around and waited, and wait we did. 

We checked in, were checked off, and told our server would be with us shortly.  Then we waited as they tried to find our server.  No one seemed to know where he was.  After seeing the chaos of four different people call or try to find our server, finally someone showed up to seat us, twenty minutes after we were supposed to start our dinner.  Not a good start.  Considering this was supposed to be personalized service that exceeded our expectations it fell flat.  Most check in experiences at most Disney dining locations were far superior to what we experienced here.  This could be an anomaly but it still happened.  If it happened to one party I don’t doubt it’s happened to others.

Our server was decent.  He did well but considering what you are paying and what you get he was not up to par.  When I think of a dining experience that claims it’s on this level I think of The California Grille or Jiko.  At either of those locations you will normally get service that was far better than what we got at t his private dinner.

The service fell far short of mark.

The Food

So did the food make up for the other shortcomings?  I’ll start by saying the food I would expect at this price range should be on par with Jiko, The California Grille, The Brown Derby (when it’s at its best), or Narcoossee’s. The food wasn’t even close to what you’d get at any of them.

The food was terrible but there was one major issue with it.  The food was the exact same food you could get at any of the other restaurants on the property.  All of those restaurants were included in the cost of your vacation.  When you pay beyond that you expect something really special not the same stuff in a different location.

The food was a major flop for the price.

In the end, if you buy the cheapest package, you are paying $160 - $200 to eat on the beach under torchlight.  Keep that in mind.  You can get the same food and similar service at any of the normal dining locations at Secrets.  If the experience of dining seaside is worth that price for you then you would want to do this.  If that sounds insane then avoid this package at all costs.

Booze To Be Served In the Magic Kingdom!

After 41 years of being try the Magic Kingdom is going to sell alcohol.  For the first time a dinging location in Magic Kingdom will allow it's patrons to order wine or beer. 

The Be Our Guest restaraunt will serve beer and wine when it opens.  The official excuse for this is that it is a French dining location and you can't eat French food without a glass of wine.

We all know the real reason is that all the parents need somewhere to take the edge off when they realize how much money they spent on a vacation only to see their kid melt down and cause a scene after being dragged out in the hot Florida sun for 12 hours.

Nothing says memories like a heat stroked kid and half buzzed parents.

Dining Review: Ohana Character Breakfast

Stitch didn't molest her but will you be so lucky?

Disney has a number of character dining locations. Some, like Chef Mickey’s, have almost become a rite of passage. Overall character meals are one of the best ways to interact with the characters.


Most people might not think of Ohana when they are looking for a character meal. In some ways I can understand that. If you have the choice between Chef Mickey’s and the seeing the fab five or going to Ohana and seeing Stitch and friends most people would lean towards Chef Mickey’s.

Here is why you should lean towards Ohana.

The Food: The food is typical Disney breakfast food. You are not going to find anything amazing but you will get decent breakfast food. So why would Ohana get a leg up here? While they offer fewer options when compared to Chef Mickey’s, you don’t have to deal with a buffet. The food here is delivered to your table. It’s in a family style format.

The Service: The service is a little better than Chef Mickey’s. Your server interacts with you more and it seems like they have fewer tables they have to deal with.

The Characters: The description says “Lilo and Stitch” but that’s a little deceptive. Lilo and Stitch will be there but they will be joined by Mickey, Minnie, and some other characters. You will see Lilo and Stitch and some other characters but the others could be mixed. One thing I will warn you about – Stitch tends to molest women. If you are just a couple and Stitch comes up he will try to kiss the girl. I don’t mean kiss her hand. I mean full on grab her and try to make out with her. I wish I had caught this on video because it seemed a little extreme.

The Atmosphere: The atmosphere at Chef Mickey’s can be hit or miss it really depends on where they stick you. The atmosphere at Ohana is very nice. The south seas feel is great and you get some nice views out the large windows. Overall Ohana beats Chef Mickey’s in this area.

Cost: At the time of this publication Chef Mickey’s cost $4 more than Ohana. You get a better selection of food at Chef Mickey’s but nothing else is better than what you get at Ohana. That being said take a chance on Ohana. You’ll save money and have a great character experience.

Dining Review: Breakfast at the Kona Cafe

Kona Café is the open air table service dining location found in the main lobby of the Polynesian resort. It’s on the second floor across from Ohana. Most people of think of Ohana when they think of dining at the Polynesian. After all Ohana has the character breakfast, it’s a much larger location, and the options at Ohana are a little more diverse.


Does this mean you should skip Kona and just head over to Ohana? No way!

The Food:

Kona has one of the best if not the best breakfasts you’ll find in all of Disney World. If you are the kind of person who likes to stuff themselves senseless first thing in the morning before heading out to ride amusement park rides than this is the place for you.

Kona has some really off the wall options. Sure they have some normal breakfast options but this is Disney World. Who wants normal? We don’t want normal we want TONGA TOAST!

Tonga Toast is multiple slices of French toast, stuffed with bananas, rolled in cinnamon sugar, and covered in strawberry compote. If that doesn’t sound fattening enough it comes with your choice of meat. I have eaten this thing twice and both times I thought I was going to burst after.

If you like coffee than you have to go to Kona. It’s one of the few places in Disney World that actually serves coffee (not that awful liquid poo in a cup you find throughout Disney World). They have a French press pot they will deliver to your table.

The Atmosphere:

Kona is an open air restaurant which means there are no walls between the dining floor and resort lobby. This can lead to some noise issues but it’s by no means a loud restaurant. Beyond that there are only a few things to really point out. The fans are one of those things. It’s not often you would point out a ceiling fan but the ones at Kona are something else. Imagine a bunch of wide fan blades bolted to a tube that spins vertically instead of horizontally. It sounds odd but it works.

The Service:

The service at Kona is up to Disney standards. Nothing really stood out but nothing detracted either. Our server was prompt and friendly. Our order was delivered in a timely manner and we did not feel rushed. This is important when it comes to breakfast. Sometimes the desire to turn over the table becomes very apparent. This was not the case at Kona.

The Price:

I normally avoid cost unless it has a positive or negative impact on the restaurant. In this case it’s a positive. When compared to typical Disney prices Kona is cheap. Considering the fact that you might have to waddle out of the restaurant after eating the Tonga Toast you’d think Disney would set you back $20 for it. It only costs $13. Granted that is expensive when compared to non-Disney prices but for a gut busting meal on Disney property it’s cheap.

Overall the Kona Café is a must do if you are staying at the Polynesian. If you are not staying there but want to do a breakfast on a day you are going to the Magic Kingdom it’s one of the best choices you can make. It’s hard to find many places in Disney World that offer more bang for your dollar.

Dining Review: Le Cellier

Le Cellier has such a reputation among Disney fans that it’s hard to go their without preconceptions.   You go expecting everything to be perfect.  After all, to get in requires booking and ADR as soon as your window opens up.  Even then you might not get in.  Can Le Cellier live up to that kind of hype?

The Food:

The food at Le Cellier is very good and consistent.   If you like red meat this is the place for you.  It seems like everything on this menu was mad to clog your arteries.  Even the options that don’t involve meat like the cheddar cheese soup has enough fat to make you swoon but it sure is good to be bad every now and then.

As far as the entrees go I will warn any vegans that there is not one option available on the standard menu.  You will need to let them know (in advance would be best) that you would like a vegan option. The apps are not much better either.  None of them are vegan  but at least they can leave the cheese off on a number of them.

For desert you can nab a lovely indulgence called maple syrup crème brulee.  If you don’t like custard then go with the tri of chocolate.  There are some other options including a no sugar added mousse.

The Drinks:

Why did I put drinks in a different category?  Le Cellier has some of the best alcoholic beverages in Disney World.  It’s a hidden secret.  For example they offer a flight of Unibroue beers.  These are the best beers available in Disney World but be warned!  They will knock you on your butt.  They have almost as much alcohol as a wine.

You can also get a great flight of martinis.  My wife did that and loved them.  They really mix it up and offer a number of different choices.  It’s really too bad Le Cellier doesn’t have a bar you can just go to and order a drink.

The Atmosphere:

I’ve covered this before and the atmosphere in Le Cellier is decent.  There are a lot of exposed wood accents that give the place a feel like you are in a cellar or dark tavern.  My only problem with the atmosphere is it feels claustrophobic.  I’m not a claustrophobic person but I feel like I’m in bomb shelter when I’m in Le Cellier.  I think this is because of the comparatively low ceiling, dark tones, and somewhat small dining room.

The Service:

It’s hard to beat the service at Le Cellier.  The servers are not stuffy they are the polar opposite of Chefs de France (see my review of Chefs de France for more info).  They are warm and friendly and will interact with you.  They also always seem to be smiling.

The Cost:

Here is where Le Cellier falls short.  The prices here are insane.  It’s hard to justify the prices here.  They just keep creeping up and up.   Add that to the fact that now Disney charges two dining plan credits to eat here for dinner and you start to lose value fast.

In the end Le Cellier is a great restaurant but if you cannot get a lunch reservation you’re better off going to a different dining option for dinner.   The dinner is just too expensive to justify if you are on the dining plan and it will hurt your wallet if you are not on the dining plan.   It’s not like one of the signature dining locations at the resorts.  This is still a theme park dining location.