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Friday, February 27, 2009

What’s up With the World Showcase?

I’ve always enjoyed the World Showcase. Most of the countries represented are well done. When it first opened with future world it was a known fact that it wasn’t complete. More countries would be added later. After the first few years everyone believed it. Two countries were added after it opened.

It’s been over twenty years since Norway was opened. Excuse me but what happened? Did World Showcase offend someone? Did it somehow become the ugly stepchild that everyone wants to ignore? It’s hard for me to really understand why the progression stopped. I hate leaving things half done. If I start something I want to finish it.

I realize everything ground to halt because Epcot started making money and Disney couldn’t find any countries willing to pony up the ridiculous amount of money that’s needed to build and support a pavilion. However, after the economy gets better go out and hit these countries up. They are big enough to be able to chip in some of the money.

India – They have the money. Most of it’s ours so what’s the problem? India would really add to the overall diversity of the World Showcase. There are all sorts of ride or movie possibilities that could easily fit into the theming of this pavilion. Ok so there is a problem with the whole Kashmir conflict but you could spin that into an interactive exhibit where you could launch shells over the mountains into Pakistan. Oh yeah there is that caste system too. Yeah, that kind of stinks. Other than that this is a great choice.

South Korea – This could be a great pavilion. South Korea has…stuff. They make decent cheap cars…umm…Oh yeah isn’t Samsung from South Korea? Well at least you’d have three potential sponsors. I’ve heard it’s a nice county. I had a boss that was from South Korea and I’m sure not everyone there is like her…I hope. So they might sometimes take their shoes off and beat each other with them when trying to pass legislation, but I’m sure it’s well deserved. Oh wait! That might have happened in Thailand.

Bangladesh – Ok you caught me, this one is a joke because it’s such a poor country but it could still be a good pavilion. You could have a ride that simulates the monsoon season and a massive flood that wipes everything out. The culture is interesting; it’s a big old mix of Muslim and Hindu. They don’t hate foreigners for the most part. Then again the number of people who visit Bangladesh has to be low.

Russia – When it comes to Russia the only question is why not? The Disney Channel is broadcast for free there. There is already a good relationship. Not many countries have such a diverse culture or diverse topography. This would be the perfect country for a movie. Just leave history out of it.

Australia – This would be a great pavilion. This would give Australia the chance to show who they really are. It would give them a chance to show that they didn’t create the Bloom’n Onion, brew more than just Fosters beer, Liddy Chamberlain is not a national celebrity, Paul Hogan is not the President of Australia (in fact they don’t even have a president. They have a Prime Minister), and they thought Steve Irwin was nuts too. I’ll tell you one thing. This pavilion would be NOTHING like the Outback restaurant which is considered offensive to most Australians. You’d have to find some really thick skinned Australians to work at this pavilion though. I think after I heard “Let’s throw another shrimp on the baabee” or “Good Day Mate” for the hundredth time I’d start swinging.

United Arab Emirates – Reason number one: they have more money than they know what to do with. Reason number two: they are investing a majority of that money in tourism because they know that the oil won’t last forever. Just look at what is going on in Dubai and you see proof of that. Reason number three: it would be a good example of a Muslim country in the Middle East, not just the crazies we see on TV. I know Morocco is Muslim but they are not in the Middle East.

So there are a few of the countries I think would fit well into the world showcase. If you don’t want to add a new country, then fix some of the existing ones. Mexico really needs a new ride (I know it was just redone but that was like putting a band aide on an open head wound). No one spends more than five minutes in Italy unless they are eating. The UK could use a movie. The movie in Norway is so old it’s comical. The rest are for the most part fine the way they are.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

That Music Is AWFUL…but I Love It

No matter where you go in Disney World you’ll hear music. In some cases it’s very obvious. In other cases you won’t even notice it. In all cases it adds to the overall experience.

Some of the music is sadistic. My wife knows this first hand. After riding the Carousal of Progress she had the theme song stuck in her head for the rest of our trip. She will always remember Disney when she hears that song. Arguably the most sadistic of all Disney songs is the theme to It’s a Small World. Even if avoid the ride the music finds a way into your ear. Once it’s there you just want shove a pencil in there to try and get it out. Banging your head against a wall doesn’t work.

There are some songs / music that can really bring you back to the parks when you hear it. For me it’s the music from Splash Mountain. The other one that really brings me back even though I don’t think it’s played at the parks anymore is the Epcot Entrance Medley. The background music from any of the parks can also do this. Sometimes I can’t remember ever hearing the music but it will bring me back. These cases really show the impact of music. Chances are you were not actively listening to that music but your brain was in the process of creating a memory with that music tied into it.

Everyone has a different song. It could be the Tree of Life music, the song from the American Adventure, O Canada or Pirates. In any case you know the power of music. If you don’t own any Disney CDs you get a fix at Mouse World Radio. If there is a song that you just have to have, you might be able to find it at http://www.parktunes.com/.

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Burping Troll of Walmart

Anyone who wants to read something Disney related might want to skip this post. In past posts I’ve mentioned the “Burping Troll of Walmart.” Some people might be wondering what on Earth I’m talking about. Well I’ll explain. The following story is not a joke, it’s not exaggerated, it is unfortunately a true story.

The Burping Troll of Walmart is an employee at the Portsmouth, NH Walmart located on Lafayette Road. It (I’m not saying if it’s a man or woman to protect the guilty) normally works the express checkout lane.

One day I was shopping at Walmart and only had a few items, so as most people would, I used the express checkout lane. It was my turn to check out. I looked at the “associate” and was taken aback. I don’t even know how to begin to describe what I saw. It looked like the lady from who played Momma Fratelli in the Goonies if she had abused heroin her entire life. She could have also passed as some unnatural cross between a human and a shaved bulldog. The only time I’ve really seen anything like it is in the movies or a video game. The naughty part of my brain wanted to take a picture because on one would every believe me.

Now you know why it is a “troll.” But why is she a burping troll? Let me continue with my story. After I got over the visual shock, I greeted the troll and got no response. I figured she was just having a bad day. After all if I looked like her I think I’d be having a bad day every day. As she was scanning my stuff it burped. Now I’m not talking about a small muffled burp. I’m talking about a wet, nasty, very audible, belch. It was the kind of burp that could have been followed by mouth wiping. I was shocked. I didn’t know how to react. I didn’t know if I should asked if she was ok or stay quite. I figured I should stay quite because it may have slipped and I didn’t want to make an awkward situation even worse.

The Troll finished scanning my items and I swiped my card. It asked me something. I can’t remember what it was because she had barely finished speaking when a second, equally disturbing burp, bellowed out of its mouth. Forget about not reacting. The guy behind me in line burst out laughing. I tired not to breathe because it sounded like it was a stinker. I grabbed my bags and got out of there as fast as I could.

I see the troll from time to time. Whenever I do I get into another line. I don’t care if I only have two items and the only other option is getting in line behind the mother ten with three hundred dollars in groceries, I’m getting in that line.

You might not believe me. You might figure that there is no way this could be a true story. If that’s so then I challenge you. Go to the Walmart in Portsmouth, NH and go to the express lanes on the grocery side of the store. You’ll know it when you see it.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Mmmmm…Tonga Toast….

From time to time I eat so much I think my stomach will burst. Normally it’s because I’m eating something that’s so good you can’t stop. The last time I ate like that was at the Kona Café. My wife and I went there for breakfast on our last trip. I’d never eaten there before so I just went with the waiter’s recommendation – the Tonga Toast. If you don’t know what Tonga Toast is, go to and book a trip to Disney, make an ADR at the Kona Café in the Polynesian, and order it. I’m not going to spoil it for you. It’s insane, it’s huge, and if you eat the whole thing you’ll need to lie down for a while.

I might not be remembering this correctly but I think it was the size of my head. It was the perfect texture. It was yummy. It makes up for the bland decorations at the Kona Café. The Polynesian is amazing but the café is kind of bland in comparison. The service was decent and it didn’t seem rushed which can easily happen with a breakfast service.

Other than the Tonga Toast the most memorable thing about our breakfast was a family sitting across from us. Were they a cute family? No. Were they an ugly family? No. Did they stink? No. Then why did they stand out? Dysfunction! The Kona Café doesn’t have any entertainment but we were well entertained through our meal. It was a rather large group. I’d say about ten people total. Most of the people were fine and seemed to enjoy their breakfast. The son and the father were another story. I don’t know what transpired before they arrived at the Kona Café but whatever it was it hit its boiling point once they sat down and got their menus. Seemingly out of the blue the father started yelling at his son and told him “If you don’t pick something you’re not going on any rides!” He then continued on berating his son stating how selfish he was. His rant ran for at least two minutes. That might not sound long but when you’re a witness of it, it seems like an eternity. It’s bad enough when you get ripped into in private. To get ripped into in front of your whole family and about fifty strangers is just awful. If the kid had a rock, he would have climbed under it.

Overall the Kona Café was great. It was the best breakfast we had on our trip. The food was good, the service was good, and the entertainment was great!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Are you 23?

Ummm…I really don’t care. For those of you (like anyone is actually reading this) who haven’t heard of it, “Are you 23” is a viral marketing campaign that Disney is currently doing. If you Yahoo it you’ll end up at the site. You’ll notice that the only info provided is that question and that you can find out in March. That leads me to my response, I don’t care. Why don’t I care? Simple, if I cared I’d only be disappointed. That’s the problem with these campaigns. People go nuts trying to think of what it means and they start coming up with all sorts of crazy ideas. I’m going to throw some ideas out there just for fun. Some of these might be legit the others…not so much.

1 - The 23rd child of the nut job who gave birth to the octuplets. At this rate she’s only a few years away.

2 - Your IQ is 23. It’ll be Disney’s new promotion. If you’re dumb you get in FREE!

3 - You’re 23 and still in high school. It’s the premise for Disney’s “High School Musical” replacement series.

4 - A new 23 pack of Disney Blu-Ray movies. You can’t but them separately, you have to buy them together. Sadly this could actually be what the promotion is about.

5 - The 23rd person of low moral fiber to file a frivolous law suit against Disney this year because you forgot to read the warning sign and went on a ride that didn’t agree with you.

6 - The 23rd person who booked a vacation package for Mouse Fest without knowing it was canceled for 2009.

7 - 23rd person to get beat up by someone dressed as Pluto.

8 - The 23rd single father to hit on the lady playing one of the princesses, in the last 12 hours.

9 - The 23rd college student to die while “drinking around the world” in Epcot.

10 - The 23rd person to try to throw up in the American Pavilion while trying to eat around the world.

11 - The 23rd person to drink Maple Syrup in the Canada Pavilion because Len Testa did.

12 - The 23rd person to start a fist fight over a “Toy Story Midway Mania” score.

13 - 23 is the magical age that Disney throws out their child actors.

14 - Be the 23rd Disney starlet to have a topless photo leaked on the internet. Remember kids – think before you do something. That’s why you have a brain. You know what a brain is right?

15 - The 23rd person to receive a life long ban for trying to break into the Cinderella Castle Suite.

16 - The 23rd Steve Irwin fanatic to get arrested for trying to sneak onto Discovery Island because you heard there were crocs over there.

17 - The 23rd freak to get stopped at the gates while trying to smuggle in a mannequin.

18 - The 23rd butt-head to ask a cast member where Disney found the big chickens used to make the turkey legs.

19 - The 23rd idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of false advertising to sue because Space Mountain doesn’t send you into space and Disney is therefore guilty of false advertising.

20 - The 23rd person with cranial-rectal inversion to tell their friends that there are people living on Mars after riding Mission Space.

21 - Be the 23rd mental giant to try and argue that Disney World is the Magic Kingdom (actual conversation overheard in a queue in Magic Kingdom).

22 - Be the 23rd goober to try and order a turkey leg as an entre and a Dole Whip for desert at the California Grill.

23 - Meet Disney’s 23 new princesses and have the opportunity to buy all of there own signature merchandise! Collect them all and get a special prize!

Finding a Gem

Every now and then I run into or experience something that really surprises me. It can range from things I run into in my day to day life (like the burping troll of Walmart) or things you experience while traveling (an airline employee who is actually helpful).

On my first trip to Disney World over 20 years ago (when I was a little poo flinging monkey) it was everything. When you’re a kid everything blows you away. Over the years different things struck me and most of the time is was something I almost skipped.

First on this list was Splash Mountain. Before I went on this ride I did not like rides with drops or any kind of thrill ride (It’s not weird a lot of kids don’t). Splash Mountain became my favorite ride. Every time I hear the music now it brings a smile to my face. I think one of the reasons this stands out is because you experience it with your entire family and can walk away with a picture of it. The picture on this ride stands out. The Tower of Terror has a decent photo but most of the time it includes a lot of people you don’t know. Other rides may not show your entire group. The amount of people in the picture on Splash Mountain seems to be the right balance.

Next is the ExtraTERRORestial Encounter. This ride blew me away. It was the perfect match for a fifteen year old. It had effects that were so new I’d never experienced them before. The tap on your head, hot breath on your neck, and crazy sound effects left a lasting memory. They should have taken your picture when you got tapped on the head. If you are going to be poked or prodded on a ride it has to be done right. This one was perfect. It’s not like the “It’s Tough to be a Bug” show. That one goes over the top. The poke in the back is just unpleasant even if it is funny to see how parents start running for the exit with a screaming kid after.

I rode Body Wars shortly after it opened. You can imagine that I was quite young then. I’d never ridden a ride like that. I was amazed. I also thought it was funny that it made my dad sick. He could ride anything and not get sick but that really got to him for some reason. I loved the storyline too. It seemed solid or at least it worked for me. Sadly at times there are some rides that come out now that are a little lacking in the storyline or don’t even try.

It’s not a ride but the Hoop Dee Doo Review is memorable no matter what age you are. I was very young the first time I went to the Hoop Dee Doo. It’s one of the few attractions that seems to get better with time. Each time this show has amazed me. The first time when I was a kid my dad got picked to be the Fairy God Mother. A few times later I battled my brother in law and a friend of mine in a rib and chicken eating contest. My brother in law won but he had to lay down at the bus stop because his stomach hurt so much. I was pulled out early because I got picked to be the Indian on stage. By the time I was done my brain told me how full I was and I couldn’t eat my strawberry shortcake. The last time I went, it had been about eleven years since I had seen the show. My wife thought it was going to be corny but went with me after I told her about the “all you can drink” beer or wine. I forgot how funny the show was and how involved the actors get with the show. I was completely charmed again.

Mexico is hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. Walking in there when I was a kid I was overwhelmed. I just thought wow. The Imagineers broke the mold when they did the Mexico pavilion. It really seems like you are in an open air market at night. The Pyramid in the background is awe inspiring. The restaurant on the river is worth the money just because of the setting.

I was not going to go on Monsters Inc. Laugh Floor. My wife and I were walking by it, saw there was no line, and decided to give it a shot. I was shocked. It was really funny. They do an amazing job at actually making the show funny. At first I thought it was going to be mainly for kids. It’s not. It’s funny for everyone. Most of the people they pick out of the audience are adults too. If you have avoided this ride in the past, don’t, it’s a very fun experience. On second thought, if you’re weird looking avoid this ride. They’ll probably pick you out tease you.

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Liberty Tree Tavern

I’ve found that if you take an average restaurant with average food and place it in one of Disney’s Theme parks, you can charge a premium and the restaurant will be busting at the seams.

I had lunch at the Liberty Tree Tavern. The food wasn’t bad but I made a foolish mistake. I ordered the pot roast. The post roast was decent. If it was decent why was it a mistake or order it? If you are from New England chances are you’ve eaten your weight in pot roast. Often home made pot roast is second to none but if you don’t want to spend the time making it you can hit Durgin Park in Quincy Market. Pot roast outside of New England is just average. That’s not an insult to people who make it outside of NE. I think you need the temp needs to be below 30, salty air, need to be wearing a Red Sox jersey while watching the Pats beat the Jets, and have a funny accent to make it correctly.

The decorations were ok but it doesn’t compare to about two hundred restaurants in NE and to compare it to Plymouth Plantation is just mean.

The service wasn’t bad but it was rushed. That leads me to the biggest problem with the Liberty Tree Tavern. It seats an insane number of people. When you seat that many people in one restaurant, the food is going to suffer a little and service is going to be marginal. When we had lunch the place was mobbed. I mean it was busting at the seams. If we hadn’t had an ADR we would have been going to the turkey leg cart for lunch.

When compared to the other options in the park, Liberty Tree Tavern is a decent choice. It’s one of the best restaurants in the Magic Kingdom. Keep in mind, that’s like saying I have best cell on death row. The dining options in the Magic Kingdom are limited. The bar isn’t very high. In fact the bar is so low I bet a drunk could step over it after a bender.

Then again why would Disney put a decent non-buffet table service in the Magic Kingdom? There is no reason to. Like I said the place was busting at the seams.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It’s the Little Things


Every now and then a cast member does something small that makes a good experience a truly memorable one. A cast member could do something big for you and you’d overlook it and think that’s what they need to do. You could be having an awful day, verbally beat a cast member senseless, and ignore what they do when they fix the problem. It’s the little things they do that can blow you away. We overlook it when someone bends backwards but when they show a little personal interest it can really knock you off of your feet.

Years ago my grand mother wanted to go on Space Mountain. My mom didn’t like roller coasters, I was an eight year old wimp, and my sister was doing a tour so my dad ended up taking her on. At the time she was near 70 so he wasn’t sure how she was going to respond. At the end of the ride my grand mother noticed that there was no line. She dragged my dad back on. At the end of that ride – still no line - round three! At the end of round three the cast member stopped my grand mother and told her it was too long of a walk. He let her just go around again, and again, and again. She got off after the sixth time.

That didn’t cost the cast member anything. Not time, money, or any real effort but twenty years later we still remember it and it was even mentioned at her funeral.

When I was a kid my parents took my sister and I to Chef Mickey’s for breakfast on one of our trips. Chip and Dale, Pluto, and Mickey were all there for the character breakfast. I remember Pluto. I don’t really remember the others beyond the fact that they were there. Why do I remember Pluto? Because he stole my shoe and took off with it in his mouth. That’s something small but everyone still remembers me chasing Pluto around Chef Mickey’s to get my shoe back. Years later I’d realize just how good Pluto and the gang were.

People don’t realize how hard it is to dress up like a character. I didn’t until I got a job at an arcade / funhouse called “Joker’s.” I had to dress up like the joker. Not the batman – face paint kind of joker but the three foot wide head with a big body suit joker. For people who have never dressed up in a suit like this it’s really hard to explain how rough it can be. Here are some hazards:

-After the first six months a sports cup became part of the uniform. Yes kids, little boys especially, enjoyed hitting the joker in the crotch.

-It’s hot. I was inside and in New England and it was hot. I have no idea how the Disney people can bear it in the summer.

-You can’t see. I believe that horses with blinders on have a better field of vision than anyone in a character suit.

-People are nuts. You can never predict what a seemingly normal person will turn into when they see someone in a character suit. Add liquor to that and it’s even worse.

-It takes forever to get in and out of the suit and you normally need help. This if fun if you have to pee.


Other than my grand mother and Pluto, I can’t remember any other stand out experiences. I’m sure they were there I just can’t think of them now. Next time you’re in Disney, just stop and look. I bet you can spot one.

Monday, February 9, 2009

It’s Good…Let’s Ruin It!


In 1995 I ate at Artist Point. It was one of the best meals I’d ever eaten at Walt Disney World. The portions were good, the menu had a lot of options, and nothing I or my family ordered was bad. It really stood out as a fine dining experience.

Fast forward 13 years. I brought my wife to Artist Point. I know a lot can change in 13 years but I wasn’t expecting what we ran into.

First – the atmosphere. The atmosphere in Artist Point is nice. It has tall windows all over the place, a huge ceiling with a large chandelier, and some western artwork.

Second – the service. The service was decent. Our server was nice but he didn’t really do anything that would put him in the great category.

Third – the food. Totally forgettable. I wish I was kidding. I can’t remember what I had. It was so ordinary and cookie cutter that I forgot. I can tell you what I had 13 years ago (quail) because it was that good. This time nothing stood out. It was just an average dining experience at a fine dining price. If there was a corner that could be cut, Disney cut it. The berry cobbler is the biggest example. In 95 it was the size of a dinner plate with tons of berries and ice cream. It was so awe inspiring I took a photo of which I put into this post. It’s been reduced to the size of an ice cream bowl with less of everything, but double the price. Now that’s what I call progress!

Thank you Disney World for taking a fond memory and giving it a swirly. Maybe you could come over my house and replace my TV with a 13 inch black and white tube TV. Or grab my PS3 and replace it with a Sega Dreamcast.

If I go back, I’m guessing the berry cobbler will be an English muffin with raspberry jam on it. Oh stupid me…I should have kept my mouth shut…I can only imagine a Disney stooge reading this and thinking “Wow! Why didn’t I think of that?!? Someone get Food Services on the phone. Papa’s getting a bonus this year!

Friday, February 6, 2009

I Don’t Even Like Hats…

One thing stuck me when I got home after my last Disney World trip. I bought a hat that I’ll most likely never wear. I don’t wear hats very often so why did I buy a hat? Come to think of, when did I go to Disney World and not buy a hat or come away with a hat? Most of the hats have been so embarrassing I’d never, ever, wear them out in public. Think I’m joking? Check this list of foolish and embarrassing hats I got at Disney World. This list goes from the least embarrassing to the most embarrassing hat.


Mickey Mouse Fishing Hat – Well first of all I don’t fish so I have no idea why I bout this hat and wore it around Disney. At least it wasn’t as bad as some of my others. It was just a tan fishing had with a small Mickey Mouse on the front of it.


You Better Take the Stairs: Tower of Terror Hat – This was my most recent purchase. I will admit it’s a “cute” hat. It’s black with white letters and three cartoon slides with Goofy and Mickey on them. Problem number one - a guy shouldn’t really be wearing a hat that could be described as cute. Problem number two – you probably don’t want to get attention from the people who would comment on this hat outside of Disney World.


The Goofy Hat – I was a kid when I got this and I loved it. It was a baseball hat with Goofy’s face on it. It had big Goofy ears that hung down to your shoulders and even had two big teeth the hung off of the end of the visor. Now that I’ve explained what it looks like you know why an adult wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it.


The Figment Hat – When I was a kid Figment was my favorite park character. That being so, I just had to buy the figment hat when I saw it. This thing was just awful. It was purple, orange, and yellow. If that’s not reason enough not to wear it, it also had two orange figment horns protruding from it.


Only a select few ever wore this final hat. This was given away for obvious reasons. It took a brave sole to wear it. Before I start describing this hat, go back to the “HOLY POO FLINGING MONKEYS! It’s Darkwing Duck!” post to see a picture of this hat. For anyone who wore that hat a shiver instantly went down their spine when they saw that photo. It was the one, the only, Fifteen Years of Magic “I’m a Winner” hat! It was a blue sun visor. That’s no so bad is it? Well take that blue sun visor and print “I’m a Winner” on the front of it. Sounds bad right? Well wait just one minute! Put battery operated, flashing, yellow and red lights across the border! Ah, now there is a master piece that all the famous artists of history could never have equaled. You may ask, “How on Earth did you find yourself in possession that thing?” During Disney World’s “Fifteen Years of Magic” promotion, every fifteenth person through the park gates won something. My dad won something but I can’t remember what it was. The very next day I won the hat. Let me tell you I was thrilled. For a kid to get a hat that lights up…well you just can’t beat that.

There had been other strange purchases at Disney World through out the years: pocket watches, figment plush toys, a Skippy plush toy, and a “Hundred Acre Wood” Henley. Even when I think of those odd purchases the hats still stand out. I’m starting to think that now I have to buy a hat every time just keep up appearances. But, how could I possibly improve on that list? I think I set the bar too high.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

It Got a Flat Tire so We Bought a New Car.

Through the years there has been a lot of protests over rides that Disney has decided to remove / close / replace. In each case the hard feelings normally boiled down to the fact that people felt like a piece of their childhood or young adulthood was been erased. When you look beyond that there are some rides that really make you wonder why they were shelved while others remained. In many cases these rides were either unique, ground breaking, or victims of circumstance. Here are the ones that I want to see again:


ExtraTERROResital Alien Encounter: This ride was intense. It was the most Un-Disney ride Disney ever built. It has as many rabid fans as it does sworn enemies. The problem with this ride was it was opened in the Magic Kingdom with only a height requirement. Too many young children were allowed on this attraction. When you think about it this attraction was a PG-13 borderline R attraction. I say that because you got sprayed with water to simulate someone getting torn apart above you and it was beyond frightening for children. If Disney had opened this in DHS with an age requirement or actual rating I think it would still be around today. Too many dumb parents ignored the warning at the entrance and dragged their kids on this ride.


Horizons: I was fascinated by this ride as a child. It’s the first ride I can remember that had an interactive ending. I rode it over and over so I could see all of the endings. I’ve ridden Mission Space (Horizons replacement) once. It was good but I don’t think I’d ride it more than once a visit. I consider myself fortunate that I rode this ride just before it closed. There are a lot of rumors as to why Horizons bit the dust. Some say that the building had a sinkhole developing under it. Some said it would have been too expensive to overhaul. Others say that Disney couldn’t find a sponsor for it. I tend to believe the last one. Disney always puts money ahead of its guests, they just mask it well.


Mr. Toads Wild Ride: Ok this isn’t on the level of others but I have two reasons why it should have stayed. It was the only ride ever in which you died and went to hell. That makes it beyond unique. Here is my other reason. You replaced it with crap. I’m sorry but at its best the Pooh ride breaks even with Mr. Toad. If you’re going to replace a classic it better be an improvement.

The World of Motion: The song was great, the scenes were funny, and it was a classic Disney experience. Granted the World of Motion was getting old but that’s not an excuse. There are a lot of rides that are far older that are still around. According to many, GM is responsible for the death of this ride. It was time to re-sign and they wanted something new and flashy. Because they had the money, Disney was more than happy to jump on that band wagon. What we got as a replacement isthe most over hyped, over rated, attraction in Disney history.

The original Pirates: I like the new Pirates. I think they were some great additions that improved the ride. What runined those improvements is the fact that Disney knocked the teeth out of Pirates. They made it so PC that it’s just not funny anymore. Face it. It’s only a matter of time before the fat lady in the “take home a wench” scene is replaced and the sign is changed to say "Marry a Maid". Everything else that was funny was removed to avoid offending anyone. Like the fat lady chasing the pirate. That was classic!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Citricos…Where’s the Burping Troll When You Need Her?

Every now and then you go somewhere that is just amazing. Amazing can be good or bad. I only heard good things about Citricos. That should have been a warning. I should have thought “it can’t be that good” but I didn’t. Because of all the hype I planned it for our last night in Disney World. It was a memorable meal. Memorable like when you were a kid and someone farted at the dinner table, ruining everyone’s appétit.

Citricos was not good. The atmosphere was ok. I wasn’t impressed but it wasn’t bad. We got stuck in some far corner by a pillar but I wasn’t there for the atmosphere. The food was ok but I wasn’t amazed by anything I had. I even went out of my safety zone and tried some different stuff in hopes of finding a gem. I didn’t find any gems that night. I did however find some really over priced food. To be honest if I wasn’t on the dining plan I would have been a little upset. For the price, the food was not worth it.

The service was bad! You have a waiter and an assistant. The assistant was great. He was attentive and tried hard. It wasn’t easy for him because he struggled a little with English, but you could tell he really wanted to be helpful. Our waiter introduced himself, brought our food, and we never saw him again. I wish there had been a way to tip just the assistant. I guess I could have tried to slip him some money and left nothing at the table but that just seems sneaky.

Our waiter obviously didn’t care in the least. He was more than willing to let his assistant do all the work and then swoop in and collect the tip. You might be thinking that it’s the system. That, if you have a situation where you have a waiter and an assistant this would promote such an attitude. I’ve been on a number of cruises. Most cruises use this format in the dining room. It’s always worked and led to great service. The system works but any system will fail if you get a lazy individual who just wants to take advantage of someone else. I’ve had better service from the burping troll who works the express lane at Walmart (long story). It was a disappointing end to our final night in Disney World. You’d like things to go out with a bang not a fizzle.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Disney Worlds Unofficial Marathons

Disney World has official marathons which thousands attend and participate in. During those marathons many of the resort hotels are packed and short shorts are everywhere!

There are other marathons in Disney World. They are not advertised and thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people participate in them every year. I know there must be a list of them somewhere online but here are the ones I know about:

Splash Mountain Madness Marathon
Space Mountain Sucker Punch Marathon
Big Thunder Mountain Stampede Marathon
Test Track Hip Check Marathon
Soaring Death Race Marathon
Toy Story Midway Mania Kid Kicker Marathon
Tower of Terror Cardiac Arrest Marathon
Rocking Roller Coaster Groupie Marathon
Safari “I like turtles” Marathon
Expedition Everest Yeti Lovers Marathon
Len Testa “Tequila is now being served in Mexico” Marathon

If you can’t tell these are the “Marathons” people participate in when the theme parks in Disney World first open. On my last trip to Disney World my wife and I participated in four of these death races; the Soaring Death Race Marathon, Splash Mountain Madness Marathon, Len Testa “Tequila is now being served in Mexico” Marathon, and the Tower of Terror Cardiac Arrest Marathon.

The most laid back is the Len Testa “Tequila is now being served in Mexico” Marathon. This one has not gained the notoriety of the other marathons yet. I recommend you do this soon because once something catches on in Disney it doesn’t stop until someone sues. This marathon normally takes place around 11:00 when you can start getting booze in Mexico. A new marathon could be initiated on the opposite side of the World Showcase at Canada but Tequila is better than Canadian Beer and no one wants to go beyond the first country for a drink that early in the morning.

The next “easiest” “marathon” is the Splash Mountain Madness Marathon on a mild day (or as anyone from the south says a “frigid” day). When it’s hot out this one can be brutal. There are multiple paths you can take for this one. You can go through Adventure Land or you can go through Liberty Square. I recommend Liberty Square. It’s not as direct but there seems to be less traffic. You also avoid all of the parrot heads stampeding to Pirates of the Caribbean.

The Tower of Terror Cardiac Arrest Marathon was a moderate marathon. It earned its name because of a group of people we got stuck behind while making our way over when the rope dropped. They were obliviously very out of shape and pushing someone in a wheel chair. They were attempting to run (term used loosely) down Hollywood Blvd. You can guess how long that lasted. They soon pulled over and took a break. For best success – stick to the side walks until you hit Hollywood Blvd.

The Soaring Death Race Marathon is what it sounds like. It’s brutal. If I ever attempt this again I’m packing heat. The layout of Epcot combined with the location of Soaring makes this one of the hardest marathons you can attempt. To sum this one up – way too many people in to small of a space with many bottle necks. Make sure you carry kids or rope up, if you don’t you’ll have fewer kids than you start with.

In the end the Disney World Unofficial Marathons are insane. I would love to know how many people get trampled throughout a year. I guess these were worse when Disney didn’t do crowd control for them. I can’t even imagine that. I have to say that any cast member that leads the crowds to the attractions needs hazardous duty pay.