WDW Today Starts Their Fifth Season without a Fatality

WDW Today has started their fifth season. Even more amazing is the fact that no one has died during an episode yet. Why is that an amazing fact? Consider the following facts.

Twice, not once, but twice the members of podcast ate around the world. You’d think after nearly rupturing their stomachs the first time common sense would have taken over. I will say that those episodes have been informative. If not for those episodes we wouldn’t know the danger of nachos, the pain of peach tea slime, or the joys of chugging maple syrup.

Mexico has a tequila bar and Len is still breathing. Despite his best efforts Len is still around. That’s a good thing too. Without Len our knowledge of alcohol in Disney World would be sub par. We also wouldn’t know the joys of WDW Transportation.

Scopa is still alive. That’s quite an accomplishment. Let’s see how good you look when you’re passing Master Yoda in the year count. He hasn’t laughed himself to death either. Sometimes he’s come close. We’re all happy Scoppa is still with us too. Without him we wouldn’t know about Scopa Towers, the Scopa special, or how to treat ancient people in the parks.

Matt hasn’t died of a heart attack on Dinosaur. We really need to get a camcorder and tape Matt next time he’s on Dinosaur. I’d pay to see that. Just don’t forget to bring a change of underwear for him. We all love Matt because he makes us feel smart when he tries to pronounce any name from New England. I’m sure he does other stuff too but that’s the most important thing.

Newell is still around despite his eating at Hooters everyday. We all know Newell loves Hooters. Matt told us so. If you eat at Hooters everyday it’s going to take a toll on your health. Without Newell we wouldn’t know that the human stomach can fit an entire order of nachos and still fit in a food item from every other country. He also brought us the bell which we all miss.

Annette didn’t choke to death on glitter. If you think that’s nothing, you haven’t been to that awful boutique in the castle. Annette was kidnapped, forced into the chair, then accosted. Through her incredible grit she survived. Which is good, we need someone to inhale helium balloons, be the whipping boy, and make sure the boys take at least one bath a week.

Only time will tell if they can make it through another season without, massive property damage, serious injuries, or being sued.

Authorities Track Maple Syrup Abuse Trend to Disney Community

Authorities, who have been battling a new trend of teens abusing maple syrup, have finally tracked the origins of the trend.

Near the end of last year children, teens, and even some adults began drinking maple syrup straight out of the bottle in an attempt to get a sugar high. Authorities immediately tried to stifle the troubling trend which can lead to obesity, diabetes, and even death.

“What first brought our attention to the problem was a shortage of maple syrup at the grocery store,” stated an Orange County FL detective and Disney favorite, Goofy. “Next we noticed an unusual number of fat kids, followed by a jump in diabetes.”

Abusers started using new slang to hide what they were doing. Terms such as “Going to the last country on the right,” “Would you like a Testa Shot,” and “The Finish Line,” have become common.

“These terms were all clues that helped the authorities track the origins of this crisis,” stated an outraged, professional cow tipper who calls central FL home.

Following the clues, testimony from recovering addicts, and maple syrup dealers, authorities discovered that the first documented case of maple syrup abuse was during the taping a WDW Today podcast episode called “Sip, Snack, Sic.” In the episode a group of unscrupulous individuals attempted to “eat around the world” or eat a food item in every country in the World Showcase in Disney’s Epcot theme park. After a brazen display of gluttony one of the individuals, WDW Today regular Len Testa, drinks maple syrup out of the bottle because his stomach was so distended he could not eat another food item.

“After reviewing this podcast I’m amazed things aren’t worse,” stated a magical frog named Tim. “This podcast had gluttony, maple syrup drinking, binging, attempted purging, and what could be considered hazing. I’m not letting my tadpoles ever listen to this podcast again!”

It is unknown if any legal action will be brought against WDW Today or any of the participants in the shenanigans of that fateful day. However, the consequences of that day’s actions are far reaching and have affected the lives of tens of billions.

Are you 23?

Ummm…I really don’t care. For those of you (like anyone is actually reading this) who haven’t heard of it, “Are you 23” is a viral marketing campaign that Disney is currently doing. If you Yahoo it you’ll end up at the site. You’ll notice that the only info provided is that question and that you can find out in March. That leads me to my response, I don’t care. Why don’t I care? Simple, if I cared I’d only be disappointed. That’s the problem with these campaigns. People go nuts trying to think of what it means and they start coming up with all sorts of crazy ideas. I’m going to throw some ideas out there just for fun. Some of these might be legit the others…not so much.

1 - The 23rd child of the nut job who gave birth to the octuplets. At this rate she’s only a few years away.

2 - Your IQ is 23. It’ll be Disney’s new promotion. If you’re dumb you get in FREE!

3 - You’re 23 and still in high school. It’s the premise for Disney’s “High School Musical” replacement series.

4 - A new 23 pack of Disney Blu-Ray movies. You can’t but them separately, you have to buy them together. Sadly this could actually be what the promotion is about.

5 - The 23rd person of low moral fiber to file a frivolous law suit against Disney this year because you forgot to read the warning sign and went on a ride that didn’t agree with you.

6 - The 23rd person who booked a vacation package for Mouse Fest without knowing it was canceled for 2009.

7 - 23rd person to get beat up by someone dressed as Pluto.

8 - The 23rd single father to hit on the lady playing one of the princesses, in the last 12 hours.

9 - The 23rd college student to die while “drinking around the world” in Epcot.

10 - The 23rd person to try to throw up in the American Pavilion while trying to eat around the world.

11 - The 23rd person to drink Maple Syrup in the Canada Pavilion because Len Testa did.

12 - The 23rd person to start a fist fight over a “Toy Story Midway Mania” score.

13 - 23 is the magical age that Disney throws out their child actors.

14 - Be the 23rd Disney starlet to have a topless photo leaked on the internet. Remember kids – think before you do something. That’s why you have a brain. You know what a brain is right?

15 - The 23rd person to receive a life long ban for trying to break into the Cinderella Castle Suite.

16 - The 23rd Steve Irwin fanatic to get arrested for trying to sneak onto Discovery Island because you heard there were crocs over there.

17 - The 23rd freak to get stopped at the gates while trying to smuggle in a mannequin.

18 - The 23rd butt-head to ask a cast member where Disney found the big chickens used to make the turkey legs.

19 - The 23rd idiot who doesn’t know the meaning of false advertising to sue because Space Mountain doesn’t send you into space and Disney is therefore guilty of false advertising.

20 - The 23rd person with cranial-rectal inversion to tell their friends that there are people living on Mars after riding Mission Space.

21 - Be the 23rd mental giant to try and argue that Disney World is the Magic Kingdom (actual conversation overheard in a queue in Magic Kingdom).

22 - Be the 23rd goober to try and order a turkey leg as an entre and a Dole Whip for desert at the California Grill.

23 - Meet Disney’s 23 new princesses and have the opportunity to buy all of there own signature merchandise! Collect them all and get a special prize!