Authorities, who have been battling a new trend of teens abusing maple syrup, have finally tracked the origins of the trend.
Near the end of last year children, teens, and even some adults began drinking maple syrup straight out of the bottle in an attempt to get a sugar high. Authorities immediately tried to stifle the troubling trend which can lead to obesity, diabetes, and even death.
“What first brought our attention to the problem was a shortage of maple syrup at the grocery store,” stated an Orange County FL detective and Disney favorite, Goofy. “Next we noticed an unusual number of fat kids, followed by a jump in diabetes.”
Abusers started using new slang to hide what they were doing. Terms such as “Going to the last country on the right,” “Would you like a Testa Shot,” and “The Finish Line,” have become common.
“These terms were all clues that helped the authorities track the origins of this crisis,” stated an outraged, professional cow tipper who calls central FL home.
Following the clues, testimony from recovering addicts, and maple syrup dealers, authorities discovered that the first documented case of maple syrup abuse was during the taping a WDW Today podcast episode called “Sip, Snack, Sic.” In the episode a group of unscrupulous individuals attempted to “eat around the world” or eat a food item in every country in the World Showcase in Disney’s Epcot theme park. After a brazen display of gluttony one of the individuals, WDW Today regular Len Testa, drinks maple syrup out of the bottle because his stomach was so distended he could not eat another food item.
“After reviewing this podcast I’m amazed things aren’t worse,” stated a magical frog named Tim. “This podcast had gluttony, maple syrup drinking, binging, attempted purging, and what could be considered hazing. I’m not letting my tadpoles ever listen to this podcast again!”
It is unknown if any legal action will be brought against WDW Today or any of the participants in the shenanigans of that fateful day. However, the consequences of that day’s actions are far reaching and have affected the lives of tens of billions.
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