What About Lou?

(The following story is fake...as if you needed me to tell you that)

Anyone who has listened to the WDW Radio Show knows two things. Lou Mongello likes eat and he knows far too much about Disney. At first I thought that Lou just liked Disney trivia and that was how he could remember so much. After all Jim Hill also has a ridiculous amount of Disney knowledge in his head.

After I thought about it something hit me. Jim Hill is a Disney historian and relates events and stories. Lou Mongello can relate endless, useless facts about Disney. That’s not natural. That motivated me to do what I do best. I looked into (J).

It turns out that a few years before Lou graduated law school he was diagnosed with the rare condition know as “brain rot.” People with brain rot can’t remember things and slowly forget what have already learned.

After the diagnosis Lou traveled to China. The Chinese have been experimenting with various genetic therapies and extreme treatments for years. That’s what drew Lou to China. He was going to get a brain transplant.

The Chinese doctors scanned Lou’s brain and uploaded his memories into a computer. After his memories were verified, they attempted to swap out his brain with a suitable donor. The operation failed. In a panic the doctors used the next best thing. They grabbed an orangutan brain and implanted it. Amazingly the brain took hold. The doctors then scanned all of Lou’s memories into the new brain.

After Lou woke up everything seemed fine. He responded well to the entire battery of tests the doctors put him through. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief until they took him outside. As soon as Lou was outside he started climbing trees and swinging from one branch to another. No one was able to get him out of the trees. When ever someone tried he’d screech and jump to another tree.

One of the doctors grabbed a tranquilizer gun and shot Lou in the butt. Within a couple of minutes Lou passed out, fell out of the tree, and landed on one of the doctors pinning him to the ground. It took ten minutes to get Lou off of the doctor and back inside the building.

The doctors kept Lou in a medical coma until they could figure out what to do. One of them came up with an idea. They would implant a large hard drive into the orangutan brain and program it as a storage device and a program that would block the orangutan traits. Ever since, Lou has been able to remember an insane amount of information.

Lou decided to try and earn some of the medical expenses back by writing a couple of Disney Trivia books and a yearly trivia calendar. They were somewhat successful. It seemed like everything was going to be fine until it was discovered that the hard drive started leaking. There was no memory loss or other adverse symptoms apparent. However, Lou developed an enormous appetite. He started eating everything that wasn’t nailed down. At his worse he ate four buckets of KFC in one sitting. He had the runs for a week after that binge.

Lou started working out to avoid gaining a ton of weight. The only problem is the hunger keeps increasing. Last month Lou ate 14 turkey legs in ten minutes and then washed it down with a gallon of coke. An hour later he ate a dozen Dole Whips and then passed out from brain freeze.

It is estimated that within five years Lou will have gained enough weight to appear on Jerry Springer and then do the entire talk show circuit. In the mean time Lou has been training to join the competitive eating circuit and may enter the 4th of July hotdog eating contest at Coney Island, NY.

One thing that has seemed to help is heat. It helps to curb Lou’s appetite. This explains his recent move to the Orlando area. Then again he used to live in NJ. That would be reason enough to move.