Donald Duck Involved in Armed Stand Off

Disney fan favorite Donald Duck was recently involved in an armed standoff at his boat in Mickey’s Toon Town Fair.

Disney security was called to Mickey’s Toon Town Fair last Friday morning after a report of a “heavily intoxicated” Duck who was “up to all kinds of shenanigans.” When security arrived they found Daisy Duck in a yelling match with Donald Duck. The situation quickly escalated when Donald ran inside after spotting the security cast members.

“Mr. Duck barricaded himself inside his boat at which time Ms. Duck informed us that Donald was intoxicated and armed to the teeth,” stated Disney’s SWAT team leader Grumpy Dwarf.

Through out the stand off police found out that Donald was upset because of an eviction notice he received. His boat is to be demolished as part of the Fantasy Land expansion.

After hours of trying to reason with Donald they decided to gas him out of the boat. A squad car was sent over to Tomorrow Land to pick up Stitch. Stitch arrived on the scene, belted out a huge chili dog burp, and within two minutes Donald fled the confines of the boat. Unfortunately the wind was blowing in the wrong direction and a majority of SWAT team and hundreds of guests became sick from the stench of Stitch’s burp.

Once the location was secure, security was able to search the boat. They found two bazooka’s, a M16 assault rifle, a dozen hand grenades, back issues of “Ducks and Guns Quarterly,” countless bags of beef jerky, bottled water, and a voodoo doll in the form of Mickey Mouse.

Donald is currently undergoing psychiatric evaluation and charges are pending the outcome.

Lay Off the Google!

Have you ever Googled yourself? I think almost every internet user at one time or another has. It’s only natural to be interested to see if you pop up on the information super highway.

I truly believe that some people are obsessed with Googling themselves. That is something I have learned from this blog. As you may (or in a vast majority of the cases may not) know I have been know to write about people from time to time. Most of the time my stories poke fun at people but from time to time I have been known to compliment someone. Based on the feedback I have received I think I know who does and who does not Google themselves.

Here are the ones who do:

Lou Mongello: Ok I’m convinced that Lou is addicted to Googling his name and when he finds it, he lets you know.

Matt Hochberg: Matt Googles himself to a lesser degree than Lou but like Lou he lets you know when he finds it.

Len Testa: Not as much as the other two but I’ve written so many stories about Len finding one would be like shooting fish in a bucket.

Here are the ones who do not:

Annette Owens: If she did she would have found “Annette Owens: Butt-Kicker” and I’d not longer be among the living.

Mike Newell: I’ve accused Mike of being an evil genius. If he doesn’t respond to that I don’t think he’s Googling himself.

Mike Scopa: When one is accused of being an immortal cyborg, one tends to respond. I doubt Mr. Scopa Googles his name on a regular basis.

Then again, maybe the ones I’m saying do not Google actually do but found my blog to be so foolish they did not want other people knowing they read it. After all I’m convinced that if you read my entire blog your IQ will actually do gown by the time you are finished.

Yes, that seems more likely - everyone Googles themselves.

Kodak Flees the Scene

Years after funding the worst ride overhaul in the history of Walt Disney World, Kodak has ended their sponsorship of the Imagination Pavilion.

There is a long, well documented history of the downward spiral of this pavilion. I encourage everyone to look into it. It’s quite the story and less believable than half the stuff I write on this blog.

The best overview was done by the guys over at Walt Disney World News Today. They did a back to the future episode on the imagination pavilion that was epic.

I had a good laugh when I heard that Kodak had ended its sponsorship. Why? Because they didn’t state a reason for ending the sponsorship. For once a company just laid it out like it was. They didn’t need to state a reason. Everyone knows why they dropped it. If you don’t know why then ask yourself who would want to sponsor that pavilion. The answer is simple – NO ONE!

It’s a real shame too. From the outside it’s the most attractive pavilion in Future world. It’s too bad the inside is rotten to the core.

The other sad thing about Kodak pulling out is the history involved. Since Epcot opened Kodak has been there. They’ve been a huge supporter of Disney through the years. I bought my first camera and film from a Kodak booth in Epcot when I was a kid. I know times have changed and Kodak is a shell of what they once were but it’s always hard to say goodbye to someone you’ve been with for over twenty years.

State of New Hampshire Posts Weather Advisory for October 2011

In an unprecedented move the State of New Hampshire has posted a weather advisory starting on October 19^th, 2011 and ending on October 27^th, 2011. That is not a typo, the weather advisory covers a time period that is 13 months away.

The advisory was posted because of a recent report that said the Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About is returning to Disney World during that time. History has proven that anytime the Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About goes to Disney World, awful weather hits the state.

In late November, early December 2008 CMDTA went to Disney World and the worst ice storm in the history of the state slammed into NH. Many people were without power for weeks. In February 2010 CMDTA went to Disney World and the worst ice storm in the history of the state hit the day after he left. Again some people were without power for weeks and the state was crippled.

This warning is not to be taken lightly. In December of 2009, a full three months in advance, the citizens of NH were warned that awful weather was coming. This warning turned out to be absolutely true.

See: http://thecousinmickeydoesnttalkabout.blogspot.com/2009/12/awful-weather-predicted-for-first-week.html

Photo of the Week - Hollywood Hotel Lobby

Has Disney done a ride better themed than the Tower of Terror? The lobby of the Hollywood Hotel is amazing. It's even impressive by Disney standards. No other attraction comes close.

Was Walt a Racist

For years people have accused Walt Disney of being a racist, an anti-Semite, a communist, a Nazi and a host of other awful things. Do any of those charges actually pan out?

The first one you can blow out of the water is the charge that he was a communist. Walt Disney HATED communists. When his animators went on strike he blamed the strike on the growing communist influence in America. If you called Walt a communist to his face I think it’s safe to say he’d knock your teeth out.

The Nazi charge makes me laugh. During World War Two Walt nearly ran his company into the ground making pro-allied war shorts. Many of the cartoon shorts they managed to get out made fun of the Nazis. Calling Walt a Nazi is almost as funny as calling him a communist.

Walt the anti-Semite? No one really knows where this idea came from. There are a few things that people point to but those things are circumstantial at best. One of those things is rather insane. People claim that during WWII Walt laid of 90% of his staff and that most of those 90% were Jewish. Think about for a minute. If Walt laid off mostly Jewish that meant HE HIRED MOSTLY JEWISH PEOPLE IN THE FIRST PLACE. How many anti-Semites would do that? He hired the most talented people he could find. The fact that they were Jewish most likely had nothing to do with it.

Another thing people jump all over is the appearance of Nazis and Jewish themes in his cartoons. Two things to keep in mind here. One: the term politically correct wouldn’t appear for decades when these cartoons were made. Two: How do you think people will look back at our portrayal of people from the middle east, decades from now? I’ll stick my neck out and say terms we use freely like Arab will not be PC then. We portray them now because it strikes a nerve with people. Media has always followed that rule. Walt was no different.

How about Walt the racist? People look at films like Song of the South, the crows in Dumbo, and a host of other characters as proof that Walt was a racist. If you take those out of context I’d agree. One glaring problem with that argument – all this took place before the civil rights movement. What you saw in those movies and cartoons was how the average person thought back then. That’s why they were so successful because a vast majority of Americans were entertained by them. Were a majority of Americans back then racist? The term “racist” infers hatred and loathing; a feeling that other races are less than human and should be treated as such. To label Walt with that term is insane.

To call Walt a racist based on the evidence that has been presented is not fair. If someone can provide me with real evidence I might change my story. If someone can point me to a statement he made in an interview or witnesses who saw him act in a truly racist manner I’d change my tune.

Carnivals Nasty Little Policy

Almost all cruise lines rely on ambiguous descriptions of their staterooms and categories. It’s a universal fact that you’d have to a border line rocket scientist to figure out the never ending array and classifications of those dreaded categories.

Some cruise lines are worse than others and some are just downright deceptive. Take for example Carnival’s Spirit Class of ships. The Spirit, Pride, Legend, and Miracle all have a sinister secret that Carnival will not disclose to the public.

When you book a Suite you have a certain expectation. Most of this expectation is based on two items. The first is Carnival’s description of stateroom. The second, if you do your research, is the deck plan of the ship. The JS category on the Spirit Class ships look great. According to Carnival you get a spacious room, a private balcony, even a real tub!

Each of the Spirit Class ships has only two JS code staterooms. The fact that there are only two is your first warning but after reading the description and seeing the deck plan any reasonable person would ignore that warning even if it occurred to them.

What Carnival is not telling you is that staterooms 4226 and 4235 do not match their descriptions and the deck plans are VERY deceptive. The balconies on these “suites” are close in size to a normal balcony. You may wonder how that is possible when the room is so large. What Carnival tries to hide is the fact that there is an external stairwell that greatly reduces the size of your balcony. This also means that your balcony is far from private. Carnival is quick to explain to anyone who questions this that there is a partition in place. That’s like putting lipstick on a pig. It doesn’t change what it is.

Now you also might be wondering what happened to the rest of the room. Well you’ll be pleased to know that you have a nice window with a lovely view of the stairwell. You might as well just keep the shade pulled. If you don’t, remember to stay fully clothed when you are in front of the window. That’s not exactly what you think of when you think private is it?

This would not be an issue if Carnival explained this before someone booked the room. However, you will not find out this info unless you Google your room number. Carnival will not tell you of any of these issues in advance.

If you think they do not know about the problem you are very wrong. Carnival has been receiving complaints for years. Think I’m kidding? Check out this link.

Interesting isn’t it. Not only does Carnival know, they said they would look into it. However, in the last few years Carnival has not fixed the problem. All you need to do is Google stateroom 4226 or 4235 and you will get a ton of hits, both old and new.

So why wouldn’t Carnival fix this? Here is my theory on that subject. Staterooms 4226 and 4235 are listed as Junior Suites which mean they can get top dollar for them. If you admitted there was a problem with those rooms you could not get the same rate, you’d have to seriously discount them. Now take a minute and check out the complaints on line about these staterooms. Do you notice something in common? In most cases the issues were resolved when Carnival offered the disgruntled customers onboard credit on a future cruise. I’m both offended by that but at the same time it’s a really smart move. Think about that for a minute.

You over charged for a room, ended up with an upset customer, but appeased them by convincing them to buy another cruise. Worst case you probably break even. If half of people never cruise again you still have half that you know are going to cruise again and have a much better experience because they either know what to expect or wouldn’t be dumb enough to book that room again.

That is my theory as to why Carnival does not fix this problem. They don’t have to. They are actually making money by creating a problem. Is it right to do that? In my opinion absolutely not but if they are making money on it, they are going to keep doing it.

I’m Not Abused…I Went to Disney World

Disney is the best vacation destination on Earth. Every year millions of people ride the rides and watch the shows. Few of those people realize that they are about to subject themselves to a punishing regiment.

Some rides are nice and relaxing. Then there are the rides that you should not let your kids ride a day or two before a doctors appointment. We hear the normal warnings all the time but the warnings just don’t do reality justice. Here are the rides that will beat you senseless:

Primeval Whirl: The ride carts were designed for four kids, four midgets, or four anorexic adults. They were not designed for four medium to large people. Squishing yourself onto this ride combined with the g-forces it pulls results in bruising at best and cracked ribs at worst. That is not a joke. My wife cracked a rib on this ride.

Dinosaur: This ride will toss you around like a raccoon in a dryer. You can easily get bruised by smacking up to the person next to you. It’s also designed to blow your back clean out. This is the worst ride for people with bad backs.

Kilimanjaro Safaris: If you are sitting on the edge some of the pot holes will bounce you off the side of the truck. This will result in bruising or an aggravated back.

Malestrom: You might be wondering how someone could get injured on this ride. Just before you go over the falls the ride switches your track. This is jarring. If you are already touching the side you are going to get a bruise.

Space Mountain: Even with the track updates this can be a rough ride. Parts of it sill like to snap you around. It’s padded enough that you won’t end up bruised but you could get your back adjusted for free.

Tom Sawyers Island: YES TOM SAWYERS ISLAND! If you have a bad rafter driver and he bangs the dock – bruise! If you don’t pay attention in Injun Joe’s cave - bruise! If you don’t keep your head down in the escape tunnel – concussion! If you try to walk the barrel bridge when a flock of teenagers hit it – multiple injuries!

World Showcase: You must think I’m on drugs for listing this. You’d be wrong! Try walking World Showcase with inappropriate footwear. I know you’re not supposed to but everyday some idiot does it and ends up at first aide with blood blisters.

There you go. A nice list of things in Disney World that will leave you black and blue, with a blown out back, a concussion, possible broken bones, and unable to walk. Sounds like fun! I can’t wait to go back.

Photo of the Week: Spaceship Earth in the Morning

Spaceship Earth is always amazing no matter what time of day you see it. Night might be most impressive but even in the morning it's nice. You know when you see it you are going to have a good day.

Lou Mongello’s Best Idea EVER

As you may already know I like to make fun of WDW Radio host Lou Mongello from time to time. At times he makes it very easy. His love…and I mean love…of Disney cuisine, his, at times, unintentionally funny videos, and his ability to somehow get huge interviews have all provided fodder over the years.

Despite what you think I don’t just make fun of people. I give props when someone does something good.

In episode 187 of the WDW Radio Show Lou had an idea that really impressed me. A listener posed the question: “If you could build a restaurant into one attraction which one would it be?”

I was trying to think of one and the ideas I came up with was either Pirates or the Jungle Cruise but both would be hard to do right. Lou had a better idea. He suggested putting an imagination themed dining location in the glass pyramid / second floor of the imagination pavilion.

Now think about that for a minute. Imagine the Monorail driving by, the lights at night, the great views, and if angled correctly – Illuminations viewing. I don’t doubt for a minute that this would become one of the most difficult places to get and ADR in all of Disney World. I’d even go as far as to suggest that it should be high end dining and two table service credits on the dining plan. You can do that because people would pay it.

Now I’ll take his idea a couple steps further. For lunch make it a character dining experience with Figment and friends. Do tricks with the food. Top Chef does a challenge where you make one food look like something else. That would fit perfectly here. Imagine eating something that looks like a cucumber but it’s really colored and formed mash potatoes. Stuff like that. Also make a lot of food funky colors like normal wheat bread that has been colored blue with food coloring or a cheese bisque that has been colored to look like split pea soup. This would really take that imagination idea to the next level.

Ok maybe I just hijacked Lou’s idea but I still give him props for coming up with one of the best Disney related ideas I’ve heard in quite a while.

Photo of the Week - Bitter Sweet

You have to love the Muppets. It's great that both Kermit and Jim Henson had their hands put into the cement in front of The Great Movie Ride. However, you have to admit it's a little sad. Jim Henson died at what some claim was the golden age of the Muppets. You also have to wonder what kind of Muppets entertain we'd see today if he was still alive.

Attraction Review: The Circle of Life

When I was doing all of my attraction reviews I somehow forgot about this one. Maybe it was because I blocked it from my permanent memory.

The Circle of Life is a movie located inside the Land Pavilion. If you are walking in through the door it’s located on the right hand side of the building.

The theater itself is surprisingly large. I was really shocked at how big this theater was. I didn’t realize how much room there was on that side of the pavilion. The waiting area isn’t bad and there is a brief preshow displayed on some old school tube TVs. That was the first sign that this is an older attraction.

Inside the theater the seats seem like they are in decent shape and it’s comfortable enough. You’ll hear the cast member give the normal spiel about moving all the way down your row. You can ignore this for the most part. There just isn’t that much of a demand for this attraction. I’d be amazed if even during peak attendance days this becomes an issue.

Believe it or not I just described the good stuff. The movie is rather boring and very preachy. It’s all about man destroying the Earth. It starts with Timon damming up a river to build a new resort and Pumba trying to explain why that’s not a good idea. Please stop and think about that for a minute. Now think about where you are sitting. Hypocrites! I like Disney but that really cracked me up. Why not just make a movie that says “Don’t do what we did. It’s bad.” I realize Disney is a very green company now and they do a lot to support the environment so please send the hate mail somewhere else. I’m just saying it’s very ironic.

There is another problem with this movie beyond the fact that it’s preachy and boring. It suffers from NS also known as Norway Syndrome. Norway Syndrome is a disease that convinces you that by turning up the volume you make something more exciting. That’s why the movie in Norway is so loud. It’s also why this movie will almost make your ears bleed. It’s amazing the speakers don’t blow out.

If you like boring movies that are preachy and insanely loud, you’ll love The Circle of Life! If you like Pumba and Timon don’t see this movie because you’ll want to cry. It’s the same reason you shouldn’t go on Stich’s Great Escape if you like Stich.

If you really have nothing better to do or really want to be able to say you did all the attractions then go see this movie. Just don’t complain to me after.

The Resort Rivalry – Part Three: The Deluxe Resorts

This is the final group in the Resort Rivalry.

Yacht Club – “Gilligan” – The insults accuses the cast member of being a stupid incompetent buffoon like Gilligan on “Gilligan’s Island.” This one kind of backfired as Gilligan is also a much beloved, iconic TV character and the cast members at the Yacht Club have taken the name on with delight.

Beach Club – “Bum” – In the most uninspired of all the Disney nicknames, this insult was inflicted by a cast member who tried to become a member of the “Two Lap Club” which is someone who successfully drinks around the world twice, back to back, and doesn’t die. On his second loop he made it to Japan but was so intoxicated his friend, who happened to work at the Beach Club, said he should stop. The intoxicated cast member slurred out “Bum” and then fell off his stool and passed out. For some reason the name stuck.

Boardwalk – “Butt Barfer” – This one makes no sense unless you know the story. A large group of Boardwalk employees gathered together at the Flying Fish to celebrate a retiring employee. Most of them ate the fish that was on special that night. All of them got food poisoning and spent three days suffering from chronic diarrhea.

Wilderness Lodge – “Wolf Lover” – An insult completely base on the theme at the Wilderness Lodge. Wolves are often depicted in western art and décor. Its first usage is unknown. The reception at the Wilderness Lodge is mixed. Some cast members enjoy the nickname because they really are wolf lovers. Others find the insult quite annoying.

Animal Kingdom Lodge – “Lion Bait” - It’s still unknown as to how this nickname came about. Some feel that it was started by a feebleminded cast member who didn’t realize that there are no lions at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. You can see a giraffe up close but good luck if you are looking for a lion. Other people think this originated from an incident when an intoxicated cast member fell out of safari truck near the lion section of Kilimanjaro Safari’s. The only problem with that story is fact that the cast member didn’t work at the Animal Kingdom Lodge.

Contemporary – “Goat Legger” – This insult is based on the large mosaic that can be found in the atrium at the Contemporary. In that mosaic you can find a goat that has five legs. How this translated into an insult for every cast member at the Contemporary is unknown.

Grand Floridian – “Gerry” – Slang for someone who could be considered geriatric, Gerry is based on the fact that old people tend to like the Grand Floridian more than other resorts. It’s not quite clear if that’s because kids don’t like the Grand Floridian or if old people like the boring theme. Regardless of the reason the seniors love of the resort has resulted in all of the cast members having a new nickname.

Polynesian – “Poo Flinging Monkey” – In the most backwards and ridiculous of all the resort insults, an amazing display of stupidity was involved in the creation of this insult. During an argument a cast member of low intelligence called another cast member a “poo flinging monkey” because she worked at the Polynesian. There are so many things wrong with that statement it’s hard to comprehend. First Polynesia isn’t really known for its monkeys. Secondly most monkeys do not throw poo. Thirdly if a monkey did throw poo it would be due to someone being really annoying. Maybe that’s what makes this such an offensive insult; the fact that it makes no sense.

Back in the World

Against all odds it looks like I’m going back to Disney from October 19^th to the 26^th, 2011. I guess Food and Wine was a big enough draw from my wife and my niece. I’m also banking on the fact that Disney is going to release a round of discounts for that time period. I just hope it’s not the normal “free dining.” I want a good room discount. 40% off a deluxe room is much better than free dining.

I’ll be hitting up some new stuff to review. Here are some of those subjects:

Resort Review: The Polynesian

Dining Review: Ohana

Dining Review: Tony’s Town Square Restaurant

Dining Review: Biergarten

Dining Review: Momma Melrose

Dining Review: Akershus

Dining Review: Jiko

Dining Revisit: Chef’s De France

Dining Revisit: Le Cellier

Dining Revisit: San Angel Inn

Dining Revisit: Kona Café

Dining Revisit: Yack and Yeti

Dining Revisit: Brown Derby

Dining Revisit: Liberty Tree Tavern

Dining Revisit: 50’s Prime Time

Random Disney Stories

Food and Wine Festival

Review: Star Tours: The Adventure Continues

Overview: Fantasy Land Expansion Progress

These subjects could change. I think that goes without saying. We’re 13 months out and nothing has even been reserved yet.

Sorry I seriously doubt I’ll be doing Fantasmic so don’t ask. The only guaranteed way I’ll end up seeing it is if it starts playing everyday. There is a chance that if one of our days ends early and Fantasmic is playing that night we might head over to see it.

Don’t Chew Dynamite

Many people over the years have noticed the goat chewing a stick of dynamite on Big Thunder Mountain. What many people do not realize is, there have been 132 dynamite chewing goats on Big Thunder Mountain.

The reason for so many goats is simple. Chewing dynamite is dangerous. At first nothing happens but, in time, the protective casing breaks down and then BOOM! It’s time to find a new dynamite chewing goat.

“It’s true we’ve had 132 different goat cast members play that roll. It’s also true that there have been some ‘incidents’ but we take safety very seriously,” stated a Disney spokesman.

When asked why give they give the goat actual dynamite to chew on he responded, “Because he’s a dynamite chewing goat. If we didn’t give him dynamite he’d just being chewing a plastic stick!”

It’s hard to comprehend such stupefying logic but the spokesman when on to say, “No humans have ever been injured in a dynamite explosion. You also have to remember that the goats are thrill seekers. They enjoy chewing dynamite.”

When asked how he knew goats were thrill seekers he responded, “Because they climb mountains and chew dynamite!”

The spokesman refused our request for him to undergo an IQ test.

One thing that is being considered is having future goats wear a football helmet. Apparently someone at Disney feels that will protect them from exploding dynamite.