Photo of the Week: Gone But Not Forgotten

It's gone but not forgotten.  The Droid Room was one of the best parts of the original Star Tours.  It was replaced in the new version of the ride.  At least many people agree that the replacement is a worthy replacement.

If you never got to enjoy the original Droid Room you can find videos of it on YouTube.  You can also find photos like this all over the Internet.

Bad Backs and DIsney World

I just flew into lovely (term used loosely) Baltimore. The approach was so bumpy I thought I was Kilimanjaro Safaris. That got me thinking. I have a bad back. I had back surgery when I was 17 and since then it hasn't taken much to put my back out.

As you know many rides in Disney World warn that people with back problems should not ride the ride. I've been on everything and have found that some are rough on the back while others are fine. What rides would you really warn someone with a bad back about?

These are the ones that made my short list.

Kilimanjaro Safaris is bad. Really bad, and there is no good reason for it. They thought making the road really bumpy would mimic a real safari. What it did was make it hard take pictures and make it brutal for anyone with a bad back.

Space Mountain is rough but any coaster built that long ago is rough. Space Mountain was built just before computers became common place in roller coaster design.

Dinosaur might be the worst of any ride in Disney World. It's in the dark so you have no idea where you are going or what direction you are going in. This ride will whip you.

Parts of Test Track will rough you up. For the most part on the rough road section is bad. The rest isn't too bad.

Star Tours - enough said.

Stitch's Great Escape is so bad it hurts. Doesn't really hurt you back, just your head.

I did not put Big Thunder Mountain, Rocking Roller Coaster, or Everest on my list because they tend to be some smooth that they don't bother me at all. They are the product of the computer age. Big Thunder was one of the first and it shows.

Everyone is different. I've put my back out bending over but have had no problem picking up my 80 pound dog. So that leads to another issue. G force rides. For some people these are a killer for others it's no problem.

Mission Space - This doesn't bother my but it will compress your spine. If that tends to bother you avoid this ride.

Everest - Some parts late in the ride pull some positive G forces which could bother people.

Tower of Terror - In this case it's the G forces at the bottom of the drops. They will compress your spine.

The Best Celebrities in Disney World

Over the years many celebrities have appeared in rides via a video, voiceover, or even audio-animatronics.

Today (that means now) which are the best appearances in Disney World? Which are the worst? Let’s review a few and find out:

Good – Johnny Depp aka Captain Jack Sparrow Animatronic – Pirates of the Caribbean: This could be the best celebrity appearance in any Disney ride. Who doesn’t like Captain Jack?

Bad – Ellen Degeneres Animatronic – Ellen’s Energy Adventure: I’m not a big Ellen fan. She’s ok in the show parts of this ride but her animatronic in the dinosaur scene is awful! I hate it. It ruins that part of the ride. Don’t worry though, this rides days are numbered.

Good – Patrick Warburton – Soarin Preshow: I like his appearance in this. It’s a dorky, almost sarcastic performance. It reminds me a lot of the character he played in Seinfeld.

Bad – Gary Sinise – Mission Space preshow: He’s flatter than a pancake in this video. I don’t know if it’s the script or what but this is awful.

Good - Eric Idle – Imagination with Figment and Honey I Shrunk the Audience: Face it the best part about either of these two out dated, awful attractions is Eric Idle.

Good - Paul Rubens – Star Tours: Peewee Herman was the perfect fit for the goofy robot pilot.

Good - Aerosmith – Rockin’ Roller Coaster: Aerosmith is a good fit for this ride. It’s a lame story but it works.

Neutral - Judy Dench – Spaceship Earth: Judy Dench does a good job. The script isn’t bad. The problem is she replaced back to back fantastic voiceovers. Hers just doesn’t match up.

Bad – The Yeti – Expedition Everest: If you are going to retire from ransacking camps and scaring hikers at least have the decency to move. Standing there while a strobe light is flashed on you is just lame. Thanks for mailing in your performance.

Star Tours Part II

When I first heard about a new version of Star Tours I was excited. I thought it was a great idea. I stayed excited until I saw the short clip that was released. The clip had pod racing in it. Out of all of the things in the Star Wars universe someone had to pick pod racing.

I understand that it’s just one scene and that the rest of the film will be other stuff. That doesn’t really help. Episode one was such a mess of a movie it almost killed Star Wars. Episode two is the fifth best move coming in only slightly better than the episode one. Episode three was decent but after the first two it was hard to enjoy. Now we are going to do a whole ride based on the first two movies. That’s not easy. You’ll have to replace / overhaul the ride vehicle. Why? Don’t forget the original Star Tours takes place about 20 to 40 years after the proposed replacement. Are you going to tell me that the ship in Star Tours was at least twenty years old?

Now you see the big problem with doing a prequel when it comes to a ride. You want it to be big and flashy but you can’t make it more impressive than the first one without blowing the story line. That means no windows. Why would windows have been removed over time? You’ll also need to look out and not use any other impressive technology or you face the problem of blowing the story.

There is one way out. Make the ship time travel. They you can have all of the fancy stuff you want without blowing the story. The problem with time travel is it’s already been done. How many time traveling rides do you want? Dinosaur is still running and the Time Keeper didn’t disappear all that long ago.

They could have saved a lot of headaches by avoiding the whole prequel thing.

We Can Do Better Than Water Boarding

I think people over look what punishment is. People claim that water boarding is not torture and it should be used. I think water boarding is sick and far too intrusive. When did we become so bland? Did everyone forget how to use their imaginations?

Here are some better, more humane, ways to crack people:

1 – Force them to ride “It’s a Small World” for 12 straight hours. I think the cast members who work this ride deserve hazardous duty pay. I walk by this attraction and I get the song stuck in my head. 12 hours should be enough to break anyone.

2 – Make them ride “Star Tours” over and over but delay the tape by one second so nothing lines up. Anyone who knows the history of these rides knows that they can cause motion sickness. That motion sickness increases exponentially if the movie and the ride are not in perfect sync.

3 – Make them ride “Journey into Imagination” or what ever it’s called now. The originally was a classic. The new one is abysmal. After a few hours the offender will be begging for mercy.

4 – Make listen to the burp from “Stich’s Great Escape” and then make them smell the chili dog over and over. You could even mix this up and give the burps other smells.

5 – Make him be a character but don’t give him a cup. After a few good crotch shots they’ll be ready to talk.

I’ll look that gift horse in the mouth!

The “Year of a Million Dreams” is now over. Disney did a myriad of things to try and surprise people, from giving them a free fast pass to spending a night in Cinderella’s Castle.

On our last visit to Disney World my wife and I grabbed pins from guest relations showing everyone that it was our anniversary (we weren’t faking it really was our anniversary). We subjected ourselves to this embarrassment because we hoped it would increase our odds of attracting the attention of the dream squad. I didn’t work. It didn’t really do anything except make about thirty thousand cast members say “Happy Anniversary!” Some did that happily. Some seemed like they were dying inside and were doing it in case we were the happy police ready to slam the hammer down on any cast member who made eye contact and doesn’t say those magical words. Sometimes it was just uncalled for. We were exiting Epcot after Illuminations. Someone had falled down in the mad rush to exit the parks and was hurt to the point of being put on a back board. One of the cast members helping put the lady on the back board wished us a happy anniversary. I wish I was kidding.

We did have one experience with the dream squad. We boarded Star Tours, took our seats, and then some over caffeinated cast member stared squawking about getting ready for our flight. I thought it was part of the “show” but then he said he was from the dream squad. At first I was excited. I though maybe we’ll get a fast pass, a fast pass pack, or even a pin (I like free stuff)! I tried to keep the frown off of my face when he told us we were getting a VIP pass to watch the parade. OH JOY REN! I don’t like parades. Some people will send hate mail for saying this but I think most parades are stupid. I don’t know why I dislike parades but I do. My wife outright hates them. She says they bore her to death.

So that was my experience with the dream squad. Out of everything Disney gave away during the promotion I can’t think of one thing I could place lower on my list. I couldn’t help but think why not offer a choice. Some people would kill for the VIP pass, some people would die for the pin, and some would love some other cheap thing.

Just for the record, we didn’t see the parade but we do have two passes that might fetch something on Ebay in ten years.