CMDTA on Vacation – Final Thoughts

After taking some time to think over my experiences on my NCL vacation what made the grade and what didn’t?

Rotan – I’d go back. The port of call itself was nice and worth visiting again. I felt safe the whole time and the people were nice.

Belize – I’ve been here twice and I go back again. Both times were fun.

Costa Maya – If there were a lot of other stops on the cruise I wouldn’t mind stopping here again. It was a nice laid back day.

Great Stirrup Cay – Well considering I’d have to cruise NCL again to stop here my answer is simple. I will never, ever, go back here.

Jet Blue – Despite the incident with the ants and the fact their people arrived at the airport later than other airlines, I’d use them again.

NCL – I was trying to think of a good simple way to explain how much of a disappointment NCL is. I think the best way to put it is this: If the cruise was free, the airfare was free, and we had onboard credit, I would not cruise NCL again. It would not be worth taking the time off of work. I can use that time for something better, like staying home. That isn’t to say I’d never try them again. If they dropped the “Freestyle” thing, abandoned the premium dining locations, greatly improved their food, stopped allowing smoking in their staterooms, reviewed and adjusted how they tender people, made their ships more attractive on the inside, and repainted their ships to get rid of the awful artwork on the outside, I’d consider using them again.

2009 – Disney Year in Review

2009 was an odd year. Instead of facing the normal news and stories normally associated with Disney we got hit time and time again with shocking news or news that didn’t fit Disney.

The year started poorly. Disney fired people left and right. No one was safe. From the top to the bottom people lost their jobs. Disney cut down to the bone and then got out the hack saw.

Disney cleaned their movie studio with a vengeance. Forget about service, loyalty, or longevity. None of it mattered. Things were going to change. The movies weren’t the only segment to change. The parks also saw their saw change with the heads of some of the parks being changed.

Other things changed that Disney couldn’t control. Roy E. Disney is gone leaving a huge void in the Disney community. Wayne Allwine, man who voiced Mickey Mouse also passed away this year. That kind of ran under the radar but was none the less a big loss. A lot of people forgot the connection between Disney and Britney Murphy. She was announced as the voice of Tinkerbell.

Some things changed but as the same time didn’t change. Disney raised prices again. Who’s shocked about that? They’ve done that every year. You can set your watch by it. The less for more mentality continued to dominate the business plan. Disney also pushed DVC hard this year. We saw two new DVC resorts spring up at existing resorts. That left me wondering when the Poly is going to get a DVC update. Don’t laugh it will happen.

The Tree House Villas made a comeback. They sound cool but they are too expensive for me. If you got a bunch of people together it might be worth it.

Some classic rides changed this year. Space Mountain got an overhaul. It may not have been up to peoples expectations but it was still a great enhancement. The Tomorrow Land Transit Authority also got an overhaul. Visually this was a good enhancement but many people have complained that the sound track cannot be compared to the original and really took a lot away from this ride.

Also in the ride change category was Stich. Stich was force fed to us once again. The first instance was his Supersonic Celebration. I’ve had sneezing fits that lasted longer than this attraction. If there was ever an attraction that DOA it was this one.

The American Idol Experience opened. I was happy about this because when this is showing the crowds will be less wherever I’ll be. Yes you couldn’t pay me to see this attraction but I enjoy anything that reduces my wait in line somewhere else.

Fantasmic was cut down to two nights a week. All I have to say about that is BOOOOO! I’ll never see it now.

Kim Possible exploded onto the World Showcase. People seem to like but I haven’t had a chance to experience this yet. I might try it on my next trip.

Disney decided to slap many people in the face and come out with its own official fan club. D23 hit and left a ton of people wondering: why would you pay that much to join? D23 could be huge but until Disney remembers a few of the classic business tricks it’ll stay a source of contention and not generate any where near the revenue that it could. The one thing people seemed to like about D23 was the expo. That was great if you were in or could afford to go to California. For everyone else, go pound sand.

2009 also had a lot of odd or shocking news. The biggest splash was Disney buying out Marvel. It made me wonder where that came from. It seemed to happen overnight. It’ll be fun to see what happens in the next year as far as Marvel is concerned.

Another shocking event was the monorail accident. It truly was shocking. Some people didn’t think so but when you consider how many people have ridden the monorail over the last three decades and when you consider there had never been a fatality, it was shocking. If you do the math you find out that the monorail is a safer form of transportation than walking.

The Fantasy Land expansion was announced. It got leaked in advance but it still shocked a lot of people because of the size and scope of the project. I still can’t wrap my head around the sheer size of the new land. It’s hard to imagine.

The final shocker I’ll mention was the lady who sued Disney for making her stand in line to ride the Tower of Terror. If you didn’t hear about this one, let me give you some of the details. The plaintiff claimed the Tower of Terror is therapeutic to her condition and prevents her from having to have surgery. Her condition is a stomach ailment. Most people find the Tower of Terror to worsen an ailing stomach but not her.

In movies Up exploded and proved all the critics wrong. G-Force fell flat and showed money and a famous movie icon doesn’t make a successful movie. Not learning their lesson at all A Christmas Carroll fell even flatter when compared to its cost. The Princess and the Frog proved to be one of the most underrated movies in recent memory and for some reason people didn’t go out to see it in the throngs you’d expect. The 20,000 Leagues prequel was canned but a remake of the Black Hole was green lighted. Don’t think about that too long or you’ll get a nose bleed.

Buy 4 get 3 free was a huge success and drained a lot of the crowds out of the summer season. The free dining wasn’t as big of a hit because people didn’t see it as a value anymore. Despite that fact the crowds during December were higher than predicted.

“What Will You Celebrate?” was the promotion of the year. I really didn’t care too much for this promotion. It cost more than the “Year of a Million Dreams” and it seemed like people got less from it. If you couldn’t go on your birthday you really got nothing out of this.

There were a ton of other things that happened this year too. One could go on for pages and pages covering all of it. I’ll leave that up to Ricky Brigante. His 4+ hour podcast that was released through Inside the Magic covered everything.

In the end this year was a mixed bag. Not good but not bad either. Hopefully next year will be better.

CMDTA on Vacation – The Farter

The balconies on NCL are a joke. Space wise they are decent but there is one glaring issue with them. The walls do not go out far enough. You can go to the end of you balcony, turn your head, and look directly into your neighbors room. There are no blinders installed. Carnival has blinders so you never have to see your neighbors.

Our neighbor on the right was a chain smoker. He was always out on his balcony smoking away. He was an old guy who had the manners of a poo flinging monkey. He tried to impress with his greasy white hair which was styled in a lovely comb over. I actually snagged a photo of the comb over which can be see above. You can also see from the photo how exposed these balconies are.

The fact that he smoked wasn’t shocking. The fact he had a nasty comb over wasn’t annoying. The fact that he had no manners was what pushed it over the edge.

On our first night my wife and I were sitting outside. He stepped outside and said to his wife “My a** just exploded in there.” I wish I was joking. He announced that to the world. It wasn’t a whisper. He used a full volume voice to say that. My wife coughed to make sure he knew other people could hear him.

Obscene announcements were just one of his charms. He also liked to clip his nails out on his balcony. That doesn’t bother me a lot but it drives my wife nuts. By far his crudest trait was the farting. He passed gas like it was going out of style. Not just little putters but full force, nasty, wet, old man farts. It was awful. He didn’t care who or what was around he’d just let loose.

On our last night I’d had enough. I decided to take a stand. I wasn’t going to tolerate his actions anymore. I warned my wife to head inside. Then I gave him some of his own medicine. I started to head inside and gave him a second shot before I went into our stateroom. The next morning he was out there again. So I gave him a final comment.

Keep in mind after doing the first one I was laughing so hard I had to go in. After the second one I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. My wife yelled at me and said it was gross and childish. I didn’t care. There was only one kind of communication he understood and I let him have it.

Photo of the Week - Discovery Island

Before animal Kingdom there was Discover Island. You could spend a half day on the island. There were a number of different animals that could catch your attention but none more than the flamingos.

CMDTA on Vacation – Jet Blue

I know Jet Blue has gotten some bad press over the years for some really bad decisions made on their part but they do some things right. You get free entertainment. You get free snacks and drinks, and you don’t have to pay for your first checked bag!

On our flight things did not go well right off the bat. The airlines tell you to arrive between 1.5 and 2 hours before your flight to make sure you are safe. Our flight was at 6:10am. We arrived at the air port around 4:20am. The reps for Jet Blue arrived at 5:00am. By then we were annoyed but happy we got their early because the line was insane by the time the Jet Blue people showed up!

Besides the start of our day flight from Boston to Ft. Lauderdale was bad. It was bad because the airplane was infested. There were ants everywhere. Nothing says clean like ants crawling all over the place. I was just happy I didn’t get ants in my pants (sorry, couldn’t help it).

I emailed Jet Blue after my trip. I got a response back that was a total cookie cutter response that resolved none of my issues and said someone would look into it. They didn’t even offer some True Blue points or anything like that.

As you already know our flight back was seriously delayed. Other than that it was decent. No ants in the pants or anything like that.

G-Force

Ok I know this isn’t the timeliest review but I finally saw G-Force.

Overall it’s a decent movie. I wouldn’t call it great but it’s worth a watch. The characters are goofy but not very deep. There is plenty of action which helps because the story is a little bland.

Basically a bunch of rodents are mankind’s only hope in staving off a global disaster. You can imagine how deep the story gets from there.

G-Force often relies on comic relief. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes is crude and gross. Did they really need to add a character that has explosive gas? I could have lived a happy life without seeing a character whose main talent is farting.

Don’t get me wrong. Toilet humor can be fun. Dumb and Dumber is a classic because it did it right. G-Force does it right once or twice. The other times it’s just annoying.

Overall if you haven’t seen G-Force, go out and rent it. If you have kids you might want to buy this movie. I could see kids watching this more than once.

CMDTA on Vacation – The Everglades

I’d never been so happy to get off a cruise ship as I was to disembark the Jewel. It took everything I had not to wave an obscene gesture back at the boat once I was off. Of course NCL had a couple of surprises left for me.

They made two lines to get off the boat. At first I thought “wow NCL is actually organizing something,” at least I thought that until I realized they just merged the lines before you got off the boat. What’s the point of creating two lines? How does that make sense?

We made it through customs in record time. I think mainly because they realized that they were dealing with NCL and a lot of the people were going to be rude or cranky.

We found our bags fairly fast and headed out to find our bus for our everglades tour. Here is where organization completely broke down. NCL didn’t even try. Their employees tried to put us on a City Tour bus twice. No one had any idea where the Everglades bus was. Finally one employee from the tour company came through and found us. She took us over to where the bus should have been. I say it like that because ours was the only bus that had not arrived yet.

Finally the bus arrived and everyone piled on. Turns out they only had one bus for everyone doing the Everglades tour so we’d have to go to the Miami Airport, then back to the port, then to Ft. Lauderdale. OH JOY!

How could this vacation get better!?! Monty got on the bus.

When you go on a cruise there are people you see everywhere you go. It’s crazy. It just happens. Out of 2500 people there will be two that will be there every time you turn around. A few of those people were Monty and his parents. Monty was a young child who hadn’t learned to control his volume level and suffered from a major lack of discipline. To say he was loud is an understatement.

After the loud ride to the Everglades we arrived at the fan boat place. We made sure we got on a different boat than Monty and his family. The fan boats were fun. You had to wear ear plugs because the boats were so loud. The best part about the boats is when you turn fast. The boats actually glide sideways for a while.

We didn’t see too much on the boat trip. It was too cold and the water level was too high. It didn’t matter though because there was an alligator show after. That was entertaining. You got to hold an alligator after if you wanted. I got a picture of my wife holding an alligator. She hates snakes and spiders but something that could bite your fingers off is just fine.

After the show we went to the restaurant and ate some alligator. It wasn’t bad but it tougher than your average meat.

We got back on the bus. Thankfully Monty got off at the Miami airport so we had some peace and quite. Only five of us were going to Ft. Lauderdale. We got to enjoy the sites of US Interstate 95 between Miami and Ft. Lauderdale. If you’ve never done that ride you are missing something. I can’t help but think of Obi Wan Kanobie’s description of Mos Eisley Spaceport when I see this strip of road. Doesn’t matter what side of the road you look at you’ll see a varied selection of Porno Stores, Strip Clubs, and Bail Bond Dealers.

We got to the airport and we were literally the last ones off the bus. We still had plenty of time before our flight. That turned out to be a curse. Our flight was delayed. How else could our vacation end?

Awful Weather Predicted for the First Week in March

Although months away many meteorologists are predicting a massive storm to hit the Orland are starting around March 4^th 2010. The storm is expected to last a specific period of time.

“Based on historical data we are almost 100% sure a major storm will hit the area. The historical data being the fact that bad weather follows Mike Scopa around. It seems like every time he shows up a major storm hits the area. We also the storm will end when Mr. Scopa leaves the area,” stated head forecaster for Disney World, Mayor of Main Street USA.

“We also have some other concerns. In first week of December 2008 a massive ice storm hit the New England area. In the first week of December 2007 a snow storm hit the New England area. In both cases the Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About was on vacation. This is a major concern because he’ll be in Disney World the first week of March 2010,” the mayor continued.

Both New England and Orlando are warned to prepare for the worst. The first week in March could be historic for the entire east coast.

However some feel that there is reason to hope everything will be ok. Professor Bunsen Honeydew explained “Both Mr. Scopa and The Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About live in NH. The awful weather seems to hit when only one of them leaves the area. When both are leaving and heading to the same destination within a week of each other I feel the weather will remain stable. I have nothing to base this on but I’m a professor so I must be right.”

An unnamed weather expert explained why he feels Professor Honeydew is sorely mistaken. “Yes they both live in NH but you have to remember what NH is known for. It’s called the granite state. All that Granite neutralizes the affect of those two men. If there was no granite NH would implode. By allowing both of them to go to Orlando at the same time you are allowing Orlando to be destroyed!”

Weather you agree with Professor Honeydew or the crazy weather guy you’d best be prepared for anything to happen the first week of March in Disney World. The neutral forecasters are saying the weather will be between 45 and 85 with a 50% chance of clouds and a 50% chance of rain everyday.

Photo of the Week - The Monorail

This Photo seems rather bland but a lot of people who see it have a rush of emotion. After seeing the red and purple road signs, after going through Disney World toll both, and after making it to the parking lot, this is most peoples first true taste of Disney. You know when you see the monorail pulling up you know you've made it.

Roy E. Disney – Dead at 79

Roy E. Disney has died after a year long battle with stomach cancer. Nephew Roy Disney and Nephew to Walt Disney, he followed in his family’s footsteps and worked and remained active with Disney in many different roles.

Possibly best known for his efforts to “save” Disney, he led a revolt that ousted Ron Miller, Walt’s son in-law, and then worked hard to get Michael Eisner installed the company’s head. Oddly enough Roy later worked to get Eisner ousted. When Eisner was gone he complained when Robert Iger was appointed.

With Roy gone it feels like part of Disney died. In some ways having a Disney family member still working with the company almost made it feel less like a massive corporate machine and a little more human despite the company’s size and structure. In some ways Disney now seems a little colder.

CMDTA on Vacation – Great Stirrup Cay

The final stop on our cruise of misery was Great Stirrup Cay an island that is privately owned by NCL and located in the Bahamas. What was it like? It’s owned by NCL. Does that answer you question?

We shouldn’t have been surprised but we had to take a tender to get off the boat. That means another miserable line filled will whiny, grumpy people.

We got our tickets and after a while, got off the boat. Thankfully they used actual boats to tender us in so it didn’t take long.

We picked a spot on the beach and then went snorkeling. That wasn’t bad except NCL makes you wear a vest. Even if you brought your own gear you were still required to rent a vest from NCL if you wanted to snorkel on the island. The funny part was the vests were inflatable but you were not required to inflate them. You just had to wear them.

Lunch on the island was grilled stuff. More over cooked hamburgers and nasty sides to fill your gullet with! Of course NCL had to give it their own flare so there were no set lines or any kind of organization.

It came time to get off the island. We just missed the previous boat so we had quite a wait ahead of us. While we were waiting NCL was filling up another boat with equipment and staff. Once all the staff and equipment were on board it took off. Some crusty, old, fart behind me didn’t like that. Apparently he thought they should have put some customers on there too. They tried to explain that the boat goes to a different part of the ship. He didn’t care. By this point I’d in the cruise my last few shreds of patience were starting to snap. I really considered picking him up and planting him head first into the trash can if he didn’t shut up. He didn’t shut up until the other tender arrived.

CMDTA on Vacation – Costa Maya

By the time we got to Costa Maya, Mexico we were completely annoyed with NCL and were dreading the thought of another tender. Thankfully Costa Maya had a pier. What a luxury that is. If you ever book a cruise you might want to check what ports have a pier and which don’t. That is a big consideration for me now.

On the downside there isn’t a ton to do at Costa Maya. By the time we got there we were broke too. On the plus side they have a great little port with some shops, free pools, and a number of bars.

After we fought our off the boat and by the photo op, we headed into some of the shops. You can find some decent glass and silver jewelry in Costa Maya. Most stops in Mexico have that kind of selection but Costa Maya has it right at the port. One tip is to walk right by Diamonds International. They are always over priced and they are everywhere. Go find a small shop and avoid gemstone jewelry.

Of course we hit a couple bars. They had frozen drinks by the yard. That’s great but they do tend to reduce the amount of booze they use if you order in that kind of quantity.

There was one thing I found in Costa Maya that I really want to find in the States. It’s called Sol. It’s a beer like corona but it comes in a bottle the size of your head. It’s huge. It’s about the size of three beers. It wasn’t a 40oz so I didn’t feel like an alcoholic or a redneck while drinking it.

Over all Costa Maya wasn’t bad but it’s not on the same caliber as many of the other stops. It’s a nice lay over. It’ll only get better with time. It’s still a young stop when compared to many of the other common stops.

Photo of the Week - Muppets Height Requirement

You have to love the Muppets. After a short kid sees signs everywhere that say "You must be at least this tall to ride" it must be a nice change to see this.

This is one of the funniest parts of the muppet queue. There are a lot of others but this tops my list.

CMDTA on Vacation – Belize

I’ve been to Belize before so I wasn’t sure what we were going to do at this port of call. We’d already gone to the Mayan ruins so we were not to keen on doing that again.

We did not buy an excursion through NCL for this port of call. We did however check out what they offered. They had for cave tubing that looked fun but they were charging over $90 a person to do it. That seemed really high to be driven somewhere so you can get in an inner tube and float down an underground stream.

Not knowing what we were going to do, we went through the misery of getting a tender ticket and waiting to be called. The good news was they were not using their life boats as tenders this time. They had actual boats. That was good because the ship was anchored so far from shore it would have taken a good hour for a life boat to make it to shore.

Once we made it to shore we looked around for some tour companies. We located one right on the secure port that was offering the cave tubing for $65 a person. That was about a third off what NCL was charging.

A bunch of us piled into a van, with multiple cracks in the windshield and of course, Latin music blaring. The driver got in, and floored it. We passed on the left, we passed on the right, and we passed with on coming traffic. We tailgated people. We drove on the wrong side of the road at times. We went around corners so fast we pulled higher Gs than Mission Space. We were about to go around the corner and the driver called out, “Let me know if you want to go left, center, or right up here. When we turned the corner we found ourselves heading towards a narrow part of the road with a tree in the middle. Someone yelled out right and we went right. I really wonder if we had yelled left if he would have gone left. I really hope he wouldn’t have gone center but he was an insane driver.

We arrived and all breathed a sigh of relief. I think a few people ran to the bathroom to change their underwear.

Next we all grabbed a tube and followed our guide down a jungle path. He stopped, stuck his hand into a mound on the side of the trail, and pulled it out with bugs crawling all over them. He said “It’s a termite mound. They are a great source of protein.” He then proceeded to eat the termites off of his hand.

A little further down the path he stopped by a hole in the ground and grabbed a long blade of grass and started poking down the hole. He told us he was trying to coax the tarantula out. I’m not afraid of spiders but my wife took got as far away from that hole as she could. He couldn’t get the spider our so we headed down the trail again. He stopped a few yards later and pointed. There was a big old tarantula off the side of a trail by its hole. My wife took off and a lot of people got nervous. Apparently they thought it was the rare South American flying tarantula. Yes I am kidding there is no such thing as a flying tarantula. Spiders to not like people. If you move towards them they run. When our guide got too close it ran down the hole.

We finally made it to the river. Most people slowly waded into the water. The rest of us followed the guide and jumped off the rocks into the water.

Everyone got in their tubes and linked up. You have to tuck your legs under the arms of the person in front of you. Once that’s done the guide said that there were some shallow sections and when we got there he’d say “butts up.” If you didn’t do this your butt would get pummeled by rocks.

Everyone put a head lamp on and we went into the cave. You wear the head lamps so you can see the inside of the cave and also so you can see all the bats hanging from the ceiling. It was a nice leisurely ride which included seeing an under ground waterfall.

We came out the other end, dried off, and got back on the van. The ride back didn’t seem as bad but I think we were just used to it.

We finished the day in Belize by getting a few drinks before we had to get back on the boat.

CMDTA on Vacation – Rotan Honduras

You’d think the misery that NCL inflicted on us would dissipate when we got to a port of call. You’d think wrong.

When we reached Rotan Honduras we found out that NCL has an odd way of tendering people off of the boat. You need to get a ticket. To get your ticket you have to get in line with EVERYONE who is not on an excursion bought through NCL. As you can imagine this line is huge. It spans the better part of the ship. Your ticket has a little number on it and they call people in groups.

We got our ticket and waited to be called. Finally they called us and we headed down to the tender location. However, they stop you a deck above the tender location if they feel too many people are down there. Don’t try to think about that too long or your head will explode. I know you have to ask, “Why did they call us if they were not ready?”

While waiting in the stairwell we noticed something disturbing. The NCL employee, who sounded like Checkov from the new Star Trek, had insanely long finger nails. Long finger nails on a man are just wrong. They make me want to toss my cookies. I’m not talking about a little bit of growth; I’m talking about growth that rivaled a French manicure. The worst part was I had to hand my ticket to him.

We make it to the tender. Guess what the tender was? They lowered a few of the life boats. I don’t know if you’ve ever checked one of those life boats out or not but I can tell you they are not fun. They are cramped, hot, and go about as fast as a Segway. It took about ten minutes to go less than 500 yards.

We made it off the boat and headed over to a monkey preserve. It was fun. There were monkey’s that were swinging in the trees and one would sit on your shoulder for a photo. He didn’t like sunglasses because he often plucked them off of people’s heads and threw them on the ground.

If you don’t like monkeys you could have your picture taken with a large scarlet macaw on one should and a huge green parrot on the other. The green parrot hated the nubs on the top of baseball caps. Everyone that took a picture with him had their nub plucked off and spit out. I don’t know where he learned that but it was amusing.

The ride back and fourth was uneventful. Not your typical close your eyes and hope you don’t die vacation taxi ride. Don’t worry we had one of those later.

Back at the port we found a bar because we could get booze for less than half what the boat was charging. At the bar I discovered a great drink. It’s called a “Lethal Injection.” It’s a long island that frozen, with no coke or sour mix but has Amaretto and coconut mild instead. They are dangerous.

We needed a few drinks because we knew what was coming next. We had to get back on the boat.

CMDTA on Vacation – NCL Jewel

This is my first post of a number based on my recent vacation. I will be covering a number of subjects. Some will be funny, some will be informative, but all will be rather blunt. I’m not going to try to sweeten anything. It is what it is.

My first subject is the Jewel and NCL. As some of you know I sailed on the Jewel’s sister ship the Pearl on an Alaskan cruise in 2007. That experience was rather poor but I believe in giving second chances so I gave NCL another shot.

Let me start by saying that I am seriously considering never giving anything a second chance. If the cruise on the Pearl was poor then the cruise on the Jewel was indescribably bad.

THE SHIP

The Jewel is an unimpressive ship with NCL’s famous tacky artwork on the outside of the ship. Nothing about this ship is impressive. I honestly believe the original designs for this ship started as a nursing home and were then modified to be a cruise ship. The dining rooms are and restaurants are bland and uninspired, there is no real atrium but there is a rather ugly area they call an atrium, and the pools were ok at best. I can only say one positive thing about the Jewel – it’s easy to navigate.

THE ROOM

Because of the largest on board credit I’ve ever seen I booked a mini-suite. Size wise it was ok but it wasn’t much larger than a standard balcony on Carnival. There was a tub which sounds nice but there is nothing special about it. It wasn’t very deep and it was rather narrow. In the bathroom they have the toilet separated by a sliding door. That’s normally a nice touch in a bathroom. I say normally because it means two people can be in the bathroom at once if one really has to “go.” It was not a nice touch in this bathroom because the door was clear. What nitwit thought it was a good idea to put a glass door there? The size of the bathroom was nice. It was nice to sit on the toilet straight on. I mention that because inside rooms are so cramped you can’t sit straight on the toilet unless you are an amputee or a midget. You have to sit on it cock eyed.

The balcony was ok. It wasn’t any bigger than a normal Carnival balcony. However, getting onto the balcony was an adventure. It had a sliding glass door which was unbelievably difficult to open. I’m not kidding when I say it took almost everything I had to get this door to slide a few times.

The TV in the room was a joke. It was a tiny tube TV. Hello! A 22” LCD is dirt cheap and would save space.

The bed was ok. They claimed they put memory foam pads on the beds. I think they did that because the beds are old. As you can imagine it wasn’t that great. Without the foam topper it would have been awful.

One thing that amazes me is the fact that NCL puts the people who pay more on the floor below the pool deck. On the Jewel that is deck 11. This means people who pay more have some of the LOUDEST state rooms on the boat. IDIOTS! We were stuck under the kids program. From 10am to 11pm it sounded like a herd of elephants was walking above us.

What was the worst thing about the room? It stunk. Seriously, it smelled really bad. NCL allows people to smoke in their staterooms. We complained so they came and sprayed Fabreeze. Then is smelled like smoke and Fabreeze. They asked if it was better the next day. We said it was a little better but it still smelled. Guess what they did? Fabreeze! We started leaving to balcony door open to air the place out. Downside was it caused all the windows to fog up because it was so humid out. It was ok by the fourth day of our seven day cruise but every time we opened a cabinet we got hit with the smoke smell.

THE FOOD

To say the food was bad is an understatement. It was the worst food we’ve had on any cruise EVER! It was awful. Nothing we had really stood out as good but a lot stood out as bad. There were a number of things that were so bad we couldn’t eat them. Most of the food was obviously reheated and it showed. I haven’t had food this bad since I was on the Pearl. Now my wife and I mistakenly figured that due to “Freestyle Dining” which incorporates a number of “Premium” restaurants (that’s fancy speak for pay) that you had to go to one of those restaurants to get food that wasn’t crap. We thought wrong! We did the “Premium” thing one night and it was just as bad. The bread was stale and the food was crummy, and we paid $30 for that.

The other thing that really frosted by bananas about the food what happened if you ate at one of the free dining locations. They sent someone from table to table to try and sell the “Premium” restaurants. Why not send someone around and say “If the food is going to suck why not pay for it?”

The best food we found was at the buffet. A BUFFET. Keep in mind I said “best” not “good.” My wife hates buffets but by the end she was asking if we could eat there so we’d have marginal food. The worst part about the buffet was there were no lines. IDIOTS! You don’t cram that many people into a confined space when forks and knives are available and not organize them!

There was one thing we found that was never stale and always tasted good. The frozen yogurt you served yourself out of the machine.

THE WORST FOODS

My wife ordered encrusted snapper. Once upon a time it was encrusted but by the time it was served it had been reheated and the “crust” was the consistency of a gummy worm. That’s amazing considering the primary ingredient was nuts.

I ordered French onion soup. I’ve worked in kitchens. I know how to make it right. I also know how to make it fast but make it look right. NCL did neither. The cheese wasn’t browned and the soup wasn’t hot.

My wife ordered a hamburger through room service. Even a sub par hamburger is edible so we figured NCL couldn’t screw that up. Ha! NCL can screw anything up! What was delivered was a hockey puck with cheese on it. I say hockey puck because it was hard as a rock and cold.

My wife grabbed a yummy looking chocolate pastry from the chocolate buffet. It was a dinner roll with chocolate on it. I really wish I was kidding.

I could go on but I have other things to cover.

THE ENTERTAINMENT

We tried to do that entertainment. It didn’t work. This is another failing of “Freestyle Dining.” Everyone hits the entertainment at the same time. That means you either need to stay up late to catch the late show or show up 30 to 60 minutes early. Sorry I’m not going to do that.

When you have set times for dinner the crowds are spread out and everyone can go to the show they want.

At least there were decent movies on the TV. They play recently released to video movies so in November of 2009 that means the selections were Up, Julie and Julia, and other movies from the same timeframe.

THE SERVICE

The service was ok at best. Here is another area where “Freestyle” fails. In a traditional setting you have the same waiter every night and that means he’s invested in you. He will work for his tips! Take that away and you get ho hum service.

When we complained about our room a person took our info and said they would take care of it. They didn’t tell us when or how. The communication was awful.

When you called room service you often got this guy who was as friendly as a rabid pitbull and didn’t even say goodbye.

On a number of occasions we witnessed the staff arguing with each other.

I caught and called out a bar tender for being lazy. It was our last night on the boat and I’d had enough. It wasn’t even by drink but I wanted to let him know I caught him. Someone ordered a Long Island Ice Tea and then they returned to their table. The bar tender made it by pouring two shots of vodka into a glass with two ounces of sour mix and a splash of coke. As many of you know that is not a Long Island. I thought that was how NCL made a Long Island until the guy cam back for a second. This time he didn’t go back to his table until the drink was done. Because the customer was standing there, the bartender made a real Long Island. BOOOOOOO!!!! It’s bad enough that the booze cost up to $9 a drink. You can at least give us a real drink!

FINAL COMMENTS

Our experience with NCL and the Jewel was so poor I considered taking laxatives to rid myself of the remnants of this cruise.

I’ll be doing further posts for each port of call and stories.

Photo of the Week - Tower of Terror

One of the best rides in Disney World. Almost everyone who goes to DHS takes a photo of this ride from Sunset Blvd. This photo was not taken from Sunset Blvd. Try to figure out where I was standing when I took this.