Mickey’s MMA Festival 2010

In a special nonexistent press release it was announced that Mickey’s MMA Festival would be coming back. The fight card will change greatly. However there will be some rematches.

Mickey Mouse vs. The Jonas Brothers – Inspired by an episode of the Comedy Central cartoon South Park, Mickey will be facing off with the dreaded Jonas Brothers.

Professional Opinion: Mickey will wipe the floor with the girly boys. He’s been working out a lot lately to get in shape for Epic Mickey. He also has experience on his side. Expect Mickey to knock out all of the brothers by the forth round.

Princess Battle Royal - This is a rematch with a twist. Cinderella, Aurora, Jasmine, Snow White, Belle, Ariel, and new comer Tania will step into the ring in a no holds bar, electrified steel cage, ladder, table, garbage can, match. The winner will be declared top princess.

Professional Opinion: Look for Cinderella to get off to a great start. Years of fighting with her step sisters has toughened her up. All the manual labor has also given her a strength advantage. Don’t forget about the glass slippers. In a match with no rules they can be used as weapons.

Miley Cyrus vs. Annette Funicello - New school meets old school in this fight. Annette might be old but she’s been around the block a number of times. Miley Cyrus isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer and is going into this fight cocky. She thinks her age advantage will make this a slam dunk.

Professional Opinion: Funicello in the first round. Once Cyrus takes the first punch she’ll crumble.

Disney Bear vs. Liver Lips – In this clash of the titans we’ll see a rare appearance by the Disney Bear when he attempts to take down the Country Bear Jamboree Slugfest winner Liver Lips.

Professional Opinion: Liver Lips in a split decision. Disney Bear will stick it out because he’s afraid of being shelved. Liver Lips will get tired after a few rounds because he’s horribly out of shape. Might as well take a nap after the first few rounds.

Michael Eisner vs. Robert Iger – CEO vs. Former CEO in this amazing fight. This is the fight everyone is talking about.

Professional Opinion: Iger in the third round. Eisner is the better fighter but Iger just sold a ton of stock to get Eisner to throw the fight.

Doggie Match of Doom – The fur is going to fly when Goofy (yes he is a dog), Pluto, Bolt, and Copper (Fox and the Hound) will steep into the ring in the first ever four way fire hydrant match.

Professional Opinion: The biggest underdog, Copper, will win this one. Copper is a basset hound. They only move if food is involved. Copper’s trainer has promised him all the food he can eat if he wins this match. You don’t get between a basset and food.

Carl vs.Wall-E – In what is being called the strangest match Carl of Up fame will be taking on everyone’s favorite robot, Wall-E.

Professional Opinion: Wall-E hands down. Once Carl breaks his cane on Wall-E’s metal head he’ll be defenseless against the enraged robot.

Ursula vs. Maleficent – Love them or hate them this is the match everyone wants to see. These two have been lighting up Twitter with insult after insult and now they are going to settle it in the ring!

Professional Opinion: Ursula will have a big advantage until Maleficent changes into her dragon form and fries Ursula like a big chunk of calamari.

Flik vs. Mary Popins – How did this match come about? The card needed one more fight so the promoters had the computer provide two random names from the Disney archives.

Professional Opinion: Mary Popins in 2.5 seconds. Not only is everyone’s favorite nanny; magical, talented, and undefeated in 29 mixed martial arts fights, she’s out weights her opponent by 120 pounds.

Dorey vs. Flounder – Many people don’t know but these two dated for over a year. They broke up over allegations that Dorey cheated on Flounder. Dorey claims not to remember ever doing such a thing.

Professional Opinion: Flounder in the 10^th. Expect Dorey to keep forgetting she’s in a fight. Flounder might be wimpy but he’s an angry wimp.

Review: The Complete Guide to Disney World: 2010

I recently purchased "The Complete Guide to Disney World" by Mike and Julie Neal. This is a top notch Disney guide book.

Visually the "Complete Guide" is stunning. Not only does it have a lot of color photos, the photos are top notch. Many of the photos make you want to get off your butt and run down to the parks. I don't I've ever seen a guide book with better photos.

The guide isn't that long. It's about on par with the official Disney World guides and about a fifth of the size of the Unofficial Guide. You could bring this guide book with you but you'd want a backpack for it. It's a little too large to fit into a cargo pant pocket.

The information in the guide is diverse and they attempt to cover a lot of subjects. For the size of the guide there is a decent amount but if info is on the top of your list you'll want the unofficial guide. One thing this guide does well is adding a list for "fun finds" and "hidden Mickeys" for each ride.

The quality (wear and tear resistant) is very good. They used high quality gloss paper. This makes it slightly water resistant and helps to reduce wear and tear.

Overall this is the guide that will get you pumped up for your trip or help you while you are on your trip. If you are researching your trip, buy the Unofficial Guide. If you own both you will be prepared for all things Disney World.

Tent Fest Revenge

I planned my trip to Disney World when buy four get three free was announced. I was excited because I got the dates I was looking at and the resort I wanted.

Something happened a few days later that was discouraging. An announcement was made on the WDW Today Podcast that Tent Fest would happen in March starting on the 5^th. I was discouraged because that meant that I would only get to check it out on the 5^th.

My discouragement got worse when the Tent Fest schedule was released. Tent Fest would start at 3pm. I leave for the airport at 4pm, making it impossible to enjoy any of the Tent Fest shenanigans.

I thought this was odd. Why would the event line up perfectly so I would miss all of it despite being in WDW? Well, I looked into it.

The timing of Tent Fest was perfectly planned to keep me from attending. That might sound odd and you might ask why would the guys at WDW Today want to keep the Cousin Mickey Doesn’t Talk About out of their party?

Here is why. I exposed the truth behind Matt Hochberg’s absence from the podcast when he got “married.” I told everyone that he really took the time off to participate in the “Not So Amazing Race” with Van of the Netcot podcast. That was supposed to be a secret. (see the Hochberg Conspiracy)

I also exposed why Matt is afraid of Dinosaur. He doesn’t like the fact that I told the world about his run in with Barney the dinosaur. (See Matt Hochberg Isn’t Afraid of Dinosaur)

I also exposed the secrets of the other members of the WDW Today podcast. Like Len Testa being an alien (Len Testa – Tequila – The Shocking Connection), Mike Scopa being a cyborg (Mike Scopa’s Dark Secret), Mike Newell being a criminal mastermind (Don’t Mess With Mike Newell), and Annette Owens being an evil warlord (Annette Owens – Butt Kicker).

I thought those were harmless. It’s not like the stuff I wrote about Lou Mongello. You don’t see Mongello harboring a grudge.

Next time I’m going to wait until they plan something, sign up under a fake name, then crash the event with a car full of poo flinging monkeys (I know I haven’t mentioned poo flinging monkeys in a long time).

Wish List

So it’s a new year and most companies are ready to roll with their strategic plans. Disney is no different. They no doubt have a plan for the year. That leads me to wonder what would I like to see happen in the next year?

1. Future World Renewal – Future World is part great and part garbage. I’d love to see the Universe of Energy get a makeover. I’d also love to see the Imagine Pavilion brought back from the dead.

2. Finish the World Showcase – It’s been how long? Forget years, how many decades have you had to finish the world showcase? I was nine when the last pavilion opened. I don’t want one, I want two new countries! No actually I want as many as will fit over there. It’s time for some new countries.

3. Ease Off the DVC – I can’t afford DVC. Even if I could my wife would murder me if I bought into it. It seems like all of the new resorts are either non-Disney or DVC. Why not pull one of the old ideas out of your hat? There were some great plans back in the day. You’ve got the room.

4. Expand the Monorail – You know the worst part about the Animal Kingdom is getting there. Can you imagine if the monorail went there?

5. More Bang for the Buck – Over the last few years more and more has been stripped out of Disney and at the same time ticket prices have increased. Stop that! Just leave the prices alone and start adding stuff back in.

6. Roll Out the Booze – Alcohol doesn’t ruin the family atmosphere at Epcot, Animal Kingdom, or Disney Hollywood Studios so why can’t I get a drink in the Magic Kingdom? The Magic Kingdom would be a little more Magical if I could get a shot of Glenlevit somewhere.

7. Walt Disney World Explorer 2010 – I’d be very happy if you would do a new Walt Disney World Explorer. I loved that CD. It was the best. I wasted so much time on it, it’s embarrassing. I’d pay top dollar for it but knowing my luck you’d only release it on PC.

8. Castle Suite – I’d like to stay in the castle suite. Is that too much too ask? It’s not like its being used for anything.

9. Epic Mickey – Please let Epic Mickey be a good video game. Don’t wreck it by trying to please everyone.

10. Stich – Please put Stich out of his misery. Everything you have put him in has been a mess. If you can’t use Stich right don’t use him at all.