Most buffets have barely passable food. Sometimes they have awful food or food you refuse to eat because you know you’d be stuck paying homage to the porcelain god for the next week if you did. The server is normally non-existent which is better than the rude smelly person that sometimes brings you your drinks.
So why would you want ever want to go to a buffet? The answer varies depending on where you are. If you are in Disney World, it’s because the above rules don’t really apply.
Disney has a bunch of buffets. Most of them have good food, most of them have pleasant servers, and most of them attract some of the most interesting crowds you’ll ever see. You will never find a stranger mix of people. Here are the usual suspects at Disney Buffets:
Ms. Picky – You would think that a buffet would have something for everyone. You think that until you see this lady. It’s the lady who goes through the entire buffet and adds two tiny things to her plate and then has a disgusted look as if she’s offended by the selection.
Ms. Skin and Bones – Sometimes this is Ms. Picky too. It’s the person who doesn’t even eat one plate of food. You scratch your head and wonder why on Earth did she go to a buffet?
The Runaway Kid – It’s not really a run away kid. It’s a kid who was allowed to go through the buffet by himself and has filled his plate with French fries and deserts.
The Man With His Own Gravitational Pull – This person typically needs two seats; one for each cheek. He’ll plow through at least five plates. He’s the one that’s determined to get his money’s worth! If the server asks if he’s done, he waives her off and says “No. I still have some room left in my esophagus.”
Mr. Big Eyes, Little Stomach – You always seen this person. It’s the person with the full plate but he’s turned green because he ate too much already.
The Carnivore – You know this guy when you see him. He’s the one with two plates. One plate has nothing but ribs and fried chicken on it. The other plate has enough bones on it to make a model of a dinosaur.
Mr. Helpful – This guy annoys me! This is not someone in your party. This is a total stranger. He’s the one who sees what you brought back to your table and then decides to comment on it. He’ll also recommend something you may have missed.
Mr. Everything is Better at (insert name here) – This is the guy who just can’t enjoy his meal. No matter what he eats he’s been somewhere better and believes he shouldn’t have to pay because he views the food as substandard. This is the guy who somehow forgot that he’s at a buffet.
Lou Mongello – Look out for this guy. There won’t be any food left.
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