Rides You Will Never See

Synergy – If you don’t know what that is, it’s when Disney mashes stuff together, often with mixed results, in an effort make more money. For example because of Synergy we have rides inspired by Aladdin, Dumbo, Snow White, Peter Pan, Winnie the Pooh, and so on. We also have a case where Pirates inspired one good movie, a mediocre but entertaining movie, and one festering pile of cow dung of a movie. In turn the movies inspired the ride which got an overhaul. All of this was done to make more money!

I thought I’d come up with movies you’ll never see turned into rides at any Disney theme park:

Signs the Ride: This could only be a dark ride like the Haunted Mansion. You could have scenes for the car accident, the first crop circles, his brother in the closet watching TV, when he looks out the window and sees the silhouette, the aliens trying to break into the house, the arm coming out of the grate in the basement, and his brother swinging away. Now that I think of it, I’d love to see this ride.

The Many Adventures of Peewee Herman: This would be a dark ride with bright colors and all the characters from Peewee’s Playhouse. It would have scenes from Peewee’s Big Adventure and his little red bike too. Near the end would be an unshaven Peewee behind bars. The final scene would be Peewee doing the voiceover for Star Tours. See it has a happy ending.

The Wrath of Santana: This would be a roller coaster that rolls it way through the Alamo as Santana’s army is attacking. There would be an animatronic of Davy Crockett and falls down as you go by. There would also be all sorts of pyrotechnics throughout the ride and it would finish like Dinosaur does with a big blast of wind at your back.

Rocking Roller Coaster Featuring Buddy Holly: It would be just like the Aerosmith version but you get into a plane instead of a limo. You’d still do all the inversions and everything. Swap out the street signs for clouds and stuff. At the end you’d blow through a fake wall that looks like the ground. You could also bring back the end of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride for the exit. If you don’t want Buddy Holly you could make it the Country Roller Coaster Featuring John Denver.