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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mike Scopa’s Dark Secret

I always thought it was funny when the WDW Today gang poked fun at Mike Scopa for being old. You name the old joke, it’s been used on Scopa. I started wondering: just how old is Scopa?

I did some research (made up a totally fictions story). Scopa is originally from Mass. I searched the public records in Mass and tried to trace back his lineage. The date he uses for his date of birth is fake. No Mike Scopa was born on that date. I dug deeper and found that a Mike Scopa was born in 1882 but that couldn’t be right. If it was Scopa was born in 1882 he would be 127 years old.

I figured Scopa was just a pen name and his real name was something else. I thought that until April 1, 2009. On that date episode 546 of WDW Today Scopa got to pick the last question. When he did something odd happened. His voice repeated about seven times. That was the clue I was looking for.

Remember Mike is from Mass originally. Mass is home to the world famous Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). MIT is known for all sorts of crazy things. They have pioneered more technology than one can possibly imagine including advancements in the field of robotics.

Mike Scopa volunteered for an experiment in 1961 when he was 79 years old. The experiment involved robotics. Mike was transformed into the world’s first cyborg. His electronic voice box got stuck. That’s why we heard the same thing seven times on that podcast!

The creation of the new Scopa caused a moral debate among the scientists who worked on the project. Some thought that he should be destroyed. The others thought he should be celebrated as a way to prevent death.

The ones who thought he should be destroyed called a meeting and invited all of the scientists. They had secretly planted a bomb in the building. When all the other scientists arrived, the bad scientists set the bomb off.

They still had to get rid of Scopa. He was the only remaining evidence of the project. They underestimated the power of what they created. When they showed up Scopa shot lasers out of his eyes and blew up their car before they could get out.

Scopa fled to NH before anyone could trace the events back to him. He has lived quietly (term used loosely) in NH for years. Beyond the podcast there are a couple ways you can tell Scopa is a cyborg. Whenever a Scopa gets near a dog, the dog will bark its head off. Everyone knows dogs don’t like cyborgs. Scopa’s eyes are also a clue. They look normal until you see them from an infrared camera. His eyes glow when seen in infrared. Footage has been obtained from Splash Mountain and other Disney World dark rides that confirms this.

Do not fear. Scopa is a good cyborg. He only killed those scientists in self defense. Scopa is good with children and small animals. As long as his batteries are charged and his hard drive doesn’t get corrupted we can enjoy his Disney World antics for years to come.

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