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Friday, March 20, 2009

Mickey’s MMA Festival

For some unknown reason mixed martial arts keeps gaining in popularity. I don’t like MMA but I think it’s time for Disney to do what Disney does. Take a fad and try to make some money off of it.

First things first, Disney is family friendly so you can’t have MMA fighters mauling each other in the Magic Kingdom. That would just ruin the family friendly environment. If you can’t do MMA fighters you need to do the next best thing – use characters. You could have the first ever Mickey’s MMA Festival!

Match #1 – Grumpy vs. Doc: Let’s face it Grumpy has a chip on his shoulder and I think it’s from being bossed around by Doc for years. Doc has always has always thought the Grumpy’s attitude stinks. It’s time to settle things!

Match #2 – Donald Duck vs. Scrooge McDuck: Donald took it personally when Scrooge wrote him out of his will. He’s going to beat the money out of him now.

Match #3 – Heuey vs. Dewey vs. Louie: For years they’ve been beating the snot out of each other behind the scenes. You may not know this but they are part Irish, like to drink, and then start swinging at each other. It’s only natural they finally beat each other up legally.

Match #4 – Ariel vs. Tinker Bell: This is a match for the “Best Kinda Human Female” title. Half fish vs. a fairy. How can you go wrong?

Match #5 – Sleeping Beauty vs. Cinderella: This is a grudge match and for the title of “Top Princess.” These two hate each other so much they have requested this be a table / ladder match inside of a steel cage which is electrified and lined with barb wire.

Match #6 – Mike vs. Roz: Mike got so sick of Roz giving him such a hard time that he finally snapped and demand an MMA match. Mike’s an idiot. This one will be over in less then 60 seconds.

Match #7 – Belle vs. Beast: In public they seem like a loving couple. In private it’s another story. After years of domestic disputes, three separations, and two restraining orders, these two will be climbing into the octagon to settle their differences.

Match #8 – The Tiki Room – A Battle Royal: Did you think everything would be all fun and games after you locked over twenty birds in a room for thirty years and then changed the management without informing the prior management first? Get the turkey leg cart ready for action. It would be a shame to waste the results of this match.

Match #9 - Minnie vs. Pluto: Mouse’s best friend vs. Mouse’s girl friend. This is a newspaper match. That means rolled up newspapers are not only allowed but encouraged.

The Main Event – Mickey vs. Goofy: Is anyone surprised by this? This is for the “King of Disney World” title. Look for Goofy to try to use his large reach to his advantage. Also look for Mickey to use Goofy’s long lanky legs to his advantage by take downs and then implementing some kind of submission hold.

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