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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Mickey’s MMA Festival 2010

In a special nonexistent press release it was announced that Mickey’s MMA Festival would be coming back. The fight card will change greatly. However there will be some rematches.

Mickey Mouse vs. The Jonas Brothers – Inspired by an episode of the Comedy Central cartoon South Park, Mickey will be facing off with the dreaded Jonas Brothers.

Professional Opinion: Mickey will wipe the floor with the girly boys. He’s been working out a lot lately to get in shape for Epic Mickey. He also has experience on his side. Expect Mickey to knock out all of the brothers by the forth round.

Princess Battle Royal - This is a rematch with a twist. Cinderella, Aurora, Jasmine, Snow White, Belle, Ariel, and new comer Tania will step into the ring in a no holds bar, electrified steel cage, ladder, table, garbage can, match. The winner will be declared top princess.

Professional Opinion: Look for Cinderella to get off to a great start. Years of fighting with her step sisters has toughened her up. All the manual labor has also given her a strength advantage. Don’t forget about the glass slippers. In a match with no rules they can be used as weapons.

Miley Cyrus vs. Annette Funicello - New school meets old school in this fight. Annette might be old but she’s been around the block a number of times. Miley Cyrus isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer and is going into this fight cocky. She thinks her age advantage will make this a slam dunk.

Professional Opinion: Funicello in the first round. Once Cyrus takes the first punch she’ll crumble.

Disney Bear vs. Liver Lips – In this clash of the titans we’ll see a rare appearance by the Disney Bear when he attempts to take down the Country Bear Jamboree Slugfest winner Liver Lips.

Professional Opinion: Liver Lips in a split decision. Disney Bear will stick it out because he’s afraid of being shelved. Liver Lips will get tired after a few rounds because he’s horribly out of shape. Might as well take a nap after the first few rounds.

Michael Eisner vs. Robert Iger – CEO vs. Former CEO in this amazing fight. This is the fight everyone is talking about.

Professional Opinion: Iger in the third round. Eisner is the better fighter but Iger just sold a ton of stock to get Eisner to throw the fight.

Doggie Match of Doom – The fur is going to fly when Goofy (yes he is a dog), Pluto, Bolt, and Copper (Fox and the Hound) will steep into the ring in the first ever four way fire hydrant match.

Professional Opinion: The biggest underdog, Copper, will win this one. Copper is a basset hound. They only move if food is involved. Copper’s trainer has promised him all the food he can eat if he wins this match. You don’t get between a basset and food.

Carl vs.Wall-E – In what is being called the strangest match Carl of Up fame will be taking on everyone’s favorite robot, Wall-E.

Professional Opinion: Wall-E hands down. Once Carl breaks his cane on Wall-E’s metal head he’ll be defenseless against the enraged robot.

Ursula vs. Maleficent – Love them or hate them this is the match everyone wants to see. These two have been lighting up Twitter with insult after insult and now they are going to settle it in the ring!

Professional Opinion: Ursula will have a big advantage until Maleficent changes into her dragon form and fries Ursula like a big chunk of calamari.

Flik vs. Mary Popins – How did this match come about? The card needed one more fight so the promoters had the computer provide two random names from the Disney archives.

Professional Opinion: Mary Popins in 2.5 seconds. Not only is everyone’s favorite nanny; magical, talented, and undefeated in 29 mixed martial arts fights, she’s out weights her opponent by 120 pounds.

Dorey vs. Flounder – Many people don’t know but these two dated for over a year. They broke up over allegations that Dorey cheated on Flounder. Dorey claims not to remember ever doing such a thing.

Professional Opinion: Flounder in the 10th. Expect Dorey to keep forgetting she’s in a fight. Flounder might be wimpy but he’s an angry wimp.

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