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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Where’s the Booze?

If there is one thing you can always count on it’s the fact that Disney is going to do anything to try and make a buck. Sometimes Disney does a good job hiding the fact that they are draining your wallet sometimes they don’t hide it at all they just make you feel bad if you don’t. Take for example that god forsaken hell known as the Bipidee? Bopbedee? Oh I give up! The awful Boutique in the Magic Kingdom, the one where spoiled little girls walk in and come out raging pre-Madonna’s dressed like a princess of their choice. Disney doesn’t even try to hide that one. They rely on guilt to do their dirty work. They know if your little girl sees another little girl dressed as a princess they’ll make daddy pay through the nose so they can dress like a princess too.

A more subtle example of milking your wallet is the “parties.” Disney likes to throw parties. They do this so they can charge people a premium to come into the Magic Kingdom at night. When you think of it these things are cash cows. Annual Pass holders are not allowed in. If you’re vacationing at the time and have a park hopper pass, you can’t get in. Everyone has to buy an expensive ticket to get in. Oh I forgot though…It’s a party so it’s ok.

Considering all that I’m left wondering one thing. Why doesn’t Disney sell booze in the Magic Kingdom? I’m thinking there are a lot of people there who need it. I know if I had a kid who just got dressed up like a princess, I’d need a drink. If I had to go in with her while she got the overhaul, I’d need a few.

When I thought about it the most common reason for not having booze would be that it would ruin the family friendly environment. That’s a bunch of hogwash (how’s that for an old school term). If you try to make that argument you are saying that DHS, Epcot, and Animal Kingdom do not need to have a family friendly environment that’s on par with the Magic Kingdom. That’s a weak argument.

This means that there is some kind other reason. Maybe it’s something dark and scary! Or maybe it could be one of these:

- The Mayor of Main Street is a raging alcoholic.

- Disney pumps happy gas into the air that, when combined with alcohol, causes spontaneous combustion.

- They thought it would keep my wife out of the Magic Kingdom (you failed).

- Happy gets angry, Doc gets touchy, and Dopey gets…well dopey when they’ve been drinking.

- The princesses have been know to get into cat fights when they have been drinking (there’s an idea for a new attraction).

- The muskrat on Splash Mountain has a contract that states he’s the only one allowed to have alcohol in the Magic Kingdom.

- More people than usual would pass out in the Hall of Presidents.

- Captain Hook and Peter Pan are drinking buddies and that ruins the story line.

- Eore gets bad gas when he’s been drinking.

- The cops are tired of responding to domestic disputes between Minnie and Mickey.

- The characters have been known to streak when they have been drinking…That’s odd considering Donald doesn’t wear pants to begin with and Chip and Dale have never worn clothes.

- The Mad Hatter sits in a corner and cries after he’s tied a buzz on.

- Goofy was arrested for possession after his last bender and is now in rehab.

- Tinker Bell fell off of the zip line after the last all night kegger.

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