People pay a lot of money to go to Disney World. Some people feel they are entitled to act like a total boob because of that. You know the people I’m talking about. No matter when, where, or what location you run into those people.
For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, there is a good chance you are one of them. I’ll help you out and detail some of the tell tale signs that you are a total jerk when you’re on vacation.
Here are the vacation commandments:
- Thou shall not pick ones nose in public: Honestly this should always be a rule. What possible reason do you have to stuff your finger up your nose in public? When I see this I have ask – What are you going to do with the booger? Chances are there is no correct answer because if you are picking your nose in public I doubt you have a tissue with you. I guess that means you’ll be flicking it, wiping on the bench your sitting on, wiping it on someone else, or worse. Please don’t recycle it if you catch my meaning.
- Thou shall not stand on top of other people: There is one of these in every crowd. It’s the guy who stands within inches of you. Most of the time he’s so close you can tell he had onions for lunch. Worst part is if you move to give yourself more space, they typically move with you. I also wonder why people like this tend to have chronic BO. I hate to say it but I’m not beyond setting off a W.M.S (weapon of massive stench) when someone like this is behind me.
- Thou shall pay attention in line: Keep moving and listen to the cast members. Ever wonder why some lines seem to take forever to get through? It’s because there are people like you in it. You can talk to people but most people can talk and walk at the same time. Imagine that!
- Thou shall chew with ones mouth closed: I like food but I do not like it when it’s in your mouth and I can see it. I also don’t need to hear you eat. Oh and if you have kids, the same goes for them. Don’t stop while chewing and start talking to me either. I won’t be able to pay attention because I’m too concerned about something flying out of your mouth and landing in my lap.
- Thou shall not abuse the cast members: Cast members are there to assist you in enjoying your vacation. Included in that are making sure you don’t hurt yourself, hurt others, or ruin another guest’s vacation. Typically when they ask you to do something there is a reason for it. Also keep in mind that it is not nice to take out your frustrations on someone who is trying to help you. Chances are you are frustrated from lack of planning, lack of intelligence, or something that is not controllable. There will be times when you have a legitimate complaint. When that happens, you can be civil and explain your position in a dignified manner. You do not need to revert to a rabid gorilla on a bender.
- Thou shall not cut in line or send one person into a queue to secure a spot while the rest of a group arrives: If your group hasn’t arrived yet, don’t enter the queue. That is just another form of cutting. I don’t think I need to say don’t cut. That’s common sense unless you have the IQ of a slug. If you have the IQ of a slug; please do not visit Disney World. Disney has a legal way to cut. It’s called Fast Pass. It is the only want to cut the line.
- Thou shall not give dirty looks to people in the Fast Pass line: You had a chance to get a Fast Pass but you didn’t. You decided to wait in the stand by line. Keep in mind you got to see and possibly do things that the person in the Fast Pass line didn’t so keep your dirty looks to yourself.
- Thou shall not take a big drag off of a tobacco product and then exhale it as you enter an enclosed space: There are smoking areas for a reason. It’s so you can smoke in them. That is why they are called smoking areas. These areas are open and ventilated. Holding in a big puff of smoke and blowing it out as you enter a non-ventilated area is about as nice as farting in a car with window locks.
- Thou shall not speak loudly or talk on your phone during attractions: The call can wait or you can wait to get on the ride. Also, loudly is defined as someone else being able to hear you while on the attraction. If you don’t like that, I could assist you by throwing your phone into the Rivers of America and duct taping your mouth shut.
- Thou shall remember that bathing suits are for water parks: Even if you have a beach bod it doesn’t mean everyone wants to see it all the time. There is a reason its call a beach bod. If your outfit results in people having to explain the birds and the bees to their kids or if you need two hairdos to wear it, it is inappropriate.
- Thou shall not pick ones butt in public: It is sad that I even have to mention this one. I wouldn’t mention it if it wasn’t a problem. I don’t want to see you scratch your behind. If it’s itchy maybe you need to address that in a restroom. If it is because of a thong, maybe you shouldn’t wear a thong or pick it out of sight.
- Thou shall control ones children: You should know when you need to control your children. For some reason a number of you have a hard time with that concept. I’ll help you out a little. If your kid is trying to kick Mickey in the crotch – stop him (the kid not Mickey). If you kid is climbing something that is not part of a play ground – stop him. If your kid is screaming bloody murder – remove them. You can bring them back once they have calmed down. If your kid is making obscene gestures at other people – stop him. Get the idea?
- Thou shall not tell people you don’t know personal stories: I’m not talking about starting a friendly conversation about where you are from or stuff like that. That can be nice sometimes. However, if I’ve never spoken to you before I don’t need to know – how many times you’ve been married, that you have hemorrhoids, that you had diarrhea after eating at the Crystal Palace, that you’re infertile, that you are on Viagra, or the medical history of your aunt on your father’s side of the family.
I know there are other rules that could and should be stated but there is one thing you have to remember. Someone who is too numb to grasp the above concepts can’t remember more than a few at a time. Their head is too full of old Duke of Hazards episodes to fit anything else in.
