Country Bears Put on Diets

Nearly the entire cast of the Country Bear Jamboree has been placed on a diet after cracks were found in the stage.

According to an unofficial Disney report the cracks were obviously stress fractures and would be quite costly to repair. The report also stated that there was a direct link between the damage and the “gross obesity” of many of the shows performers.

The bears are to be put on a strict diet and professional fitness trainers are being brought in to train the bears.

According to the report Liver Lips alone had gained 340 pounds in the last two years. The average weight gain was 160 pounds.

According to an unnamed cast member the “bear in the ceiling” gained so much weight that her swing broke and she crashed to the floor during a practice. The swing was rebuilt with high tension wires that are normally used for suspension bridges.

One major part of the proposed diet will be the elimination of alcohol. Apparently the bears would consume up to eight kegs of beer and four jugs of moonshine over one day.

One cast member who used to work the show stated that this is a step in the right direction and that the bears were often “hammered” during performances.

Other aspects of the diet will be replacing “bad” foods with “good” foods. For example instead 20 pounds of biscuits and sausage gravy, Total cereal will be served. Instead of 15 chicken fried steaks for dinner, the bears will be served braised chicken. Instead of fried lard sandwiches, a garden salad will be served for lunch.

Each bear has a target weight and a timeframe to meet that goal. If they do not meet their goals they could be removed from the show and placed in the elephant pen in the Animal Kingdom.