The “Year of a Million Dreams” is now over. Disney did a myriad of things to try and surprise people, from giving them a free fast pass to spending a night in Cinderella’s Castle.
On our last visit to Disney World my wife and I grabbed pins from guest relations showing everyone that it was our anniversary (we weren’t faking it really was our anniversary). We subjected ourselves to this embarrassment because we hoped it would increase our odds of attracting the attention of the dream squad. I didn’t work. It didn’t really do anything except make about thirty thousand cast members say “Happy Anniversary!” Some did that happily. Some seemed like they were dying inside and were doing it in case we were the happy police ready to slam the hammer down on any cast member who made eye contact and doesn’t say those magical words. Sometimes it was just uncalled for. We were exiting Epcot after Illuminations. Someone had falled down in the mad rush to exit the parks and was hurt to the point of being put on a back board. One of the cast members helping put the lady on the back board wished us a happy anniversary. I wish I was kidding.
We did have one experience with the dream squad. We boarded Star Tours, took our seats, and then some over caffeinated cast member stared squawking about getting ready for our flight. I thought it was part of the “show” but then he said he was from the dream squad. At first I was excited. I though maybe we’ll get a fast pass, a fast pass pack, or even a pin (I like free stuff)! I tried to keep the frown off of my face when he told us we were getting a VIP pass to watch the parade. OH JOY REN! I don’t like parades. Some people will send hate mail for saying this but I think most parades are stupid. I don’t know why I dislike parades but I do. My wife outright hates them. She says they bore her to death.
So that was my experience with the dream squad. Out of everything Disney gave away during the promotion I can’t think of one thing I could place lower on my list. I couldn’t help but think why not offer a choice. Some people would kill for the VIP pass, some people would die for the pin, and some would love some other cheap thing.
Just for the record, we didn’t see the parade but we do have two passes that might fetch something on Ebay in ten years.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Disney and Miracle Ear – The Conspiracy to Deafen America
As a teenager I either didn’t notice or didn’t care. As an adult I found it annoying and at times painful. What am I talking about? The insane volume levels on nearly every ride at Disney World.
I’ve lost about a third of the hearing in my right ear. I never thought I’d be happy about that until I went on some of the rides at Disney World and thought to myself “Holy Poo Flinging Monkey’s that’s loud!” I can’t imagine what those rides would have been like without hearing loss. I’m guessing it would have been similar to stabbing yourself in the ear with a dull pencil.
There were two rides in particular that really stood out – The Universe of Energy and Dinosaur. I think the Universe of Energy tries to compensate the fact that it’s as boring as watching slugs race on a cold day by being louder than a nuclear detonation. Someone decided that Dinosaur needed to be scarier so they made it ten times louder. Well guess what? You failed! Volume doesn’t make something scarier it makes it more annoying. For instance at the end of Dinosaur when that thing roars at you and they take your picture half the people are just looking at the thing with an annoyed look on their face, a girl is crying because her ear drums were just blown out, and my wife making a pained face while trying to shy away from the sudden sonic boom. No one was really scared by it.
I’m trying to figure out why you’d put so many scenes on so many rides and attractions that easily pass 90db. After thinking about it for some time I came up with a few:
1. Disney did a survey when the National Association of the Deaf (http://www.nad.org/) was visiting the parks.
2. The “Greased Deaf Guy” from Family Guy is one of the head Imagineers.
3. Too many AARP members complained that they couldn’t hear anything before they remembered they left their hearing aides in their rooms because everything is so loud in Disney World.
4. Miracle Ear gives Disney World an annual kickback if 80% of their rides break 100db
The most interesting thing is that Disney hasn’t tried to capitalize the volume levels. If they charge $20 for a crappy plastic poncho then they could easily charge $10 for a $1 pair of ear plugs. That might sound funny but just wait. Someone from Disney will read this and the next time you go to the parks they’ll be selling a selection of ear plugs with your favorite Disney character on them near every attraction!
I’ve lost about a third of the hearing in my right ear. I never thought I’d be happy about that until I went on some of the rides at Disney World and thought to myself “Holy Poo Flinging Monkey’s that’s loud!” I can’t imagine what those rides would have been like without hearing loss. I’m guessing it would have been similar to stabbing yourself in the ear with a dull pencil.
There were two rides in particular that really stood out – The Universe of Energy and Dinosaur. I think the Universe of Energy tries to compensate the fact that it’s as boring as watching slugs race on a cold day by being louder than a nuclear detonation. Someone decided that Dinosaur needed to be scarier so they made it ten times louder. Well guess what? You failed! Volume doesn’t make something scarier it makes it more annoying. For instance at the end of Dinosaur when that thing roars at you and they take your picture half the people are just looking at the thing with an annoyed look on their face, a girl is crying because her ear drums were just blown out, and my wife making a pained face while trying to shy away from the sudden sonic boom. No one was really scared by it.
I’m trying to figure out why you’d put so many scenes on so many rides and attractions that easily pass 90db. After thinking about it for some time I came up with a few:
1. Disney did a survey when the National Association of the Deaf (http://www.nad.org/) was visiting the parks.
2. The “Greased Deaf Guy” from Family Guy is one of the head Imagineers.
3. Too many AARP members complained that they couldn’t hear anything before they remembered they left their hearing aides in their rooms because everything is so loud in Disney World.
4. Miracle Ear gives Disney World an annual kickback if 80% of their rides break 100db
The most interesting thing is that Disney hasn’t tried to capitalize the volume levels. If they charge $20 for a crappy plastic poncho then they could easily charge $10 for a $1 pair of ear plugs. That might sound funny but just wait. Someone from Disney will read this and the next time you go to the parks they’ll be selling a selection of ear plugs with your favorite Disney character on them near every attraction!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Bob Iger’s Bonus….Your alcohol purchases at work…or maybe not.
Disney World! Home of the $10 margarita! I wish I was making that up. A millionaire would balk at what Disney charges for a drink. At first I thought Disney was making big bucks on booze. After all, the profit margin on a $10 margarita has to be ridiculous. I can make a margarita at home for about $1.25. $2.00 if I use good booze. However, I don’t buy in bulk. My guess is Disney is paying $1.00 tops. That’s a $9 profit.
My guess is that Disney is trying to make a large profit while control consumption. Why else would price a drink at that level? Yes you’re a captive audience but think of the other places where you are a captive audience. How about Jetblue? They charge $3 for that margarita and there is no better example of being a captive audience. That leads be to believe that Disney doesn’t want a bunch of drunk people in their park. Guess what…you failed! If someone wants to get drunk you’re not going to stop them! What you are doing is limiting your overall profit. The people who want to get hammered are in the minority (I hope). A drink with a $10 price point only prevents the average Joe from getting drink number two. There are a lot more Joe’s than drunks in the park (again - I hope).
There are ways around buying booze from Disney. Here they are:
1. Bring a flask – You can get a good old fashion pocket flask for next to nothing online. Pick your own poison. The odds of Disney security finding it are nil. Just drink it fast there are cameras everywhere. Or wait until lunch and pour your rum in your coke. The other option is to drink it in the bathroom where there are no cameras stall but that’s just gross
2. Slip some nips in. How is this different from sneaking a flask into the park? The point of smuggling in nips is not to drink them straight. It’s to enhance the pathetically weak Disney drink and turn it into a drink actually work $10.
3. Start the mission impossible theme music please... Go to a resort with a concierge. The best one for this is the Contemporary. 1 - Wonder around the lobby until someone gets on the elevator. 2 - Follow them onto the elevator. 3 - If they do not use their key card to select their floor get off on the second floor. 4 - Take the escalator down to the lobby (this is to help avoid the attention of security). Repeat steps 1 through 4 until someone uses their key card for the 12th floor. 5 – Follow the person off the elevator on the 12th floor and take a right. 6 – Walk straight right into lounge. If you do this between the hours of 5pm and 10pm you can get your hands on some booze. Five to 7 is beer and wine 8 to 10 is the hard stuff. The key is to walk purposefully. If you hesitate you'll draw attention. I should also mention you won't be getting Bud. Sam Adams and Heineken. Woohoo!
4. Make friends with someone with a prosthesis. This only works if they have a hollow leg. You can sneak one good sized bottle or a bunch of small bottles in. I recommend the large bottle. It makes less noise.
(I cannot stress this enough - the above is for entertainment only! Even though it may be tempting, please do not steal. It's not nice.)
My guess is that Disney is trying to make a large profit while control consumption. Why else would price a drink at that level? Yes you’re a captive audience but think of the other places where you are a captive audience. How about Jetblue? They charge $3 for that margarita and there is no better example of being a captive audience. That leads be to believe that Disney doesn’t want a bunch of drunk people in their park. Guess what…you failed! If someone wants to get drunk you’re not going to stop them! What you are doing is limiting your overall profit. The people who want to get hammered are in the minority (I hope). A drink with a $10 price point only prevents the average Joe from getting drink number two. There are a lot more Joe’s than drunks in the park (again - I hope).
There are ways around buying booze from Disney. Here they are:
1. Bring a flask – You can get a good old fashion pocket flask for next to nothing online. Pick your own poison. The odds of Disney security finding it are nil. Just drink it fast there are cameras everywhere. Or wait until lunch and pour your rum in your coke. The other option is to drink it in the bathroom where there are no cameras stall but that’s just gross
2. Slip some nips in. How is this different from sneaking a flask into the park? The point of smuggling in nips is not to drink them straight. It’s to enhance the pathetically weak Disney drink and turn it into a drink actually work $10.
3. Start the mission impossible theme music please... Go to a resort with a concierge. The best one for this is the Contemporary. 1 - Wonder around the lobby until someone gets on the elevator. 2 - Follow them onto the elevator. 3 - If they do not use their key card to select their floor get off on the second floor. 4 - Take the escalator down to the lobby (this is to help avoid the attention of security). Repeat steps 1 through 4 until someone uses their key card for the 12th floor. 5 – Follow the person off the elevator on the 12th floor and take a right. 6 – Walk straight right into lounge. If you do this between the hours of 5pm and 10pm you can get your hands on some booze. Five to 7 is beer and wine 8 to 10 is the hard stuff. The key is to walk purposefully. If you hesitate you'll draw attention. I should also mention you won't be getting Bud. Sam Adams and Heineken. Woohoo!
4. Make friends with someone with a prosthesis. This only works if they have a hollow leg. You can sneak one good sized bottle or a bunch of small bottles in. I recommend the large bottle. It makes less noise.
(I cannot stress this enough - the above is for entertainment only! Even though it may be tempting, please do not steal. It's not nice.)
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