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Friday, July 16, 2010

Father Quits the Carousel of Progress

In a shocking move “Father” also known as John from the Carousel of Progress walked off the job yesterday.

Angered by Disney management ignoring repeated requests to update the ride John stormed off the stage in a profanity riddled tirade.

Witnesses reported that John was slurring his speech and look disheveled throughout the first few scenes of the attraction. When the final scene started he stood up and yelled “To hell with it!” and told the audience that he’d had enough and couldn’t let the audience see such an embarrassing end to the show. He then proceeded to yell at a child in the front row and tell him to stop picking his “[bleeping] nose.”

According to his agent John had been very upset by the final scene. He felt that is was a an embarrassment when compared to the scenes before it.

In recent years John and other members of the cast had been trying to convince Disney to change the final scene to a scene from the 80’s or 90’s because a final scene that is in the past is a better ending than a fake future that needs to be updated every other year to be even close to accurate.

“Most of audience has a cell phone that is ten times more advanced than anything in the final scene,” stated the daughter – Patricia.

“I don’t blame him for flipping out. Between the lack of updating, the kids picking their noses, and the teenagers groping each other in the back rows, this is a brutal job,” stated the mother – Sarah.

Whether Disney will try to make amends with John or try to find a permanent replacement is unknown at this time. Until then “Jose” the talking bird from the Tiki Room will be filling in.

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