To ride the new Harry Potter ride, guests must not only fit in the ride vehicle but make the safety bar click three times. If a guest fails to get the third click they deemed to be a chunky butt and turned away.
To embarrass the average guest even further Universal has deployed fat police to look for average to large guests trying to get on the ride. If the fat police spot you they will pull you out of line.
“Universal displayed the mental capacity of a slug when they designed that ride,” said Donald Duck in an interview. “A guest who is 5’10” and weighs over 220lbs normally cannot ride. That’s a huge proportion of our guests.”
To ease the pain of failing the three click test, Disney is offering free admission to any average to large guest who turns in a valid Universal day pass. The guest will also receive a shirt that says “I just failed the three click test. I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!”
When asked how Disney would recoup their losses Donald stated, “You have to remember two things: One – we can afford to help our valued guests. Other parks might make fun of them but they are always welcome here. Two – The people Universal is preventing from riding eat the most. We’ll be just fine.”
In preparation for the expected crowds Disney is stocking up with extra turkey legs, popcorn, Dole Whips, and other beloved treats. All Disney restaurants will also be fully staffed for the foreseeable future.
(If you couldn’t tell by the fact Donald Duck was the spokesperson – this is a fake news report. However, I think it would be one of the greatest PR stunts in Disney history)
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