New Sanitizers to be Installed in the Parks

Disney recently installed hand sanitizers in all of the parks in an effort to prevent the spread of swine flu. For years many cruise lines and hospitals have had these dispensers in place and they have proved somewhat effective.

For Disney the big question was – How can we be completely effective?

In a recent press release Disney answered that question.

New scanners and sanitizers are to be installed at the entrances of all of the parks, resorts, and Downtown Disney areas.

The scanners quickly determine if a person is “infected.” If the result is positive the sanitizers kick in and “sanitize the person.

“We picked up these sanitizers at an auction. If they look familiar there is a reason for that. They are the zappers from the Tom Cruise version of “War of the Worlds,” stated Stich, head of special projects.

Disney had to overcome one big problem. The result of the “sanitation” process is a big pile of ash. This problem was corrected by placing high powered vacuum cleaners under in ground where the “sanitation” takes place.

“I think it’s important that we can guarantee that there are no sick people in Disney World. This sanitation policy ensures that,” stated the Mrs. Incredible, concerned mom and health expert.

Beware that the “sanitation” process is permanent. If you even think you might have the sniffles, stay away from Disney World.

Three Little Pigs Placed Under Quarantine

Due to the Swine Flu hysteria sweeping the country, the Walt Disney Company announced today that the Three Little Pigs were placed under quarantine as a precaution.

“They have not shown any symptoms and have not been exposed. However, many of our guests feel safer if there are no pigs around,” stated a company spokesperson.

“I’m glad they locked them up. It’s the pigs’ fault this is happening! If there were no pigs there wouldn’t be any Swine Flu,” stated and uneducated moron in Epcot.

The Three Little Pigs are expected to remain in quarantine until the Swine Flu Threat has subsided, which greatly upset the Big Bad Wolf who stated, “My job is to chase the pigs around and put on a good show. How can I do that without any pigs? I have a pack of little wolves at home to feed. I can’t sit around and hope this blows over.”

In response Disney has provided the Big Bad Wolf with a temporary position as a waiter at Victoria and Albert’s which greatly upset the other waiters. One of the said “This is an expensive, high end, professional restaurant. We can’t have a big furry wolf getting in the way. Couldn’t they have put him on the night clean up crews at one of the parks?”

The Three Little Pigs are not the only ones affected. Piglet is also to be quarantined.

“We’ve issued a warrant for Piglet’s arrest. He heard about the three little pigs and has gone into hiding,” informed 100 Acre Wood spokesman Owl.

When he is caught Piglet will be taken to the same facility that is housing the Three Little Pigs. Until then mass hysteria will continue to rule.