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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

What Not to Wear in the Parks

This is not a post about wearing sensible shoes or basic tips. This is a post about the extreme. The extremely poor choices some people make with no regards to the people around them.

As you know Disney World is a family friendly environment. Most people take that seriously in while in the parks. In fact you don’t even hear profanity very often in the parks.

I do have to stress the word “most” in the previous paragraph because there are some people who have the intelligence of a snail and they prove it often.

Case Number One: I’ll Pass

My wife and I were walking through Frontier Land towards Splash Mountain when something caught my eye. A rather seedy looking individual was pushing a stroller in the same direction we were heading. The guy was wearing a tee shirt that had pot leafs and a lit joint on the back. It said in big letters: “Roll It, Lick It, Blaze It.” One: that is an awful thing to wear in the Magic Kingdom. Two: you should not have kids. Three: I think you burned too many of your brain cells.

I would share a picture of this but he bent over just as I was taking the picture. I couldn’t really stop and wait for him to stand up. It’s hard to look inconspicuous standing behind someone with a camera while everyone else is moving.

Case Number Two: The Outfit That Launched 1000 Lunches

I know some people like spandex. I know many over weight people wear it because it fits (term used loosely). If it’s the proper thickness I can ignore it.

Imagine sitting down and eating a turkey leg and when you look up you see a slightly over weight woman walking with her kids. The woman is wearing black, SEE THROUGH, tights. Tights that are so transparent that they could almost pass as stockings instead of tights. That’s a bad visual isn’t? Now add a colored thong to the mix and you know what I saw when I had a mouthful of turkey.

Case Number Three: Brain Rot

I have a theory. The theory is this – People who use a multitude of four letter words slowly rot their brains. That brain rot can affect your actions and reasoning ability over time. I believe the individual my wife and I spotted in Disney Hollywood Studios proves my theory. He was wearing a tee shirt that said “I’d Rather Be F*****g.” Is that so? Well maybe you should leave the parks and take care of that. Oh, and once you leave how about you never come back? I think that would be nice.

A chronic case of Brain Rot is the only explanation. I can’t even begin to understand the thinking that goes behind wearing something like that. Does one wake up and think “I’m going to Disney today. What should I wear? I KNOW! My grossly offensive tee shirt that refers to my love of coitus is a perfect fit!

I guess what really amazes me about this one is the fact that this guy made it through security. Why wouldn’t they stop him? The theme parks are not a public area so why not stop him? He could try to sue on the basis of free speech but he’d fail. I like to think security just didn’t see the tee shirt when he was walking into the park.

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