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Monday, December 28, 2009

CMDTA on Vacation – The Farter

The balconies on NCL are a joke. Space wise they are decent but there is one glaring issue with them. The walls do not go out far enough. You can go to the end of you balcony, turn your head, and look directly into your neighbors room. There are no blinders installed. Carnival has blinders so you never have to see your neighbors.

Our neighbor on the right was a chain smoker. He was always out on his balcony smoking away. He was an old guy who had the manners of a poo flinging monkey. He tried to impress with his greasy white hair which was styled in a lovely comb over. I actually snagged a photo of the comb over which can be see above. You can also see from the photo how exposed these balconies are.

The fact that he smoked wasn’t shocking. The fact he had a nasty comb over wasn’t annoying. The fact that he had no manners was what pushed it over the edge.

On our first night my wife and I were sitting outside. He stepped outside and said to his wife “My a** just exploded in there.” I wish I was joking. He announced that to the world. It wasn’t a whisper. He used a full volume voice to say that. My wife coughed to make sure he knew other people could hear him.

Obscene announcements were just one of his charms. He also liked to clip his nails out on his balcony. That doesn’t bother me a lot but it drives my wife nuts. By far his crudest trait was the farting. He passed gas like it was going out of style. Not just little putters but full force, nasty, wet, old man farts. It was awful. He didn’t care who or what was around he’d just let loose.

On our last night I’d had enough. I decided to take a stand. I wasn’t going to tolerate his actions anymore. I warned my wife to head inside. Then I gave him some of his own medicine. I started to head inside and gave him a second shot before I went into our stateroom. The next morning he was out there again. So I gave him a final comment.

Keep in mind after doing the first one I was laughing so hard I had to go in. After the second one I was laughing so hard I was almost crying. My wife yelled at me and said it was gross and childish. I didn’t care. There was only one kind of communication he understood and I let him have it.

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