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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

CMDTA's - Cruise Tips

Here are some tips for everyone considering taking a cruise.  Most apply to all cruise lines.

If you have a choice take the late dinner – The early dinner is comical. All the old fogies line up and can’t wait to get in. There are tons of rug rats at this seating too. If you don’t like who you’re seated with tell your waiter. You have an out because it’s your honeymoon. If it’s freestyle seating do not go to dinner before eight at night.

Skip the Vegas Shows – they talk them up but they stink. They really stink. I don’t think stink is a strong enough word to describe them but I’m trying to keep things clean. The cheese factor is through the roof. All the other shows are great. On the night of the Vegas shows the hot tubs are empty. The hot tubs near the pool bars are the best ones. It’s normally cool and breezy too.

Kids aren’t allowed in the hot tubs or pool in the gym area. The gym area is a kid free zone. There are sometimes other pools are areas where kids are not allowed too.

You can’t take booze back to your room…if they see it. There is a booze check in desk if your getting back on the boat during a busy time you might be able walk right by it. You can also buy booze in odd containers that sometimes will get you through.

Most cruise lines allow you to bring a liter or two of soda. Ginger ale is a good one. Now because it can help with an upset stomach but because you can empty it and fill it with scotch, bourbon, whisky, or other golden liquids.

Even though you just drove or flew for hours smile non-stop until you are on the boat. They take your picture at least twice before you get on. Once is for your cruise card. If you’re not smiling then, security will see it for the rest of the cruise. They take your picture at every stop and a few of the dinners too. They post them all in the gallery so make sure to get down there and take them down. Plus you get to see all the freaks on the ship too.

Put a bathing suit and sunscreen in your carry on. You might not see you luggage until 8 or 9 pm depending on where you are located on the boat.

The fire drill is not optional.

Kids are not allowed on the tops optional desk (don’t ask).

If you’ve never seen a purple sunburn, you will.

If you’ve never seen a fat guy in a speedo, you will.

If you’ve never seen someone so drunk they can’t tell what floor they are on, you will.

If you think it’s impossible to gain ten pounds in a week, guess again.

The 24 hour pizza bar (carnival only) has really good pizza.

The midnight buffet is nice to look at but only the heavy hitters can eat that late.

Only drunks and fatty Mcfatties go to the late night crape buffet which makes it some of the best entertainment available.

It’s possible to eat at anytime and if you manage to eat one item of food for 24 hours straight you should get a trophy.
Beware of the pillow chocolates. Many people (yours truly included) have fallen asleep on them after a late night. Yes they do melt.

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