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Sunday, May 31, 2009

Second Video Now Loaded!

The Cousin Mickey Doesn't Talk About has loaded another video. The new video is a slide show of Disney World Fireworks. Illuminations, Holiday Wishes, and the Mickey's Christmas Party displays are all included. The slide show is played to the music of "Space" which used to be part of the Horizons attraction in future world in Epcot.

Feel free to rate the video and leave messages either here or on YouTube.

The video can be viewed at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk9pmjbWekM

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The First Video!

The Cousin Mickey Doesn't Talk About has posted his first Disney YouTube video!

The video is a Disney World slide show set to the music of the now out of circulation "Epcot Entrance Medley."

All of the photos used were taken on my last trip in December. The subjects include all of the parks, the Contemporary, and some random locations.

The video can be viewed at:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQH6-GxvD00&feature=channel_page

Feel free to post comments either here or at YouTube.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Violence Erupts at Star Wars Weekends!

Joy turned to tragedy last weekend during Star Wars Weekends at Disney Hollywood Studios. A violent brawl erupted with it’s epicenter at the Echo Lake area of the park.

The violence started when Yoda accidently bumped into Darth Maul. Darth Maul proceeded to call Yoda an “ugly, nerf loving, gremlin wannabe.” Yoda responded my calmly smacking Maul in the shin with the butt of his light saber.

Jango Fett tried to come to the aid of Maul but was floored when Princess Amadalia delivered a swift kick to his crotch.

The violence swiftly spread faster than hyper space as old rivalries and long held grievances exploded.

Luke Skywalker punched out Han Solo for going after his sister.

Chewbaca went around kicking ewoks, sending them flying through the air, in apparent revenge for catching him in a net in Return of the Jedi.

R2D2 ripped off C3PO’s right arm and rolled through the park, holding it above his head as a trophy. C3PO chased after him yelling obscenities and would make a sailor blush.

Princess Leila had to be revived by paramedics after Jaba the Hutt choked her out with a chain.

Bobba Fett slashed Lando Calrissian with a broken bottle after Lando spray painted “I’m a BOOBIE hunter” on SLAVE 1.

A group of sand people got in a barroom brawl with a group of Storm Troopers.

Darth Vader threw the emperor through a plate glass window.

A bunch of guests dressed as Jedi Knights beat a Gamorian Guard within an inch of his life with their plastic light sabers.

Obi Wan ignited his light saber and took out more than a dozen Jawas.

Someone dress up as the Millennium Falcon beat up someone dress up as SLAVE 1.

Wedge Antilites was mauled by a Gondar.

Wicket hit Greedo in the knee with an improvised sledge hammer.

The Moss Esiley Bar Band brawled with Jaba the Hutt’s band.

The Sorcerers Hat was demolished when the Rancor and the Ice Monster of Hoth crashed into it during their fight.

Indiana Jones shot three storm troopers, two Jedi, and four ewoks. When he asked why he was fighting in a Star Wars brawl he responded, “Didn’t you see my last movie? You’re an alien and I have a gun! Go whine to George if you don’t like it.”

The violence ended when the Yeti from Expedition Everest was called in. He ate Jar Jar Binks and then told Indian Jones to cut out the alien crap and go back to digging in the sand. Everyone was so happy they just stopped fighting.

Four thousand people and aliens were killed or injured and the damage is estimated in the tens of millions.

When asked if charges would be filed a police officer on scene stated “Are you kidding me? That’s a small price to pay to never have to see Jar Jar Binks again, never mind the fact that someone got Indiana Jones to go back to being Indiana Jones. It’s like someone erased George Lucas’s two biggest mistakes in just a couple of hours.”

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Things That Amaze Me Volume One: The Omni Mover System

The Omni Mover System is a ride mechanic that a number of Disney World rides employ. Chances are if you’ve gotten into a line at Disney that actually moves, you’re in a line for a ride that uses the Omni Mover System.

Some of the rides that employ this system are:

The Haunted Mansion

Peter Pan’s Flight

The Seas with Nemo and Friends

Spaceship Earth

There are some others too.

This system was revolutionary when it was developed. Before the Omni, all rides had a vehicle that stopped, unloaded, reloaded and then took off. The Omni on the other hand, does not stop. Well it can stop if someone is being an idiot or if someone needs help getting on the ride but that’s beside the point. To board the ride you have to step onto a moving platform and then on to a vehicle going the same speed.

By loading without stopping you can move an enormous number of people in a short period of time. It’s so efficient that Spaceship Earth is the most ridden ride in the world. Spaceship Earth doesn’t move hundreds of people an hour; it moves thousands of people an hour.

When I was a kid the Omni System scared me a little. I was always afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get on the ride before I ran out of space. I thought I’d be left behind. It never occurred to me that the cast member would just stop the ride for a minute.

The other thing that amazes me about the Omni System is the people who work them. I’m thinking about the poor person who is assigned to platform duty. They can’t just stand there. If they did they’d fall right off the ride. They have to walk in place. How many miles do you think they walk in a shift? They must have legs of steel after working a ride like that after a few months.

It’s a good thing I’m not a supervisor at Disney. I’d get fired faster than you could blink. I’d be walking around the parks and reassigning over weight cast members to the Omni rides. I know that’s just wrong. How can I say that when I’m over weight? Easy! I’d love to do that for a job. I’d lose a ton of weight. Wouldn’t be pleasant but it would be worth it!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Mascot


The dog in the picture on this blog does not have a cigar in his mouth. So please stop asking (j/k I’ve never gotten an email from this blog). That’s Roscoe. He’s 50% German Shepard, 25% Black Lab, and 25% Springer Spaniel.

Fun Facts:

He weighs 85 pounds.

He likes to bark at he mail man.

He doesn’t like odd people.

He knows how to high five although it normally ends up being a high ten.

When he’s frisky he pins his buddy, Boris Bassett, to the floor by his neck.

He often burps after eating.

He likes to shake but he’s so tall he’ll nail you in the privates if you don’t catch his paw (I normally don’t warn people. It’s a riot).

If Boris is in a kennel, Roscoe will find a toy or bone and leave it in front of the kennel door or chew it right in front of Boris.

He sneaks upstairs if he thinks no one is around or you’re in the shower. Once you turn the water off you hear him sneak back down.

You can’t say cookie, bone, chewy, food, monkey, squeaks, rope, walk, hike, Maggie, Victoria, Dad, Hobie, Sicily, booze, or ice cube, without him getting excited.

He likes to lay down in puddles to cool off.

He hates the spray bottle.

He once ate a bar of soap and a ball point pen at the same time…he didn’t throw up…he did something else.

Before Boris came along he used to play fetch by himself (no human involved) in the backyard.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Wave – Tree Hugging Hippies Unite!


My wife and I had breakfast at the Wave. It was the last thing we did on our last vacation. The Wave is located on the first floor of the Contemporary resort right next to the front desk. The entrance is cool looking. It’s designed to look like a giant hamster beating up a goat…ok it just looks like a big wave…but the hamster idea would be awesome. I bet it would be the most photographed thing in Disney.

The inside of the wave tries to be trendy and new age. It’s not bad but I can’t help but think what people will think of it in ten years. It could very well be one of those things you look at and wonder “what were they thinking?”

The service was decent, nothing amazing. It was however quick. That’s always a nice thing when it comes to breakfast. When you’re grumpy the faster someone is the better. I am of course speaking about my wife when I say grumpy. She’s not a morning person (there’s the understatement). I can get away with saying that because she doesn’t read this blog…I hope…At least she never used to…

The food wasn’t bad. All of it was all natural, unprocessed, free range and so on. It’s different unless you’re crunchy and eat that way anyways.

I was very adventurous and ordered…the pancakes! They were made form whole wheat flour. That did add a nice nutty flavor to them not to mention whole wheat flour really is better than bleached flour in almost every way. They were served with actual maple syrup. For most people that must be really cool. When you’re from NH and have a dozen sugar shacks within twenty miles of it’s not all that amazing. It’s still nice though.

I also ordered the OJ. You could really tell that it was fresh squeezed. It was sweeter and less bitter than normal OJ.

My wife got an omelet made from free range eggs. It amazingly tasted like an omelet. Go figure. It did have some fresh vegetables too but it’s hard to get excited about that. She also ordered coffee. It was ok, nothing really outstanding about it except for maybe the fact that it wasn’t Nescafe. Then again it might have been pee in a pot. After drinking Nescafe for a week, pee in a pot might actually be an improvement. Wow…Disney really is genius isn’t. How can you server slop and have people complement it? Serve crap all week! GENIUS!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Going Green with Pig Poop

Disney World is one of the leaders in trying to be as green as possible. They have a massive recycling program; try to reduce their carbon foot print by being energy efficient, and now will be power all operations with a renewable energy – pig poop.

Inspired by the Mad Max movies, Imagineers have developed a power plant under the Magic Kingdom that will be run completely on methane provided by an underground pig farm.

“I’ll tell you, being green really stinks,” stated one of the Imagineers. “I’ve smelled some bad stuff over the years but this is near the top. It makes my eyes water.”

Not only will the pigs “expulsions” be used to fuel the parks, their “deposits” be used to fertilize the plants in the parks and the pigs will be used to fuel the cast members via a new program. The new program entitled “Bacon Buddies” will provide pork for free to cast members that enroll in the program.

“In this tough economy we think it’s a valuable benefit we can offer our cast members. We hardly pay most of them so at least we can help feed their families,” a Disney spokes person said.

The whole operation is expected to be up and running by the end of the year.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Hit or Miss Ride


Most rides at Walt Disney World are very consistent. That’s one of the charms of going. You get consistently good results. One ride that doesn’t really fit this mold is the Jungle Cruise.

The Jungle Cruise is a classic. It was one of Walt’s ideas and it’s been a fan favorite since its debut. The Jungle Cruise is always decent but sometimes it’s amazing. The Jungle Cruise is one of the few rides left that actually have a cast member that plays a big role in the ride. Your experience will vary greatly depending on the cast member you get.

The last time I rode this ride I got the perfect cast member. I wish I had taken note of her name. She was easily the best “skipper” I’ve ever had. She was funny, interactive, and quirky. She got me laughing even though I’ve ridden this ride a good dozen times over the years.

Another classic ride I had on the Jungle Cruise was extremely different. It was during Mickey’s Christmas Party. I didn’t care at all about the Christmas stuff, I just wanted to hit rides with no lines all night. I got in line at the Jungle Cruise and found out I was the only one. I got on the boat and the cast member pulled away from the dock. Since I was the only one on the boat, she looked at me and asked if I wanted the normal ride or the behind the scenes ride. I opted for the behind the scenes ride. She went in detail into the background of the ride, its history, and even pointed out a hidden Mickey in the wall of the cave. It was another Jungle Cruise ride I’ll never forget.

The other times I’ve ridden the ride were good, they just didn’t match up to the other experiences. It must be hard though. To do the same thing over and over but try to keep it fresh and make it seem like your not mailing it in can’t be easy.

Too bad I never went on the ride when “Skipper” Ben of the Inside the Magic podcast was doing that ride. I bet he could do a good one.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Contemporary


Disney’s Contemporary Resort is the large A framed building that has the monorail running through it. It’s located near the Magic Kingdom and is listed as a deluxe resort. It’s my opinion that every Disney fan should stay in the tower at least once. It’s pure Disney magic. I normally try not to use the term “magical” but I think it’s over used and normally corny. This is an exception. Even if you just ride the monorail through the Contemporary you no doubt have had that moment when you said or thought to yourself “wow!”

The concourse is something else. It’s so big and open that you feel small as soon as you step out of the monorail. The shops only add to that sense of awe. They are as tall as a normal shop but don’t even make it a 5th of the way to the ceiling. On both sides of the concourse are the monorail tracks. Where they enter and exit the building there are large paneled glass walls. Then you have the famous mosaic. It doesn’t really fit anymore but it’s still a classic. One part of it is photographed more than the others. That part is the infamous five legged goat. Can you find it?

As far as food goes I’ll put my neck out there and say that the Contemporary has the best food options of any resort. The California grill is, in my opinion, the best restaurant in Disney World. The Wave is good and a nice break from the typical Disney fare. How could you complain about Chef Mickey’s? It’s a Disney World classic. The only part that is iffy is the quick service area. It’s not bad it just needs to have some bugs worked out. For what it is, it’s decent.

Another overlooked feature of the Contemporary is its access to the Wilderness Lodge and Fort Wilderness. If you spend the day in the Magic Kingdom and need to get to the Hoop Dee Doo Review, Trails End, Whispering Canyon, or Artist Point, the fastest way is via the Contemporary boat launch.

Right now the Contemporary has the best rooms in Disney World. They are very nice. They are comparably large and have nice amenities. The balconies are small but it’s still nice to sit out there.

A lot of people would argue that if they are staying in the tower they have to stay on the Magic Kingdom side so they can see the fireworks and so they can see MK at night. It’s nice but it’s not worth the extra $30 a night. There is also the fact that the bay side is quieter and you can see Illuminations from a number of the balconies on that side.

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Apps

I was excited when Apple opened its app store. In my opinion the app store is the biggest cash cow since the iPod – iTunes release. Over one billion apps have been downloaded. There is an app for everything. If you can name it, there is a chance that an app has been developed for it.

There are an ever growing number of Disney World / Disney Land applications that have been released for use with the iPhone and iPod Touch. I’ll say up front that a majority of these apps are average at best and could easily be replaced by a better app.

The first group of apps are what I call the map apps. They are basically a crummy map of one of the parks or areas with some info on them. The maps themselves are rather ugly. They could stand to be sharper and cleaner in appearance. On the maps are points of interest. They include shops, restaurants, and attractions. When you click on one it will bring up some information. The information is very limited. You can use a link from there to get more info but it will take you online to wikkipedia or allears.net.

There is a somewhat hidden feature that is possibly the best feature on the map apps. If you click the “more” button another button will appear at the top that says calendar. This will bring up a full calendar for the next three months. This feature alone might make it worth the 99 cents for each map.

There are a lot of places where this app could be improved. One – a better looking map. Two – have better descriptions and don’t require internet access for it. Three add ride reviews. Four have a weather forecast included.

A step up from those apps are the Notecast apps. The two I will mention are the WDW Secrets and the WDW Guide. The Secrets has a lot of great information on it. A good portion of the things they mention I’d never heard of before. The Guide is good. It has a lot of information on a lot of different subjects. It also has a bunch of photos too. Both apps are only 99 cents through iTunes.

Now that the other apps are out of the way we can talk about the best Disney app available right now. By far the best Disney app is WDW Dining. This app is easily worth five dollars but they only charge 99 cents for it. This app is amazing. It gives detailed information about every place you can get food in Walt Disney World. It includes price points, full menus, item prices, dining plan participation, locations, and descriptions. Beyond the info this app includes an amazing search function. It lets you search by location. I mean any location. Every single park and resort is listed separately. If you don’t know where the place is located you can search by name too. Once you’ve found the place you want you can click one button to dial Disney Dining to make a reservation. They only way this app could be better, is if it included reviews.

I think this is a prime market. I think that there are a lot of good Disney apps waiting to be built. More and more are being developed and released on a weekly basis. I’m very surprised that Disney hasn’t done more with the app store yet. I also think that this is an amazing opportunity for some of the members of the Disney community to develop some amazing things.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Annette Owens – Butt Kicker

Annette Owens is a frequent guest host on the WDW Today podcast. She also works at MEI Mouse Fan Travel. I’d never heard of anyone who actually used MEI (this is a fictional post) so I researched it (I shouldn’t have to comment about this anymore).

MEI Mouse Fan Travel doesn’t really exist (remember FICTIONAL). If you book through them everything is done by another company. I thought that was really odd. I found out the truth when I looked into it. MEI is a front for Annette’s Army (double A). Double A is bent on conquering all things Disney. Once Disney has fallen the world will be left defenseless to her shenanigans

She has already scored some victories. One of the big obstacles in her path was Mike Scopa of WDW Today and AllEars.net. A few years ago she removed this threat. On the air she inhaled a helium balloon. She gave Mike a balloon to inhale as well. Mike’s wasn’t full of Helium. It was full of Hydrogen gas. As everyone knows Mike is a cyborg (see “Mike Scopa’s Dark Secret”). Helium wouldn’t have done anything to him. However, Hydrogen burned out his part of his central processor rendering him a feeble whit and completely controllable by Double A.

Len Testa attempted to stop her but she was able to steel all of his tequila. As everyone knows Len is an alien that needs tequila to survive (see “Len Testa – Tequila – The Shocking Connection”). He quickly caved and is now a slave to Double A.

Annette bought Mike Newell’s services and now his mind control software (see “Don’t Mess With Mike Newell”) is under the control of Double A. When the time is right everyone who listens to WDW Today and Mouse World Radio will become mindless soldiers and take over all things Disney.

Matt Hochberg was going to warn the world about the Double A threat but Double A found the truth behind his wedding (See The Hochberg Conspiracy) and threatened to blackmail him by releasing that information to the world.

You’d better stay on Annette’s good side. A cast member dressed as Mickey Mouse once stepped on her foot. Let’s just say they had to find a replacement for him.

I’m not getting involved because it’s always a good idea to be nice to people who have their own army.

Currently the only thing keeping Double A from conquering all things Disney is Deb Wills and the AllEars.net gang. They have some secret power that is keeping Double A at bay. I’ll have to do some “research” and find out what it is. Stay tuned for my results.

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Return of Flash Mountain

I always thought it would be funny bring my gas mask onto Splash Mountain or the Tower of Terror. Or maybe buy a Chewbacca mask. In both cases I wanted to see if the picture got edited out. That’s not an issue anymore.

I laughed when I heard that Disney was eliminating the person who filters the photos on their rides. I laughed even harder when I heard their reasoning – Inappropriate behavior is rare.

Let me get this straight, you got rid of someone because they were too effective? That’s basically what you are saying. People do naughty things because most of them knew someone was watching. Can you imagine what spring break is going to be like now? I never thought a Girls Gone Wild: WDW Edition would be possible.

Another unexpected impact of this change will be congestion around the photo area. I can see it now, a group of adolescent boys hanging around and waiting and flipping out every time they see a boob. Disney will need to hire another security person to clean house over there. There’s some irony for you. You get rid of the person filtering the pictures but then hire someone to keep people moving.

I focus on Splash Mountain but others are affected too. The worst will be the Tower of Terror. The problem is a lot of people can go on the Tower of Terror at the same time. One goober flashing ruins the photo for multiple families.

I know I’m focusing on girls for the most part but guys can be bad too. I can see a myriad of middle fingers showing up on photos. I can also see the one daring guy turning around on Splash Mountain and mooning. Don’t look at me. I don’t be mooning. No one wants to see my butt.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Special Report – It’s a Small World Overhaul

It’s been leaked that Walt Disney Worlds version of “It’s a Small World” will be overhauled. The goal is to not just meet but exceed the new version that can be found in Disney Land.

A Disney World cast member was quoted saying “We’re bigger so we have to be better. That’s why we charge so much for entrance into the park.”

Some of the details about the overhaul have been leaked too. To beat the Disney Land version, each boat will have bubble blowers installed on them. The bubbles will be filled with NO2 also know as Nitrous Oxide or laughing gas.

“We feel this will draw a lot of people back to the ride. A lot of kids who “out grew” the ride should be flocking back after the overhaul” the project manager stated.

“I think NO2 will definitely solidify the fact that Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. Wait till you hear it. People will be laughing uncontrollably” stated a cast member who currently works on the ride.

Other proposed “improvements” are: Laser beams in every scene, a Michael Jackson character in the new Bahrain scene, the addition of Mr. Bubble to the water to make it seem like your floating on air, overweight dolls to better represent children from the western hemisphere, and every doll will have a cell phone.

Hewell Lesta of the WDW Tomorrow podcast was quoted as saying “I think these will be great improvements. The only thing I could ask for in addition is a rum dispenser on each boat. This has always been one of my favorite rides and it looks like it’s going to get even better. I might actually rank this new version over my favorite ride, “Stich’s Great Escape.”

Travel agent Bannette Scochberg had a very different view of the changes. “I think it’s awful that Disney is doing this. It was a classic. It didn’t need to be changed! I also don’t need the NO2. If I want to get tipsy I’ll go drinking around the world.”

Look for the changes to be completed within the next year, with a soft launch within ten months.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

How to get Banned for Life and Possibly Arrested in Disney World

All of us have had that little voice go off in our heads. The voice that tries to get you to do so something you shouldn’t. Almost everyone is able to control that voice. What if you didn’t? What if you listened to that voice? There are many things that kids and adults alike would try if they let the voice rule. Here are just a few:

1 – Dress like a pirate, pretend to be an audioanimatronic, hide in Pirates, and moon the boats as they go by. Results: This one would get you kicked out faster then you can blink. You’d probably get banned from the parks. I don’t think you’d get arrested but I could be wrong.

2 – Dine with the ghosts in the Haunted Mansion. Lou Mongello would take a life to be able to do this. I always thought it would be funny to sit in one of the chairs with my feet on the table while eating a big sandwich. Results: Absolutely kicked out, maybe banned, maybe arrested.

3 – Kiss a face character. You’d have to have some gall to attempt this one. I feel bad for the face characters to begin with. They have to work so much harder than the normal characters. Normal characters can make faces, stick their tongue out, and maybe mutter softly if someone annoys them. Face characters have no such luxury. Most guys (and probably some women) have thought about this briefly. Results: Kicked out, most likely banned, arrested, and possibly a restraining order. However, if you are attractive, none of the above, you might end up with a phone number (I do not condone attempting this even if you are good looking).

4 – Go swimming in the Rivers of America. What could be better on a hot day? It’s very tempting. Results: Kicked out, maybe banned, and possible serious illness. Why is the last one in there? Do you know how nasty that water probably is? My wife has a term for it. It’s called chucky water.

5 – Hide out and try to stay in the parks after closing. Who hasn’t thought about this ever since Mike Scopa wrote his factious article about falling asleep and waking up after the park has closed, tons of people have tried to figure out how to pull it off. Results: Removed from the parks. My guess is that’s it.

6 – Steal a costume and run around the parks. Ok this would be fun on a cool day. You could really mess with people in a fun way. I wouldn’t be mean or anything but I’d have some fun. Results: Kicked Out, Banned for Life, most likely arrested.

7 – Take a nap on the bed in the Swiss Family Tree House. Other than all of the people staring at you this would be great. What a perfect place to take a nap, great view, breezy, pleasant surroundings. Results: Maybe kicked out unless the cast member was nice.

8 – Sneak into the castle and ride down the zip line. How fun would that be? I guess it’s a mix up considering I don’t know where it ends. Results: Kicked out, banned for life, and chance of serious injury or death. The person who plays Tinker Bell has to weigh under 100 pounds to do the zip line. I’m guessing when you are over 200 the results could be bad.

9 – Start a food fight at one of the buffets. There’s nothing like a good old food fight. Imagine a few hundred people at the Crystal Palace going nuts. Results: If no one knows who started it – nothing. If you get caught you’ll get kicked out but I don’t think you’d get banned for life.

10 – Ride the Tower of Terror, skip the line for every ride, and claim it’s for a medical condition. Then throw a massive, profanity filled, fit when confronted. Results: Banned for Life. I know this because someone tried it.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

We Can Do Better Than Water Boarding

I think people over look what punishment is. People claim that water boarding is not torture and it should be used. I think water boarding is sick and far too intrusive. When did we become so bland? Did everyone forget how to use their imaginations?

Here are some better, more humane, ways to crack people:

1 – Force them to ride “It’s a Small World” for 12 straight hours. I think the cast members who work this ride deserve hazardous duty pay. I walk by this attraction and I get the song stuck in my head. 12 hours should be enough to break anyone.

2 – Make them ride “Star Tours” over and over but delay the tape by one second so nothing lines up. Anyone who knows the history of these rides knows that they can cause motion sickness. That motion sickness increases exponentially if the movie and the ride are not in perfect sync.

3 – Make them ride “Journey into Imagination” or what ever it’s called now. The originally was a classic. The new one is abysmal. After a few hours the offender will be begging for mercy.

4 – Make listen to the burp from “Stich’s Great Escape” and then make them smell the chili dog over and over. You could even mix this up and give the burps other smells.

5 – Make him be a character but don’t give him a cup. After a few good crotch shots they’ll be ready to talk.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Don’t Say No


Some people are naturally shy. Some are so shy they’d refuse if ever asked to participate in a Disney show or activity. That’s too bad because they are over looking three important things. One: Normally it entertaining to play along. Two: Your family and friends will enjoy it more than you. Three: You’ll be making a memory that you will always have.

On my last trip to the world I got picked to be in the mini movie on the Back Lot Tour. When they asked for a volunteer I raised my hand right away. My wife did her usual, roll her eyes and try to guilt trip me for leaving her alone.

They took me to a little side area to get changed into some heavy duty rain gear. They asked who wanted the easiest job. I passed on that because it sounded like a trap. Why would you even ask if it was so easy? Wouldn’t you ask if someone didn’t mind taking a more difficult job?

After they locked up our belongings they gave us all instructions. I ended up being the captain. It was easy enough I just had to look out of some fake binoculars, make a fake phone call after the attack started, and then “steer” the ship. The two people with me had to point and panic. The lady who volunteered for the “easy” job was sat down in a chair in a small room. When she was comfortable she had to “answer” a phone and then get hit 10,000 gallons of water. I knew something was up when they said it was the easiest job.

After your part is done they piece the stuff together and play it on a screen and everyone in the audience gets to laugh at you acting like an idiot.

My wife caught it all on film and video. I’d post the video but all you really hear is her making fun of me. No one other than me has seen the footage. My wife didn’t care enough to watch it after the fact. Years from now I’ll show people. They’ll probably laugh at me but that’s half the fun. Everyone gets to have a good time because I volunteered.

If you’re ever in Disney and are asked to do something like that, do it. You’ll regret it if you don’t. On the other hand you could be a grumpy old fart. If that’s the case, don’t bother going to Disney. You’d just be one of those people who wanders around and keeps saying “I don’t get it” or “I don’t see what the big deal is.” Those people should be tied by and left on “Stich’s Great Esacpe” until they beg for mercy.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Three Little Pigs Placed Under Quarantine

Due to the Swine Flu hysteria sweeping the country, the Walt Disney Company announced today that the Three Little Pigs were placed under quarantine as a precaution.

“They have not shown any symptoms and have not been exposed. However, many of our guests feel safer if there are no pigs around,” stated a company spokesperson.

“I’m glad they locked them up. It’s the pigs’ fault this is happening! If there were no pigs there wouldn’t be any Swine Flu,” stated and uneducated moron in Epcot.

The Three Little Pigs are expected to remain in quarantine until the Swine Flu Threat has subsided, which greatly upset the Big Bad Wolf who stated, “My job is to chase the pigs around and put on a good show. How can I do that without any pigs? I have a pack of little wolves at home to feed. I can’t sit around and hope this blows over.”

In response Disney has provided the Big Bad Wolf with a temporary position as a waiter at Victoria and Albert’s which greatly upset the other waiters. One of the said “This is an expensive, high end, professional restaurant. We can’t have a big furry wolf getting in the way. Couldn’t they have put him on the night clean up crews at one of the parks?”

The Three Little Pigs are not the only ones affected. Piglet is also to be quarantined.

“We’ve issued a warrant for Piglet’s arrest. He heard about the three little pigs and has gone into hiding,” informed 100 Acre Wood spokesman Owl.

When he is caught Piglet will be taken to the same facility that is housing the Three Little Pigs. Until then mass hysteria will continue to rule.

The Problem With Deluxe

The deluxe resorts are great. The Contemporary, Grand Floridian, Wilderness Lodge, Polynesian, Animal Kingdom Lodge, and Boardwalk / Yacht Club all have amazing theming and great rooms. The problem is you pay for that. A lot of people are stuck with a tough choice. Do I go less often and stay at a deluxe or do I go more often and stay at a moderate or value resort?

If you’ve never stayed in one of the deluxe resorts it’s an easy decision. Why would you spend the extra money? I have to be honest, I stayed at the Contemporary in the tower the last time I went down. It was amazing but I don’t know if I’d ever do it again. I can’t afford to. That trip was a once in a lifetime trip. I’m back in the cheaper rooms if it’s just my wife and I. Then again I could hit the big time and make oodles of money. If that happened I’d try out all of the deluxe resorts.

I know a lot of people are partial to the Polynesian but I’m a Contemporary man. I love the rooms and I love the tower. The Polynesian is beautiful and the fountain in the main building is great. All the others have a hard time matching up. If the weather is good, the Boardwalk a night is amazing and it’s really close to Epcot and DHS. I’ve never liked the Grand Floridian and all the others just seem out of the way. This leads me to my next point.

It’s hard to know which resort is really going connect with you and your family. You could spend a lot of money on one of those resorts, get there, and end up not liking it. That’s why if you are considering doing a deluxe, book a cheaper trip and take a day to check out all of the resorts. If you do that you can make an informed decision on whether you think it will be worth it or not.