Disney has been trying to stimulate people into the parks by offer discounts off vacation packages and rooms at their resorts. It appears that this has been effective. This does pose one problem though. You’re getting people there but you’re not making the same kind of money. People just don’t have the money to spend on the extras.
Disney came out with D23 to try to generate some income. Only the hardcore fan is going to want to pay that much for a magazine, some events they’d have to travel to, and the right to buy stuff other people can’t.
At least Disney was heading in the right direction. You need to nab all the people who can’t afford to make it to the parks. Go outside the box in a sense.
So what can Disney do to increase the bottom line? There are a few things. Bad times need creative ideas!
1 – Protection Services: Is your kid getting bullied at school? Why not hire Buzz Lightyear as a body guard? Is someone harassing you at work? Why not hire Brer Bear to club them in the ally? For a nominal fee Disney will take care of your “problems.”
2 – Escort Services: I’m not talking about the bad escort services. I’m talking about a legitimate service. Can’t get a date for the prom? Why not hire Cinderella to be your date? Is a class reunion coming up and you’re not married, have an awful job, and you’re ugly as sin? Imagine the look on people’s faces when you walk in with Ariel. People will think you’re rolling in it! Do you have no luck when you go to a bar or night club? What you need is a good wingman. The ladies love Pluto and for a small fee he’ll be by your side all night!
3 – Dunk a Villian: For five dollars you’ll get three shots to dunk a villain of your choice. Pick from Capt Hook, The Queen of Hearts, The Witch from Snow White, and Piglet. Coming to a mall near you soon! Look for our discount coupon online which will give you one extra ball!
4 – Disney New Line of Adult Beverages: Each character will have their own brand of booze. Mickey’s Malt Liquor, Minnie’s Margarita Mixers, Donald’s Duck Spit Tequila, and Pluto’s Punishing Punch just to name a few. Each will have a bright label with the character’s face on it.
5 – Disney’s Own Line of Firearms: Need a new hunting rifle? Why not buy Goofy’s Gatling Gun? Those deer won’t stand a chance! Are you harassed by witches? Then you need Doc’s Desert Eagle. Those witches won’t dare mess with you again.
6 – Home Security: Thinking about getting a security system for your home? Or maybe you were considering a big mean dog. If you were, you should consider a Disney Home Security System. It’s guaranteed or you money back. For a monthly fee Disney will install a specially programmed EVE in your home. EVE will terminate anyone invading your home. For an additional monthly fee with upgrade you Disney’s Gold Security package. This package includes your own specially programmed WALL-E who will keep EVE in perfect working order as well as compact your trash and entertain the kids with his antics.
7 – Extreme Makeover Disney Edition: There is a guy who’s turned himself into a cat, another lady turned herself in Cleopatra, and Octomom turned herself into Angelina Jolie. Disney will soon be offering character makeovers. Through surgical augmentation and tattooing your can not have your own pair of permanent Mickey ears. Is Goofy more your style? No problem they do that too. Just a few of the other options include: Pluto’s tongue, Simba’s tail, Rizzo’s nose, and Kermit’s arms.
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